I Remember (Remembrance Series)

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

  “I know, Mom, and I love you both very much, too! Give Dad a hug and kiss for me. You know I’m only an hour away; so I can be there if you need me. Promise me you will take care of yourself, ok?”

  She breathed a long sigh. “I will let him know and I promise I will call if I need you. You are a blessing for a daughter. Bye.”

  “Bye.” I choked out, then hung up before the tears came rushing out.

  I sat on the edge of my bed for what seemed an eternity, allowing tears to flow, as soft sobs escaped my chest. It was at times like these that I wished I had someone to lean on, to feel their love and have him tell me that everything will be just fine.

  I heard the apartment door open. “Jordan? Are you here?” Alley asked, softly.

  I looked at the clock realizing Mom and I had talked for two hours. I composed myself before exiting my room. “Hey, I just got off the phone with Mom.”

  Alley looked at me and knew the update was not good. My eyes gave me away, looking blood shot with swollen lids, from crying.

  She stepped forward with a hug. “I am sure the doctor will figure it out, soon. Your dad is strong; remember that! I will keep positive healing thoughts for him. Are you going to be ok?”

  I nodded. “I’m just worried because he is getting weaker.” I gave her arm a squeeze.

  Alley yawned, “Ok. Well, I’m exhausted. I think I’m going to turn in for the night.”

  “I’m going to get something to eat, first and then do the same.”

  I hadn’t been sleeping well. I couldn’t stop worrying about my parents and I often woke during the night, a result of nightmares. Some were about what was going on in my life and others were of me living in the past—like the historical past, not my past.

  Maybe tonight would be the night that I could get a good night’s sleep without my mind racing.

  I slipped under the coolness of sheets and turned the light out. My eyes hurt from crying, when I tried to close them and I tried to think of nothing but good thoughts for my parents, hoping sleep would come. I was hoping for dreams that would bring reassurance and happiness, but, instead found myself looking at the clock every few minutes.

  It was already edging close to midnight and I knew I needed to refocus my mind somehow, in order to rest. I thought about drinking some warm milk, but did not want to wake Alley, with the sound of our noisy microwave. I turned the light back on and looked through some of the computer desk drawers, seeking something to read, but found nothing.

  Feeling defeated, I slumped into the computer chair. My mind turned to the conversation I had with Gregory. I wondered if he really did write me an email or if he was just being polite and letting me down easy.

  My curiosity was piqued and I turned on the computer. My heart fluttered when I heard, “You Have Mail!”

  I felt giddy when I saw the screen name, RileyG786. Why was I having these feelings over someone who instant messaged me?

  I was about to open it when, ding, an Instant Message came in. It was from Gregory.

  “Hi Jordan. Just finished sending you my email response. How’s your dad?”

  He was still online and had made good on his promise. He’d already won my favor with his honesty and keeping his word to email me. Wow, could he really be this nice?

  “Hi Gregory. I couldn’t sleep as a result of the call. My mind is going a mile a minute, so I figured I would log-on for awhile.”

  ”I’m sorry. Do you want to talk about it?”

  I needed to talk, but not with a stranger; so I kept my answer short and to the point. “He’s weaker today. Mom’s going to see if they can admit him to the hospital for the testing. I’m feeling helpless with everything.”

  I didn’t want to go into too much detail. I’d hardly talked to him and a sure fire way to stifle a friendship is to talk about sad things. I wasn’t quite sure if he was sincerely interested in hearing what was going on or just trying to make conversation.

  “I understand. If it helps, consider yourself hugged.”

  “Thanks.” The last part lifted my spirits.

  “My pleasure.

  That strange feeling of déjà vu came flooding back. I felt I was talking to an old friend I had known forever.

  “I hate to cut this short, since I am really enjoying talking to you, but I keep yawning in an attempt to stay awake. I need to log off for tonight. I hope you like my email enough to talk again, soon. I’m usually on here about the same time most evenings and still want to talk to you about forever.”

