“You mean like the guy at the studio the other day.”
“Money Train, yeah, like him. His pockets are really deep. You know he hit the lotto a few years back and now he spends all his money on me.”
“So you’re telling me nothing happened between you and Tyrece.”
“We’re just good friends,” she confesses too easily.
“Still,” I say, not buying it.
“Yeah, still. All that other stuff was for publicity. We both had CDs to sell and promote. Controversy is the best marketing tool. So, none of that was anything. It’s just a lot of noise to sell CDs. I’m surprised Jade didn’t get that. But you’ll understand all this better once you’re in the business longer. It’s all about the show,” she tells me.
“I don’t have to worry about that. I’m not gonna be in the business much longer.”
“Why is that?” she asks.
“I’m only doing it because I need money fast,” I say.
“Are you pregnant?”
“No,” I say indignantly.
“Well, this is what I do and what I always wanted to do. I dropped out of high school,” she says proudly. “You know you basically learn everything you need to know already. But you should really consider being a professional dancer. You could be good at it. Of course, you can’t dance and go to school. It’s the dedication of the craft. You need to do this full-time and quit school.”
“I’m not quitting school.”
“Then you’re not serious about your future. Opportunities like dancing in my video don’t come around every day. You need to recognize and appreciate what I’m doing for you. You all do.” She shakes her head. “I have to get new dancers every video because nobody gets this. And when I go on tour I practically have to get new dancers in every city. Nobody takes this seriously.”
I can hear the arrogance in her voice. It sounds like the old Taj, the skank, is back. “I dance because I like to and because I can and I’m good at it. Right now I need the money to help pay some bills, that’s all.”
“How much are the bills?”
“Way too much,” I say.
“I know what that’s like. Listen, don’t worry, I got your back on this.”
“Thanks. I didn’t tell anybody I was doing this so…”
“You didn’t even tell Terrence about doing my video?” she questions and smiles.
“No. Nobody knows.”
“What would he say?”
“Nothing he can say. I’m just doing this for the money and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say anything to anybody.”
“I told you, I got your back. So anyway, I gotta go now. You get back to dancing. I’ll see you next week.”
“Okay, see ya,” I say, then stand and watch her leave.
I go back on stage, but I don’t dance. I’m through. I lock the sound system and grab my stuff to leave. I’m thinking, maybe Taj the skank isn’t as bad as they say, after all. She’s got my back. I turn off the lights, then take the key back to the office. I get the papers I’m supposed to fill out, then get my work schedule and leave. I glance down the hall and see Taj is still here and she’s not alone. She’s talking to Terrence. My heart jumps. She has her hand on his arm, pulling him close. She’s smiling up in his face and he’s smiling back at her.
I’m just standing here watching this. A few minutes later they go outside. I follow. I stand on the steps and see him walking her to a car. He opens the door and she gives him a hug, then gets in. He bends down and they talk some more. I turn around and go home. I’ve seen enough.
As soon as I get home and go up to my bedroom I hear the doorbell ring. I just let it. I know who it is—Terrence. I don’t want to deal with him right now.
Nineteen
Too Little. Too Late.
kenishi_wa K Lewis
How long to realize that when you ignore someone all their life, trying to take control all of a sudden just ain’t gonna happen. Get it?
6 May * Like * Comment * Share
okay, I’m not in the greatest mood right now and sitting here looking at this mess called food is making it worse. So dinner at my dad’s house is exactly as I expect—a huge waste of time. For real, I’m not even gonna get into what Courtney cooked mainly because I have no idea what the hell it is.
It’s ground beef something and I think it’s supposed to be Italian, but after that, who knows. It’s red, but not like a spaghetti sauce or marinara sauce—it’s like dark bloodred, almost burgundy. I don’t eat it. The boys don’t eat it and my dad doesn’t eat it. So it just sits there as Courtney feeds the baby. She’s eating strained peas and squash and everybody’s drooling over the baby’s food. Of course Courtney’s pissed. She’s been grumbling for the past twenty minutes.
“Kenisha, why don’t you take some more food?” my dad says.
I scrunch up my nose. Right now I have the top part of burned rolls and tart lemonade. “No way?”
“Yes,” he says, “just put some on your plate.”
I look at the mess sitting in the middle of the table in front of me. It would almost be comical if it wasn’t so damn disgusting. “I’m not hungry.”
“Me, either,” Jr. says.
“Me, either, too,” Jason adds.
“Come on, you’ve always liked spaghetti, right?”
“It’s not spaghetti. It’s lasagna,” Courtney says abruptly, obviously insulted. “Can’t you tell the difference?”
“Apparently you can’t. There’s no way that’s supposed to be lasagna.” I start chuckling. “How did you get the ricotta cheese to turn burgundy?” The boys start laughing, too.
