She Was Mine: An Incapable Novella

by Marie Skye

  “None!” My tone came out harsher than I intended. “If I have to, I will fire every woman that works for me.” I paused. “Except you.” She knew I meant it, too. I didn't give a fuck about proving my innocence to the public. The only person I cared about proving my innocence and truth to was my wife.

  She softly sighed. “I think it’s time for me to head home.”

  She grabbed her bag and jacket. I lingered as she collected her things. I stepped up to her, blocking the door. “I want to come home." She lightly bit her bottom lip. "I want to come home, with you and our daughter.” I pleaded. I would do anything, and I sure as hell wasn't above begging, to be home with my wife and daughter. I watched as she thought it over, as she rocked back and forth on her heels. After a few seconds, she finally peered back up at me.

  She took my hand in hers, and nodded. “Let’s go home.”

  Emmalin actually had to be on campus tonight for some dumbass group activity. Now, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love the fact that she wants to do this. I just have a small problem of having to share her, especially sharing her with people outside of my world. I was comfortable in my bubble. I could control who came in and who came out.

  I decided to surprise her and pick her up from campus, hoping I could coerce her into having a late dinner with me. We were spending too much time fighting, and being distant from each other, more often than not. I hated it. I knew it was all my fault that we were this predicament to begin with, but I wanted to do everything in my power to make this right.

  I strolled through the library, taking in the art, as well as all the people studying. I walked around, not really knowing where Emmalin was, but hoping I would find her eventually. After a half hour of walking around and backtracking, there was no sign of Emmalin. I sighed as I reached for my phone and pulled up the tracker on her phone.

  I stared at the dot, waiting for it to pinpoint where she was. But she wasn’t in the library. In fact, she wasn’t on campus. Deciding not to call her, I went back to my car and I pulled up the GPS. The map had me driving a few miles away from campus. I finally pulled up to a residential area. I peered out the window. While the area didn’t look too bad, it sure as hell didn’t look too safe, either.

  I parked and got out, still watching the signal. It brought me to a two-story house with broken shutters. What the fuck was she doing here? I walked up the stairs carefully as I looked around the porch. A light in a room was on, and I peered in. I spotted Emmalin sitting on a couch, with a book laid out in front of her. She wasn’t looking at the book, but peering up at some fuck making her laugh. It was the look she was giving him that made me see red.

  It’d been a long time since I’ve seen Emmalin smile like that and look carefree. She stopped having that look the moment everything happened. And now, here she was giving that look that I thought she lost forever to some random fuck.

  I took a deep breath and forced myself to unclench my fists. If I went in there now, I was going to fucking lose it, and I knew without a doubt, I would either fucking kill him or fuck her in front of him first and then kill him. I shook it off, headed back to the car, and drove home. Any sweet thoughts I had before I got to that house quickly went out the window.

  I made a call to Magda and made arrangements for her to take Flick to my parents for the weekend. I got home and helped pack her things. Then I gave Flick the biggest kiss and told her that I loved her, telling her she was going to see her grandparents. Of course, she was more interested in the purple elephant she was playing with.

  After I said my goodbyes, I poured myself a drink and waited for my wife to get home.

  18

  Emmalin

  I yawned as I stood in the elevator, waiting for it to take me up. I was tired and I was drained. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep the entire weekend. Or, at least until Emersyn decided to wake up.

  The doors finally opened and I dragged myself through, laying my bag on the side table. It was dark so I assumed no one was up. I started to walk through the living room and jumped at the click of the lamp coming on. With my hand on my chest, I tried to calm myself. Grayson sat in a chair with a glass of bourbon in his hand. I gave him a smile, but he didn’t smile back. He looked mad. Really, really mad.

  “Grayson, you scared me.”

  He peered down at this drink and swirled it, but didn’t take a drink.

  “Wasn’t my intention.”

  I took another deep breath. “It’s okay.” I pointed toward the rooms. “Is Emersyn asleep?”