  “Sorry if I kept you up. I have enjoyed our chat, too. I need to go as well; have an early morning meeting. I may stop by my inbox, first. Have a good night. Bye.”

  “Hope you can have a good night’s sleep. Talk with you later. Sweet dreams! Bye for now.”

  Then he was gone. My mood had definitely lightened.

  I directed my thoughts to his email. It read:

  “Hi Jordan! As you know, my name’s Gregory. Know that your dream doesn’t have to be a dream! Sorry we couldn’t chat earlier, but I understand why. Let me tell you about myself…I just turned 23, a SWPM (single white professional male), I’m 5’11”, average build, slightly muscular, have golden brown hair, with hints of blonde in the sun, hazel brown eyes. I am a non-smoker, rarely drink, no drugs or diseases, and love a healthy lifestyle, too.

  I’m the lead engineer for a local communications company called Teleco Wireless, in Lake Mary. I usually work an 8AM to 6PM work week, but have nights and weekends free to spend time with friends, family, or that special someone.

  I am an honest, caring, affectionate, and easy-going guy looking for the same in a mature, serious female. While I am looking for friendship first, if the right person came along, I would not be opposed to a relationship and am not afraid of commitment. When I find my other half, I know I will find my forever!

  I want someone who will invest time in us, as I am willing to put 110% for the right individual. I definitely don’t want a relationship that is one-sided, where you never hear or see them, unless you call or bug them. I want someone to talk to, hang out with, and do all kinds of fun things, together.

  Anyway, if you like what you hear, and this is truly who I am, then please feel free to e-mail, instant message, or call me at 978-6534 (it’s entirely up to you). Hope to hear from you soon! - Gregory”

  This was the first time someone appeared to write from their heart. The amount of information he provided was mind blowing. Usually it took several phone calls and a couple of dates to get this much detail. Wow!

  I knew I wanted to get to know him better, but wondered when time would allow. I knew my attention could soon shift to my family, not knowing what my father’s future held.

  Gregory’s email was definitely not the typical response I was used to. “Hi, my name is……, I am this old, this tall, I like this, this and this, I think you could be the girl for me.” The few responses I received, including Thomas’, were arrogant, lacking any sincerity.

  I decided to take things one day at a time, letting things play out. If Gregory and I were meant to meet, then we would have to go at the pace my life allowed. He was aware of my father’s health and if he was serious, then he would be willing to wait. It felt like a reasonable idea. I responded:

  “Hi Gregory! Hope you had a good night’s sleep. Your email was sweet and I enjoyed our ‘chats’. It appears we are looking for the same thing. Friendship is definitely an option, although I will admit, given my dad’s health, that my schedule may be unpredictable at best. I hope you will understand my family comes first. If you don’t mind taking things slowly, then I am willing to meet you.

  I work as an executive assistant with a large multi-specialty medical practice in downtown, Orlando. My hours can run from 7:30 AM to 6 or 7 PM, the hours fluctuate depending on meetings.

  You didn’t mention your tastes in music, movies and food. Do you have any favorites?

  My time on the computer varies from day to day; sometimes I go a day or
two before logging on, depending what’s going on in my life. I won’t give out my phone number yet, but will hold on to yours.

  Write back when you can. Hope to talk with you soon! – Jordan”

  I found myself yawning, my eyes barely focusing as the computer powered down. I crawled into bed and soon found myself floating toward the edge of unconsciousness, allowing the darkness to surround me as I slipped into a dreamful state.

  I was in a dark room. A faint glow, coming from a huge movie screen in front of me, gave off enough light for me to realize I was sitting in a worn, white wooden chair.

  A black and white film played on the screen. It was one of my “past dreams”. The historical dreams always took place during the Victorian period and ended with dark shadows twisting about chanting threats of chaos and despair. It always started out with a girl who looked like me. She had extremely long hair, pulled up in a loose updo with ringlets falling down along the sides of her face and in the back. A few small ivory roses adorned the top of her head and she wore a dress of light blue with intricate ivory lace.

