“It looks good. Thanks.”
Harper began to absentmindedly crack her knuckles, a habit she sorely wished she hadn’t picked up. Each crack grew louder and somehow seemed to be echoing through the room. She stopped and cleared her throat. It had been four weeks since the two of them had any contact with each other and now Harper suddenly felt weird and regretted coming over. Sitting in such close proximity of Kiley, she was reminded not only of what they shared together, but also what she had missed.
“I guess I’m not as hungry as I thought,” said Kiley.
“Is this irreparable?” asked Harper.
“Well, I think it’ll be fine if we just re-heat it.”
“No. Us. Are we just damaged beyond all repair?”
Kiley sighed and shook her head. “No. No, not at all. It’s just a little glitch in the matrix.”
“I still haven’t seen that movie.”
“I know, I’m so humiliated for you. You really need to break down and see it already.”
“It’s on my list, Miss I-Haven’t-Seen-Lord of the Rings-Yet.”
“It’s long and boring and there are three of them. I have no desire to invest ten hours of my life to a place called Middle Earth.”
Harper smiled. “So we can fix this.”
“I don’t even really think it’s broken. Just needs a little tune up.”
Harper put her hands on her knees and looked down. “I missed you.”
Kiley, choosing a different approach, scooted closer to Harper. She brought her feet up and sat cross-legged, her knee just an inch away from Harper’s.
“I missed you too! You have no idea. My life has never been so quiet as it has been in the last month. I hate it.”
Harper smiled to herself, relieved that Kiley missed her too. But disappointment soon found her. It was becoming increasingly clear that Kiley had no interest in re-exploring any sort of romantic relationship. Harper pretty much knew this all along. Kiley was almost otherworldly, in a sense. She was simply too beautiful, too vivacious, too alluring and far too charismatic to really belong to anyone. There were scores of paramours lined up for just a chance at Kiley. How could Harper ever compete with that? She pretty much resigned herself to the fact that all she could really cling to now was that night they spent together. It was perfect and painful at the same time, but as was always the case with Kiley, it was rare to get sweet without the bitter.
“You look like you’ve lost some weight. That can’t be good,” observed Kiley.
“I’ve been eating. But I’ve also been working out three times a day.”
“Me too.”
“Really?”
“No, but I’ve THOUGHT about exercising three times a day. And that alone wears me out.” Kiley playfully nudged Harper.
“Well, it’s the thought that counts,” offered Harper.
“Have you been sleeping?”
Harper shook her head. “Why do you think I have so much time to work out?”
“You really haven’t slept at all?”
“I did sleep for nine hours straight one night.” Harper immediately regretted saying this. She knew exactly where it would lead and it was a subject they were both purposefully avoiding.
“When?”
“The night you and I…you know. I woke up in the afternoon and it felt like I’d slept for days.”
Kiley was silent. She had no idea how to react to that. She wanted to apologize, but it almost seemed pointless after so long. She watched the skin on Harper’s arms gradually become covered with goose bumps. Harper rubbed her hand against her arm, trying to warm it up. Kiley allowed her fingers to stray over to Harper’s hand and graze the skin on her fingers as they passed by. The blonde stopped moving her hand and looked over at Kiley.
Kiley’s mind was racing, but she willed it to slow down and just focus on what was in front of her at that moment. Harper’s eyes were locked with hers. What was in them that made them so magnetic? Loyalty? Lust? Love? Whatever it was gripped onto Kiley and made it impossible to look away. Things were finally starting to get back to normal, so why was she being pulled back into this beautiful mess? Why was Harper’s hair suddenly tangled in her fingers? Why was she leaning in closer when she knew it was best to pull away? Why were Emily’s words tattooed on her brain at this moment? Coward. She was a coward. It’s true. She refused to let anyone but herself control her emotions. But in this moment, she was slipping. She felt herself allowing Harper to manipulate the strings. Her initial instinct is usually to run. Instead, she finally allowed herself to do the bravest thing she had ever done in her life. She let go of her fear.
