by MA Lee
Falling onto the sand, I dug my heels into the soft grains. “You were right, it wasn’t so bad. But, I think I am just going to hang here for a while.”
Leaning down, Ryan placed a gentle kiss on my lips. Licking my lips, I tasted his sweet taste with a mix of salt from the ocean. The taste had me dizzy with need and desire. “I am going to ride a few waves and then we can leave and go do something more along your speed,” he whispered, into my ear. From the grin that was spreading across his face, I knew he was well aware of what he was doing to me.
I sat back and allowed the warm sun to heat my body and dry the water from my skin. I watched as Ryan’s body molded and reacted to the waves. It was such a beautiful scene, I couldn’t pull my eyes away from his body. Watching the muscles in his arms flex as he stood and balanced himself had me fanning myself. The sun had nothing on the heat that Ryan could create in me.
His face was so intense and strong as he focused on which wave to try and ride. I loved how serious he looked and how his hips moved in tune with the water. I could see now why his body was so freaking amazing, he had to use every muscle in his sculpted and glistening body to stay on the board. After an hour, Ryan returned back to the beach and we left.
We spent the rest of the afternoon grilling hamburgers and hot dogs with his family in the backyard before enjoying homemade ice cream. As his family pulled out of the driveway later that evening to go watch a movie at the local movie theater, I noticed a familiar spark in Ryan’s eyes glowing.
Grabbing my hand, Ryan closed the front door. “I think we are alone,” he winked.
“Looks like it,” I said, as I nuzzled up against his body. My hands began to roam his rock hard chest and I could feel his cock growing against my leg.
Kissing my neck, Ryan began to lead me up to the stairs and to his bedroom. Since I had arrived in New Jersey, we hadn’t really had any time alone. Except for the beach, but we couldn’t really do anything sexual on a public beach, we didn’t have the time we both were craving.
Locking his door behind him, Ryan lifted me off the ground and carried me to his bed. As my head hit his pillow, I was invaded with Ryan’s scent. Every part of my body ached for his touch and I could tell he was feeling the same way about me. Placing his hands on my legs, Ryan began to run his hands up and down my legs. Each movement had his fingertips trailing further and further up my sundress. He was teasing me and making me beg for what I desperately needed from him.
Moaning, I arched my hips and spread my legs further apart. Taking one hand, Ryan pulled my black lace panties down until they were falling onto the floor below his bed. Using his other hand, Ryan’s fingers began to trace the outline of my sex and I couldn’t hold back any longer. Crashing my lips to his, I kissed him as I rolled over on top of him. My hands raced to find the button of his shorts and as I loosened the fabric, Ryan helped me remove both his shorts and boxers. Pulling at the hem of his shirt, Ryan finally removed the pesky fabric that separated my skin from his. Our hands were touching each other with a desire and attraction that was almost painful. In one quick movement, Ryan removed my bra before rolling back over on top of me. Spreading my legs apart, he moved himself inside of me. Screaming out his name, I could no longer be quiet or still. I had to have him right now or I swear I would die.
As Ryan began to rock inside of me, my hips moved in tune with his movements. With my eyes closed, I allowed my senses to overtake me. I wanted to absorb every second of his touch and this moment in order to make it last until I would see him again. Suddenly, I felt Ryan’s wet mouth on my breast. As he began sucking and tugging on my sensitive nipples, I screamed his name again as I reached my climax. Of course, my man wouldn’t let me just stop with one. Moving harder and faster inside of me, Ryan continued to build my next release. I could sense he was trying to hold back from his own climax, and as he closed his eyes and bit his lips, I took the opportunity to roll us over one last time. His eyes shot open and I smiled as I climbed on top of him. Riding him gently, I grabbed his hands and held them tightly as his eyes went from shocked to lust filled.
“It’s your turn,” I urged, as I moved back and forth on top of him.
Every part of my body was screaming with pleasure as he filled me completely. As Ryan finally found his own release, he let out a loud grunt and I too hit my own high as I collapsed on top of him. Panting, I struggled to catch my breath.
