“I can’t imagine being angry with you.” I dangled a string into my mouth. “Have you been using drugs again?”
He swallowed what he was chewing. “No.” He sounded disgusted. “March 4th, I’ll be a year sober.” He smiled.
“How bad did it get?”
He took in a long deep breath and released it. “Bad.” He paused. “I was drunk all the time. In the morning when I didn’t drink, I’d smoke a joint. It was whacked. I knew it was hurting my parents. I knew they knew. They tried to talk to me, but I blamed them for moving. I didn’t care that my mom’s health was at risk.” He looked at the table and traced the marble lines in the Formica.
“What happened to your mom?”
“Everything. Her blood pressure was off the charts. She wore a heart monitor for a while because her heart was doing funny things. She had a test to check for blockages and that was fine. But stress was eating her up. I think dad felt their quality of life and marriage was slipping, and he knew…he knew he’d have to get her out of the city to make her change. She was who she was and the city was part of that. Do you remember the pit bull case of the dogs that attacked some lady?”
I nodded. Vaguely.
“That was mom’s case. She was top notch and made the money and dad wanted her to walk away. She did. And deep down I know it was right for them and for the family but not for me.” As soon as he said it, he eyed me and pulled me close. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me so don’t take that wrong. But imagine, Ryan…right now…in a school where he knew no one and was going to graduate with them instead of everyone who was a part of who he was. Think about it…he wouldn’t wear his cap and gown with Grant or Brett or Connor or Josh or any of them.” He threw another onion string in his mouth. “Em. I’m ashamed of the things I did. Please know that.”
“At Shasta, you were drinkin’ in the hot tub. Do you not consider that a relapse?”
He laughed. “No. And, I’m not in denial. But I’m also not an alcoholic. I used it to fill a void…to get rid of pain. I didn’t have to have it. It was more…self-medication for lack of a better word. It was stupid. When I say sober, I mean from the drugs.” He kissed my fingertips.
I spun a string in some ketchup. “And this thing Grant wants me to know. You did it then…when you weren’t sober.
He closed his eyes nodding. “I did.”
“So it was like a year ago?”
He’d stopped eating. “It was.”
“Let’s go.” I was done talking about it. I didn’t know whether I wanted to know or not anymore and I didn’t want to talk about it. Out of the blue, my stomach started hurting. Zach slid from the booth and threw a twenty on the table.
“What’s wrong?”
“I think we should head back.”
He glanced at his watch and nodded. “OK.”
I waved at the woman behind the counter.
“Em?”
I heard his voice and smiled. I was dreaming and I knew it. He was there at my bed. He was sweaty and his shirt was off and I stared. He smiled at me…his killer smile with brilliant white teeth perfectly aligned. He ran his hand up my spine and scratched the back of my head.
“Em.” He sang my name.
I giggled and that woke me just a bit. I blinked and it was bright.
“Em.” This time he shook my arm.
“What?” I sat upright. We were in the Jeep and sitting in my driveway. “We’re home?”
“You were dreaming,” he reported and I yawned.
“I fell asleep?” it was more of a question than a statement.
He rubbed my back again. “About half way here.”
Disappointment settled over me. I never felt like we had enough time as it was and I wasted nearly two hours sleeping.
“Why the bottom lip?” he asked, obviously noticing my pout.
“I just wasted our time together.”
“No you didn’t,” he said softly. “It was nice having you asleep on my lap. Completely relaxed and carefree.” My heart melted as his words flowed so beautifully from his mouth.
I got out of the Jeep and spotted Grant’s truck parked behind Ryan’s. I knew by Zach’s jaw, he’d already seen it.
“You’ve got company,” he commented. “Do you want me to stay or go?”
“Stay silly. That answer will never change.” I smiled and held his hand as we entered the house.
We moved through the great room and into the kitchen. No sign of either of them. My stomach growled and I opened the fridge.
“You hungry?” I asked.
