by Gold, Bella
No, that was not first date conversation. We needed to keep things light. Or as I light as we could manage; there was a lot of history between us, after all.
“It was good, you know,” he finally said casually. “When you yelled at me, I mean.”
“It was?” I replied cautiously. Where the hell was he going with this? “Really?”
“Yeah, no one ever does that; everyone always just takes it,” his eyes finally connected with mine and I felt my heart flutter with excitement. “I have to say, you might be the only woman on that trade floor, but you have the biggest balls in there.”
I burst out laughing, hysteria consuming me, and very quickly he joined in. It got to the point where we were actually snorting we were laughing that hard. It felt incredible to be so carefree with the man who’d been tormenting me for the last few days.
Maybe this really would be the start of something new. Maybe I’d broken down the barriers surrounding him in just a short time and he was going to change completely.
Although as I tried to picture this easy going man out on the floor of the office, I could see that maybe people would walk all over him. Particularly people like Derrick. Not that he was around anymore.
It was a tough one, but I still didn’t think that it was impossible.
Chapter Six
“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Mason threw his arm over my shoulder and grinned at me as we left the restaurant. “It wasn’t too horrible to spend the evening with me?”
Well, I wasn’t about to admit that I’d had one of the best nights of my life now, was I? I needed to keep something to myself! Spending a more casual night with Mason, reminiscing and having a laugh was one of the best dates that I’d ever had, but I couldn’t let his head get any bigger. “It wasn’t painful,” I teased, pushing him away playfully. “I expected you to be the big boss man tonight, the unbearable man that makes his employees cower in fear.”
For a second his expression dropped, and I actually felt bad. I’d already given him a hard time about the way he was, so maybe bringing it up again was one step too far. I bit down on my lip, my brain whirring trying to think of a way to make things right again, but luckily his face burst into a beaming smile and my emotions rose once more. I loved the easygoing nature we had between us, and I was glad to have it back once more.
“Yeah, yeah, keep it up... we’ll see how much longer you have your job!” But as he pulled me in for a hug, I knew I was all right. “Now, shall I call the car? Did you want to get a ride back?”
Half of me did, but another big part of me wasn’t anywhere near ready for the night to be over just yet. “Why don’t we go for a drink first, then maybe I’ll let you walk me home?” I wouldn’t be inviting him inside, however much I wanted to, just because I couldn’t. I didn’t want him to think that of me, and I also never wanted it to get back to Ethan that I was up for a one-night stand – that would be so humiliating!
“Sounds great. Where do you want to go?”
I spotted a bar nearby, which seemed like the obvious option, so I pointed quickly. “That’ll do; come on.”
At that moment, he laced his fingers through mine to lead me towards the bar and my heart fluttered like crazy. This was a little bit more than a first date action; this was almost boyfriend like, and unfortunately it was making my heart yearn. Because I knew Mason; because I’d seen this other side of him when we were younger. I liked him more than just for his body, however incredible that was. I might have spent a lot of time fantasizing about him, but that was because I liked him.
Shit... I was in trouble.
As Mason made his way to the bar, I took myself to the bathroom to have a little timeout for myself. My mind was spinning, my heart flapping, my emotions darting about in my stomach, and I really needed to calm down. I’d gone into this thinking that it’d be a nice, casual dinner between coworkers, friends, I wasn’t sure what... and now my mind had traveled down a very dangerous path.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror, noting a lot of differences within me now. My cheeks were flushed, my eyes wide and sparkly, and there was a smile on my mouth that wasn’t going anywhere. I looked like a girl in the flush of first love, and I was scared that was naïve, and that I would end up with a shattered heart.
Just be careful, I warned myself. Don’t fall too fast, be wary, protect your heart. But I wasn’t sure that would be enough. It was possible that I was already in too deep...
The warmth of the room hit me in the face as soon as I re-entered the bar, and my eyes zoomed instantly to Mason, that magnetism drawing me in once more. I couldn’t seem to help it: there had been something underlying between us ever since day one, when I first set foot on that trading floor, and it wasn’t going anywhere. Maybe it was crazy to try to ignore it, especially when I’d never had it before. Emotionally it seemed obvious to just dive in with both feet, but that definitely wasn’t the sensible choice. I didn’t want to wreck my career of a potential mistake.
“Hey, I got you a Sex on the Beach. I hope that’s okay?”
Oh God, when he winked at me like that, lust bulldozed through my body. It was damn near impossible to remember all the sensible arguments I’d just given myself. “Thank you,” I practically whispered as I slid it from him. Our hands connected, his skin brushed mine, and my whole body zinged with electricity. “It’s lovely.”
“So,” he leaned on the bar and eyed me curiously. “How did you end up so ambitious? I mean, I know your family is that way, but what about Ethan? Did you never want to be more like him?”
Again the thick knowledge of Mason’s past flooded my mind. I had to actually bite down on my lip to prevent myself from saying anything about it. “Well, you know what it’s like. I was always the only female. I grew up in a male-dominated, very ambitious house and I guess that rubbed off on me. By the time Ethan... and you, for that matter… yes, I remember when you were more like him too,” I was opening up the door, just in case he wanted to speak about things, “came into my life, I was already zoned in on my end goal.”
