by MA Lee
I swear I felt vomit rise in my stomach. I knew I would probably be leaving this party alone tonight. Reagan already had on her bedroom eyes.
Carter sauntered over to us and introduced himself to me. I had to admit he was cute and had great manners as he extended her hand and shook mine.
A group of guys that looked very much like Carter with their pastel-colored polo’s and matching khaki shorts joined us as we found an area to sit in the living room. I scooted as far as I could to the edge of the large leather sofa that was stationed in front of a television. Another sofa, which didn’t match the one I was sitting on was directly across from me. They were positioned for conversations which I thought was smart for the party.
Carter and Reagan practically sat on top of one another as their hands roamed the other's bodies. I almost told them to go find a room, but I was having such a nice time just talking and laughing with the group that I let it slide that my friend was groping a stranger in front of me.
We talked about everything from the fraternity these guys were in, to their girlfriends back home in Texas, to great movies we all loved. None of us talked about school or the pressure of having to figure out what we wanted to do with our lives once we graduated. I didn’t have to think about Ryan and what he moving here would change about our relationship. For one night only, I was a young college girl who absolutely no worries or cares in the world.
***
Hours later, I stumbled back into my dorm room alone. After a few beers and dancing with Reagan and Carter, I had decided to call it a night. As suspected, Reagan went home with Carter. Kicking off my shoes I slipped my dress off and plopped down onto my bed in only my bra and panties. As I fell onto the mattress, something hard hit my back.
“Ouch,” I yelled out in my dark room.
Reaching under me, I found my phone which I had dis-guarded earlier in the evening. Unlocking the screen, I saw several missed calls and text messages from Ryan glowing back at me. Closing my eyes, I cursed myself for leaving my phone at home. All I wanted was a night out and now I had a million messages to answer.
Deciding to just get it over with, I dialed Ryan’s number and waited for him to answer. After only two rings, Ryan’s breathless voice echoed through the phone.
“Maddi, where are you?” he asked rapidly.
“I’m home. I just got back,” I said as I tried to steady my voice. I didn’t want him to know I was still buzzing from the few beers I had that night.
“I was worried when you didn’t answer my texts and calls. I have been trying to reach you all night,” Ryan said again, his voice full of worry and concern.
Sighing, I tried to hold back my annoyance with him. I allowed silence to take over and Ryan must have sensed my anger because his tone lowered and became less severe.
“What did you do tonight?” Ryan asked as I could hear him typing on his laptop.
Still feeling buzzed from the few beers I had at the party, I giggled as I fell onto my bed. “I went out with some friends I met on campus,” I said, my words almost slurring.
I could hear his pause through the phone and the sound of the keys stopped. “Where did you all go?” he asked, his voice sounding a little distant.
Ignoring his lack of words, I continued. “We went to a party at one of the frat houses on campus,” I said it like it was no big deal, which it really wasn’t. I had spent so much time locked away in my room or studying at the library that I just really wanted one night of fun.
“You did what?” Ryan seethed as I could hear him clenching the phone.
Moving the phone away from my face, I shielded myself away from his angry wrath. “I went to a party,” I repeated.
“Yeah, I heard you,” Ryan practically growled.
This time, I took offense to his attitude and the way his words were cutting through me. “What is your problem?” I snapped back.
Huffing, I could hear Ryan clenching his teeth. “Oh nothing,” he said, very sarcastically. “I guess I just have a problem with my girlfriend going to parties without me.”
“Ryan, I am allowed to go out and have some fun. What do you expect me to do? Sit around my dorm room alone while the rest of the world around me lives?”
I could feel tears stinging my eyes as I spoke. I loved Ryan. I wanted to be with Ryan. But, I wasn’t going to give up living for Ryan. This long-distance relationship had to work and to make it work meant both of us living our lives too.
What felt like an eternity transpired between us before either of us spoke again. It was clear we both needed the silence to calm down and clear our minds.
