Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys)

by Pelton, Kristi

  Mr. Owens turned off the TV and left the room.

  “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t be here. I need…I need to find him…to talk to him…to stop him.”

  “Stop him from what, Emma?” Concern touched her tone.

  “Being with her.”

  Zach’s mom wrapped her arm around my shoulders and hugged me. “Oh. Honey. Love hurts sometimes.”

  “I do love him. I love him so much.”

  “He loves you too. No matter what’s happening right now. Would you like me to text him?”

  I shook my head. “No. I should go.” I stood and I didn’t want to leave. I felt closer to him being here. I wanted to go up and crawl in his bed and wait for him there so I could hold him. No one understood me anymore. Maybe no one ever would again.

  “Emma. When we moved here, Zach was…less than thrilled.” She smiled. “He struggled and you know what I’m talking about. But for whatever reason, he took an instant liking to you and it has grown into something bigger than both of you. I don’t know if either of you knows what to do with the emotion you feel. He’s leaving. You’re leaving. He’s scared. You’re scared. Love is a powerful thing. We will always be grateful for what you did for him. You brought Zachary back to us at a time we weren’t sure we’d get him back. Thank you.”

  A twinge of pain shot through my heart as her words sounded more like a farewell. I nodded. “You’re welcome. Take care of him for me.”

  “We will.”

  “Bye.”

  My phone was lit up on the seat of Ryan’s truck. Seven new texts. I scrolled through them and not one was from Zach. I didn’t care about the rest. A car honked behind me and I glared into my rearview mirror. The light had turned green and I hadn’t noticed. I suddenly turned and headed to the creek Zach had taken me to when he told me about the probation. Maybe that’s where he’d taken Jaycee.

  I was driving faster than I should as the city lights faded behind me. I knew the turn was a dirt road, so when I passed one on my left I did a U-turn in the street and went back. I pulled off, following the gravel road for a bit which came to a Y. I closed my eyes and thought back to that day trying to recount his turns. I recalled one for sure, but I know we didn’t go right, so I took the left. Gravel turned to dirt and it curved around, but I didn’t see a creek. There weren’t many trees at all and I couldn’t see any lights from the city.

  My phone buzzed—it was Ryan. I knew he’d be pissed so I didn’t answer. Finally, another left that should take me back to the road I came in on. I breathed a sigh of relief. This road was narrower, more winding than the last and seemed darker but probably not. I decided to turn around on the single lane road and a sense of urgency overwhelmed me. I put the truck in drive and reverse almost ten times before I was going the opposite way. Then before I knew it, a right turn was there. That was too soon…I chewed on my cheek. Keep going it couldn’t possibly be that one. Then within a few minutes, I figured I’d driven too far and turned around again. I started to panic. I couldn’t remember now which way to go or turn. I stopped the truck and texted Ryan.

  Help me! I’m lost. send

  Where r u?

  Good question dumbass send Seriously, Ryan??

  Which way do I go???

  South of Ashland—dirt road.send

  What?

  I’m scared.send

  Don’t panic

  Too latesend

  Ryan’s tank was half full and I left the engine idling and in park with the lights on. I’d tap my brakes from time to time, lighting up the area behind to make sure nothing was behind the truck. Dad had always taught us not to panic in a time like this, but I was failing miserably. I kept the radio loud to drown out any wolves or coyotes that maybe circling. Twenty minutes had passed when my phone rang. I was down to two bars on my battery.

  “Ryan?” I answered.

  “OK. Where are you? We are south of Ashland on I-5.”

  “No, go over toward the vineyard and winery. I was on that road and then turned left off that.” I knew that much but it was more vague from there.

  “OK. We’re headed there now. Are you alone?”

  “Yes. Hurry. Who’s with you?”

  “Everybody. We’re in Grant’s truck cause someone took mine.”

  I smiled. He wasn’t as angry as I thought. “Sorry.”

  “Let us get over there and I’ll call you back.”

  “Bye.”