“And working in the stock market was that?” He was seeing right through me, and that made me feel oddly vulnerable... but in a really good way. I kinda liked that he took the time and effort to see through me. It made me feel special; no one had ever done that before.
“Not necessarily,” I shrugged, trying my best to remain blasé. “I wanted to do something in money, something with numbers, and realistically, this was all I could get.” There was no point in lying. Mason probably already knew. “I honestly thought that I’d be able to get anything when I finished with Yale, especially as I graduated early, beating out the competition, but it didn’t quite work out that way. I didn’t have enough work experience or exactly the right grades...” the horror of that situation crept back up on me. “I guess I wasn’t ever enough.”
“Well, it’s their loss,” he grinned, completely dispelling at the negativity creeping up inside of me. “And my gain. I’m glad those assholes turned you down because you’ve been the best new employee that I’ve had in a long time... actually, probably forever.”
“Wow, that’s the first work-related compliment I’ve had from you in a long time! You always seem so displeased with me.”
“I know, I’ve been a hard ass,” he sighed sadly and shook his head, clearly annoyed at himself for his behavior. “I don’t always mean to be that way, it’s just such a stressful work environment, and I really need it to work, you know?” I held my breath, thinking I might be about to finally hear the truth, but then his facial expression changed and the moment was gone. “Anyway,” he swigged back the rest of his drink. “Let’s get another one, shall we?”
I nodded, but there was no denying I felt gutted. I wanted Mason to open up to me, to show me his vulnerable side. That would be when I knew he really did like me; that would be the moment I finally felt trusted enough to let myself go too. I knew I shouldn’t put the unrealistic expectations on his shoulders, but I cou
ldn’t help myself.
Still, it wasn’t the sort of talk you had on a first date, whether or not you knew the person beforehand, so it was time to get back to just having some fun.
“Yeah, another drink; that sounds good.”
***
I didn’t want to stop drinking, not when I was having so much fun, but I also didn’t want to end up wasted and embarrassing myself. Both Mason and I were at the happy-go-lucky, giggling-at-everything stage of tipsy, which was probably the best place to call it a night.
“Oh my God, Mel,” he gasped through the chuckles, tears of joy running down his cheeks. “I haven’t laughed like that in forever. What are you doing to me?”
We just connected, and there was no denying it: we had something. It was incredible, really. “Come on,” I grabbed his arm and stood upright. “We need to leave before we make a fool out of ourselves. It’s time for you to walk me home.”
“Shouldn’t we just call the car?” Maybe that would have been the easiest option, but it wasn’t what I wanted. I needed it to be just Mason and me for a little while longer.
“Nope, not a chance. You need to walk me home.” He didn’t look convinced, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”
A soberness overcame me as the night air hit my face, but the happy, warm glow in my chest wasn’t going anywhere. That had nothing to do with the booze: that was all him. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, smiling secretly to myself. I might have denied it earlier, and I would probably never admit it to Carly for fear of being mocked forever, but I really did feel like the luckiest girl alive.
“At least you don’t live far,” he finally announced with happiness. “It’s walking distance; that I can get on board with.”
“Oh, will you stop it,” I shook my head at him. “You didn’t use to be so spoiled and needy. I remember the guy who would have walked anywhere, who didn’t have people to do everything for him; that person must still be in there somewhere.”
A pregnant pause filled the air for a second, but then his whole demeanor changed. “I know, you’re right. I’ve just gotten so used to the pampering.”
The banter zoomed back and forth between us the whole way back, but I could sense something new happening in the air too. We were both becoming acutely aware that the date was ending, and the event that usually followed a date was... a kiss.
Oh God, even thinking about that made my heart leap up into my throat. It became increasingly difficult to even breathe as I tried to imagine that happening... I would just have to stop it. I’d have to put a stop to it before it even became an option. If I just ran in, he wouldn’t have a chance...
But then we reached my apartment block, and he took my cheeks in his hands, sending any thought flying out the window. The desire-filled look in his eyes switched my brain off completely, leaving me focusing only on the wonderful sensations he had flying all over my body. Without even trying, he made me feel special, he made me need him, he left me utterly uncontrolled...
“You’re so beautiful,” he finally gasped, leaving me totally speechless. He truly meant it; I could see the honesty on his lips, I could feel the truthfulness tickling my cheek with his breath. Someone as gorgeous as Mason genuinely felt that way about little old me, and I didn’t know how to even begin processing it, never mind anything else...
Then his lips crashed against mine and absolutely everything changed. The foundation my life had been built upon was yanked out from beneath me; the even keel I’d been relying on was gone. The only things left in the world were Mason and me, and I was totally okay with that.
Chapter Seven
As I crashed into bed a little while later, I could still remember Mason’s lips all over mine. We’d kissed for such a long time, it honestly felt like hours, during which time I almost invited him in more than once. It seemed crazy to have such intense passion with someone and to not act upon it, but I needed to keep control of myself. I had to be smart, even if I didn’t want to.