“Maddi, I am sorry. You are right, I can’t expect you to just sit around while I am far away. I guess it just hurts to know you were out where other guys were and I wasn’t there with you,” Ryan admitted. His tone had shifted back to the sweet and calm voice that I loved. The familiar sound calmed the storm that was building inside me.
“It’s ok. I know this is difficult for both of us. I guess I didn’t realize how hard it would be for us to be so far apart and for such an extensive length of time,” I sighed. “How do we fix this?” I said, as the words seemed to just slip out of my mouth.
“We need to see each other,” Ryan said swiftly. It was clear he didn’t even need to think about it.
“I know. I really miss you,” I said, as a lone tear escaped. I had tried to hard not to cry during our conversation, but now I couldn’t hold back any longer. I had missed him so much it hurt my soul.
“When is your bring spring break?” Ryan asked, as his voice rose an octave.
“Two weeks,” I stated, as I glanced at my calendar hanging beside my bed. Midterms had been looming over my head and I had circled the dates.
“Come up here,” Ryan almost yelled through the phone. “We both will have a break from school and my mom is dying to see you again. Please, baby, I need to see you,” Ryan begged and pleaded.
“Ryan, you know I want more than anything to come see you, but New Jersey is a very long drive from Kentucky. Remember?” I reminded him since it hadn't been too long ago that he had made the long trek to come to see me.
“I will get you a flight. I am looking right now at flights that leave the Friday of our Spring Break,” Ryan said.
Before I could even open my mouth to argue with him, he had already found and secured a flight for Friday afternoon. “I just booked and paid for your flight. Soon enough baby you will be here with me,” Ryan sang out.
There was no way now I could argue with my New Jersey boy. He was desperate to see me and I knew I needed to see him too. All I had to do now was get through midterms and then I would be off on a plane heading north to be with my man.
***
Two weeks later I was sitting on a plane, bags loaded, and my heart full of happiness and excitement. Even though Ryan and I had just had a fight, I still wanted nothing more to see him. I needed him to understand that I could love him and live my life too.
Ryan met me at the airport and as I stepped through my terminal gates, I saw his face beaming with love waiting for me. Dropping my bags, I ran toward him and jumped into his arms. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I was suddenly overcome with a strong emotion of love and lust. The feeling was so powerful, I felt tears stinging my eyes. It was through just seeing his face again was enough to remind me why I was putting up with his possessiveness and his wanting to be with me all of the time.
Holding me tight, Ryan inhaled my hair as he kissed me. “I am so glad to see you,” he said, as I saw tears glistening his eyes.
“I know. I missed you so much. I didn’t know how much I missed you until I saw you just now,” I admitted through tears.
My heart was breaking for the frustration I had put us both through the last few weeks.
“It’s ok baby,” Ryan said, as he tucked my hair behind my ears. Looking at me lovingly he just smiled. “You are here and that is all I care about. I get you for four whole days.”
Nodding my head, I allowed Rya
n to place me back on the ground. He grabbed my bags and led me out of the airport and to his car; a small black mustang.
As we drove through his town, he pointed out to me his local hangouts, his high school, and the first elementary school he ever attended. I enjoyed hearing about this life and being able to see the places he had described so many times before. When we pulled into a large neighborhood, my breath faltered and I could feel myself growing anxious. I had met Ryan’s family only once and now they were allowing me, a girl who flew across the country to be with her son, stay in their house for the next few days.
Ryan pulled up to a large, red brick home with a long driveway. Parking his car behind a black SUV, Ryan quickly got out of the car and ran around to my side of the car. Opening the door for me, he led me up the walk and to the front door. Before we could even open, Ryan’s mother appeared. Folding me into her arms, she pulled me in for a large hug.
“Maddi, it is so good to see you again. I am so happy you were able to come to visit us,” she beamed as she held me at arm's length.
My heart swelled as I allowed her to look me over with her kind eyes. My own mother had never shown me that much affection and see it from Ryan’s mom made me feel comforted and loved in a way I had never felt before.