“For you.”
I was glad the refrigerator shot out cold air so maybe my face wouldn’t be as red when I looked at him. “Well. I’m not sure that’s something I can satisfy.”
His arms moved around my sides and locked behind my back. “You quench it every day.” He kissed me.
“Yes, but I didn’t realize that my kiss was essential for your survival. That I was meeting a necessity.” I giggled as I kissed him.
“Then you don’t know…”
“What’s up guys?” Ryan asked, grabbing a Gatorade from the fridge.
Zach and he slapped hands. “Hey Ryan.”
“How was the lake?” He hopped up on the countertop.
“Cold,” Zach and I said in unison, and we laughed. Then Zach added, “It was beautiful though.”
“You should see it in the summer,” Ryan added.
“That’s what I’ve heard.”
“What have you heard?” Grant asked, as he breezed through the door.
My eyes instantly narrowed and I shot him a scowl.
“Nothing,” Zach said sourly.
“Did you two lovebirds have a special day?” Grant asked oozing with sarcasm.
Anger burned inside of me. “Grant, Zach kicked your ass once. Your eye is still screaming for help. Don’t think I will stop him from doing it again.”
“No, I think it’s great you had two hours to talk on the way up to Crater and two hours back…did you use your time wisely…Zach?” Grant smirked.
I grabbed Zach’s hand and started to pull him from the kitchen. “Come on,” I said. “We did have fun Grant. In fact, we stopped at a little motel and scrogged on the way back.”
Gatorade shooting out of Ryan’s nose and mouth was the last thing I saw when I left the room, but I think a growl came from Grant then a whispered “liar.”
Zach was cracking up. “You’re good.”
“Thank you,” I said proudly. “I’m going to talk to him now. I think you should go. I think it’ll go better if you are not here. Does that make you angry?”
“Not at all.” Then he snatched me in his arms and kissed me deeply and thoroughly till my legs were weak and I wondered if he thought this was goodbye and if he feared Grant would out him regardless of what I said. He pulled back and gazed down at me. “Good luck,” he winked. “Call and let me know.” Then, he was gone and I turned toward the kitchen.
THIRTY-NINE
Zach
I sat in the Jeep staring at the front of her house. It was no surprise my heart was beating the hell out of my chest; I had just left the girl I loved inside with a guy she once loved. She’d known me nine months and him most of her life. Where would her loyalty lie?
Grant was weak. He never had the balls to go up against his best friend for a shot with his sister. He sat, probably longing for her for years, until I opened the door. He actually thought he had some dibs on her because of their past! Did he?
It wasn’t until my hand grabbed the car door handle that I realized I had reconsidered. I would just go in and tell her myself. SHIT! I may as well say goodbye…but at least it would be on my terms and not his. No…not yet.
I shifted the Jeep into gear and forced myself to drive off. The one thing still in my corner was her love for me. If I knew one thing about girls, it’s that they love with their entire heart. And when that love turns physical…sexual, that connection becomes even more con
crete. I knew that it would take a little bit more time; and time I didn’t really have, but it was all I had. I felt uneasy with this line of thinking but contrary to the unease, if she had sex with me, I knew where her loyalty would lie.
In the mean time, keep her away from Grant…impossible. So, keep Grant from talking. The question was how to do that? All I could think about now were his hands on her. Him kissing her. The agony of my jealousy was the most powerful feeling I’d ever felt. More potent than any drug, drink or emotion I’d experienced. I loved her.
I dialed my cell phone and tapped my steering wheel while the call went through.
“Hey Zach. What’s Up?”
“Travon. Talk to me. Did you find Nate? I’ve got to have this fucking website taken down.”
“Dude. I’ve texted him over and over again. Jackson even went by his old apartment and he’s moved.”
“Shit!”
“Zach, don’t you think that if this prick is willing to tell her that he’s probably taken a pic of it or printed it off?”
