Mother in Training

by Marie Ferrarella

  “You’ll pay me to watch your kids?”

  “It’s a little more complex than that, but yes.”

  Zooey looked at him guilelessly. “Sure.”

  He really hadn’t expected such a quick response from her. All the women he’d previously interviewed for the job had told him they would have to think about it when he made an offer. And they’d wanted to know what benefits would be coming to them. Zooey seemed to be the last word in spontaneity. Patricia would have loved her.

  “You don’t want to think about it?”

  Zooey waved her hand dismissively. “Thinking only clutters things up.” And then she hesitated slightly. “One thing, though.”

  Conditions. She was going to cite conditions, he thought. Jack braced himself. “Yes?”

  A slight flush entered her cheeks. She looked at him uncomfortably. “Could you give me an advance on my salary?” He gazed at her quizzically, compelling her to explain the reason behind the request. “I sort of owe a couple of months back rent and the landlord is threatening me with eviction.”

  From out of nowhere, another impulsive thought came to Jack. He supposed that once the gates were unlocked, it seemed easier for the next idea to make its way through.

  He refrained from asking her the important question outright, preferring to build up to it. “Do you like where you live?”

  The elevator had reached the fourth level. Zooey got out behind Jack and Emily. A sea of cars were parked here.

  Like was the wrong word, she thought, reflecting on his question. She didn’t like the apartment, she made do with it. Because she had to.

  “It’s all I can afford right now,” she admitted. “More than I can afford,” she corrected, thinking of the amount she was in arrears. A whimsical smile played on her lips as she added, “But that’ll change.”

  Did she have a plan, or was that just one of those optimistic, throwaway lines he knew even now she was prone to? “It can change right now if you’d like.”

  Zooey’s smile faded just a tad as she looked at him. A tiny bit of wariness appeared. She was not a suspicious person by nature—far from it. For the most part, she was willing to take things at face value and roll with the punches.

  But she was also not reckless, no matter what her father had accused her of that last day when they’d had their big argument, just before she’d taken her things and walked out, severing family ties as cavalierly as if they were fashioned out of paper ribbons.

  “How?” she asked now.

  “You can move in with me. With us,” Jack quickly corrected, in case she was getting the wrong idea. “As a nanny.” He moved Emily forward to underscore his meaning. “There’s a guest room downstairs with its own bath and sitting area. From what you mentioned, it’s larger than your apartment.”

  She rolled his words over in her head. It wasn’t that she minded jumping into things. She just minded jumping into the wrong things.

  But this didn’t have that feel to it.

  Zooey inclined her head. “That way I could be on call twenty-four–seven.”

  “Yes.” And then he realized that might be the deal breaker. “No.” He shook his head. “I didn’t mean—”

  Zooey couldn’t help the grin that rose to her lips. Here he was, a high-priced criminal lawyer, actually tripping over his tongue. Probably a whole new experience for him.

  He looked rather sweet when he was flustered, she thought.

  She was quick to put him out of his misery. “That’s all right, Jack. I don’t mind being on call twenty-four–seven. That makes me more like part of the family instead of the hired help.”

  Jack wasn’t all that sure he wanted to convey that kind of message to Zooey. Right now, he had all the family he could handle. More, really, he thought, glancing at the deceptively peaceful-looking boy she held in her arms.

  But as Jack opened his mouth to correct the mistaken impression, something cautioned him not to say anything that might put her off. He was, after all, in a rather desperate situation, and he wanted this young woman—the woman his children had taken to like catnip—to accept the job he was offering her. At least temporarily.

  If things wound up not working out, at the very least he was buying himself some time to find another suitable candidate for the job. And if things did work out, well, so much the better. There was little he hated more than having to sit there, interviewing a parade of nannies and trying to ascertain whether or not they were dependable. So far, every one he’d hired had turned out to be all wrong for his children. Neither Emily nor Jackie ever liked who he wound up picking.

  This was the first time they had approved.

  And he had a gut feeling about Zooey. He had no idea why, but he did. She was the right one for the job.

  Emily was becoming impatient, tugging on his hand. He pretended not to notice. His attention was focused on Zooey. “So does that mean you’ll take the job?”

  She wasn’t attempting to play coy, she just wanted him to know the facts. “Seems like neither one of us has much choice in the matter right now, Jack. You’ve got your back against the wall and so do I.”

  She smiled down at Emily. The little girl seemed to be hanging on every word. In a way, Emily reminded Zooey of herself at that age. As the oldest, she’d been privy to her parents’ adult world in a way none of her siblings ever had. There was no doubt in her mind that Emily understood what was going on to a far greater extent than her father thought she did.

  Zooey winked at the little girl before looking up at Jack. “Lucky for both of us I enjoy kids.”

  As a rule, Jack liked having all his i’s dotted and his t’s crossed. She still hadn’t actually given him an answer. “Then you’ll take the job?”

  He was a little anal, she thought. But that was all right. As a father, he was entitled to be, she supposed. “Yes, I’ll take it.” And then she looked at him, a whimsical smile playing on her lips. “By the way, how much does the job pay?”