Leaning up, Ryan shoved a loose strand of sweat hair behind my ear. He took both hands and cupped my face as he looked intently into my eyes. “Baby, that was insane. You are the best sex of my entire life,” he cried out.
Leaning in, I closed the gap between us and kissed his lips. “Was that good?” I teased, as I pretended to not understand.
Lifting us both up, Ryan began to carry us toward his bedroom door. “What are you doing?” I shrieked, as he unlocked the door. We were both gloriously naked and he had my legs wrapped around his waist.
“I am going to show you just how good that was,” he said, as he led us to the bathroom.
Turning on the shower, Ryan carried me inside and as the warm water began to cascade down my back, he shoved me against the shower wall and began to show me, as promised, just how good he thought our sex was.
***
Two days later, I sat on another airplane and watched as the New Jersey airport I had arrived at days earlier, now faded into the distance. I had some of the best days of my life while visiting Ryan. Our time together proved to be exactly what I needed to remember why I was doing a long distance relationship with a boy who I had only met last summer. I just hoped that the time spent together would hold us through until we could see one another again. Leaning my head back against the seat, I closed my eyes and relived every moment I had spent with my New Jersey Boy.
CHAPTER 11
As the weeks passed since I had returned from New Jersey, I had found myself emerged in school more than ever. My busy school schedule, my emotions spiraling out of control as I missed Ryan, and loneliness settling in as I made sure to distance myself from my friends in order to keep Ryan satisfied was all starting to get the best of me.
That’s why when Reagan called and invited me to get a cup of coffee Sunday afternoon, I jumped at the chance. I knew that Ryan didn’t like me going to parties or a lot of social events without him, but coffee was harmless.
As I walked into the campus coffee shop, I spotted Reagan waiting for me with two cups of steaming hot coffee in front of her. Waving, she beckoned me over to the table. Light classical music played over the speakers and set a warm and inviting feel. The walls were painted a deep purple color and the chairs and tables were all mismatched and had a unique and trendy aesthetic to it.
“Hey, girl. I went ahead and ordered us coffees,” she said as she slid the cup across the table as I sat down.
“Thanks,” I smiled.
“So, tell me about your trip,” she urged as she began to slowly sip her coffee.
Taking a drink too, I smiled. “It was amazing. I got to spend time with Ryan’s family and Ryan and I got to have some personal time too,” I winked.
Picking up on my comment, Reagan giggled. “I hope you all had lots of amazing sex,” she said loudly.
“Don’t be so loud,” I hissed as I noticed a guy standing in line laughing to himself. He obviously heard her comment.
“What’s the big deal?” Reagan asked. “You have become so nervous since you started dating Ryan. I like him, I really do, but you are allowed to joke. You can go to parties with me and he isn't allowed to get upset,” she said as she narrowed her eyes at me.
I had waited for this day to come. Reagan wasn’t typically the type of friend who sat back and kept her opinions to herself. I knew she had a problem with how Ryan didn’t like me going out, but she hadn’t said anything until now.
“I know,” I said shaking my head. “I love him, Reagan. I don’t want to lose him. What’s the big deal with me not going out? I need to study and work on
some things for school anyway,” I said.
Even as I spoke the words, I wasn’t sure if I believed them myself.
“If you believe that, I won't say anything else,” she said.
We finished our coffees in silence and as we both stood to leave, I was approached by a guy from my journalism class.
“Hey, it’s Maddi, right?” a guy with sandy blonde hair and piercing blue eyes asked as I placed my coffee cup in the tray area of the coffee shop.
Turning around, I replied. “Yes.”
“Hi, I am Eric. I sit behind you in Journalism 101,” he said as he extended his hand.
Shaking his hand, I noticed Reagan watching me with her eyes wide.
“Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” I said with a smile as I quickly eyed Reagan.
