Tears burned her eyes, but she willed them away. Out of all the tortured heroes she’d written about, this flesh-and-blood man held the place of honor. There was more to the story—she just knew it—but he was willing to play the martyr and let her walk out of his life without a fight. That didn’t settle well. She tried to turn around, but he grabbed her waist, holding her in place.
“Go, Dani. I mean it.”
She slapped at his hands. “Let go of me and I will.” As soon as he freed her, she twisted around and sat back on her legs. There was so much pain in his eyes that it made her heart hurt. And then, it was gone, blanked out so fast she wondered if she’d imagined it. No, she had seen it. The ice-cold look in them now was a defense mechanism—daring her to give a damn. Poor baby. Maybe he’d defeated enemies in battle, but he had no clue what he was up against when dealing with her.
“Go away.” He picked up his wine, draining the glass. His sights settled on the horizon.
“Logan, look at me.”
A muscle twitched in his jaw, but he turned back and focused his gaze on the vicinity of her left ear. Okay, so he couldn’t meet her eyes, but she would at least make him listen. “You said you almost raped a girl, but you didn’t. Why not? What stopped you?”
Troubled eyes flickered to hers before returning to the study of her ear. “Her hair reminded me of Maria’s and I thought . . . I thought, what if some guys were doing this to my sister?”
“Guys, as in there was more than one of you?”
His eyelids closed and he sighed. “I don’t want to talk about this.”
Liar. He wanted to, but more important, he needed to. If he didn’t, he would’ve left by now. Once again, she found herself searching for the right words. If she’d known she would be having this conversation, she would’ve studied psychology. There were no magic words, so she decided to worm the story out of him with questions.
“How many boys were involved in the almost-rape?”
“Three.”
“How old were you?”
“Fifteen.”
Where would a fifteen-year-old most likely be for something like a gang rape to happen? “Were you at a party where there was drinking?”
“Yes.”
If she was going to have to guess and get only one-word answers in response, they might be there all night. So be it. He was about to find out how stubborn she could be.
She wished he would open his eyes so she could gauge his reactions to the questions. “I imagine everyone was drunk or near to it and there was some making out going on?”
“You could say that.”
“Where were you?”
“On the beach.”
“With a bonfire and a boom box blasting out music?”
“Don’t forget the hotdogs and beer.”
Well, at least she was getting more than one-word answers now. She took it as a sign of progress. Teens with too much to drink at a party did stupid things, things they’d never do otherwise. An image of Regan, fifteen and at a drinking party, flashed through her mind. No way. The kid was staying locked in her room until she was at least thirty.
Dani took a guess. “Things got out of hand, maybe? A line got crossed and one of you convinced the others she wanted it, so the three of you took her away from the party.”
He nodded.
Now for the big one. “Was it your idea?”
His eyes opened and focused on her. “No.”
Careful not to let her relief show, Dani nodded as if she had fully expected that answer. “But you stopped it. Peer pressure at that age is a parent’s nightmare, but you stood up to your friends when it would have been easier to go along.”
“Only because her hair reminded me of Maria’s.”
“Stop it. I don’t believe that for one second. Maria was what, four or five when it happened? Although that may have been the excuse you gave yourself at the time because you were looking for a reason to put an end to something that had gotten out of hand, you didn’t look at that girl and think of your sister.
“What happened to the girl?”
“I got her out of there and walked her home.”
An insight came to her then. “As much as you might not want to hear this, you should probably thank your mother you’re not a rapist.”
The warmth that had been slowly returning to his eyes vanished. “Like hell. If anything, she would’ve been the reason I would have taken a girl against her will. I have her blood in me.”
“Bullshit.” Dani lowered her face toward his, could almost feel the fire flashing from her glare. “Bullshit, Logan Kincaid. Blood keeps your heart beating, keeps you alive, nothing more. You are everything she wasn’t and never, God damn it—” She paused and took a deep breath. “You could never bring yourself to use a woman like that because you never wanted to be like her.”
“You don’t have to yell, I’m right here,” he said just before his mouth crashed down on hers.
Logan couldn’t believe she stayed after his confession. Why wasn’t she disgusted? She should’ve run away as fast as her legs could carry her. But she’d stayed, asked him questions he didn’t want to answer, yet found himself doing so, and the only thing he could think to do now was kiss her. “I love you” almost tumbled out of his mouth when she’d dismissed his bad blood so easily, but he managed to bite back the words.
If he told her the other thing, how would she react? He pushed the thought away. Never, ever would he tell her about that. He wasn’t a religious man, but he couldn’t help thanking Jesus she was snuggling against him and not in her room packing so she could leave tomorrow with Buchanan. Offering to send her home with Romeo had been the hardest thing he’d ever done.
She curled up on his lap and wrapped an arm around his neck, holding his mouth to hers. Logan stopped thinking. Her bottom settled over his cock, the material of his trousers so thin it was almost as if there was nothing between them. He ground against her, gritting his teeth when she moaned.
If he wasn’t buried deep inside her soon, he was going to die. “Dani.”