  She was being cavalier, he thought. Her attitude about money might have been why she’d found herself in financial straits to begin with. He was annoyed with himself for not having told her the amount right up front. He told her now, then added, “According to the last nanny, that’s not nearly enough.”

  Zooey did a quick calculation in her head, coming up with the per hour salary. She had always had a gift for math, which was why her father had been so certain that getting an MBA was what she was meant to do. Zooey liked numbers, but had no desire to do anything with them. The love affair ended right where it began, at the starting gate.

  Jack was going to be paying her more than twice what she’d gotten at her highest-paying job so far. She wondered if that was the going rate, or just a sign of his desperation.

  “That should have been your first clue,” she told him glibly.

  He didn’t quite follow her. “Clue?”

  “That the woman was all wrong for the job.” Still holding the sleeping Jackie, she ran a hand over Emily’s hair. Zooey was rewarded with sheer love shining in the girl’s eyes. “Nobody takes this kind of job to get rich,” she informed him, “even at the rates you’re paying. They do it because they love kids. Or at least, they should.”

  Reaching his car, Jack dug into his pocket for his keys. Once he had unlocked the vehicle, Zooey placed the sleeping boy in his arms.

  This time, Jackie began to wake up, much to his father’s distress. The ride to his Upstate New York home wasn’t long, but a fussing child could make it seem endless.

  “You’re leaving?” Even as he asked her, he was hoping she’d say no.

  But she nodded. When she saw the distress intensify, she told him, “Well, I do have to get my things from my place.”

  But Jack wasn’t willing to give up so easily. “Why don’t you come home with us tonight, and then I’ll help you officially move out on the weekend?”

  Zooey raised her auburn eyebrows and grinned. “What’s the matter, Jack, afraid I won’t come back?”


  “No,” he told her adamantly. And then, remembering her comment about the truth, admitted, “Well, maybe just a little.” Once the words were out, he was surprised by his own admission. “You know, what with time to think and all.”

  “You don’t have anything to worry about,” she assured him. “This is the best offer I’ve had since I left college.”

  He noticed that she’d said “left” rather than “graduated.” He wondered if lack of funds had been responsible for her not getting a degree. If she worked out, he might be tempted to help her complete her education, he decided. That would definitely get her to remain.

  “Give me your home address, Jack. And your home phone number,” Zooey added. “Just in case I get lost.” Her eyelid fluttered in a quick wink. “I’ll be at your house bright and early tomorrow morning, I promise. By the way, when is bright and early for you?”

  “Six-thirty.”

  “Ouch.” At that hour, she’d be more early than bright, she thought. “Okay, six-thirty it is.”

  Setting Jackie in his car seat, Jack wrote out his address and number. Reluctantly. Wondering, as he gave her the piece of paper and a check for the advance she’d asked for earlier, if he was ever going to see her again.

  Chapter Three

  October

  Zooey could still remember, months later and comfortably absorbed into the general routine of the Lever household, the expression of relief on Jack’s handsome face that first morning she’d arrived on his doorstep. She’d had her most important worldly possessions stuffed into the small vehicle, laughingly referred to as a car, that was parked at his curb.

  Funny how a little bit of hair coloring could throw a normally observant man for a loop. When she’d taken the job at the coffee shop, she’d been at the tail end of her experimental stage. Auburn had been the last color in a brigade of shades that had included, at one point, pink, and several others that were more likely to be found in a child’s crayon box than in a fashion magazine.

  Going back to her own natural color had seemed right as she opted to assume the responsibility of caring for a high-powered lawyer’s children.

  It was the last thing she’d done in her tiny apartment before she turned out the lights for the last time.

  It had certainly seemed worth it the next morning as she watched the different expressions take their turn on Jack’s chiseled face.

  Finally, undoubtedly realizing that he’d just been standing there, he had said, “Zooey?” as if he were only seventy-five percent certain that he recognized her.

  She’d drawn out the moment as long as she could, then asked, “Job still available?”

  “Zooey,” he repeated, this time with relief and conviction. A second later, he moved back, opening the door wider.

  She had only to step over the threshold before she heard a chorus of, “Yay! Zooey’s here.” And then both children, Jackie in a sagging diaper and Emily with only one sock and shoe on, an undone ribbon trailing after her like the tail of a kite, came rushing out to greet her.

  Jack had continued staring at her. “Why’d you dye your hair?” he finally asked.

  “I didn’t,” she’d replied, laughing as two sets of arms found her waist, or at least made it to the general vicinity. Neither child seemed the slightest bit confused by the fact that she had golden-blond hair instead of auburn. “I undyed it.” Raising her eyes from the circle of love around her, she’d looked at him. “It just seemed like the thing to do, that’s all.” She couldn’t explain it to him any better than that. “This is my natural hair color.”

  Jack had nodded slowly, thoughtfully, as if the change in color was a serious matter that required consideration before comment.

  And then he’d said something unexpected. And very nice. “I like it.” It was the first personal comment he had addressed to her.

