Case of the Gold Retriever

by Erik Schubach

Before I knew I was doing it, I stepped in their path as she led him toward the door. I was blurting out, “Can he see Ruff before you bring him in?” I gave her my best puppy-dog eyes.

  She shook her head and started moving around me, but I shifted into her path again. “Please? For me?”

  She glared at me then exhaled and seemed to deflate. “Fine.” Secret weapon, thy name is Finnegan.

  I looked thankfully up at her as I echoed, “Fine.” At least he'd see his dog one last time before the courts had their way with him. If I knew nothing else about the man, I knew he loved his dog, and that was good enough for me to know his character.

  Then I had to cover my mouth to hide my smile when one of the officers made a whip sound. When I looked back, they all looked conveniently innocent. Jane growled at them, and Kennedy chuckled out with an amused shrug, “She's got your number, McLeary.”

  Jane... was not amused, though Calvin was. And me. And the other officers. And the potted fern by the door.

  I gave her a quick hug. She never let go of Barney's elbow. But I caught her smile for me before she schooled her face.

  Then she complained to Mr. Sheffield on the way out as I trailed them. “I don't know why I put up with her.”

  In that insightful way old men have, he said wisely, “Yes, you do.”

  She agreed grudgingly, “Yes, I do.”

  But then to me, she asked, “Where do you think you're going, half-pint?”

  I asked hopefully, “With you?”

  She shook her head, “No, sit, stay.”

  I turned up my nose at her and looked to Kennedy, just to ask him regally, “A ride please?”

  He nodded, and Jane growled out, “Oh for fuck's sake. Fine you argumentative little runt. But zip it, or you're kicked to the curb, capiche?”

  I bounced on my toes as I beamed at her. She grumbled all the way to the car, then she asked, “Don't you have an appointment about now?” I internally smiled that she kept track of my schedule, like she had interest in my work.

  I shook my head as I helped her help Barney into the back seat. “I texted Polly to ask Raife to do it for me when I texted you.”

  She shook her head as she mounted up, a smile twitching at her lips as she pointed out, “That's shameless, even for you. You know the man can't say no to her.”

  “That's why I texted her and not you to ask him.” It's a true statement. I'm shameless. I grinned in satisfaction.

  All the way to Central Park Tails I was grilling Jane on what was going to happen to Barnabas. She kept repeating things like, “Shut up... this isn't you shutting up, Finny. Cease the word vomit... desist with the verbal deluge.”

  We both zipped it when we heard Barney chuckling at us. Then he asked, “How long have you two been married?” Oh, we had almost forgotten he was in the vehicle.

  I grinned back at him and said, “Seems like forever.” At the same instant, she said, “I don't even like her.”

  He chuckled again. “Well, you complement each other well. There is a magic in that, let me tell you. So hold onto it with everything you are while you can, you'll be all the happier for it.”

  I admitted, “We're just dating right now... I think. Are we dating Jane?”

  She smirked in answer, and I smiled. Barney shook his head and smiled back. Is it wrong that I really liked the old thief? Even though he broke into our place? Well not really broke in, as he sorts of just walked in from the balcony. I really have to start locking that door. Maybe I can work up some sort of checklist on securing the apartment.

  We all filed out of the place, Calvin at my heels, and when I stopped to lock the door... a few times, Jane turned to place a hand on my shoulder to pull me back to kiss the top of my head, whispering in my ear, “You had me worried sick. We're going to have words about this.”

  I shrugged, blushed, and nodded before stealing Barney's arm from her, daring her to say a word. I placed his hand on my arm and patted it with my other hand, giving him an encouraging smile. I smothered another smile when I stopped at the converted freight elevator instead of going down the stairs, causing a chain reaction of all the coppers having to stop and about face.

  I gave Jane a chastising look. She was going to walk the poor man down the stairs when it was obvious his 'breaking and entering' had taken everything he had today. She had the good graces to look sheepish as she hit the call button.

  That's right detective McHottie... sheep away!

  I was feeling smug as I helped Barney into the elevator until I tripped on a pesky air molecule or possibly nothing. Causing me to blush at the men chuckling, and giving Jane the smug upper hand.

  Drat!

  We helped Barnabas into the vehicle, and I exchanged worried looks with Jane as he puffed and panted. I slid into the back seat with him, and we buckled up, then I said, “To the rescue, James.”