“Thank you so much for having me,” I said, in my most cheerful voice. If anything, my parents did teach me manners.
“Our Ryan had done nothing but talk about you since we left Kentucky. I hope you enjoy your time here with all of us,” she said, just as Ryan’s dad and sister joined us at the door.
Opening the door wider, she beckoned for us to enter. Ryan took my bags up to the guest room as his mom showed me around the house. While the house might have seemed like any other family home, to me it felt cozy and welcoming. Family pictures littered the walls and as I gazed at them, I saw a happy family smiling back at me. The whole house smelled like baked apple pie and with the warm red and brown tones, I felt like I could just live here forever.
Bounding down the stairs, Ryan took my hand and led me back up where he had just left. “I am going to show Maddi where her room is and then mine,” he said as he led me up to the second floor.
“Keep the door open,” she yelled back with a slight laugh.
My eyes widened at her innuendo. If only she knew what we had done outside of bedrooms walls, I am sure she wouldn’t trust me with her precious boy.
As we came to the top of the stairs, Ryan pointed to the second door on the right. “This is your room. It’s a guest room and it has its own bathroom.”
“Great,” I replied, as I peeked inside the lavender-colored room.
Not stopping, we walked to the end of the long hallway where a door was closed. Opening the door, Ryan walked me inside what I assumed was his bedroom. Dark blue walls were covered with posters of Mustang cars from different ages and baseball players who I didn’t know. His blue and green plaid bedspread was sprawled out, unmade just as I pictured in my head it would be.
“This is my room,” Ryan said, as we slowly stepped inside.
Leading me to his bed, we sat down and sank into the soft mattress. Placing his hand on my cheek, Ryan leaned in until his lips were barely hovering over mine. “I am so glad you decided to come here,” he said, just before placing his lips on mine.
Our kiss started out soft, but as usual, it turned hot and heavy fast. His hands were running up my shirt when we both heard a slight tap on the open door.
“I don’t mean to interrupt, but I just wanted to say hi to Maddi,” Emily, Ryan’s sister said as she stood in his open doorway.
Parting from me, Ryan blushed a bit as we realized we had been caught in a compromising position. “No problem,” he said, waving her in.
“Hi Emily,” I said, as she walked into the room and sat in a chair by Ryan’s desk.
“Hey, Maddi. I am so glad you are here. All Ryan talks about is you, Maddi. No offense, but it gets annoying,” she said, rolling her eyes.
Emily, a fourteen-year-old teen, looked just like their mother but reminded me of Ryan.
“No offense taken, I’m glad to offer some relief,” I joked bac,k as I nudged Ryan’s shoulder.
We sat and caught up as Emily filled me in on the drama and gossip at her high-school. I could tell Ryan was growing anxious to have some alone time with me, but I couldn’t be rude to Emily. She seemed genuinely excited to share her stories with me. After an hour, we were called down for dinner. Enjoying a delicious homemade lasagna meal with strawberry cheesecake for dessert I was stuffed in no time.
We ended the evening by watching a movie as a family before everyone decided to head up to bed.
Walking me to my room, Ryan kissed my cheek. “Tomorrow, I am getting you alone. I want to take you to the Boardwalk and surfing,” he said.
“I don’t know how to surf,” I argued, as I looked at him like he was crazy.
“That’s why I am going to teach you,” he said, before slapping my ass and turning to walk to his bedroom.
The next morning, Ryan woke me bright and early. The sun wasn’t even up in the sky and I was exhausted from my trip yesterday.
“Are you crazy?” I asked, as I rolled out of bed.
“Nope. Get on your bikini and meet me downstairs in five minutes,” Ryan ordered as he ran down the hall.
Quickly dressing in the black bikini I had brought with me, I threw on a pair of Nike running shorts and a white tank top to cover up. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, Ryan had the front door open and I could see two surfboards strapped to the roof of his car. He had a blue wetsuit shirt on and looked the part of a surfer.