He had such a wonderful kissing technique; he mixed it up the entire time. One minute he was hard and passionate, his tongue was desperate and needy, and the next moment he was soft and gentle, romance pouring into me. It was honestly so difficult for me not to fall in love with him, I didn’t know how I was going to manage it.
And now I would have to work with him, not having any clue where I stood, and it was going to drive me crazy. We didn’t arrange to have another date; there was no sign this was going to go anywhere. All I knew was one moment we were kissing like crazy and I was considering tearing every scrap of his clothing off, and the next minute he’d gone and I was back inside.
God, it was so nice to see the different side of him; it felt amazing that he’d let me in that little bit; it made me feel so special. He was the person he pretended to be at work because he felt like he had to be. He couldn’t see any other way around it, and I might not have particularly liked that side of him, but as long as he kept the sweet, funny, amiable side of himself for me, I could probably put up with it.
Maybe one day I’d make him see that he could do things another way at work too, but I wasn’t going to push him about that right now. One step at a time.
I turned onto my back, far too wired to sleep, with a big grin on my face. Maybe things were up in the air right now, but it was still great. This was still the deepest connection that I’d ever felt with anyone before, and the kiss had only proven that. Our chemistry was sexual, spiritual, everything I could possibly want.
Okay, so maybe I was a little worried about how things were going to be at work, but that would soon be overcome. Once we’d had one day together, I’d know.
It’d be fine; it had to be...
***
Nerves crashed over me in waves as I walked through the office doors on Monday. I’d had a whole weekend to stew over all the details of the date and I was still completely unsure about where I stood. I’d even gone over it with it all with Carly a couple of times – even though I swore to myself that I wouldn’t – but I still wasn’t comfortable with where things stood now.
Carly was certain that he had strong feelings for me, and that we’d eventually end up together, but I couldn’t share her optimism. Mason had my phone number, he could have texted me at any given moment, he could have called me to see how I was, but he hadn’t.
Maybe this was the sort of thing that he did all the time. Maybe everyone who thought he was so nice was wrong; maybe he took women out, saw how far he was going to get with them, and left it there. Maybe he went out with a different person every night, so he didn’t have time to contact them all.
Oh God, I was tying myself up in knots again. I needed to focus on work, I needed to keep being the good employee that I’d been ever since starting this damn job. Whatever would happen with Mason didn’t have to affect my work.
“Hey, Mel,” Carly called over to me, winking in a way that was not as discrete as I’d asked her to be. I didn’t even want her to tell the other girls just yet; I didn’t want anything to be ruined by idle gossip. “Looking forward to work today?”
My whole face flushed brightly and my heart thundered in my chest. “Yes,” I hissed warningly, probably making things more obvious than Carly was. I definitely looked guilty. “Erm, I’ll see you at lunch time, okay?”
I hurried away, needing to get to my own desk to calm down. I could look through paperwork, do busy work until I felt ready to face Mason. It might piss him off if I was a little late, but I could make something up. It was just killing me that I had no idea who I would end up facing today. Would it be the sweet, nice Mason I’d hung out with Friday night, or work Mason? Was he going to yell at me all over again? Urgh God, how was I going to handle it?
I slumped in my chair and threw my head in my hands, shame washing over me. I wanted to tackle this day with a cool dignity, but I’d already failed on that count and it wasn’t even nine am yet.
“Mel,” one of the interns
hurried into my office, a stressed look crossing his face. “Mason is looking for you. , Someone’s lost a load of money and he’s yelling at everyone.”
I groaned loudly, but inwardly I felt a little relieved. This was better; a work distraction meant I could ease my way in slowly, which was preferable to dealing with it head on. I could try to sense his mood towards me while we solved whatever was going wrong now. “Thanks, I’ll be over in a second.”
I grabbed a stack of papers, information that probably didn’t have anything to do with what was going on now, and I stalked determinedly towards Mason. I could do this, my panic had become a steely seriousness, and that was driving me forwards.
“...This is a fucking joke... who was in charge of organizing this...?” Yep, he was mad, I could hear him yelling from down the hallway. “Who the fuck do I have to hire? This is ridiculous.”
As I finally got into the room, his eyes were drawn towards me and they widened for a split second, making my heart pound heavily, then the moment passed and he went back to shouting. I stood patiently, tuning his words out, just waiting for when I could step in and solve this. I hated the shouting. I much preferred it when things could be made better.
Eventually the atmosphere dulled and people filed out, which suggested to me that Mason had petered out. Once we were alone, I stepped closer to him. For one second, I reached out to touch him before thinking better of it at the last moment. I couldn’t act like that, not until I knew what was going on.
“What can I do to help?” I asked kindly. “This is fixable, right? There aren’t any problems without solutions.”
His shoulders slumped forwards and he fell into his chair. “Well, I don’t know about that, but there might be a way to salvage this. It’ll mean working late though, and I wanted to try to cut back on the working hours for a while.” He paused thoughtfully for a second. “I guess I wanted to try to have some sort of social life too.”