Sean Rosen Is Not for Sale

by Jeff Baron

  ME: Are you gonna tell people?

  HANK: No way.

  ME: Did you tell my parents?

  HANK: About Dan Welch? No.

  I looked over at my parents eating.

  ME: Are they mad at me?

  HANK: I don’t know. I don’t know them. I like them.

  ME: Yeah. Me too. Exactly what did you tell them?

  HANK: That you emailed my office and tried to sell me some ideas.

  ME: That doesn’t sound so bad.

  HANK: Oh, you like my pitch? Coming from you, that’s a great compliment.

  ME: You never got back to us about Electro-Pup.

  HANK: To “us”. You’re funny. I love that Dan Welch only gave me a week. (looks at his watch) I’m not too late, am I?

  ME: What do you think of it?

  HANK: Electro-Pup? It could be very good.

  ME: I know.

  HANK: Or it could be very stupid. Having done this for 30 years, I can tell you that the odds are it will be stupid.

  ME: But in those 30 years, you never worked with me.

  HANK: Sean . . . Sean. I was you. Not quite you, but a version of you. I rented out my comic books to other kids. I organized my neighborhood and put on shows in my backyard. I got things published in magazines. I bought my own movie camera when I was 14. I always knew I wanted to do this. And I knew I wanted to do it in a big way. I also grew up way outside of Hollywood. (he laughed) If I ever tried calling the head of a studio when I was your age, my parents would have seen Los Angeles on their phone bill, and I would have been busted. It’s a new world. We’re clueless about what our kids are doing on their computers.

  ME: How about my big idea?

  HANK: No. Don’t say a word about it.

  ME: I know why.

  HANK: Why?

  ME: Because you don’t want to pay me for it. You want to figure it out and get it for free.

  HANK: Is that what you think?

  ME: Yes. Why else would you send all those spies? Who was that girl at my school?

  HANK: An actress. She’s starring in one of our series next season. She’s 23. Did you see her? Beautiful girl.

  ME: I heard.

  HANK: You thought I was trying to steal your big idea?

  ME: Yeah.

  HANK: Just for the record . . . You do, in fact, have a big idea?

  ME: Yes! If you just answered that first email . . .

  HANK: You would have no way of knowing this, but Sean . . . I couldn’t even show that email to our lawyers. They would kill me . . . I’ll repeat that . . . KILL me, if they knew I was talking to you right now.

  ME: Why?

  HANK: You are a lawsuit waiting to happen.

  ME: What do you mean?

  HANK: Some 13-year-old writes to the Chairman of a multi-billion dollar, multinational, publicly traded corporation, saying he has an idea that will revolutionize the entertainment business.

  ME: And . . . ?

  HANK: So say you tell me this idea of yours. DON’T! And we decide that for whatever reason, it’s a bad idea.

  ME: It isn’t, though.

  HANK: Okay, let’s say it’s a good idea, but we decide, for whatever reason, that we’re not gonna use it. Then, for the rest of your life—let’s say another 80 years—we live in fear that in the process of doing what we do—you know, entertaining the world—we’ll come up with something great, and suddenly Sean Rosen will pop up and sue us, saying, “That was my idea!” And because I let a seventh grader tell me his idea—which I didn’t. DON’T!—I’m gonna lose that lawsuit, or at the very least, spend a gajillion of my company’s dollars defending that lawsuit and/or paying a gigantic settlement to you and Dan Welch and your imaginary law firm. You don’t have a lawyer, do you?

  ME: I tried to get one, but no.

  HANK: I knew it. You do your own legal work, too. Anyway Sean, that’s why I’m here. I had to meet you. If anyone asks me, I never met you. I’m dying to know your idea—DON’T TELL ME!—but I can’t. Sorry.

  Now all I want to do is tell him my idea. It would only take a minute. But I won’t.

  ME: Are you saying I can never work with a big company on this idea?

  HANK: If you were already working with a company, maybe.

  ME: Like on Electro-Pup.

  He looked at me and smiled and shook his head.

  HANK: Okay, Sean. Your parents probably want to get home. Here’s what I’ll do. I’ll tell our TV comedy development people to try to make a deal with you on Electro-Pup. I’ll leave that to them and Dan Welch. I don’t know if they’ll be able to, because it sounds like your Mr. Welch is a tough negotiator.

  ME: What about you?

  HANK: What about me?

  ME: You’re supposed to be a shark. The shark that scares all the other sharks.

