Ties That Bind

by Neeny Boucher

  It was a lot more complicated than that and needed understanding, rather than judgment. Forgiveness and redemption were two-way streets. You couldn’t extend or expect it from anyone else, unless you were prepared to acknowledge your own faults and try harder.

  She was beginning to see the value in leaving a door open, rather than slamming it shut in people’s faces. Retreating behind walls was what someone did when they felt under siege, but she was no longer ‘that’ girl. It occurred to her that she didn’t have to be best friends with everyone, but she didn’t have to be enemies with them either.

  **********

  Christina, Saturday, January 12, 2013

  “Say hi to LiLi, everyone,” Johnny beamed, carrying the computer carefully into the living room. LiLi waved from cyberspace, her beautiful face undiminished even by the regular lag on the computer. Her presence made Johnny deliriously happy.

  “If you drop the computer, you’re not going to hurt cyber LiLi,” Gabby snickered, making Christina laugh, and Johnny flip the bird. It was exactly what it looked like. Their brother, the rock star Luddite, afraid he might damage the computer image of his girlfriend

  Tonight was show time for Johnny’s documentary on Entertain You. Much to Christina’s annoyance and despite all protestations, her father had given Lana Hamilton’s team access to their family’s old home movies. The only positive in this whole scenario is that in making Mandy the public face of the Foundation, Christina had been able to avoid Lana Hamilton’s attempts to invade her privacy.

  This firmly placed the focus back on Johnny and the band, where it should be, and not on her. Christina Martin, YouTube sensation, audio moaner, and Internet hussy.

  Currently, the band was on a high after the frenzied pace of the last few weeks. They’d managed to get some kind of creative flow, recording songs at a furious pace. Although Meg had been annoyed at the lack of time to market, the band had been able to upload songs to iTunes before Christmas with their new album due out later in the New Year.

  It would coincide with a mini tour in Europe for the band, while LiLi was home in Italy, awaiting the birth of their child. The ethereal creature had left before Christmas with tears, hugs and air kisses, sporting a beautiful baby bump. They’d promised LiLi they’d head to Italy as soon as the baby was born.

  After LiLi’s departure, Johnny was miserable, moving back into the family house for company and driving them insane with his sad tunes on the guitar. From the bedroom next door, Christina could overhear Johnny’s declarations of love to LiLi and… other things. She could have lived her whole life happily without bearing witness to that.

  “I think a storm’s coming,” Dad randomly declared to everyone. “I’m sure of it.” Everyone made obligatory agreement noises about the weather, but no one really cared. Well, apart from their father.

  As the music for Entertain You started, they rushed for seats. Johnny bellowed, “Showtime, babe,” at LiLi. He parked the computer in front of the TV screen, while everyone else jostled for position, ensuring they didn’t block ether LiLi’s view.

  **********

  I’m Lana Hamilton and this is Entertain You.

  “That’s funny,” Gabby giggled, nudging Christina and mock whispering. “You know? Lana. It spells anal backwards.”

  “Gabriella Rose Martin,” Dad growled. “That’ll be enough. For God’s sake, that’s disgusting. In my day, I would’ve never dared talk about ‘that’ in front of my parents.”

  Christina and Gabby snickered in their seats. It was funny. “It would only be better if Hamilton spelled ‘retentive’ backwards,” Christina whispered.

  “And her middle name was Naomi,” Gabby giggled. “You know, I Moan.” Both sisters laughed out loud until their father bellowed at them.

  The documentary was an exercise in awkward, not only because it was disjointed, but Christina couldn’t tell whether Lana Hamilton was sympathetic to Johnny or antagonistic. She would ask Johnny a subtle question and then show embarrassing clips, liberally raided from Dad’s home movies. This didn’t appear to be so much of a documentary on Johnny and LiLi, as it did on all of them, acutely highlighting the Martin family’s eccentricities.

  At every cringe-inducing part, Christina’s phone lit up like a Christmas tree with rude text messages from her friends. There were some highlights that once seen could never been unseen. They included Johnny’s semi-fro from childhood and a six-year old Christina lisping Stevie Nicks’ “Whenever I Call You Friend”, as Dad clapped them on from the sidelines like a demented chimpanzee.