  Jane looked in the rear-view mirror as she turned off the strobing lights. She rolled her window down and signalled for Kennedy to follow us in their squad car while she mumbled into her radio about a prisoner in custody and an ETA.

  I looked around when the radio squawked, and the dispatch operator issued some codes at our address. Men were getting into the other cruisers, and their lights turned off as they all started to disperse. I whispered, “Did you bring the whole station?” Her silence spoke volumes about how worried she was and how much doggy doo I had stepped in.

  While she drove, she finally said to me as I reassured Barney that things were going to work out, “This is so far outside of the proper procedure, Fin.”

  I nodded, giving her look of pleading thanks, “But it is the right thing to do. You need to hear his story.”

  She shook her head. “No... I don't. I read his rights, he needs to exercise them. The less I know right now, the better.” Then to him. “Do you have a lawyer, sir?”

  He shook his head.

  I blurted, “Yes he does. With Stockton and Heinz!”

  Jane smirked at me throwing out Pollyanna's firm. Polly herself wasn't a criminal lawyer, she was a contracts and acquisitions lawyer, with a little badass thrown in. But her firm had a couple awesome criminal attorneys on staff. And Barney was going to have good representation if I had to pay for it myself.

  I turned on my phone and winced at the calls and texts from Jane, then texted Polly.

  We pulled up to Central Park Tails and helped Barney out. He seemed to be getting slower as we moved along and I was starting to worry. But the man brightened up when we stepped into the building, and a whining and whimpering Ruff, lead the charge to greet us.

  Jane held me from behind when I crossed my arms across my belly and started shaking in silent sobs as I saw the man break down and start crying as he crouched and hugged the fuzzy baby he's had for ten years, and he would likely never see again. I laid my head on her arm as the man told his dog how good of a boy he was. And how he's missed him the past few days.

  I waved off the staff as they approached, then I had to crouch to give out some love to the swarming dogs around us as Calvin tried to greet each one. I swear he thinks they are all his kids.

  After a minute, when Barney got control of himself again. Jane stepped up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Its time to go.” He patted her hand and smiled and nodded.

  I promised him. “No matter what happens, Ruff always has a home here at Central Park Tails until you can be reunited.” I would personally make sure of it. And Ruff would be surrounded by people and doggies to give him love.

  I looked at Barney as we led him back out, he kept looking back at his dog, and I noted he was holding his left arm. I nudged my eyes from Jane to him, and she just nodded. She saw it too.

  As we stepped out, she told Kennedy and Garcia in a hushed tone, “Change of plans... Bellevue.” They nodded, and we loaded back up and headed to the hospital, I couldn't catch what Jane was saying on the radio, but dispatch acknowledged.

  When pressed,
Jane was even more aggressive a driver than Jess, but much more precise. Barney realized where we were heading and it seemed like he had just noticed his left arm hanging limply. My heart was threatening to burst from my chest, but I just gave him a reassuring smile.

  I did find it ironic that we were going to the very hospital that had created the Broadway Cat so long ago. It might be nothing, but he was recovering from a massive coronary.

  We got him checked in, and a uniform showed up to stand guard outside the exam room. I gave him a hug goodbye as we were being kicked out by the doctors, and promised that the lawyers would be contacting him soon.

  Jane told him, “It's procedure to cuff you to the bed while in custody...” She put up a halting hand an inch from my face when I was about to explode on her, and she continued as I stared at her long lifeline. “But, Finnegan is vouching for you and your cooperation. Don't make us regret this. There will be a man at the door at all times.”

  Then she smirked and winked at the man as she pointed out, “These aren't operable windows.”

  Barney snorted at her and held up two fingers like some sort of boy-scout salute. I waved to him, and he called out to me, “Finnegan? Take care of this one, she has heart.”

  I nodded and smiled and called Calvin to my side. He rushed away from the doctors and Barney, and I waved at the old burglar. He gave me such a warm but sad smile in return.

  The moment we were outside the door, I spun on Jane. “I'm staying in the waiting room until we hear how he is.”

  She gave me the same sort of patient and expectant look that mom gives me sometimes, and she said softly as she pulled me to her side, holding me protectively as we walked, “Of course you are.”

  I sighed when she kissed the top of my head, and the safety of her scent enveloped me. Leather and lilac and gun oil... mmmm.