“I don’t need this shit,” Courtney says, slamming her glass of wine down and breaking the stem. It spills over and she gets up and storms into the kitchen. My dad follows.
“Thank God,” I mutter, and stand to leave.
“Thank God,” Jr. repeats.
“Yeah, thank God,” Jason adds.
An argument starts in the kitchen. “Come on, guys,” I say to my brothers, “let’s watch some television.” The boys follow me to the family room. I pop in a DVD and we sit down to watch. A few minutes later Jr. gets up and Jason follows. They go to the front window and look out. Seconds later they come back to the family room dancing and singing excitedly.
“Jade is here. Jade is here…” they repeat over and over again while running through the house to the kitchen. I get up and go to the front door. They’re right. I see my sister’s car parked out front. She gets out and walks toward the house. I’m so glad to see her. “Hey, what are you doing here?” I ask, hugging her and then ushering her inside.
“Your dad asked me to come.”
“I hope not for dinner,” I joke.
“No,” Dad says.
We turn around. My dad is walking toward us. Courtney is right behind him. “Thanks for coming, Jade. Come, we need to talk.” He heads to his office. “You, too, Kenisha.”
We get to the office and go inside. Courtney follows just as my dad is closing the door. “Wait,” she says.
“Courtney, I need to speak with Kenisha and Jade alone.”
“About what?” she demands.
“This doesn’t concern you,” he says. She looks at us. Of course I’m smiling.
“If it’s in my house, then it concerns me,” she says.
“Please, Courtney, it’s about their mother.” I stop smiling. He closes the door and tells us to have a seat. We sit down on the sofa and wait.
“What about Mom?” I immediately ask.
“Okay, I know you’ve been asking questions about your mother—what was going on with her. Your grandmother and I talked. We think it’s best if you know the truth. I asked her to
allow me to tell you.”
“Was she sick?” Jade asks, getting right to the point.
He looks at her and nods. “Yes. She was very sick.”
“What was it?” I ask him, almost scared to hear his answer.
“Barbara had a virus of the heart.”
“A virus of the heart,” Jade repeats.
“What does that mean?” I ask.
“She had a very serious viral infection called cardiomyopathy. It went undetected for a long time, so we don’t know how long she had the disease. By the time we found out what was wrong it was too late. Ultimately she needed a heart transplant.”
Jade and I go silent for a long time. We’re just staring into space. How do you process something like this? I’m not sure I can wrap my head around it.
“How did she get it?” Jade asks quietly.
“We don’t know.”
“Maybe it’s genetic… We could have it, too,” I say.
“No, no, God, no,” he says almost painfully. “That was the first thing she said she found out. You’re both fine. Trust me.”
“And Grandmom?”
He nods. “She’s fine, too.”
“You said she needed a transplant. Was she on a donor list or something like that?”
“Yes, she was, but her tissue type was difficult to match. Believe me. Everything that could have been done was done.”
“Why didn’t she talk to us about it? Tell us?” Jade asks.
“She never wanted you to worry about her. All she ever thought about was you girls. She wanted to protect you.”
“Was she in the hospital?” I ask.
“Yes.”
“That’s why all the hospital bills,” Jade says to me.
“What hospital bills?” my dad asks.
“They’re at Grandmom’s house. I saw three of them and they’re really expensive. There’s no way Grandmom can pay them.”
“The bills should have never gone to your grandmother.”
“Kenisha and I are selling some of the furniture from before. I already checked with a few consignment shops and showed them photos. They’re very interested. But it won’t be enough.”
“I’m gonna be making good money from dancing,” I say.
“There’s no way working at Freeman can make a dent in what we have to pay,” Jade says.
My dad smiles. “No, your paycheck is yours, Kenisha.”
“That’s not what I mean,” I say, and then all of a sudden the office door opens and Courtney comes in. She has Jr. and Jason by the hand and the baby in the carrier. She stands in the center of the room glaring at my dad. “Y’all go ahead to your father. He’s taking care of you tonight.”
“Not now, Courtney,” my dad says.
“Can we watch television again?” Jr. asks his mom.
“Go to your dad. Mom’s going out with her friends—the ones he hasn’t already slept with.”
“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about and you need to chill on that bullshit in front of my kids.”
“What are you talking about? I know for a fact you slept with Yolanda, Angel, Brandy, Olivia and Monique. They told me.”
“They lie. I don’t even know those women.”
“Can we watch television again, please?” Jr. asks again.
“Well, they know you,” she insists.
“You need to stay here with the kids because I’ll be leaving in a few. I need to go to work tonight,” my dad says.
“Oh, hell, no. You don’t work on Sundays,” Courtney responds quickly.
“I make the money in this house every day.”
“Uh-uh, no, not this time. It’s my turn. I’m going out this time. I’m sick and tired of you leaving me here with the kids while you hang out all night with your whores and skanks.”
That’s when the argument really begins. She starts yelling and he starts yelling.
