We headed east out of Ashland and took Dead Indian Memorial Road. Zach had never been on this highway and that excited me to no end. I wasn’t crazy about the drive due to problems with my motion sickness, but it was going to be worth it. He’d never been where I was taking him and I was going to make him fall in love with Oregon too.
“So, no clues?” He asked.
“We’re going north.” I teased.
“Well, it’s a guarantee, I’ve never been there then.” There didn’t appear to be another car in sight. The forest encroached on both sides of the narrow winding road and massive patches of trees in certain areas were missing where they’d been cut and sent to logging. It made the small mountains look funny when a portion of it was bare. I watched Zach stare at the vacant area.
“It’s sad, isn’t it?”
I knew that was coming. “Puh-leeeze. Oregon is the most environmentally savvy state in the US. Our tree huggers wouldn’t allow that,” I laughed.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, not only did we have tree planting expeditions in elementary school but there are so many not for profit agencies and urban forestry groups that plant. Where ever they take out…they put back.”
He nodded. “Sweet. That’s good.”
“We need to get my little city boy out into the country more.” I wiggled his ear lobe and he smiled.
“I can do country.”
“Oh, please. You have city written all over you.”
His eyes bulged out. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I giggled because I wasn’t sure what I’d meant. “You’re like a metro.”
“I am not.” He refused to accept my stereotype and I slapped his thigh.
I nodded. “You so are. Look at your gelled hair and your cologne. ” I unbuckled, got to my knees and sniffed from his collar bone up to his ear. Then kissed his lobe. “It drives me crazy.”
“Buckle,” he warned and I did. “Really, it drives you crazy?” he questioned surprised by my analysis.
“Crazy…” I repeated and rolled my eyes. He had no possible idea how crazy. “Zach, I don’t mean it to be mean. But, you wear nothing but Billabong, Hurley, Hollister, and Abercrombie. You’re a walking advertisement.”
“That’s no different than anyone else,” he contested.
“Maybe no different than some others. But you look so much better in it.”
“Shut Up,” he joked playfully shoving my shoulder then held my hand.
“Have you ever been hiking or on a walk through the woods?” This seemed unimaginable to me.
He shrugged. “I guess I was always more the surfing beach guy.”
“But it’s cold in San Francisco.”
“We wore wet suits. I played golf with my dad. Played football. I guess not so much hiking.” He smirked. “I have been to Napa Valley several times. It’s beautiful there.”
“It is beautiful,” I agreed. “Take road 140 up here. Look…all I’m saying is there is a big world out there and there are lots of places to love.”
“I hear you. I hear you.” He turned right and merged into traffic.
About 11:15, we passed the Crater Lake National Park sign and I smiled; plus we hit the snow.
“Crater Lake?” he asked. “I’ve heard of it.”
“Just keep your eyes on the road because once inside the park, you’ll drive alongside an enormous gorge. It makes me sick.”
He rubbed my back. “Must be fun to come here then.”
I pursed my lips. “I’m sure it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen.” I felt confident.
“I’ve been to the Grand Canyon, twice. That’s a gorge.” He was poking fun.
My shoulders fell in a slump. “OK…you’re not going to be impressed. Let’s just turn around.”
He laughed but squeezed my hand. “I’m kidding you. It’s going to be perfect.” His smile faded and his eyes were sincere.
“I want…” I struggled with my words. I wasn’t vying for his attention with a girl or a sport but with a city…an incredible city…a city where his heart was. Oregon was awesome, but I wasn’t sure I could compete with a lifetime of memories. “I want you to love it here.” My voice came out whiney.
He lifted my chin as he drove. “I love…being here with you.” He brushed his thumb over my cheek. I felt him hit the brakes and I looked out the windshield and saw the entrance to the park. I pulled our National Park pass from my purse and handed it to him. He handed it to the ranger.
“The roads are clear up to the lake but don’t get off. We’ve gotten seventeen inches in the last couple of days. The lodge is open up top. Ask about the weather when you get up there. We have an advisory out.”