  HANK: Yeah?

  ME: No offense, but you don’t seem that scary.

  HANK: Not now. Not here at Kountry Kitchen. Not at the meeting no one’s ever gonna hear about.

  ME: Okay.

  HANK: Back to business. You or your representative will negotiate with my people, but here are the rules: Your parents will have to know about it. They’ll have to read the contract and sign the contract. If we make a deal, you have to keep going to school. We’ll work around your schedule. Got all that?

  ME: Yeah.

  HANK: And remember . . . it’s work. Even if you’re really good, it takes time. You’re going to keep having new ideas because that’s who you are, but you have to pick one at a time and work on it. Because if you don’t finish things, you’re just another guy with ideas. To succeed in this business, you have to bring an idea to life. Show it to an audience. Have the audience like it so much they want more. They hardly ever do. The only reason I’m sitting here is your podcasts. You had an idea, and you made it happen. You have a style. You did it well, and you did it more than once. You originated something and you saw it through. Your parents told me that they’re not involved at all. You do it all yourself.

  ME: My friend Ethan started helping me.

  HANK: Good. You’re learning how to collaborate. I’m leaving.

  ME: You really don’t want me to tell you the big idea?

  HANK: I really don’t. And I really do. Good-bye.

  He shook my hand. He stopped at the cash register, gave the person a fifty dollar bill, said good-bye to my mom and dad, and left. I sat there for a second and finished my pie. My parents came over to my table and sat down.

  ME: Are you mad at me?

  They looked at each other.

  DAD: (to Mom) You want to go first?

  MOM: Am I mad? No.

  DAD: I’m not mad.

  MOM: But I don’t think we know everything. Do we?

  ME: No.

  DAD: Do we want to know everything?

  ME: Probably not.

  MOM: Was this all about that movie you’re writing?

  DAD: The one you told my mother about, but not me?

  MOM: Or me.

  ME: No. This was another idea. Well, two other ideas.

  DAD: You kill me. Get in the car.

  ME: Are we going home?

  MOM: We’re going home. You’re going back to your seventh-grade trip.

  ME: No.

  MOM: Yes. It’s only one night. Why? Did you have a terrible time today?

  ME: Actually . . . no. It was kind of fun.

  MOM: See? This is you, Sean. This is how you are with new things. You’re afraid you’re not going to like it, and at first you don’t, because it’s new, but then when you give it a chance, you end up liking it.

  DAD: You avoid new things, but you write to the head of ___________. And he actually shows up. You kill me.

  MOM: We know you like to have your own projects. And this can keep being your own project. But you have to promise to come to us if you’re in trouble.

  ME: Define trouble.

  DAD: Use your judgment, Seany. We trust you. Make us want to keep trusting you.


  Chapter 43

  I got back to camp just in time for milk and cookies at the mess hall before bed. Everyone asked me what happened. I said, “I can’t really talk about it. But everything’s okay.”

  Ethan walked back to the cabin with me.

  “Is everything really okay?”

  “Yeah. It’s great, actually.”

  “Good.”

  And that was it. No more questions.

  I got in the sleeping bag. So much just happened, and I wanted to go over it in my head for a little while, but one second I was lying there thinking what a relief it is that my parents finally know what I’m doing (more or less), and the next thing I knew it was morning. Breakfast was the best meal yet. I’m glad I came to Pine Tree Wilderness Retreat, and I’m glad I stayed.

  On the bus ride home, I told Ethan my big idea. It sounds like it might be a long time before I’ll be able to tell Hank Hollywood or any other big company. I never told anyone, and part of me was worried that after all this, when I finally did tell someone, they would laugh at me and explain in ten seconds why it will never work.

  Ethan thinks it’ll work.

  When I got home, I went to Dan Welch’s email account. This was in the inbox.

  To: Dan Welch Management

  From: Dan Welch

  Hey Juice,

  Anyone ever call you that? I got a couple buddies who do. You know, like Welch grape juice.

  Hey, heres the person that wrote that email.

  ashley.________@_________.com

  I know. I shoulda told you before. I like u and Sean both, and I guess i just wanted to be in bizness with you guys. This felt like my 1 and only chance. Sorry.

  If you see a collectible on the site that you like thats under 30$ let me know and its yours. For free I mean. Tell Sean that too. Its my way of opologizing. You just pay the shipping.

  Im not always a jerk, i swear.