  He shrugged. “Probably.”

  “Oookaaay, well I’ll go check on her.”

  “There’s no need. She’s not here.” I looked at him puzzled and waited as he took a long sip of his drink. “She’s with my parents for the weekend.”

  My shoulders shrunk. “Oh, I didn’t know they wanted to spend time with her. I could’ve taken her for a visit or something, or we could’ve arranged dinner…”

  “How was studying?” he cut me off.

  “It was studying. Fine.”

  He finished the rest of his drink before he slowly got up and walked toward me. With each step he took, I found myself taking a step back. I didn’t like the look he was giving me. He stood so close, our clothes were touching. He breathed deeply several times, as if he was trying to smell something on me.

  His hand went around my nape and tilted my head up to meet his. “What’s your safeword?” His voice was so low, I had to strain to hear him.

  I didn’t say anything, and after a few seconds, his grip on my nape tightened. “What’s your safeword?”

  I kept my mouth closed, and he shook me. “What’s your fucking safeword, Emmalin?!”

  I kept my eyes on him and finally spoke. “Whatever you need to do, do it.”

  His eyes widened briefly before narrowing at the fact that I was now challenging him.

  “I will hurt you, Emmalin. I will fucking hurt you, is that what you want?”

  I thickly swallowed and knew that the next words out of my mouth were going to be dangerous and forbidding.

  “You stopped hurting me the moment it came to light that you fucked someone else. Nothing hurt me more than hearing that.” He jumped back as if I had slapped him. I took a deep breath. “But, I was wrong. You managed to hurt me one more time, didn’t you?” My voice cracked, betraying me, if the tears welling in my eyes weren’t already doing so.

  With our anger feeding off each other, Grayson gave me one last stare before his fist went flying into the wall right next to my head. And, just for reassurance, he did it one more time. The tears that I kept inside finally released. Is it wrong that I hoped he would hit me?

  “You think I would hit you?”

  My head shot up. I didn’t realize the words I had been thinking were said out loud. He shut his eyes tightly before meeting mine. I was met with pain and anguish and conflicting eyes. “I’m trying to fix this.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I know, you’re tired of hearing that, but I am. I swear to you I am, and I have no right to ask you to wait. I can’t sit here and say that I would understand if you leave, but that’s the last thing I will say.”

  He looked at me exasperated. “I will fight for us, Emmalin, I am fighting for us.”

  I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes. Even with my eyes closed, I could still feel him staring at me.

  “Did you fuck him?”

  I opened my eyes. “What?” I whispered out.

  He turned and walked to the bar for some ice, placed it on a towel, and wrapped his hand. “I went to the library to see you. You weren’t there.”

  I already knew what he was going to say, before he even said it. “I followed your tracker.”

  “We were studying, Grayson.”

  “And you said you would be at the fucking library!” My eyes darted from his as I stared into the distance. “I saw you through the window. You were laughing.” He stepped closer to me again. “I haven’t seen you laugh l
ike that in weeks. He was able to do something I couldn’t.”

  “We were studying, Grayson. Jonas, me, and Lynette. If you didn’t see her, it was because she was getting drinks for us, or talking to her mom. It was her house. We went there, last minute. She wanted to celebrate. Her mom finished chemo, and she’s cancer free. She wanted to be home, in privacy for when she called.” I sighed. “As for Jonas. He was excitedly telling me about his date…with a guy named Derek.”

  Grayson’s eyes left mine, and I wiped an errant tear away. “If you have to even think, that I would even…”

  “I’m sorry,” he cut me off, as he stepped closer to me. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” His arms wrapped around me, and I tensed. I know he noticed, but he didn’t care as he pulled me closer. “We’re more than cracked, aren’t we? This isn’t just going to stop, is it?”

  I didn’t answer as I clung on tighter to him. A part of me knew that if I didn’t hold on tight, then I would have to let him go, for good. I moved from his embrace. “I’m going to get ready for bed.”