  Hard to believe, she thought now, as she threw on cutoff jeans beneath the football jersey she always wore to bed and slipped her bare feet into sandals, that nearly ten whole months had gone by since then. Ten months in which she’d discovered that each day was a completely new adventure.

  She’d also discovered that she liked what she was doing. Not that her life’s ambition had suddenly become to be the best nanny ever created since Mary Poppins. But Zooey did like the day-to-day life of being part of a family—a very important part. Of caring for children and seeing to the needs of a man who went through life thinking of himself as the last word in self-sufficiency and independence.

  The very thought made Zooey laugh softly under her breath. She had no doubt that Jack Lever was probably hell on wheels in a courtroom, but the man was definitely not self-sufficient. That would have taken a great deal more effort on his part than just walking through the door and sinking into a chair. Which was practically all he ever did whenever he did show up at the house.

  There were days when he never made it back at all, calling to say that he was pulling an all-nighter. There was a leather sofa in the office that he used for catnaps.

  She knew this because the first time he’d called to say that, she’d placed dinner in a picnic basket and driven down to his office with the children. He’d been rendered speechless by her unexpected appearance. She and the kids had stayed long enough for her to put out his dinner, and then left. He was still dumbstruck when she’d closed the door.

  Zooey wondered absently if her employer thought the house ran itself, or if he even realized that she was not only “the nanny,” but had taken on all the duties of housekeeper as well.

  It was either that, she thought, or watch the children go hungry, running through a messy house, searching for a clean glass in order to get a drink of water. Taking the initiative, she did the cooking, the cleaning, the shopping and the laundry, when she wasn’t busy playing with the children.

  She was, in effect, a wife and mom—without the fringe benefits.

  As far as she knew, no other woman was on the receiving end of those fringe benefits. Jack Lever was all about work.

  So much so that his children were not getting nearly enough of his company.

  She’d mentioned that fact to him more than once. The first time, he’d looked at her in surprise, as if she’d crossed some invisible line in the sand. It was obvious he wasn’t accustomed to having his shortcomings pointed out to him, especially by someone whose paychecks he signed. But Zooey was nothing if not honest. There was no way she would have been able to keep working for him if she had to hold her tongue about something as important as Emily and Jackie’s emotional well-being.

  “Kids need a father,” she’d told him outright, pulling no punches after he’d said he wasn’t going to be home that night. That made four out of the previous five nights that he’d missed having dinner with Emily and Jackie.

  He’d scowled at her. “They need to eat and have a roof over their heads as well.”

  Men probably trembled when he took that tone with them, Zooey remembered thinking. But she’d stood up to her father, reclaiming her life, and if she could survive that, she reasoned that she could face anything.

  “And the food and roof will disappear if you come home one night early enough to read them a story before bedtime?” she’d challenged.

  He’d looked as if he would leave at any second. She was mildly surprised that he remained to argue the point. “Listen, I hired you to be their nanny, not my conscience.”

  She’d gazed at him for a long moment, taking his full measure. Wondering if she’d been mistaken about Jack. Then decided that he was worth fixing. And he needed fixing badly. “Seems like there might be a need for both.”

  Her nerve caught him off guard. But then, he was becoming increasingly aware that there was a great deal about the woman that kept catching him off guard, not the least of which was that he found himself attracted to her. “If there is, I’ll tell you.”

  “If there is,” she countered, “you might not know it. Takes an outsider to see the whole picture,” she added before he
could protest.

  Jack blew out a breath. “You take an awful lot on yourself, Zooey.”

  In other words, “back off,” she thought, amused. “Sorry, it’s in my nature. Never do anything by half measures.”

  He’d made a noise that she couldn’t properly break down into any kind of intelligible word, and then left for work.

  He’d come home earlier than planned that night. But not the night that followed or any of the nights for the next two weeks.

  Still, she continued to hope she’d get through to him, for Emily and Jackie’s sake.

  Jack was a good man, Zooey knew. And he did love his kids in his own fashion. The problem was, he seemed to think money was a substitute for love, and any kid with a heart knew that it clearly wasn’t.

  Someone, she thought, heading out of her bedroom toward the kitchen, had given the man a very screwed up sense of values. There was no price tag on a warm hug. That was because it was priceless.

  She smelled coffee. Zooey knew for a fact that she hadn’t left the coffee machine on last night.

  Walking into the kitchen, she was surprised to see that Jack was already there. Not only had he beaten her downstairs, he was dressed for the office and holding a piece of burned toast in one hand, a half glass of orange juice in the other.

  Not for the first time, she saw why he’d always come into the shop for coffee and a muffin. The man was the type to burn water. From the smell of it, he’d done something bad to the coffee.

  “Good morning,” she said cheerfully, crossing to the counter and the struggling coffeemaker. Taking the decanter, she poured out what resembled burned sludge—she’d never seen solid coffee before—and started to clean out the pot. “Sit down,” she instructed, “and I’ll make you a proper breakfast.”

  He surprised her by shaking his head as he consumed the rest of the burned offering in his hand, trying not to grimace. “No time. I’m due in early.”

  She glanced at her wristwatch; this was way ahead of his usual schedule. “How early?”