“Hmmm?” She lifted her head and put a finger against his lips. “Shhhh. I know what you need.” Her lips were wet from his kiss, her eyes dilated. “Take my wrap off.”
God, yes. He’d seen naked women in movies, knew what they looked like, but this was Dani. This was real. His fingers fumbled with the knot. Christ, his hands were shaking. He finally got it untied, and she held out her arms for him to remove it.
“Jesus, you’re beautiful,” he whispered when her body was bared to him.
“Touch me.”
“Where?” A sudden fear struck him that he wouldn’t be able to please her, that he wouldn’t measure up to the lovers she’d known before him.
She took his hand and brought it to a breast. “Here.” Taking his other hand, she put it on her thigh. “And here. Wherever you want. Just explore.”
That sounded easy enough. He tested the weight of her breast, molded it, traced the curve of it, flicked his thumb over the nipple, making it peak. His grunt was pure male satisfaction that he could make it do that. With his other hand, he stroked her leg down to her knee, amazed at how silky and soft her skin was.
Her gaze never wavered from his, and when he moved his hand to her curls and slid a finger along her folds, her eyes turned dark. His heart pounded, sending a roaring into his ears. She was so wet, and it was for him.
He’d tried thousands of times, but never in his wildest fantasies had he come close to imagining how it would feel to touch her, to feel her slick heat on his fingers. It was possible he wouldn’t survive being inside her, but he didn’t care. He found her clit and rubbed it with his thumb as he pushed his finger inside her.
“Oh,” she murmured. Her eyes closed and she pressed down on his erection.
“I need to be inside you, Da
ni. Now.” Her lips curved up in a dreamy smile, one he hoped to see often.
“Soon. I promise.” She opened her eyes and leaned forward until a breast was at his mouth. “Taste me.”
“I swear to God, you’re going to be the death of me,” he said, and sucked the nipple into his mouth. Cradling her breast with one hand, he stroked her back and bottom with the other while he licked her nipple.
Christ, maybe he should’ve added ice to his shower. He wanted his hands everywhere on her, wanted his mouth everywhere, wanted to learn her body, to memorize it, to love it. Would she make sounds when she came? Maybe call out his name?
She pulled away and he started to protest, but she moved her other breast to his mouth. “It was feeling neglected.”
“Can’t have that.” He lightly pinched the nipple with his thumb and index finger. “Your breasts are perfect, so beautiful.”
“Which do you like better, dark nipples or lighter ones?”
“These. I like these best.” Not that he had anything to compare hers with, but if he’d seen a thousand, hers would still be the most beautiful.
“That’s too bad. They’re darker and larger now because I’m nursing. Normally, they’re smaller and pinker.”
“When that happens, then those will be my favorite.” He thought he would very much like pink, pert little nipples.
She chuckled. “You have a glib tongue.”
“Yeah? Let me show you my tongue’s other talents.”
So far, he seemed to be pleasing her. Maybe men were born knowing how to love a woman, or perhaps it was because his first time was with this particular woman. She was subtly guiding him without making him feel like a bumbling teen, and he loved her all the more for it.
When she reached between them, slipped her hand under his waistband, and wrapped her warm fingers around his cock, he let go of the nipple in his mouth and hissed. He closed his eyes and tried to freeze the moment in his mind. The first time a woman was touching him like this was as momentous to him as man’s first steps on the moon. Christ, if the mere touch of her hands could make him feel like this, what was it going to do to him when he slid inside her?
“Time for these to come off,” she said, tugging on his trousers.
Logan couldn’t agree more. With her help, they got him naked. “Now what?” he asked, trusting her enough to voice the question. She was on her knees, maybe a foot between the parts of them he desperately wanted joined. “What now, Dani?”
Lowering her mouth to his, she licked her tongue over his. He tried to capture her, but she reared up and shook her head. “Now, a little foreplay.”
Wasn’t that what they’d been doing? Apparently not, because when she took him in hand again and rubbed the tip of his erection through her wet folds and over her clit, he understood she was teaching him a new lesson.
At thirty, he’d led a full life, or so he’d thought. He’d raised a sister, led men into battle, had faced death. Never in all his sorry years had he understood what he’d been missing until now. If he’d known, he might have turned his back on the vow he’d made at fifteen. Dani made him glad he hadn’t.
I love you, he said in his mind when she sank down on him. I love you. The intense pleasure of having her wrapped all tight and hot around him was beyond description. Energy coursed between them, heating his blood. He raised his eyes to the stars, amazed at how bright they had turned.
Logan lifted his ass, trying to go deeper inside her. “Fuck me, Dani,” he growled, gritting the words out.
“That’s the plan.” She began a rhythm he had no problem recognizing.
“Damn, I’m sorry,” he said when his seed shot out like machine-gun fire. Embarrassed and unable to bear the disappointment he knew he would see in her eyes, he pulled her against him so her face was buried in his neck. “I’m sorry.”
She pushed away and sat up, still straddling him. Her smile was soft and sweet. “This time was all for you, babe. After you’re rested up, I expect reciprocation.”