He was right. That would explain Grant being smug and in no real hurry. He had me by the balls. I blew out a deep breath. I would sit and wait at this point.
“Yep. I know. Later.”
I threw the phone in the passenger seat, Emma’s seat.
FORTY
EMMA
“Grant Allan Meiers!” I shouted as I stomped.
“Yes, sweetheart.” His response made the hair on my neck stand.
I stepped into the kitchen, and they were eating from a can of Pringles.
“May I have a word with you?”
He crunched down on a chip with his mouth open and smiled. I didn’t. “I’m waiting.” He smiled.
“Not here. In my room.”
He threw a chip over his shoulder in Ryan’s direction. “I’m yours, lead the way.” He raised his brows at Ryan like he stood a chance.
“HEY!” Ryan shouted. “If you mess with her, I’ll kick your ass before Zach has a chance to.”
“Whatever,” Grant said, following me up the stairs.
I opened my door and Grant jetted across the room and sprawled out on my bed propped up on his elbow before I flipped on the light. He was infuriating.
His blond curls and tan skin were hard to stay angry with. Grant knew it, and the twinkle in his eye didn’t help my fight.
“You know I like Zach. Right?”
“Well…”
“No. It’s a yes or no question.” My tone was sharp.
“Yes.” He fought a smile.
“Now. I know you have something on Zach that you are dying to tell me…”
“Correction. Something…you need to know.” He was matter of fact.
This stopped me in my tracks. Did I need to know it? No! Don’t let him steer you off course. “Well, whatever. I’m telling you right now that I don’t want to know. Not yet.” I watched his face for a response. “I have five months before he moves away and I leave for Cannon. Please, I’m beggin you. Just let us be.”
He closed his eyes and laid his head back on my comforter. He was chewing on my offer. Suddenly, he propped his head back up. “You can’t sleep with him.” He was negotiating, and even though I didn’t like it, it meant he was negotiable.
“I’ve already slept with him.” I smiled using the word slept literally.
“Semantics,” he whispered then pursed his lips. “You can’t scrog him.”
“Fine. We’re waiting till May 20th anyway.” That would give me my five months.
“Your birthday? You all actually set a date.” His forehead creased and his lip snarled.
I nodded. “That’s the plan. He wants to wait till I’m sixteen.”
“Oh! He is so noble…and spontaneous.” Grant rolled his eyes.
Frustration was setting in again. “What is your problem with him?”
“I don’t want to talk about that—BUT I will accept your offer.”
“You will?” I was excited. I knew he’d listen to me and understand. I bounced on the bed.
He smiled slyly. “On one condition.”
My victory party crashed around me as my heart plummeted in my chest. “What condition?”
He stared at me like I should know what he was going to say, but I didn’t, or maybe I pretended I didn’t. I swallowed but the saliva didn’t move down my tightening throat. “What condition?” I repeated.
He cleared his throat. “I want one date and…”
“You’ve got to be kidding.” I rolled my eyes and he took off his sweatshirt and hung it on one of the bedposts.
“One, Em. And don’t pretend like that would be so horrible. Don’t forget who held your hair this summer when you had the stomach flu and you were vomiting. Don’t forget who held your hand when little Scott Turner broke up with you two summers ago. And shall we not forget who you talked to about Zach, the hot new guy. It was me. And it was me who you were thrilled to kiss when we played truth or dare.”
“Right! And I was the one you felt obligated to kiss.”
“That was a long time ago.”
“So. Why would you want to take me on a date when you know I’ll be thinking of him?”
He winced at first and I knew the words hurt.
He shook his head and grinned. “You won’t be.”
“I will be.” I was sure of that and wondered if I’d resent him for making me be there. But I knew I’d concede if it meant being with Zach.
“Emma. I’m talking one date.” He was talking now like it was a take it or leave it offer.
“That’s one too many.”
He sucked on his cheek making a “tsk” sound. “OK. Then you won’t get the next five months with him.”