The kiss started slowly, each girl absorbing the other’s lips, surrendering to the one thing they both tried to evade. Harper started to pull away, but Kiley wouldn’t let her. She shook her head while trying to keep her lips on Harper’s.
“No.” Kiley pleaded with Harper to stop pulling away and found her lips once more. Each girl began to pant heavier, breathing life into each other as their lips grappled with a force neither of them expected. Moving deeper into the kiss, Harper moved herself on top of Kiley, slowly leaning the older girl back on the couch. She sat astride Kiley, then lowered her body to lie fully on top of her.
Kiley closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to control every urge in her body. Stroking Harper’s face as the kiss grew more intense, she spoke with every breath she took. “All I could do was think about you. I couldn’t stop. Why can’t I stop?” Harper didn’t answer. She was too enthralled with feeling Kiley’s breath on her face as their kiss continued.
The loud knock on the door caused a visceral reaction as both girls suddenly bolted up as if they had been caught doing something wrong. Kiley’s heart pounded as they both started laughing at how ridiculous they were being. Two grown girls acting like teenagers.
“Maybe they’ll go away,” said Kiley.
The knocking grew louder and more forceful the second time around. “Or not. I’ll get it.” Harper opened the door and Eric walked in uninvited.
Kiley could feel her entire face go white. She wanted to jump up and push him out the door before he said a word, but she was paralyzed with fear.
“Can I help you,” asked Harper, assuming he was looking for Kiley’s roommate. “I left my phone here,” replied Eric.
Kiley’s fear took hold of her voice. She searched for something to say. Anything at all. SAY SOMETHING! Her brain screamed from inside her head, but nothing came out. “Um…okay. Where did you leave it?” asked Harper.
Eric looked at Kiley. “I think it’s on your nightstand. You didn’t give me a chance to grab it before you kicked me out of your bed.” He went into Kiley’s bedroom to fetch his phone.
Harper stared at Kiley aghast, waiting for an answer to a question she didn’t even have to ask. Kiley’s stunned silence was her answer.
Eric came back out, phone in hand and opened the front door. “Got it. Thanks for nothing.”
“Wait,” said Harper. “When did you leave that here?”
“About an hour ago. Bitch just told me to leave. Out of nowhere, she—” Harper slammed the door in his face. She didn’t care about anything else he had to say. She stood next to the door, her hand still on the knob. “So you kicked him out when you found out I was coming over.” Kiley nodded. There was no point in lying or trying to hide this. Harper clung to the words Kiley had said to her just moments ago.
“All you could do was think about me, huh? What a load of bull shit.”
“Harper.” Kiley stood up, carefully watching Harper’s hand to see if it showed any signs of turning the doorknob.
“Stop. Just don’t say anything. I’m tired of believing your words.”
“But I was telling the truth. I thought about you every minute of every day.”
“Except when you were with him.”
Kiley took this opportunity to take Harper’s hand and guide her to the middle of the
living room, leaving as much distance as possible between her and the door. “We didn’t do anything. I promise nothing happened. I mean, I stopped it before anything could.”
“After I called you.”
“I didn’t want anything to happen. I would have stopped it anyway.” She gripped Harper’s hand tighter. “I screwed up. Again. I know. He was the only one I brought home since…since that night. It just got too hard missing you.”
Harper turned her focus on the coffee table where her keys were resting. Kiley knew exactly what she was thinking.
“Don’t do this, Harper. Please stay. Please.”
Harper slid her hand out from Kiley’s, grabbed her keys and walked out the door without saying a word. Kiley was left alone in the middle of her sparsely decorated living room wondering how it was possible that she had managed to foul things up even more than she previously had.