  19

  Grayson

  Emmalin left the living room, saying she was going to get ready for bed. I hated going to bed with us in a foul mood. Once upon a time we were cracked. Now we were the fucking Grand Canyon. Here I was basically accusing her of having an affair, because of my own insecurities. I’m the one being accused of indiscretions, and tearing this family apart, and yet here I am taking it out on her. I made myself a drink, then sat and sulked for a bit. Was I being ridiculous? Yeah maybe, but Emmalin didn’t understand my need to protect.

  After a few more minutes, I finally went to our room. Emmalin, had just gotten out of the shower and was putting on that vanilla and lavender scented body cream that always made my dick hard.

  She met my gaze in the mirror as she fastened her robe. “Did you need something? I’ll be out in a minute.” She continued rubbing the lotion into her skin.

  “You’re mad at me.” I didn’t say it as a question. I knew damn well she was pissed at me. The daggers she shot me pretty much confirmed it.

  She didn’t answer me. Mad was an understatement. She was livid and probably didn’t feel like talking about it, but I wanted to talk about it. I watched as she placed the lid on the jar and placed it back in the drawer. She moved to walk past me, and I grabbed her arm.

  She sighed but didn’t peer over her shoulder. “I don’t feel like talking Grayson, or rather feel like listening to you dish out your demands.”

  I sighed. “You know how I am, Emmalin. I like things to be careful and meticulous and…”

  “No,” She snapped, turning to face me. “You like things to be your way. Everything always has to be your way, without even a thought spared to how I might feel about certain situations.”

  “I always want your opinions, Emmalin.” That apparently was the wrong thing to say. Her eyes widened to the size of saucers and she did that thing where she cocked her head and narrowed her eyes, and even though I knew she was about to light my ass a new one, I was still turned on.

  “My opinion? My opinion? That’s all anything I say to you is, isn’t it? Just an opinion. ‘Oh Emmalin, what do you think of the proposed budget cuts to make room for additional funding?’” She mimicked me. “Well, Grayson I’m glad you asked, here’s a way we can still spread funds around, without cutting funds or anyone taking cuts. ‘That’s a great idea Emmalin, we’ll call that plan F,’” she continued in a mocking voice.

  I stood arms crossed, as she continued. “‘Hey Emmalin, what do you think of hiring a nanny for Emersyn? Let’s setup interviews,’” she leveled me with a stare. “We interviewed ten people, but I’m not even sure why you even bothered to ask me which one I thought was best for our daughter if you were just going to turn around and pick the one you wanted!”

  “You didn’t always think of her as ours now, did you?” My voice was low. Really low, but she heard it. When Emmalin was pregnant with Flick, she had antenatal depression almost throughout the entire pregnancy. She detached herself, and her body prepared itself for the inevitable. I shut my eyes, as I swore under my breath. “I didn’t mean that.” I reached for her, but she stepped back.

  “Yes, you did.” She stared at her hands. “People speak the truth when they’re mad, don’t they?” She looked away as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear with her left hand. The light catching the glint of her ring just right, and right then and there it was like a wakeup call. What the fuck was I doing? My mind searched back to a previous session with Dr. Klein.

  “How is the Missus?”

  I shrugged before taking a sip of water. “It’s good. She’s good. Family is great.” I held up my left hand, showing him my ring. “I’ve never been happier.” I ended that sentence with a big smile. Dr. Klein blinked before shaking his head.

  “How about an answer that isn’t full of bullshit?”

  I dropped the smile. “We actually are doing well, it’s me that’s the problem.”

  “Indulge me.”

  “I’m experiencing the urges I used to have before Emmalin. The urges that had my reasons for going to Tesh.” I took a moment to compose my thoughts. “I don’t want to expose Emmalin to…that behavior, so I do other things instead.”

  Dr. Klein crossed his leg at the knee, waiting for me to continue.