That pissed me off. “What the hell makes you so sure that what you know will end it?”
The smile on his face faded and was replaced with a sadness. His eyes were troubled and his hands preoccupied. “It…it would hurt you.” His voice was barely audible.
“Then why tell me at all?”
He sat fidgeting with my belts around the bedpost. “Because you deserve to know.” He didn’t look at me.
I stuck my outstretched hand in his face. “Fine. One date. When?”
He shook and pecked the top of my hand then hopped up and off my bed. “Next Saturday. Be ready at 11:00 a.m.” He pulled my door closed behind him.
I grabbed my cell phone and dialed half of Zach’s number before I stopped and stared at my ceiling fan. He was going to be mad…I knew that much and mad may not be a strong enough word. Angry wouldn’t cover it…ticked…furious…pissed off. I couldn’t come up with a strong enough word. But, he’d have to understand that I was doing this for us. Grant would leave us alone after this. Nevertheless, it would hurt him, and I didn’t want to hurt him. On the other hand, I was going to be hurt by this God forsaken secret and I didn’t particularly care for that scenario either.
I ran the options in my head. One—back out on Grant and deal with whatever it is that Zach did. Could it possibly be that bad? Two—go with Grant, make Zach angry and work it out after the fact. I’d been forgiving with Zach…he’d be forgiving with me. I didn’t like either option…but it didn’t get any better the more I contemplated the thoughts. I wished I could call Lauren or Ali but I didn’t want to allude to Zach having something else in his past other than the already known probation. Mom? No—same reason. Giving her or dad another excuse not to like Zach wasn’t an option. I needed to call him. I opted for a text
Will I see you tonight? send
Of course. How’d it go?
Successful I think! send
Ill b by around 6. Movie?
Anythings fine. See you then.Send
I closed my phone and lay across my bed. A movie sounded great, but I couldn’t imagine we’d make it to one. My stomach twisted and I wondered if I was getting sick.
When the doorbell rang, my pace wasn’t as quick as normal to greet Zach. Though I missed him over the past three-hou
r window…I dreaded what was in store for this evening. He’d want to know what went down between Grant and me. And, I’d tell him. I wouldn’t lie.
When I opened the door, the dark green hoodie with the big yellow O on it was hard to miss. No USC, No UCLA, No Raiders, or Giants…but Oregon Ducks! I couldn’t contain the smile that crossed my face. I flung my arms around his neck. The material was soft against my cheek and already smelled like him.
“You have somehow inherited a small portion of my wardrobe. So I did some shopping this afternoon.”
“You made good choices,” I teased, and pecked him on the lips. I needed to get in good graces immediately.
“Emma. We’re leaving,” my dad said passing through the room and spotting us. “Oh. Zach. Emma said you two were going out tonight. What are your plans?”
He released me instantly, which was customary for him, and turned his full attention to my father or future father-in-law, as I dreamed. “Yes, sir. We’d talked about taking in a movie, something to eat…I’m not real sure. We haven’t discussed it yet.”
He patted Zach’s shoulder with maybe semi approval before lowering his bi-focals and glaring over them. “Zach. I like you. And I trust by now you know what is acceptable and what’s not.”
“Yes, sir. I do.” Zach replied, and I grinned at his confidence. “No confusion.”
“Excellent. We’re driving into Medford but should be back by midnight,” Dad said as he left the room. “But it could be earlier.”
Zach and I smiled at his subtle warning and walked in to the family room. Ryan had a controller in hand and was shooting at a German WWII soldier on his XBOX360 game. He darted his eyes our way then back to the game.
“What’s up?” he asked leaning his body the way the soldier was leaning on the screen.
“Not much.” I plopped down next to Zach who was mesmerized by the killing spree. I despised video games and Ryan was a gameaholic. I needed to act fast or Zach would be sucked into his web.
“We’re going to a movie.”
Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys) Page 24