CHAPTER 30
Emily sucked down the last of her sprite as the waitress came and placed the check on the table. Without even hesitating, Emily grabbed the check before her cohorts even registered that it was there. Since working at Gulcher’s, she had made quite a few friends. Most of them were considered “work friends” but the two girls at the table with her had recently moved into full-fledged friend status. She almost forgot what it was like to have friends, so she wanted to assure them how cool she was by footing the bill for their lunch. Maria was twenty-two and finishing up her senior year at Cal State Los Angeles. Between work and school she rarely had time to hang out, but the trio made it a goal to have lunch together every Thursday. Sian was Emily’s age and a bit of a free spirit. Not quite as far gone as Emily used to be, but definitely not nearly as reserved as Maria. It was her week to choose where to have lunch and Sian wanted to do some shopping, so she thought Third Street Promenade near the beach was the perfect choice, even though it was a half hour drive for them.
Emily liked both of her new friends equally. They seemed to be the perfect balance for what she needed in her life to stay grounded. They weren’t exactly close enough for her to divulge her past to, but she hoped their friendship would evolve enough so she could eventually tell them.
“What do you think you’re doing,” asked Sian.
“I’m getting the check,” replied Emily.
“Oh, hell no. You got it the last two times,” protested Sian.
“So? Need I remind you I’m being groomed for a management position? Soon, I’ll be making enough money for you to resent me and then you’ll be expecting me to pay for all your lunches.”
“Right, but until that day comes, you have to let us pay for some of them. It’s only fair,” said Maria.
Emily reluctantly handed over the check. “Fine. But I don’t want to hear you complaining when I boss you around and make you get your hands dirty.”
“Yes, we know, we know. No special treatment.” Sian grabbed the check and handed it to the waitress along with her credit card.
“So have you heard anything new about the promotion,” asked Maria.
“Not yet, but they said it might be a couple months. They want to make sure they’re not moving me up too quickly.”
“Well, they’re jackasses if they screw you over,” offered Sian. The waitress brought the receipt back and Sian signed it and left a tip. “Shall we?”
They walked outside and were immediately greeted with sunshine and fresh ocean air.
“I need some new shoes. You guys wanna come with me?” asked Sian.
“Actually, I have to get back. I’ve got a mid-term on Monday that I haven’t started studying for,” said Maria. “Emily, do you need a ride?”
“That’s okay. I’ll hang around a bit longer.”
“Drinks tomorrow night, ladies? My place?” suggested Sian.
Maria hesitated. “Maybe. We’ll see how far I come with my studying tonight.”
“Emily?”
Emily paused for a moment to pet a beagle that was walking by on a leash. She knelt down and patted his smooth head. “Well hello there, puppy. Aren’t you adorable?”
She got up and brushed her hands together to try and get the excess fur off of them. “I don’t think I can make it. Sorry.”
“You never do margarita night with us,” complained Sian. “What’s up with that?”
Emily didn’t feel like delving too much into her reasons. All she knew for sure was that the less temptation she allowed herself, the better chances she had of not doing anything stupid.
“I’m only nineteen,” replied Emily.
“So am I,” responded Sian. “Doesn’t stop me.”
Emily vacillated for a moment, wondering what the harm would be in just telling them about her troubled past. She decided against it, seeing as how Maria was in a hurry to get home and this wasn’t just something you casually drop into a conversation. A subject change would be best at this juncture.
“I’ll think about it. Didn’t you want to get some shoes?”
“Ah yes. Thanks for reminding me. Maria, I’ll call you later.” Sian blew her an air kiss and then grabbed Emily’s hand, leading her to the closest shoe store across the way.
Emily stopped before going in. She looked to her right at the sign for Broadway Street and suddenly remembered she was only blocks away from an old acquaintance. When Sian realized she was minus one shopping buddy, she came back out to look for Emily.
“Hey. You okay?”
“Yeah. Actually, I should go. I just remembered there’s something I need to do.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, do you need a ride? I can come with you,” offered Sian.
“I’ll be fine. Thanks, though. I’m just gonna go say hi to an old friend. He works a few blocks from here. I can catch the bus back home.”
