She Was Mine: An Incapable Novella

by Marie Skye

  "He looks like you, you know?"

  I gazed at Tyler as he sat against that damn willow tree, rocking my baby back and forth, wrapped in a blanket like a burrito.

  "It's a boy?" I asked him in awe.

  He smiled not looking at me. "Of course, it is. You knew it was a boy from the beginning." After a few minutes, he finally looked up at me. "You know, I'll take care of him for you. He will always be safe." I watched as he played with his little hand. "And when you're ready to see him again, he'll be here waiting. But not for a long time. Okay, Willow?”

  My heart melted at the nickname he used for me.

  I awoke from that dream, and immediately cried. I cried for hours, and Grayson held me, until I finally turned to him and said “okay”.

  * * *

  Sebastian Logan-Lee Mandrake was born the next morning at 9:13 a.m. A part of me was still hoping he would cry after I did the last push. That cry never came, no matter how much I prayed for it. Even when they handed him to me, after saying it’s a boy, I still prayed for a sound. Any sound. I would give my life just to hear the sound. But it never came, only silence and death showed up.

  “He looks like you,” Grayson said as he peered over my shoulder. I smiled, because I already knew he did. Tyler told me so. I rocked him, even though I didn’t have to. I handed him to Grayson, and Grayson cried as he held his little hand. “I always dreamed of having a son…” Grayson choked on the last part. “You are so handsome. You’re a King,” he whispered, as he moved closer to me in bed and we shared the only and final moments we had with our son together.

  We were hesitant about taking pictures. I thought it was a bit odd, but Grayson said he at least wanted one, and so I wanted to give him that. I later understood why he wanted it. Why anyone wanted it. Because, I wanted it, too.

  Every day, I asked why? What did I do wrong for him to die? We’re all going to die anyway, but it wasn’t his time.

  A memorial service was held a few days later. I tried playing hostess, but I couldn’t. I didn’t even want to come out of my room, as people came to offer their condolences. Grayson, managed to say a few choked up words, as he held me next to him tightly. It was the releasing of the blue balloons at Sebastian’s memorial that broke me.

  I started wondering if he felt any pain, and I prayed that he didn’t. Before, the casket was lowered, I gently placed my hand on his casket, and whispered to him that his Uncle Tyler was going to take good care of him for me. After all, Sebastian had Tyler's middle name.

  It took months for us to fully cope. Grayson and I fought constantly. Half the time it was about nothing, I simply just wanted to argue, because I was tired of being silent.

  We started counseling three times a week. I hated it, and didn’t want anything to do with it, but for the sake of our marriage, and our family I went.

  Six months later we’re better now. Will we try again? Who knows. Of course, no one ever knows what the future holds.

  36

  Epilogue

  Grayson

  One Year Later

  Losing Sebastian broke me. It broke us. I thought losing the baby I was having with Claudia would’ve broke me, but strangely, it never did. I can’t help but wonder if this was some sort of punishment that was being bestowed upon us. We kept the pictures of Sebastian in a safe. Every now and then, I find myself looking at them. I’ve even seen Emmalin looking at them. We did keep one out. It’s one where Emmalin and I aren’t facing the camera. Our backs are turned, my arm is around Emmalin as she holds Sebastian. Other than us, you can see a hint of the blue hat he was wearing. That was the picture I looked at every day.

  It’s too much to ask for things to be simple.

  But life isn’t simple, is it? It never is. I have learned to fight. We fight through whatever is thrown at us, and we come back even stronger. We added a Labrador to our family. It was an impulse adoption. I was at the store and saw an animal shelter doing adoptions at the pet shop over. I walked over with the intentions of just taking a gander. There was this five-month-old Labrador all by himself in a kennel. I was told all his brothers and sisters had been adopted and he was all that was left. He looked up at me with those wide puppy dog eyes. Then the next thing he did had me taking him home immediately. He let out a howl before jumping on the gate to try to lick me. I adopted him right then and there.

  Emmalin was shocked seeing a puppy, and I looked at her, hoping this was okay. After a few minutes of her staring at the dog as he did every cute thing imaginable, she finally smiled, and walked over to him, crouching in front of him, and ruffled his head. Emmalin let me name him Henry. Chloe our cat was pissed, but she eventually got over it.

  Flick loved him, and Henry became her protector.

  Flick rambled a lot now that her vocabulary has expanded. She’s a smart one and has no problem giving you a little sass in return. Definitely her mother’s daughter.

  * * *

  I grabbed the barbecue tools as I headed out to the patio with the rest of our family. We finally had a house built that was big enough for us with room to spare. I looked around at everyone. Emmalin was hooking up the hose into the sprinkler so the kids could run through it.

  Abby and Noah were jumping up and down, eager for the sprinkler to come on. My mom was ogling over Hadley Gracelyn, our adopted daughter from Haiti, who had just turned two. Hadley and Flick were basically inseparable, and insisted on dressing alike. Flick proudly told anyone who would listen that Hadley was her sister. And dad had Everett Brayden. Our adopted son from right here in America, who was nine months old. Everyday Flick asked when would he be bigger so they could play with him.

  When Emmalin brought up adoption again, and we started the process, our first call was for Hadley. It took seven months to get that call. I just remember looking at the email that was sent to us and finally said, “What the hell are we still doing here? Let’s go get our daughter and bring her home!”

  I stopped as Emmalin ran up to me. “We need a picture of this!”

  She set the timer on the camera and quickly ran to where everyone was sitting. I joined her, sitting by my dad. We loved taking these kinds of pictures. The kind where you don’t even know it’s being taken, so you’re in your natural element.

  I looked around at my family. The family that I loved, and would do anything for. I walked over to Emmalin and pulled her to me, and kissed her hard, which of course had the children saying “ewww”.

  “I love you,” I whispered against her lips.

  Her eyes lit up. “I love you, too.”

  She was beautiful.

  She was my life.

  She Was Mine.

  * * *

  The End

  Letter To You

  Readers,

  Well, I should first say, I know it appeared that Infinitely Mine was the last of the series, hence the title, but alas it was not. This was due to the fact that these two characters Emmalin and Grayson wouldn’t shut the hell up.

  As for how this ended, could that have been different? Could I have lessened the blow? Could I have perhaps not give them more shit to deal with? Could I have given them a better HEA?

  Probably.

  But, for those that know me by now should realize, that I do not, nor will I ever pacify a storyline to submit to one’s taste. That’s just not me.

  Real life isn’t a fairy tale. Real life isn’t censored.

  However, I do write about things that happen, whether it’s abuse, rape, or death.

  I’m sorry if this story broke your heart.

  It broke mine too.

  xoxo

  ~Marie Skye

  Thank you!

  Thank you for reading what I’m officially labeling as the FINAL book for Emmalin and Grayson. I’m officially putting them down…but you know, us authors lie all the time.

  Huge thank you to all that endured the hell I made you put up with, even when you hated me for it. Thank you to Lani for always stepping forward, even when you knew
damn well you weren’t going to like what you were about to read. Send me your tears in a jar. I’ll add them to my collection.

  My amazing author besties Rose and Shelley for always giving the absolute 100% truth. Colleen and every single one your Itsy Bitsy staff. There’s not enough words to fill up a book that explains the awesomeness you all have.

  To all friends and families that have cheered me on. Thank you for that.

  If you enjoyed this book or any other books of mine. Please let me know. I appreciate all reviews on Amazon and Goodreads. The reviews keeps me going! I also appreciate any shares and recommendations to friends!

  Feel free to also send me an email at:

  authormarieskye@gmail.com

  to let me know you left a review, and I’ll email you a personal message.