Zach nodded. “Thank you.”
We drove a ways in silence and I feared I was fighting a losing battle. He was going to leave after graduation and there was nothing I could do about it. The only hope I had was his parents were in Ashland. I held onto that.
The Jeep abruptly darted off the road “ZACH!” I screamed. And he hit the brakes as he veered off the shoulder. I hadn’t been watching the road and the sudden turn startled me. My pulse pounded. I touched my eyebrows with my fingertips as the thought of flying off the gorge overwhelmed me.
“What did I do?” He had no idea of my subtle fear of heights. I could do roller coasters and ski down mountains, but standing on the side looking over, or the thought of our vehicle taking flight and crashing, was almost incapacitating to me.
“I told you about the gorge,” I cried.
“Baby. I just wanted to look at it. I pulled off at a lookout. I’m sorry.” He unbuckled first himself then me and pulled me into his chest.
I gripped him tightly and figured he’d have to pry my fingers off. “You scared me,” I whispered. He kissed my hair.
“I’m so sorry.”
My heart must have started again because I could feel my blood pumping through my body. I sat up pushing him away. “I’m fine.”
He touched his door handle. “Come with me?”
I shook my head but not too fast or vomit would accompany the shake.
His face was disappointed and I watched him close his door and walk in front of the Jeep over to the gorge. I swallowed what little regret I had and opened my door, unsure if my legs would hold me up. “Hey.”
He looked so handsome in his jeans and North Face Pullover, I was sorry I hollered at him. He turned to me and came back to the Jeep. “Are you sure?” I could see the excitement in his eyes.
“No. Just hold on to me.” And he did. One arm was around my shoulder and the other held my hand in the front. It was colder than anytime I’d been here and the tall trees held the sun hostage. He walked slowly.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were afraid of heights?”
“I don’t want to talk about it right now,” I said concentrating on my steps. We were probably about five yards from the overhang. “OK. I’m good.” I stopped.
He wrapped his other arm around my shoulder. His warmth felt good but I shivered. “It’s cold,” he said probably trying to make me feel better. The gorge didn’t seem as deep as I remembered—maybe because I’d only seen it in the summer when it was rocky and now it was covered in twenty inches of snow.
Back in the Jeep and driving on up the mountain, we got behind some RV’s driving slow and this calmed me a bit; plus he hadn’t let go of my hand.
“Can you tell me yet, why you can take a black slope on your snowboard like it’s nothing but you can’t walk ten feet to look over a ravine?”
I gave him a weak smile. “No.” I didn’t understand it myself. “It would make me feel better right now if you had both hands on the wheel.” He grinned and let go of my hand.
“I don’t know why. I feel safe on my snowboard. I know it doesn’t make sense.”
“You’re safe with me,” he said.
When we made the final curve at the top, I felt the tension in my shoulders release. Safe for the moment. The parking
lot was empty today except for a couple of cars. I’d never been here when the parking lot hadn’t been jam-packed. I slid my gloves on and opted for beauty leaving my stocking cap in my pocket.
“You ready?” I asked.
“Are you ready?”
I rolled my eyes and smiled. “I think so,” I said and opened my door. The artic air hit my face and caused my eyes to instantly water. Massive piles of snow had been shoveled off the parking lot and walkways. The trees…I’d never seen them look so beautiful…their limbs hanging low with the weight of the snow. I wondered how they didn’t snap.
The air I breathed in was bitter cold and my ears burned as we walked to the massive crater in the earth. I decided I wasn’t too vain to put my stocking cap on, so I rummaged for it in my pocket but had trouble getting it on with my gloves. Zach took it from me and slid it over my head after first kissing the top of one of my ears.
“It’s red,” he said softly. “You should have had it on to begin with.”