“Can we watch television again, please?” Jr. asks again.
“Please,” Jason adds.
“Sure, go ahead,” I say. They immediately run out of the office.
So apparently that’s the end of the conversation. Jade and I don’t stay long after that. The baby’s asleep and we take the boys into the family room to watch their television show. The argument calms down to rolling eyes and mean looks. Jade and I leave.
We talk about what my dad told us just about all the way home. I even look the word up on Google with my cell phone while she drives. Again we lapse into silence. As we get closer to the house Jade chuckles. I look over at her. She laughs.
“What’s funny,” I ask.
“Oh, my God, seriously, do they do that a lot?” Jade asks.
I get it. “Oh, hell, yeah, all the time,” I say.
“They need some serious anger management counseling.”
I shake my head. “They need a lot more than that.”
We keep laughing as she drives. Then Jade all of a sudden changes the subject when she stops at a traffic light. “So what you said back there in your dad’s office—what did you mean about making good money?”
“Nothing,” I lie evasively.
“Come on, tell me.”
“It was nothing.”
“Kenisha, I can see it in your face. Something’s going on. Tell me. What is it?” The light changes, but she’s still looking at me. The driver behind her hits his horn and she drives off.
“Nothing,” I repeat.
“You might as well tell me ’cause you know I’m gonna find out. And if you’re doing what I think you are, then you need to stop it now.”
Jade does this psychology thing on people sometimes. It’s the same thing our mom used to do before I figured it out. See, she says this open statement and this is the part where you start wondering if she already knows what’s going on. Then you start talking and tell her everything. But I know that game and I’m not playing. She’s right. She’ll find out what’s up, but only after I have the money in my hand.
Since I don’t respond how she wants she drops the subject, then pulls up in front of the house. “Kenisha, I can’t stop you from doing what you’re doing. I can only warn you.”
“What do you mean? Warn me about what?”
“You asked me before about what happened between Tyrece and Taj and about getting the money from him to pay the hospital bills, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember,” I say.
“The reason is that he doesn’t have the money.”
“What? But he’s rich.”
“Very few people know this, but Ty’s broke. He sank everything he had into his production company. Now it’s gone.”
“How? What happened?”
“Taj was underage when he signed her. After her first CD she got a better offer from another company and wanted to take it, but she was tied to Ty’s company for seven more years. To get out of the contract she threatened Ty with a sexual assault and statutory rape charge. He let her out. Taj left the company and it went bankrupt. What’s left the IRS is taking.”
“I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”
“He’s okay. He’s working hard to get back on top. But know that Taj can’t be trusted. She’s too focused on getting to the top any way she can and if that means screwing people, she will.”
“Jade, I got this,” I say assuredly.
She nods. “Okay, if you say so.”
I nod. “I’ll talk to you later.” I get out of the car and hurry in the house as she drives off back to school. I reset the alarm, grab some water and a sandwich, ’cause I’m starved after dinner at my dad’s, then head upstairs. My grandmother is home, but she’s asleep in her chair with the television on. I
don’t want to disturb her, so I just go up to my room.
I chill and lay low the rest of the weekend. I keep thinking about what my dad told us. My mom was in so much pain and never said a word to us. I feel so bad now. My grandmother wants to talk, but I can’t. I still need to understand, so she lets me have my space.
Jalisa and Diamond call, but I don’t say much. Terrence calls, but I don’t pick up. I don’t feel like being bothered right now. I need to do what I need to do. Nobody understands, so I just do me.
Monday morning everything is back to normal or just about. It’s spring break, so I get to chill all week. I don’t go on my run because it’s raining hard outside. It’s the perfect day to stay in bed late, so I do. I know my grandmother is at her volunteer job and Jade’s at school, so I have the whole house to myself. I grab something to eat around noon, then go back up to my bedroom and chill some more.
I do the same thing the next two days. But on Wednesday afternoon everything changes. I get a text message from Taj. She’s back in town. She wants to do a rehearsal tomorrow since the video shoot has been moved up to this weekend. Okay, that’s perfect for me ’cause I had no idea how I was gonna skip out on school for two days next week. She also mentions more changes and she has a surprise for me. This ought to be good.
Twenty
All Alone Between a Rock and a Hard Place
LiveJournal Homepage Spotlight: May 10, 2012
kenishi_wa K Lewis
Fate has a way of jumping up and pushing you down when you least expect it. Well, here it is again.
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it’s Thursday morning. I get up early because I’m excited. I really wish my girls could be with me for this, but I’ll tell them everything as soon as it’s over. I know they’ll be happy for me once they know why I’m doing this. So I shower, get dressed, grab my dance bag and then head down the back stairs to the kitchen. I want to get to the studio early to maybe run through the routine before everyone gets there. I grab a bottle of water and leave a note on the refrigerator door about studying at the library all day.
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