  I knew this dream well. I’d been having it since early childhood. In this movie, she was looking out of a wide, picturesque window in a lavish, three-story, classic wooden house. It was a faint, yellow color with ivory shutters and a large covered porch containing rocking chairs. The interior was decorated with Herter Brothers furniture, indicative of a high society home.

  Her eyes sparkled as she watched a young gentleman approaching with his hat tipped to greet the man of the house. A quick smile flitted across her face.

  She looked to be about the same age as I am now. My father addressed the young man as Daniel. Every detail of him was crystal clear, except for his face, which was always slightly skewed in the dreams.

  For years, this is where my dream ended. It was odd that tonight it went into further detail.

  Daniel, dressed in his Sunday best, walked over to me, taking off his hat, revealing a lush head of golden brown hair. He bowed courteously.

  “Hello, Miss Angeline. How are you this splendid afternoon?” He spoke with such clarity. His voice was very calming, hypnotic even.

  I could sense Angeline, was deeply attracted to him. His gracefulness and voice were enough to make any woman go weak in the knees.

  To my surprise, I heard my own voice come from Angeline’s mouth, “I’m fine, Mr. Daniel. Would you like to accompany me for some tea in the garden?” Daniel turned to ask my father’s permission and it was granted.

  I watched them stroll toward the tea service in the most exquisite garden I had ever seen. It must have been early summer because the area was overflowing with all shades of blooming roses , archways filled with fragrant jasmine, and blossoming cherry trees.

  Suddenly, the scene was enveloped in dark shadows. The screen began to shred, as Daniel’s hand reached out to Angeline.

  The room twisted to the point that recognition of anything was impossible. My dream then shifted into something more formidable than a mere nightmare, it turned into terror.

  Still in the movie room, the shredded screen morphed, taking the form of a swirling vortex made up of images of the past few months of my life and combined with those of my reoccurring dreams. It stayed in one place, growling and dipping as it spun. I was speechless and frightened for my life. I tried to get up to run, but found myself locked in place by an unseen force holding me against my will.

  The twister rotated faster as events from my past started jutting out at me, events that I wanted desperately to put behind me.

  My first job abolished, with the company closing its doors forever, sighting financial difficulty. The feeling of devastation stung like it had just happened.

  The dream shifted to Pamela, the Director of Marketing, at the clinic where I worked. Her personality had taken on a dark bent as of late, allying with several of the more negative co-workers. Her blue eyes glowed red with hatred, her face snarling at me with anger.

  The next vision was of my dad, when he was diagnosed with melanoma on his arm. A scan, showing suspicious results, was written off as a machine error. At just that moment, a chill ran through the air and a terrorizing laugh was heard lingering in the distance.

  The last image was of my father in a hospital bed, Mom and I by his side, him struggling to breathe. I felt helpless watching his life force lose its luminous glow, his eyes looking up to me, pleading for my help.

  The room darkened, making any movement barely visible. Where the screen used to be, a ghostly figure stood, bathed in dark robes with a hood hiding its face. An ominous voice laughed and forewarned, “This is just the beginning of things to come. Stay away from him! The prophecy must not come true!”

  With every ounce of my strength, I tried to force myself out of the chair, crying uncontrollably as I struggled to move. Suddenly, a set of gentle male arms wrapped around me from behind. Warm breath brushed against the back of my neck and I heard his voice whisper in my ear. “Calm down, Jordan, I am right here. I will not let anyone harm you. Everything will work out just fine. Whatever comes, we will get through this, together.”

  I was instantly reassured. I recognized the voice but couldn’t place it. A luminous light appeared before me, getting brighter and brighter, as the arms still held me from behind. The light touched my hand and I felt peace wash over me as the vortex of my nightmares dissolved into nothing. I screamed.

  The scream in my head became a reality as I bolted upright in bed. My breath was shallow and staggered from the intensity of the images.