“Look.” I pointed, and there it was…the most beautiful and most majestic lake in the world…at least the U.S., I thought. Snow lay on the outer banks of the crater; it looked like the snow was being funneled into the water. The sun, no longer hostage, shone bright and the glare was blinding.
“Wow.” I heard his voice and smiled. Yes! He wrapped his arms around me from behind though it provided little warmth.
“It’s the deepest lake in the U.S.” I bragged.
“What…I mean how…why the crater?”
I was so ready for this. “Well, it was known as Mount Mazama—a dormant volcano. When it erupted, it collapsed—caved in on itself though first it buried the area in a rain of ash. Then this crater was formed. You know Mt. St. Helens?”
“Yes.”
“This made that look like a little burp.”
He seemed mesmerized as he stared at the gigantic hole. “The water is so blue.”
“No water comes into it except for rain and snow, and no water leaves it.” I felt like a tour guide. “I wish we could make a trip back in the summer because the snow, as beautiful as it is, is nothing compared to looking down the sheer drop offs on the rim.”
He hugged me. “You should be a park ranger.” I smiled though I knew he couldn’t see. I’d come prepared.
“I’m your park ranger,” I giggled.
“How long ago?”
“Did it erupt?” I asked thinking about my research.
He nodded.
“I think it was like 8,000 years ago.”
“It was. She’s good.” We both turned toward the voice. A real park ranger stood with his coat and hat on. “Where you folks from?”
“Ashland,” Zach answered, and I loved hearing him say it. He reached for the ranger’s hand and they shook.
“Nice to have you all here. We don’t get a lot of visitors in the winter because of the snow. Unfortunately, I’m sorry to have to ask you to leave, but we have a storm coming and we have to close the roads.”
My eyes must have indicated some fear because the ranger patted my shoulder. “You’ll be fine. It’s still an hour or so out, but we need you to start your descent.”
“Would you take our picture?” I asked.
“Sure.” I handed him my camera, nestled up to Zach and smiled. He snapped it.
“So, no hot chocolate from the lodge?” I asked, taking my camera back.
“Good stuff, ain’t it?” he winked. “Next time. Sorry about that.” He turned and I thought I heard a “be safe” as he walked away.
We stood for a few more minutes. I knew it was just as beautiful as the Golden Gate and it was a natural wonder. “I love it,” he whispered in my ear, and his breath warmed me to the bone.
We stopped at a hole-in-the-wall diner that had only one car in front figuring we’d be safe to at least get drinks. We shed our layers before going in. The place was dark, which kept us from seeing if it was clean, and we sat in a booth against the wall. Thankfully, the room was warm. An older woman, maybe sixty something offered us menus and ice water in a glass. An RC clock hung above us vibrating with a soft hum, and a juke box lit one corner. A TV played on the corner of the bar.
“What can I get you all?” she asked in a gruff voice.
“How about two hot chocolates for starters,” Zach directed.
She nodded. “Hot chocolate it is.”
He reached across and grabbed my hands. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For today. It was awesome.” The table seemed to be three feet across and my hands could barely reach as he pulled them to his lips. Without letting go, he slid out of his seat and into mine.
“Yeah. Awesome, huh?” I asked with a roll of my eyes. “Which part was awesome…me freaking out when I thought we were toast or the two hour ride for the thirty minutes of a hole filled with snow? You know…in the summer it’s beautiful and…”
“Stop.” He was chuckling. “All of it. It was majestic and scenic and…” he paused and stared at me. “It was like nothing I’d ever seen.”
I couldn’t control the smile that broadened across my face. “I’m glad you liked it.”
His left arm wrapped over my shoulders. “We’ll do it again when it warms up and the snow is gone.”
I was happy at the thought but knew the truth. “The snow doesn’t melt until at least July.” I lowered my head.
His index finger lifted my chin and he kissed me. His breath was warm and soothing. The waitress cleared her throat, and he turned to her. Uncomfortable, I wiped my lips with my hand as she placed the mugs on the table—a giant dollop of whipped cream floating high on top.