He liked her calling him babe. Cupping her face with his hands, he leaned forward and kissed her. “Thank you.”
“Better than your hand?” she asked after snuggling against his chest.
Jesus, was she kidding? Logan trailed his fingers through her hair. “Yes. Good God, yes. It was amazing, better than my fantasies. It was . . .” He tried to think of a word to describe the feeling but didn’t think such a word existed. “Powerful,” he finally said.
“It is that.”
Still nestled inside her, he stroked his hand down her back to her bottom. He was still semihard, and when he slid a finger along the crevasse of her ass, she shuddered and began to move. He was instantly full-blown hard again. She lifted up and he moved his hand to the front and found her clit.
“Yes, like that,” she said when he rubbed it in a circular motion with his thumb.
The rhythm of their dance began again, and her breathing grew heavy. As did his. The sky opened and rain poured down on them, but it didn’t seem she cared any more than he did. Water trickled down her skin. Unable to resist, he leaned forward and licked the droplets from her breasts. Suddenly her muscles clenched around him and she leaned her head back, closing her eyes.
“Oh God. Now, Logan. Now.”
He put his hands around her waist and thrust hard into her, watching her face as she came, imprinting it in his mind. The pressure built in his cock again and he climaxed with her.
“Jesus,” he rasped. “Jesus, Dani.”
She fell against him and he felt the pounding of her heart. Or maybe it was his. When they’d recovered their breath, he stood, wrapped her legs around his waist, and turned to carry her inside. He glanced at the table. “Hell.”
“What?”
“The condom. I forgot it.” Had pretty much forgotten his name.
“It’s all right,” she said, and nuzzled his neck. “The reason I had you take me to my doctor before we left was to get an IUD fitted, and I don’t think we have to worry about diseases. I’ve not been with anyone since Evan died.”
That information was music to his heart. “So you were already planning to seduce me?” he teased.
“I admit I had high hopes, and I don’t trust condoms, though I would’ve made sure you wore one if I hadn’t learned tonight would be your first time.” She gave him a mischievous grin. “Wanna do it again?”
“Now there’s a stupid question. What do you think?”
He walked them inside and straight into the bathroom. Lowering her down, he reached into the shower and turned the water on. Another first was about to happen. He’d never bathed with a woman before.
“Your bathroom is fantastic. Two of mine would fit in here,” she said, looking around. “What’s that?” She walked to the decorative shelves filled with mementos of his travels.
Logan watched her pick up the frame. Crushed between two pieces of glass was the rose she’d given him before his last deployment. Would she remember? She had met them at the base with two roses, a red one for Evan and a yellow one for him.
“In the time period I write about, the colors had meaning. Yellow is for friendship,” she’d said, and handed it to him, following the gesture up with a sisterly hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Keep Evan safe for me,” she’d whispered.
He had held his yellow rose of friendship, standing awkwardly by when she told Evan that red signified love before throwing herself in his arms. That night he’d pressed the flower between the pages of a book and carried it to Afghanistan and back.
Maybe if she’d given her husband the yellow one and whispered in his ear, it would have been Evan who returned to her. Logan wished to God it had been so, because he loved both of them with every fiber of his being and every beat of his sorry heart.
What would Evan say about her standing naked in Logan’s bathroom after being thoroughly fuck
ed by his best friend? Because she was magnificent, every single part of her, and she’d never been meant for the likes of him.
The guilt he thought he’d banished returned with the force of a desert storm. What right did he have to love Evan’s wife? He turned off the shower and walked out of the room, through his bedroom, and onto the deck. A hard rain battered him and he welcomed the beating. It was no less than he deserved.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Dani stared at the space where Logan had stood only seconds before. What had just happened? Jeez, he was one moody, difficult man. She looked at the rose in the picture frame. Was it the one she’d given him? If so, why had he saved it, and why had it upset him that she’d seen it?
She remembered the first flowers a boy had given her. Thinking herself in love, she’d wanted to save the corsage forever and had pressed it between the pages of a book. Where it was now, she didn’t know. Chad Mitchell, as it turned out, wasn’t her forever love.
Had Logan thought he loved her back then? If so, the guilt of being in love with his best friend’s wife would have been a heavy burden for a man striving to be noble. Then, when he didn’t bring that man safely home . . . She gave her head a little shake. That was without even touching on his belief he was defective because his mother’s blood streamed through his veins.
What did all this mean for her? She might be figuring him out, but she was more confused than ever as to what she wanted from him. Why did she keep falling for these alpha males who thrived on danger? Why not a nice man whose closest brush with death was driving his car to and from his nine-to-five office job?
She set the picture frame back on the shelf, wrapped a towel around her, and then went in search of the man who kept breaking her heart. Walking through the dark bedroom and not seeing him, she stepped up to the French doors and looked out.
Logan stood at the railing, wearing not a stitch of clothing, staring into the night. She imagined she was one of the privileged few to see a Greek god in person, and a naked one at that—and what a fine ass her hero had. She dropped the towel, walked out into the rain, and stood next to him.
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