  I crossed my legs and lowered my head, trying to slow my breathing and reassuring myself that it was only a horrifying dream.

  Within minutes, there was a light knock on my bedroom door. I managed to squeak out, “Yes?”

  The door opened slowly and Alley asked, “Everything ok? You sounded restless in here, talking in your sleep and then you yelled. I got concerned.”

  “It was just a bad dream. I guess I’m a bit on edge with my dad’s health. I didn’t sleep well, sorry if I woke you.”

  “No worries,” She said, smiling, “I was already up and starting to get some breakfast. Sure you’re going to be ok?”

  I looked at the clock realizing it was time to get moving if I wanted to make it to my meeting.

  “I’ll be fine, just a lot to think about and a ton of work to do” I attempted a weak smile, but could tell she saw right through my exterior.

  “I know, right?” she said, rolling her eyes. I knew she disliked her primary job, working as loan officer in a bank. She had other aspirations for her life, but for now, this is what paid the bills.

  I downed a couple cups of coffee before jumping in the shower, hoping it would perk me up and knowing I would need the caffeine rush to carry me through the day. I decided to go casual, letting my hair hang naturally and grabbed a light blue, short-sleeved, sheath dress for work.

  After last night’s dream, my stomach was too nervous for breakfast, so I grabbed some water and a granola bar as I headed to my car.

  The meeting went well. We discussed upcoming issues, projects and deadlines. My work load easily doubled, with the new ideas the administrator had.

  Our administrator, Ms. Reynolds, let me call her Caroline and often commented that I reminded her of her daughter. The strange thing is, she reminded me of my mom. They both had similar builds, medium height, each had brown hair, but Caroline’s fell at her shoulders, while my mother’s was cut extremely short. They had the same very fair complexion, brownish green eyes and smiles that could make you feel at ease in no time.

  The morning passed quickly and I dove headlong into my new projects. I only stopped when my phone rang. “I have a Marilyn Carlisle on the phone for you.”

  “Thanks, Karen, please put her through.”

  “Hey, Mom, what did the doctor’s office say?” My heart was in my throat.

  “They’re no help. They didn’t want me to bring him in. They just want to continue with the outpatient testing
at the end of the week, despite his weakness. I just don’t know what to do!” Her voice was high pitched and shaking, indicating how dire the circumstances had become.

  “I got the same suggestion from Dr. Gibbons, here at my clinic. But, I don’t buy it!” “Should I take him to the hospital?”

  “His doctor hasn’t seen him in days and he’s declining fast. Maybe Dr. Hayward doesn’t know what to do, but the physicians in the emergency room might. If he is that frail, then he needs to be in a hospital where they can figure out what’s causing this.

  “The worse they can do is send you home. But I have a strong feeling they will admit him and he can get the medical attention he needs.”

  Mom let out a sigh of relief. “I was thinking the same thing.”

  “If he tries to fight you on the idea, ask him to do us this favor and at least have himself checked out, for our peace of mind. If he still resists, question what he would want us to do if we were in his position?” I knew that dad couldn’t argue with that line of reasoning.

  “Good call on the reverse psychology. I’ll give you a call either from the hospital or home, depending on what they say.” Mom’s voice seemed more reassured.

  “Don’t worry about calling at work, Mom. This is a family emergency and I’m sure Caroline will understand. I love you both, very much!” I made sure my voice sounded upbeat, even though my heart ached anticipating bad news.

  “Ok, will talk to you soon. Love you and bye.”

  “Ok. Bye.”

  I didn’t want to hang up, needing some form of reassurance. I prayed he would be fine and the ER doctors would see how weak he was and do something about it.

  I stayed in my office to eat, avoiding the lunchroom. I needed privacy and to keep busy.

  The hours slipped by as I poured myself into work. I didn’t want to worry until I had too, a trait I had picked up from my dad. He wouldn’t deal with anything negative until he was forced to.

  The phone rang, startling me. “Marilyn Carlisle is on line two for you.”