  DW

  I’m glad he sent us that, even though we already have Ashley’s email address. I understand why Collectibles did what he did. Like Hank Hollywood said, someone in show business wanting you (even if it’s the wrong you) is pretty exciting.

  My Dan Welch got to work.

  To: Stefanie V. President

  From: Dan Welch Management

  Dear Stefanie,

  I brought your very generous offer to Sean, and as usual, he said, “Stefanie is the best.” My client has finally made a decision. He’s not going to sell the idea. He’s going to finish writing the screenplay.

  I know. We’re back to where we were a few months ago. When Sean finishes A Week with Your Grandparents, which I hope will be soon, I promise you will get to look at it first. As you said, you were the first one to push your button, and you never stopped believing in the idea. We hope you’ll believe in the screenplay, too.

  Sean and I like you and respect you, and we’re both really sorry if we wasted your time. As you know, Sean is new to the business, and he’s just learning.

  I hope to send you his screenplay very soon.

  Best,

  Dan Welch

  He sent the same kind of email to Ashley, though he didn’t promise her she could see the screenplay first, too. He thought about it, but he didn’t do it.

  Okay, I’m closing out of Dan Welch’s email account. I’m closing out of the internet. I’m opening up the screenplay and getting to work.

  Acknowledgments

  I have a lot of people to thank: my panel of experts, Jeremy, Jordana, Chiara, Aurora, Melinda, Savannah, and especially Simon and Will; Christoph Niemann and Paul Zakris for the look of the book; Edgar McIntosh, Cameron Brindise, Jean Mancuso, Trish Soto, and the English department, PTA, and students of Ardsley Middle School; Bennett Ashley, Paul Lucas, and Stephanie Koven at Janklow & Nesbit; Tim Smith, Patty Rosati, Tu Anh Dinh, and the entire team at Greenwillow/HarperCollins, with extra-special thanks to Virginia Duncan, my great editor and publisher; my grown-up advisors and supporters, especially Jody Abzug, Rikki Abzug, Margery Davis, Denise DiPaolo, Maggie Gordon, Ruth Kaplan, Louise Kramer, John Levy, Lisa & Tony Manne, Tracey Moloney, Barbara Moon, Marcia Nasatir, Merrill Rose, Bobbie Sampson, Leslye Schaefer, Donna & Steven Schragis, Amy Schraub, Beth Merrifield Vance, Victoria Westhead, and Ken & Jackie Winston. I’ll always be grateful to Julie Just, and, for their constant caring counsel, Lisa Baron, Karen Levinson, Kerry McCluggage, and Gary Carlisle.

  About the Authors

  Jeff Baron wrote for prime-time series on all of the major TV networks plus multiple projects for Nickelodeon. His award-winning plays have been produced in forty-three countries. He lives in New York City.

  Sean Rosen has produced many videos, which can be seen on his YouTube channel and at www.seanrosen.com. Sean doesn’t want you to know where he lives. You’ll know why when you read the book.

  Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins authors and artists.

  Credits

  Cover art © 2014 by Christoph Niemann

  Cover photograph © iStockphoto.com/izusek

  Cover design by Paul Zakris

  Copyright

  This book is a work of fiction. References to real people, events, establishments, organizations, or locales are intended only to provide a sense of authenticity, and are used to advance the fictional narrative. All other characters, and all incidents and dialogue, are drawn from the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real.

  SEAN ROSEN IS NOT FOR SALE

  Copyright © 2014 by Jeff Baron

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins ebooks.

  www.harpercollinschildrens.com

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Baron, Jeff, (date)

  Sean Rosen is not for sale/Jeff Baron.

  “Greenwillow Books.”

  pages cm

  Sequel to: I represent Sean Rosen.

  Summary: Thirteen-year-old Sean continues to work on his screenplay while juggling seventh grade, track practice, a dog-walking job, recording his podcasts, and trying to keep his movie idea a secret from his parents and a spy sent by a Hollywood movie studio.

  ISBN 978-0-06-218750-5 (hardback)

  [1. Motion picture industry—Fiction. 2. Middle schools—Fiction. 3. Schools—Fiction. 4. Private investigators—Fiction. 5. Jews—United States—Fiction. 6. Humorous stories.] I. Title.

  PZ7.B26889Sed 2014

  [Fic]—dc23 2013045849

  EPub Edition © FEBRUARY 2014 ISBN: 9780062187529

  13 14 15 16 17 18 CG/RRDH 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  FIRST EDITION

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