  Just as Christina thought the cringe-fest was over, there was a ‘wait, there’s more’ quality. As pictures from their time as a high school band filled the screen, Christina wanted it to end. There they were in all their glory, looking like a cross between Nirvana and 90’s Marilyn Manson.

  A photo of her and Riley filled the screen, both dressed in black and looking so young. She looked like a cross between Courtney and Alanis with her long black hair, and crazy, ‘take me seriously’ expression. Riley was staring at her as if she was the center of his universe. Even to Christina, he looked like an unhinged, obsessive freak.

  Why Lana had picked that photo to linger on made her suspicious. Nudging Gabby, Christina whispered, “Is this weird to you? There’s something… off about this.”

  Gabby nodded, and as her protest activities were displayed, she muttered, “This is a train wreck. I’m glad we’ve settled. I wouldn’t get a dime after this.”

  As images of Johnny in his bad-boy phase flashed across the screen, Christina’s discomfort grew. There were pictures of Johnny smashing guitars, obviously out of it, and in compromising poses with Georgie Le Fey. Johnny cast nervous looks at computer LiLi, shifting in his seat.

  Nope. Something was definitely going on here. “Did anyone view this before it went to air?” Gabby asked the question Christina had been dying to ask, but Johnny just shrugged.

  The documentary concluded on a semi-positive note with pictures of Johnny and a pregnant LiLi, but making a point to highlight the fact that they weren’t married. “The self-righteous bitch,” Gabby seethed into the deathly silence that followed. Christina couldn’t have put it better herself.

  “I thought it was great!” Dad enthused, as all three Martin children face-palmed. “Bloody marvelous! You don’t get to see that every day.”

  No. You didn’t get to see that every day, but she had a feeling she’d be seeing and hearing a lot more about it. As Johnny grabbed the computer, disappearing from the room, Christina decided it was time for the biggest glass of wine she could find.

  **********

  Coming up, Entertain You’s Top Twenty Rock Muses of all time, followed by our special on Women of Rock. Get to meet the women who inspired some of the greatest songs in the history of rock.

  “Can we turn that off now?” Christina asked. She had a splitting headache and had to make a choice between Xanax and wine. The wine won, but bitchy resting face Lana’s voice was getting on her nerves.

  “No,” Dad shook his head. “I want to see who number one is. If they know anything, it’ll be Pattie Boyd. Phwoar! She was saucy in her day.”

  Ewwww. Christina downed the glass of wine, reaching for the bottle. She had to hand it to her father. Just when she didn’t think things could get any more uncomfortable, he could always find a way.

  At number twenty, Lisa Bonet the inspiration for Lenny Kravitz’s “It ain’t over til it’s over”.

  “What are we going to do?” Gabby hissed. “That bitch! It was a hatchet job.”

  Christina agreed, but what could they do? It was done and she had no idea why. It made no sense to her beyond the ‘sensationalism sells’ crap.

  At nineteen, Georgie Le Fey and one of rock’s infamous muses. Rumored to be the inspiration for Collective Pitch’s “Broken” and “Bad Decisions”.

  “I want vengeance,” Gabby obsessed. “I’m going to get that bitch! No one makes fools of our family. We can do
that on our own.”

  “Stop it,” Christina pleaded. “Can we come up with our cunning hit plan tomorrow? Tonight, I have a headache and I just want to get a buzz on.”

  At eighteen, Christina Martin, and although no one will confirm nor deny, rumor has it she’s the inspiration for Collective Pitch’s brutal song “Magnificent”. The song was written by her ex-husband, and unbelievably, co-credited to her father, as well as being sung by her brother. This definitely goes into our hall of infamy for the strangest collaboration in the history of rock.

  Christina blinked and her mind went blank. Did she just hear her name in the Top Twenty? That was impossible. She’d only had half a bottle of wine and nothing hallucinogenic.

  “What?” Gabby breathed. “Did she just say…? She just said…”

  So that wasn’t part of her imagination? Gabby had it heard it too and as every phone starting ringing in the house, she took that as confirmation. “Did you know?” Gabby frowned. “I had no idea.”