  I decided to turn off my lights to see what I could see. The intimidating black night surrounded the truck and I tapped my brakes again. Only a sliver of moon hung in the sky and stars dotted the orbit. I couldn’t see the city lights or the mountains. I could see a red tower light blinking in the distance that might help. Ten minutes had passed since the last phone call. I flipped the car lights back on as a raccoon crossed the road in front. I shivered to think of what other creatures might be smelling this foreign object polluting their air with exhaust.

  The phone rang.

  “Where are you?” I asked desperately.

  “We’re on the road. But Em. We have no idea where you turned. Where were you going?”

  “Zach took me to this creek once off that road and I was looking for it. You kind of have to do a U-turn to get into it.”

  “Turn around.” I heard him say. “OK. Grant’s turning around right now and we’re looking for the turn. I’ll call you in a minute.”

  The phone disconnected. I contemplated trying to find my way out but thought about dad’s words. ‘If you get lost, stay put and stay with the car.’ Well, that wasn’t going to be a problem. I certainly wasn’t getting out.

  I listened to music while I waited and every song reminded me of Zach. I pictured him with Jaycee in his Jeep—the top down, her curly blond hair blowing in the wind. The image of them kissing clouded my mind. I felt repulsed and jealousy crushed my chest till I couldn’t breathe. They were having sex right now as I sat here.

  “Come on, Ryan.” I turned off my lights again watching for any flash of light coming my way. Nothing.

  The phone rang again. Zach?

  “Hello?”

  “Where are you?” His voice was short.

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m at the creek and you’re not here. Where did you turn?”

  I struggled to answer. How did he know? Ryan had to have called him. Though I sat alone, I was embarrassed. I rubbed my forehead with my fingers.

  “Emma?”

  “I don’t know where I am. I thought it was the right turn and obviously it wasn’t.” My anger toward him resonated in my words. “Is Ryan with you?”

  “No. They took a different road to look.”

  I wanted to know if Jaycee was or if he’d taken her home already. I heard a door slam and a grunt.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Climbing on top of the Jeep. Turn your lights on and off.” He paused. “Em. Turn your lights on and off.”

  “I am!” I turned the switch repeatedly.

  “Shit.”

  “What?”

  “I don’t see your lights. And you’re sure you turned left?”

  “Yes. Just past the Vineyard and Winery.”

  I heard him take a long breath. “You doin all right?”

  “I suppose.”

  “What’s your battery look like on your phone?”

  “I have two bars.”

  “OK. Use it sparingly. Does Ryan have a blanket in the truck?”

  “I’d have to get out to get it.”

  He paused. I knew he was going to ask me to get it and I didn’t want to. The thought of getting out…

  “Em. Doesn’t he have a rear sliding window?”

  “Yes.” I was relieved.

  “Climb back and get it then lock the window.” I could hear the Jeep through the phone shifting gears and I wished he was closer than what he was. I did as he said and climbed back, opened the window, lifted the box lid and pulled the quilt out. A skunk was close and I shivered
at the smell.

  “Got it.”

  “Good. It could get cold tonight.”

  “Zach,” I whimpered. He was starting to scare me.

  “We’ll find you but at least you’ll be warm. Why were you going to the creek?”

  I didn’t want to say, but Austin was right…I shouldn’t play games either. “I was looking for you.”

  My phone beeped and the screen showed Ryan calling. “Zach. Ryan’s calling.”

  “Call me back.”

  “OK.” I clicked over. “Ryan?”

  “Jesus, Em. I think we’re fucking lost. We took some road but we’re heading up a mountain.”

  “Turn around. I didn’t even go over a hill. I’m on totally flat land. Why did you call Zach?”

  “Because he at least knew what turn you were talking about. He obviously hasn’t found you either?”

  “No. Is Jaycee with him?” I inquired.

  “I don’t know. Em. It’s after midnight. I’m going to have to call Mom and Dad.”

  That scared me more than the dark night. “No Ryan. Give me a while longer. Make something up…lie. But please don’t call them yet,” I begged.

  “OK. Grant turned around and we are heading back down. There is only one more road for us to take.” He was exasperated I could tell.