“I wanted to let you know we have a study group on Sunday evenings. We all meet at my girlfriend’s apartment. There is about eight of us, but you are welcome to join us,” he offered.
It would be nice to be part of a study group. I didn’t really need the help, but it would be nice to have others to bounce ideas off of. “Sure,” I replied quickly.
Writing the information and address down on a napkin, Eric waved before grabbing his coffee and leaving.
Walking up to me, Reagan watched him go. “So, I wonder what Ryan will say about this?” she asked as she raised her brows before turning and following Eric out of the coffee shop.
Stopping dead in my tracks, I paused to think about what she had just said. I guess all I needed to do now was tell Ryan. It wouldn't be so bad. Would it?
***
“You are going where?” Ryan shouted into the phone.
I had decided to call him and tell him that we couldn’t have our nightly Facetime call that night. I had planned to meet Eric and his friends for the study group and I wanted to stay as long as I could without feeling rushed.
“I am going to a study group session tonight. It is not that big of a deal. Eric said…” before I could finish my sentence, Ryan jumped in.
“Eric? Who is Eric?” he screamed again.
Growing frustrated, I could feel myself becoming defensive. Running a hand through my hair, I blew out a deep breath. “Ryan, calm down. Eric is a guy in my Journalism class. The session is at…”
“I don’t care where it is. You are not going,” he said in a serious tone. His words cut through me like a knife.
Enough was finally enough. “Ryan, you are not my boss. You don’t get to tell me where I can go and what I can do,” I screamed into the phone. I could feel my blood pressure boiling as my anger finally hit the surface and exploded. I didn’t realize how much I disliked Ryan’s possessiveness until today.
“You are my girlfriend. I am your boyfriend. It is my job to make sure you are not out in vulnerable situations where any guy can just hit on you,” he said in slow, calm words. I could hear his voice shake and I knew he was trying not to yell again.
“If you love me, Ryan, you have to trust me,” I cried out.
“I trust you. I don’t trust some asshole inviting my girlfriend out.”
Throwing my hands up in the air, I felt like I was going to explode. “He didn’t invite me out on a date. It’s a study session,” I yelled. Sucking in a deep breath, I realized that this was too much for me. I wasn’t going to be bossed around and I refused to allow my happiness to die to keep Ryan feeling secure. “I can’t do this anymore,” I said almost in a whisper.
Sighing, Ryan calmed down. “Ok. Let’s take a break and then call me back when you call down,” he said.
Shaking my head, I closed my eyes as the tears began to stream down my face. “No Ryan. I don’t mean take a break from this conversation. I mean, we should take a break,” I said through tears.
“What? I don’t understand,” Ryan asked.
“Ryan, I love you but this is too much. I just need some time to figure everything out,” I said with a sniff.
“No. You can’t break up with me. We are soul mates. You are mine. I love you,” he cried out, his voice growing frantic.
“I love you too. But, I am breaking up with you. I will call you when I figure this all out,” I said before hitting the end button on my phone. Quickly shutting my phone down, I knew the only way to make sure I stood my ground and didn’t back down was to turn off my phone completely.
My heart was breaking and I felt like I was being buried alive. I didn’t want to lose Ryan, but, more importantly, I didn’t want to lose me either.
As I fell back on my bed, I cried until I fell asleep. Waking a few hours later, I showered and dressed and headed to the address on the napkin Eric had given me earlier. With a brave face and a fake smile, I set off to have my first social meeting since I arrived back at college.
CHAPTER 12
The next few weeks passed by like a blur. After the news was out that Ryan and I had broken up, Reagan had called and checked on me every day. Even my parents had called to see if I was ok. While they had only met Ryan a few times, they knew how much I had loved him.