“Anything else?”
“In a few minutes,” he answered politely.
I wrapped my hands around the hot mug reveling in the warmth. I leaned down and licked the top off my cream. It was so good. Zach was watching me with fire in his eyes. He slowly stuck his finger in his whip cream and pulled it out. I bit my lip as he brought it toward me. My mouth opened just far enough for his finger and he slid it in. I enclosed my lips around it sucking the cream off with my tongue. His eyes and his smile made me want to come out of my skin. He slowly removed his finger and suddenly, I was embarrassed.
“Come on,” he said tugging me from the booth.
“Where?” I asked, but saw we were headed for the jukebox. I was shocked to see it was a CD jukebox…this joint seemed more like an old forty-five type place. He fed a couple of dollars in, we made some selections and I turned to go back to the booth.
He grabbed the back of my shirt and yanked. “Where do you think you’re going?”
I stumbled back and he caught me in his arms. “What?”
He didn’t have to answer. He pulled me into his body and we swayed back and forth to the beat of the music. I didn’t mind dancing; I just hadn’t done it much. Though I’d been in ballet for nine years that was far from the dancing they did these days. My head hit about mid sternum on his body.
“Do you ever feel like you’re dancing with your little sister?”
“I don’t have a little sister.”
“Well, this is what it would be like, I’m sure.” When we were sitting we seemed more on even ground but standing, dancing…we didn’t fit. I hated that.
All of the sudden, he lifted me up into both arms. “If I felt about a sister the way I feel about you, I’d be in trouble.” He laughed and pecked my lips. “Yuk!” He shook his head trying to rid himself of the thought.
“Put me down,” I requested.
“I will. When the song is over.” And as the music faded, he walked me back to the table.
The drinks were cooler now, and I could drink it without scorching my lip. My phone, which I left on the table, vibrated. It was a text…I pushed read.
Call me. I need 2 talk 2 U
My smile faded.
“What?” Zach asked.
I showed him the text.
“Don’t tell me…Mr. Meiers?” It changed his
mood too.
I shoved the phone in my purse. “I’m hungry.” I attempted to change the subject. He opened the menu and we scanned it. “Onion strings,” I suggested.
“That’s what I mean,” he said. “Most girls wouldn’t order onions on a date and you do.”
I was suddenly self-conscious. “Is that bad?”
“No! That’s my point. You do it because you want to. You aren’t someone else around me. You’re you.” He motioned for the waitress. “We’d like some of your onion strings.”
She nodded and turned back to the kitchen.
“We need to talk about Grant.”
Hmm. Not Meiers. “I told you I’d talk to him and I will…today when we get back.”
“I don’t want you anywhere near him.” Zach’s tone was flat.
“Well, that’s gonna make it a little hard to talk to him now, isn’t it?”
I could tell he was mulling over the predicament in his head. “Emma. He does not want us together. You understand that, right? His whole motive for wanting you to know this…stupid shit.” He hissed through clenched teeth. “Is to break us up? Do you get that?”
“And whatever it is that you two know…” I swallowed the fear that rose in my throat. “It would break us up?” My voice broke as the words came out. He stared into my eyes. The pain evident in his brown ones.
“I…don’t…know. I think you’ll be disappointed in me. But no more than I am in myself.”
I wanted to know…badly, but was it worth the gamble of losing him? Then again, that was my choice. Forgiveness. Isn’t that what life is about? And he was so worth forgiving. My grandma used to say to me—Forgiveness doesn’t change the past, but it enlarges the future—I heard her now in my head. Emma Nicole, never forget three powerful resources you always have available to you—love, prayer and forgiveness. I smiled as I pictured her little face, the one person in this world who was smaller than me.
“Here’s your onion strings.” The woman slid the plate onto the table. “Can I get you anything else?”
“You want a soda?” Zach asked me.
“Sure.”
“Two sodas, please.”
She nodded and was gone again.
Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys) Page 23