  “Well…try it.” I suggested.

  “We will.” He hung up.

  My battery bar was down to one. I was nervous and called Zach.

  “Hey,” He answered.

  “No luck?” I asked disheartened.

  “Maybe. Tap your brakes.”

  I tapped them repeatedly.

  “Houston. We have a problem.” He chuckled.

  “What?”

  “I see you. The problem is I don’t know how to get to you. Stop turning your lights on and off…you’ll run down his battery.”

  I stopped. He could see me and that made me feel better but I was stuck, alone, in the dark, in the middle of nowhere. The thought of something other than an animal getting me entered my mind.

  “Zach. I’m getting scared.” I huddled down in the seat.

  “Don’t be scared, baby. We’re gonna get you.”

  Hearing him call me baby was like music to my ears. He always called me baby, which was funny because any reference to being a baby would have infuriated me, but I wanted to be his baby. I felt comforted if only for a minute. My phone beeped.

  “Zach. It’s Ryan again.”

  “I’ll hold on. Click over.”

  “Ryan?”

  “We’re on the last road we know to take. It’s gravel.”

  I got excited. “Yes. It started out as gravel.”

  “OK. Are your lights on?”

  “They are now,” I said turning the dial.

  “Hopefully we will see you in a minute.”

  “Bye.” I clicked back over. “Zach.”

  “They’re comin’ baby. I see the lights getting closer to you.”

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

  “You’re gonna be fine, Em. Start flashing your brights.”

  I saw the lights too and felt relief. “I see ‘em Zach. I see ‘em.”

  “Good girl. You did well. They’ll get you back, now.” I heard relief in his voice too.

  “Zach?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks.”

  “It looks like they are on top of you. Do you see them?”

  “I do and...” Beep. My phone was dead.

  Ryan, Austin and Vince followed Grant out of wherever we were and drove me home. It was ten after one. I figured I’d gotten everyone in trouble and would be grounded indefinitely. I desperately wanted to talk to Zach.

  “Can I use your phone?”

  “He’s behind us,” Ryan said.

  “Who?”

  “Zach. He was at the corner when we turned back on the road and he’s behind us. Did you go looking for him?”

  I was thrilled to the bone that I might get the chance to talk to him tonight. “Yes. I did something so stupid. And you’re going to be mad.”

  “Austin told me.” Ryan said.

  My neck hurt as I snapped it toward Austin. He shrugged.

  “He did?” I glowered at him.

  Ryan glanced at me. “Don’t be angry at him. I forced it out of him and Grant. Grant’s so pissed at himself for telling Zach.”

  “I screwed up big time.”

  Ryan patted my leg. “You’ll make it right. He seems to be following us home, so you may get the chance tonight.” His smile made me smile.

  The house was well lit and Dad was on the front porch when we pulled up. Crap. This was going to be bad. I worried more for Ryan with it being only a short time till graduation. My dad’s long legs only took a couple of strides before he was at the truck. I was more interested in what Zach was doing than my dad. I knew where I stood with my dad. Zach had parked the Jeep and met my dad at my side of the car by the time I got out and Austin slid out behind me.

  “Do one of you want to explain why it is almost two in the morning and my children are just getting home?” He was angry. Worry lines etched across his forehead. Ryan slammed his door and joined us.

  “Mr. Hendricks. If I may, sir.” Zach spoke and all eyes turned to him, especially mine.

  “Zach. I like you. But Emma’s not been herself the last couple of days or so. I’m telling you right now, do not try and protect her.”

  My eyes fell to the ground. Not been herself? Go ahead and tell him that I can’t function without him. Get a flashing sign for the front yard!

  “Emma and I broke up.” He paused and it pained me to hear his words. I closed my eyes. “And tonight we needed to talk, and well…we went for a drive because the house was loud…and I remembered driving past this creek one time and was going to take her there. Well, sir, somehow I missed the turn, took a different one and we were out in the middle of nowhere. Ryan and Grant finally found us when we told them where we were, but not being from here…I wasn’t sure which way to go. I’m sorry, sir. But it was not their fault.”