Handing me a granola bar, Ryan walked us to the car and drove through town. As he parked in a public beach area, we sat for a minute and watched the sunrise. As the sun lit up the morning sky, we walked down to the beach. I walked slow and enjoyed the feel of the sun between my toes. It had been so long since I had been to the beach, I wanted to absorb every minute of it. Especially, if Ryan was about to put me on a surfboard. I wasn’t coordinated enough for something like that, this may very well be my last trip to the beach. Ever.
Placing the boards on the sand, Ryan stood and smiled. “Alright, are you ready for your first lesson?” he asked with a big grin.
Looking around, I motioned toward the water where the blue waves were crashing against the shoreline. “I may not know a whole lot about surfing, but I do know it requires water,” I stated.
Laughing, Ryan walked over to me and placed his hands on my hips. “Step on the board. I am going to teach you here first and then we will try the water,” he said, as he helped me on the board.
“Ok. Promise you won't laugh when I wall,” I asked.
“I won't laugh, I promise,” Ryan said, as he held up his hands. “Now, lay flat on the board,” Ryan said as he helped me down.
I did as I was told and lay flat on the board. Showing me how to paddle, I pretended to paddle my way through waves as I stroked through the sand. I felt stupid, but I allowed Ryan to show me the different strokes.
“I think I got that part down,” I said as my arms grew tired.
“Ok. Now we have to work on standing,” Ryan said.
Getting on the board behind me, Ryan knelt down on his knees. He helped me quickly bounce to a standing position on the board. Even though we were flat on the sand, I was still having trouble balancing myself on the board. The sun was beating down on me and the beach was quickly filling with people enjoying the wonderful weather.
“This might be too hard for me,” I said as I saw how many people might be witnesses to me falling and breaking my neck in the waves.
“No, I will be on the board with you,” Ryan said with a smile. Patting my behind, he helped me off the board.
Picking me off the board, Ryan lifted the large wooden item and held it under his arm. He began walking toward the ocean and I hesitantly followed behind. Dropping the board on top of the crystal clear water, Ryan turned and looked at me wit
h a grin.
“Ok, I need you to get on the board. Just like I showed you on the beach,” Ryan stated, as he placed his body on top of the board.
Standing in the water, I shuddered as a cool splash of salt water hit my ankles. “I think I will just watch the first time,” I began. “I really think I am more of the sunbathing on the beach type of girl. But, I will totally enjoy watching your sexy ass splash around in the water,” I said, with a seductive smile. I secretly hoped I could persuade him to just let me relax on the golden sand.
Of course, he wasn’t going to let me back down.
“Nope. Baby, I want you to just trust me. This will be fun,” he urged, as he reached his hand out for me.
Placing my hand in his, I allowed him to pull me further into the ocean until I had no other choice but to lay on the board in front of him. I was quickly realizing that Ryan and I had very different ideas of what fun was.
Once I was flat on the board, Ryan began to paddle us out through the breaking waves. My heart began to beat wildly in my chest. I had been to the beach all my life, but never had I actually swam or gone this far out in the ocean. I had seen Jaws way too many times; I knew what lurked in this water.
After a few more minutes, I helped Ryan paddle us through the waves. I closed my eyes as the salt water splashed my face. Suddenly, I felt Ryan move on the board as he wrapped his hands around my hips.
“I am going to help pull you up, we are going to ride this wave in,” he announced.
When I opened my eyes, I saw that Ryan was on all fours and kneeling on the board. Nodding my head, I allowed his hands to lift my body up so that I too, was kneeling on the board. With my hands gripping the sides, I felt my stomach drop as we rode a small wave into the shore. Of course, I should have known that Ryan wouldn’t force me to stand and try to balance my weight with his on some crazy wave that normal surfers rode. I should have trusted him but my fear had gotten the best of me.
Once we were safely back at the beach, I climbed off the board and ran back to the sand. Laughing, Ryan followed behind me dragging his board behind me.
“See, that wasn’t so bad was it?” he asked, through his laughter.