  “I purposely fight with her. I purposely push her past her limits, every chance I get.” Dr. Klein isn’t new to my sexual taste. He’s heard every single detail.

  “How is Emmalin adapting to it? Surely you’ve both established boundaries for how far you can go. Considering.” He waved a hand implying the rest that was left unsaid.

  I stilled. I knew the words that were about to come out of my mouth next were going to make me a complete fuck. “We haven’t. I never give her a chance. I usually have her restrained in some way.”

  Dr. Klein removed his glasses. “Okay, help me understand. You have a safeword, but if she can’t say it, there’s a signal you’ve agreed on, yes?”

  My quietness said it all as he perched to the edge of his chair. “Mr. Mandrake, do you realize the amount of danger you are putting you both in, especially Mrs. Mandrake?”

  My head snapped up at his all of a sudden need to be formal. In all the years that I have seen Dr. Klein, not once has he ever called me Mr. Mandrake. This was new. This was weird. This was bad. Very bad.

  I sat there, not moving, almost as if I was in a daze.

  “Are you…trying to hurt her?”

  The beast inside me grunted. The next words out of my mouth were very shaky. “I don’t know.”

  Dr. Klein was quiet as he contemplated. He’ll probably say contemplated, but I’ll just go ahead and say judging. Because, that’s exactly what he was doing as he sat there in his wing back chair with his eyes slightly squinted, staring at me as if I have lost my fucking mind. To which I would have to agree. I have lost my fucking mind.

  “You know Emmalin Ross was a victim of rape and abuse…”

  I didn’t even let him finish. “I fucking know that, I don’t need you to…” I stopped, realizing what he had just said. “Why did you say that?”

  He glanced down at his notepad before looking back at me. “I’m sorry, say what?”

  My eyes narrowed. I knew what the fuck he was doing. “Ross. You called her Emmalin Ross. It’s fucking Mandrake. You of all people should know that, you fucking married us!” I stood up, buttoning my suit jacket. “We’re done here, Doc.”

  “I love you,” she whispered to me. “I love you so much, but right now things are different, and I don’t know how to get back to where we were. I don’t know what to do.”

  “I know.” I kissed the top of her head. “Fuck, I know, but we will. I swear to you, we fucking will, Emmalin.” I pulled her back so she had to look at me. “Remember what you told me when I came back for you in Quincy?” She slowly nodded, as my hands cupped her face. “Tell me what you said, Emmalin. Tell me what you said.”
<
br />   She took a deep breath. I remember everything as if it was yesterday. I couldn’t forget even if I tried. She met my eyes again. “I said let’s fight together,” she whispered out.

  I nodded. “Tell me you still mean that. Tell me you won’t give up on us. We fight together, Emmalin. Me and you - no one else. Me and you.”

  She slowly nodded. I kissed one of her many fallen tears. “Words baby. I want...” I paused. “I need the words.”

  She took a moment to calm her breathing. Her eyes penetrated mine with so much want and need. She placed her hands on top of mine. “Together.”

  I could feel the worry that was most likely etched across my face slowly dissipate. It was if her confession put me back together. I did want to fight. I just didn’t know if she had the strength. “I’m going to kiss you now, Mrs. Mandrake.”

  20

  Emmalin

  Another month had gone by. Things had calmed down but not by much. Cuntia, as I now referred to her as, still worked for Grayson but on a whole different floor and the chances of even seeing her were nil. I was fine with that, but I wasn’t fine with the fact that Grayson couldn’t just have her killed or something, even though I’m sure it would be way too suspicious.

  “You feeling alright?”

  I glanced up at Edith who handed me a folder. Edith was a former intern for Mandrake Towers and finally was given a permanent position here a few months ago. She always ensured we had enough girl’s nights in her earlier days, before she became enthralled with Kevin, another intern, to whom she’s now married with a daughter. It’s amazing how people change when they get married and have a family. “Yeah, I’m just really tired.”