Ryan persistently called me every day. I never answered my phone though. I allowed each call to go to voicemail and after he left a voice mail, which he always did, I would delete the message before I gave in and listened to his words. I didn’t allow myself to look at the texts he sent each hour. I couldn’t stand to hear his words or see his attempts to beg me to hear him out. At one point, I had considered listening to each painful voice mail and reading each text. However, I decided against it. I knew my heart couldn’t take hearing the pain in Ryan’s voice, so I just ignored everything he sent me in the form of a text or phone call like they didn’t exist. I wasn’t sure what was more painful- pretending like Ryan wasn’t hurting and trying to reach out to me or trying to pretend like me and Ryan never existed. Like our love never happened. Life my heart never shattered into a million pieces.
Instead of living up my life and going out to parties and having fun like I thought I would when I broke up with Ryan, I had spiraled into a deep and dark depression. I didn’t care to get dressed up. I didn’t go out with Reagan on the weekends even when she had attempted to literally drag me out of my dorm room. That little spectacle had earned me the status of the ‘crazy’ girl from my dorm neighbors. I didn’t blame them at all though. Watching Reagan try to pull a black dress over my head and pull me out of my dorm as I held on to the door for dear life had caused everyone within earshot to run out of their rooms and see which girl was being abducted. Upon seeing me, they just shook their heads and went back to their everyday lives. Oh, how I wish it were that easy. The amount of absolute denial and pain that surrounded me made me hate everyone who could just smile and walk around like their lives hadn't just imploded. I guess for them that wasn’t the case.
“Maddi honey, how are you?” my mom asked, over our weekly family dinner.
As I sat across from both of my parents, dressed in sweatpants and messy hair, I couldn’t try to fake any form of happiness. They were aware of my disastrous breakup with Ryan and that I had been holed up in my room like some sort of freak. I was beyond the point of being embarrassed, I guess I too felt pity for myself.
“I’m fine, mom,” I lied, as I moved the meatloaf around on my plate.
I didn’t have much of an appetite and I was sure I had lost ten pounds in the last few weeks. From the horrific state of my appearances, I was sure no one would get close enough to me again to notice my weight loss.
“You are not fine,” my dad jumped I,n from across the table. “We understand that a breakup can be difficult, but you are moping around here like someone died,” he finished as he slammed his drink down on the table.
We all felt the wrath of his frustration and I couldn’t help but shake in my seat. Not able to control my tears anymore, I let my tears and emotions unleash in front of the two worst people to cry in front of. “I’m so sorry,” I sobbed. “I am trying to move on, but I just can't find the strength to do it. I wanted this breakup.”
Standing, my mom walked around the large dining room table and made her way to me. She placed an arm on my shoulder and slowly patted me. It was the most maternal and motherly I had ever seen her act and the shock from her touch dried up my tears fast. “Maddi, I had my fair shares of broken hearts growing up. If losing Ryan hurts you this much then you need to call him. If not to get back together, you will need to find closure to move on with your life. Regardless of your decision, you have to find a way to live again,” she finished as she slowly hugged me.
Sucking in a deep breath, I sat frozen in my seat. My dad’s eyes met mine and we both had startled expressions plastered on our faces. “Your mom is right,” dad said.
“I still love him,” I whimpered. “I thought that ending our relationship would give me the satisfaction I needed. He was just too possessive. I never got a chance to talk to him about it,” I admitted.
“Let me get this straight,” my dad began as he took a bite full of mashed potatoes. “You didn’t tell Ryan that his behavior was bothering you?”
I could only shake my head no. I could sense where this conversation was going and I realized as much as I hated how Ryan had been treating me, it was ultimately my fault for not letting him know how I was feeling.
“If you think this relationship can be salvaged, then you owe Ryan an explanation. He called us last week and told us what happened. While you are my daughter and I will always defend you and have your back, I have to admit that the boy can’t be faulted if you never told him how you were feeling. How was he supposed to know that his actions were bothering you?”
My mom watched me intently and nodded her head along with what my dad was saying.
Standing, I wiped the tears away from my face and smoothed my messy hair down. I knew exactly what I needed to do. My pride would just have to take a backseat for a minute. Sighing, I thanked my parents for dinner and more importantly for their much-needed advice before rushing back to my dorm