  They shared that in common. She’d had no idea either. The manipulative bastard! “MOTHERFUCKER!” Christina blurted, wine spilling out of her mouth and down the front of her shirt.

  Now it all made sense. This weird, cringe-inducing documentary was about highlighting ‘that’ particular gem. A weird, incestuous, unholy trinity where fathers co-wrote hate songs about daughters and brothers sung them.

  “Christina Melody Martin!” Dad reproached. “You watch your language. I don’t expect words like that to come out of your mouth.”

  He was rebuking her about words? This was unbelievable. Turning to stare at her father, Christina’s eyes narrowed. “You’re talking to me about language? When you co-wrote “Magnificent”, that dirty, hateful song? How DARE you!”

  Her father seemed to shrink before her. “I didn’t know it was about you,” Dad cringed. “I swear. I made them stop using the c-word in it.”

  “Yeah,” Christina hissed. “Because that makes it so much better. My father and my brother and my…”

  Yes. What was Riley to her now? “And my ex-husband,” her voice trembled. “My motherfucking ex-husband.”

  “Dina,” Johnny appeared with apologetic eyes. “We didn’t know the song was about you, not directly. It’s not the way creativity works. It’s more about inspiration than it being personal.”

  “Huh,” Christina laughed, but she was on the edge of having a major hissy fit. Her world had just bottomed out and Johnny wanted to explain how the ‘arts’ worked. “I get it,” she choked back her anger. “I’m just a drone that works in an office. What would I know? But you knew right? You knew he wrote the lyrics and you didn’t tell me.”

  Johnny’s eyes grew large and he put his head down. “I knew,” he mumbled. “But it wasn’t my place to tell you. He writes under an alias. It’s all hush-hush and he promised he was going to tell you when he got back.”

  This was Johnny’s plausible deniability. ‘Hey! It wasn’t me. I didn’t know’. It’s all on Riley, except Johnny knew or suspected, but he’d wanted something more.

  Christina started walking up the stairs, before turning back and looking down on her family. “You can be a bit of a space cadet, Johnny, but you’re not stupid. See, this is the thing and even a drone like me can see it. “Magnificent” put you on the map. It helped make you famous. You didn’t know? Bullshit. You didn’t want to know because, really, you didn’t care.”

  “I suspected for a long time,” Johnny nodded, his eyes sad. “But I didn’t know when we first recorded it. I swear. It was only after I was clean that I put it together. For better or worse, you’re his muse. I don’t think he has much choice in the matter.”

  “I’m his hate muse, you mean?” Christina spat out. “I could be wrong here, but “Magnificent” isn’t exactly complimentary.”

  “And you still sing it,” Gabby snapped. “You still sing it now and you do know. You are unbelievable! You need to apologize to Dina. Unreservedly.”

  “We’re sorry, Dina,” Johnny pleaded. “I’ll fix this. Somehow, I promise.”

  “I think you should speak to Riley about this,” Dad nodded his head emphatically. “I’m sure there’s some explanation. We’ll get to the bottom of it.”

  Christina glared at her father, stating the obvious. “Wow! Why didn’t I think of that? Except you know, it’s pretty difficult since no one knows where he is.”

  “He’s at Lift,” Dad shrugged. “He’s been there for about a week. He’s finishing up some work.”

  Christina’s head rocked up. Riley was at Lift? And her father knew, but failed to mention it, even though he knew she was waiting for him.

  “Wow,” Gabby seethed. “I’ve always wondered, Dad. Were you dropped on your head as a baby or tying your shoelaces when God handed out ‘get a clue’ chips?”

  “That’s enough, Gabby!” Dad bellowed. “Don’t you speak to me that way! I told him I wouldn’t tell anyone.”

  Christina had heard enough. Of course, Dad would put Riley’s wishes above hers. In her father’s world, Dad, Johnny, and Riley, or more importantly, ‘music’ was the only thing that mattered.

  “Do you have any idea how betrayed I feel?” Christina choked out. “I’ve been betrayed by the three most important men in my life and you know the sad thing about betrayal? It never comes from your enemies. It comes from people you love because they’re the only ones with the power to hurt you.”

  It ached to walk up those stairs, leaving her family behind her. She crawled into bed with Riot for company. She drifted off to sleep, dreaming that she was naked in the middle of the street, while the people she loved laughed at her.