  My dad scratched his head. “Hmph. Well I certainly didn’t hear the phone ring.”

  “Dad,” Ryan said. “We should have called. We were kind of freakin out when we couldn’t find them.”

  My dad finally looked at me and I wondered if he could see the tears welling up in my eyes or my chin quivering. “It doesn’t look like you two worked things out?”

  When I felt the hand on my back, I peeked up as a tear spilled over and Austin was trying to comfort me. My eyes found Zach.

  “No sir,” Zach said, looking at us and looking away.

  “Well that’s too bad.” My dad’s eyes found mine again, and, as another tear dribbled over the edge, I shot past my dad and into the house.

  Our conversation while I was lost had been so normal…so us…so civil. I realized that he didn’t want me anymore. I stood in my room, shaking, my eyes roaming over our history in pictures. The Redwoods, Homecoming, San Francisco, Shasta, the day of court, spring break. I plucked them from my wall, one by one, throwing the tacks in a pile and stacking the pictures on my desk. My life was over as I knew it. Zach Owens was graduating from Ashland High and getting the hell out of here and leaving me behind. I collapsed on my bed.

  FIFTY

  I woke up around 5:30 and the sky was still dark. I wasn’t sure but wondered if I was dreaming. My computer monitor was lit and my room was frigidly cold. A shudder waved through my body as I crawled from the warm bed toward the bright screen. My fingers anxiously tapped the name of Zach’s website. When his picture flashed up, he looked different than before. His face was dark and sad. I’d never seen him smile without showing his teeth. The other boys looked the same to me. I clicked on his picture. I wouldn’t say I was surprised because that word wouldn’t have been strong enough…definitely stunned…definitely wounded….possibly damaged. My name—typed beneath Estelle’s with the letters BJ next to them. And already updated, Ja
ycee’s name was next in line with an S. I stared for the longest time making sure there could be no other interpretation. E M M A. The letters were all there. I jabbed at the button on the PC to cut the power immediately and the screen went black.

  The next time I opened my eyes, the sun exploded into my room and accented the wall that I’d dismantled last night where the pictures had hung. It was bare now. Our time together erased. My room was warm from the sun’s rays, and I threw off the covers and instantly moved to the computer. My fingers frantically went to favorites and found his site. He didn’t look different. My throat tightened as I stared at his breathtaking picture. He was beautiful. I was a fool to ever think that this would last. I shoved the thoughts from my mind and moved the mouse over his picture. Click.

  My mind reeled as an error came up reading that the page was no longer available. I quickly clicked the refresh button and went back to his picture. Clicked again. Nothing. Crap. I went back, this time clicking on Travon’s picture. All the names were still there. Will—still there. Jackson—still there. Zach—gone. It was all just dream. I didn’t understand…why wasn’t it there?

  Monday couldn’t come fast enough. I’d decided I was going to confront Zach about Jaycee. I couldn’t go on not knowing. He was reasonable; I knew he’d listen. He’d have to. I was on the verge of smiling for the first time in days as I passed Ryan in the hallway. His wink gave me the confidence boost I was looking for. Zach was at his locker with his back my way. He was like a finish line I was trying to get to when Claire grabbed my arm. All three queen bees blocked my way and stared down at me. Jaycee smirked. All three perfect as usual. Perfect mean girls!

  “Runt,” Jaycee said smugly. “Since Zach and I are together now, I’d appreciate it if you’d leave him alone.” Her eyelashes beat together several times. Together?

  “Em,” Estelle said touching my back like she cared. I flinched away from her touch. “You are so cute and so little.” She was patronizing me and even talked with a small voice. “But Zach needs a woman. Believe me sweetie,” she tapped the end of my nose. “I know.”

  I hated her. Her words stabbed me like a dull knife. I knew better than anyone that she knew what Zach liked or wanted. She had experienced a part of him I hadn’t. My pulse was pounding wildly inside my head. I glanced sideways down the hall and Zach was talking to Brett at his locker. Please look this way.