“To the valley?” Sian was appalled at the thought of a friend of hers using public transportation to get from the west side all the way home.
“I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, though, okay?”
“Call me tonight, actually. Just so I know you got back safe.”
“Okay. Deal. Good luck with the shoes.” Emily felt a little guilty about leaving her friend alone, but her curiosity got the best of her. So she walked the three quarters of a mile it took to get to Finn’s office building.
***
Finn was both dreading and looking forward to this day for the past two weeks. He just didn’t realize it would get here so fast. He coughed a little as the dust from his desk rose up while he unplugged his computer speakers. He rolled up his sleeves as he blew the dust away from under the speakers. He placed the speakers in the box by his desk, then looked up at the framed poster on his wall. It was a cheesy inspirational poster he found at a garage sale and couldn’t resist buying. “THE FUTURE IS YOUR SPECIAL PRESENT TO YOUR PAST SELF.” Finn chuckled to himself. There was no way he was taking this with him. He would just have to leave it up for the next person to scoff at.
“What’s going on here?”
Finn was startled. “Jesus!” He turned around to find a young blonde in his doorway. “Emily. Hey. This is a surprise.”
“I was in the area. Thought I’d say hi.” She looked around. “Doing some spring cleaning?”
“No. Today’s my last day.”
“They fired you?”
“No. Of course not. I quit.”
“Why? I thought you liked it here.”
“I did. Not so much anymore.” He sat down in his leather desk chair. “I got this great job offer from an ad agency in Seattle. I couldn’t pass it up. Plus, I think it’s time for a change. A fresh start.”
“An ad agency? Do you know anything about working in advertising?”
“Of course. I studied it in business school. But thanks so much for the vote of confidence. Means a lot.”
Emily stared at him. “I can’t believe you’re leaving LA.”
“I n
ever fit in too well here, anyway.” He opened his bottom drawer and started throwing some things into the box while other items were being tossed into the trashcan.
Emily walked over to the trash and pulled out a photo of Finn and Harper. She held it up and looked at him questioningly.
“Oh yeah, that. I figured a new start would be a little difficult with elements of my past hanging around. You want it?”
“Sure. Something I can remember you by.” She wiped a smudge off of the frame. “It’s a good picture of both of you.”
Finn shrugged as he continued cleaning out his desk.
Emily sat down in the chair facing the desk, lamenting over the past year as she studied the photograph.
“Can I ask you a favor, Finn?”
“Sure.”
“Please don’t blame Harper for everything that happened.”
Finn stopped what he was doing and looked at Emily skeptically.
“It’s kind of a messed up situation,” continued Emily.
“I know.”
“She’s just a different person now. Tragedy changes you, but so does time. Things were just…beyond her control.” She wanted to tell him about Kiley. Maybe if he knew the truth, the he wouldn’t feel so bad about what happened, but she knew it wasn’t her place to tell him.
“I know.” Finn put his foot on the drawer and leaned back in his chair, hoping Emily would get to her point in a less roundabout way.
“She was just really confused, you know? For a long time. And now she finally seems to know what she wants.”
Finn leaned forward in his chair and sighed. “I know. I think I’ve known for a while. I just didn’t want to admit it, so I tried to hold on to her as tightly as I could.”
“Wait, what do you know?” asked Emily.
Finn smirked and shook his head. “I was no match for Kiley. I don’t think anyone could match her in Harper’s eyes.”
Emily sat there, aghast. “You knew?”
“It took me a while to figure it out, but eventually…yeah. Once I fully accepted it, I was finally able to start getting over her.” He stood up and leaned against his desk. “You know I often wonder what my life would have been like if Kiley had never come into the picture. I’d be married. Maybe with a kid on the way. I’d be happy, I think. I guess you can never really tell. But I’d still be at this job, which…well, just thinking about that depresses me.” He leaned and whispered to Emily. “Because this job is really boring.”
A Fine Mess Page 29