  Chapter Twenty: Capsizing

  Christina, Shanwick, The Present, Sunday, January 20, 2013

  “I’m going to punch him in the face,” Bonnie seethed. “I swear on Gucci. The next time I see him, I’m just going to kick his ass.” She swung a pretty scary right hook, “In-the-face.”

  When Christina wouldn’t answer her phone, Bonnie and Mandy arrived at her house, shouldering their way in. Christina was in the midst of pulling up Collective Pitch’s playlist, analyzing the words, or as Bonnie termed it ‘pouring salt into the wounds.’ Now she knew, it was so obvious, and she kicked herself for her stupidity.

  Riley was a hypocrite and a liar. All the times he’d asked her not to judge him or other people, but he’d been judging her. Hell, he’d put his judgments in song, asking everyone to join in.

  Mandy pursed her lips. “Dina, did he give you any indication he wrote the lyrics for the band? I didn’t know. I knew they had a top-secret lyricist, but I didn’t know it was Riley. I swear.”

  “No,” Christina shook her head. “I found out the same time as everyone else. ‘Hey! Guess what? My ex-wife is a mega bitch. I write music about her because I’m such a victim’.”

  “He promised revenge on you Dina, remember?” Bonnie nodded, her eyes dangerous. “After your divorce, he told you he’d get you. It looks like he did.”

  Christina cringed and started crying as Bonnie’s words hit home. It felt like she’d been ripped open and scraped with barbed wire. “He did,” she whispered. “But I thought we were past that? Did he have to drag my father and brother into it too? Why would he do something like that?”

  “Who knows?” Bonnie shrugged. “I sometimes wonder if we really know anyone. This doesn’t surprise me. He’s always been dark and edgy, but I didn’t think even he’d go so low.”

  Was this really his long game for revenge? She found the band’s songs excruciating to listen to. It felt like she’d walked into a private conversation where people were talking about you. People that acted like everything were good between you, but it was the opposite. You were their very own, private, vicious, little inside-joke, and once you’d heard it, you could never view them the same way.

  “Bonnie, I think a little sensitivity would be helpful,” Mandy sniffed, tears streaming down her beautiful face. She wrapped Christina in a bear hug, murmuring g
ently to her, “We’re with you. Iron vaginas, remember? Sisters by choice and together to the end.”

  “What am I going to do?” Christina burbled. “I actually don’t know what to do. I don’t understand any of this. I mean I do, but-”

  “Confront him,” Bonnie urged. “Get your head in the game and stop the verbal spillage. Let’s get you ready. Then you can go out to Lift and confront his twisted ass.”

  **********

  “You look fierce,” Mandy smiled tightly, but Christina didn’t care. Fashion was the least of her concerns and it was probably the first time she’d allowed herself to be dressed by her friends without complaint. If she had her choice, she’d be dressed in ashes and sackcloth, complete with rendered cheeks, and a magnificent scarlet C on her chest.

  They’d trussed her up in a white shirt, gray tunic, black tights, and boots; plaited her hair loosely and painted her lips bright red. The color stood out against her pale face and dark, made-up eyes. It was a dash of red in a colorless world.

  “Do you want us to come with you?” Bonnie asked, but Christina shook her head. This was between her and Riley. It was going to be a private moment over a very public event.

  Heading down the stairs, the women interrupted another family argument. “She’s trending on Twitter as Christina Martin, Magnificent c-word,” Gabby hissed. “Reddit is rabid, so is Facebook, and those little shits on the blog are writing crap about her. We’re defending her all over the place, but we’ve got a major battle on our hands.”

  Christina’s heart sank at the social media fallout, but she would deal with that later. “Take Cartman,” Mandy urged. “For company and protection.” In an ideal world, she’d rather take Riot. At least, she could always count on him to defend her.

  Loading Cartman into the Audi, Christina felt like she was facing an execution. In some ways, she was. This was a quiet death of a hopeful and promising future because the past would not let go.

  **********

  Christina made Lift in two hours and she couldn’t help but compare her first journey out here to this one now. They’d been so happy and she’d really believed that they could make it this time. Now, everything depended on the outcome of this meeting.