  Epilogue

  As I stepped off the elevator holding the box labelled neatly 'Pillows,' I marched past a straining Jane and Kerry as they carried the queen-sized mattress down the hall into our place, Calvin excitedly showing them the way. I paused beside them, holding the box in one hand and pointed at the label for the women and said with confidence, “Pillows.”

  Kerry chuckled. “Snot!” And Jane just hung her head down as I passed to steal a quick but heated kiss. I giggled my way into our place.

  I glanced over at the final piece of the renovation of our place. The office area with the spiral staircase with wide oak treads that led up to Jane and my master suite. I stepped into the doorway and held up the box and repeated for Jessie as she slid the drawers into her dresser. “Pillows.”

  She winked at me. “Nice!”

  Then I was gleeping as the two evil ones behind me just ran me over with their slightly heavier load. Jane was all, “Move it shrimp, or get squashed.” I scurried, and Jess overacted pulling me behind her to protect me as the girls came in and flopped the mattress onto the bed. Calvin thought it a grand plan so jumped up on Jess' bed too, tail swishing.

  He was so confused when one bedroom was torn out, and then this one was emptied until the stairs were done. Now he's already claimed the third floor as his domain and our bed as his... even though he had already made that claim when it was on the second floor.

  My fuzzy boy was going to be in border collie heaven when he realizes that Mable was moving in with us. Three women to spoil him. Well, I'm sure four, as I have no doubt Kerry was going to be spending more nights on that bed with Jessie than at her own place.

  I heard them accidentally say the L word the other day, and I bounced around like a happy bouncy ball, teasing them. The two badass loners had it bad for each other. Though unfortunately, neither of them had any shame. They didn't even hover around shame's zip code.

  My mind wandered back to the day we mentioned to Jessie that our remodel would be done around the time her lease expired and we were going to need a roommate for our old bedroom at a discounted rate.

  It isn't often you can surprise that redhead and make her break from her bad girl persona. But she was so excited she snagged me and spun me around in the air and gave me a big wet kiss on the cheek. Then she offered a hand to Jane. Who she then just tugged to her and gave a sloppy wet cheek kiss of her own as well. A matching set.

  My cheeks hurt from all the smiling.

  When Ker heard, she insisted we go out on our Friday night, girl's night to celebrate. It was my first time in a lesbian nightclub. The three women were cackling at me in my solid black sundress, kitten heels, and wide black hairband. Why hadn't they warned me? Apparently, girls who show up there in dresses are like lesbian candy that apparently nobody could resist.

  I was glad I was surrounded by three sexy Amazon giants as a buffer. I'm pretty sure I was hit on more times in one night than all of my entire dating life. I got free drinks all night from different ladies. I kept declining the alcoholic beverages the waitress brought over until the women around us started catching on and started sending cola. I blushed as I sipped at them, couldn't they see I was with Jane?

  I had never felt so bashful, awkward, or... desirable before. I'm sure I had a permanent blush the entire night and was never sure what to do with my hands. I mean, just how awkward are hands anyway? What are you supposed to do with them when you aren't using them? I was always smoothing down my skirt or tucking the strands of hair which escaped my hairband behind my ears.

  Jane had to come to my rescue and held my hand most of the night, in between stolen kisses or meaningful glances. I so enjoyed how bashful she could be as well now that we were... well... you know, now.

  I admit that I did have fun dancing with random women when Jane encouraged me to go dance. I think she liked watching me just having fun. I could feel her eyes on me at all times, and I may have put a little extra swish in my hips in my moves just for her.

  At one point I had to go to the back hall by the bathroom to take a call from Garrett, the club was so loud. The moment I answered, he had just blurted in a panicked but ecstatic tone, “We're pregnant!”

  I blinked, processing the information. No, Garrett wasn't pregnant, so that meant that Rebecca... I was going to be an aunt! I'm sure they heard my squee over the music back in the club.

  As I spoke with the happy couple about how to break the news to mom, Ker backed through the hallway, dragging a giggling Jess to the bathroom by both hands. Those two were so cute together. By the time I had my brother sorted, all those drinks had come back with a vengeance. I had to pee!

  If my legs weren't crossing, I'd have skipped to the restroom. I, Finnegan Temperance May, was going to be an aunt! I'd be the bad aunt who spoiled the child then returned them to their parents in a hyperactive state. I'd be a great bad aunt! I could teach them how to organize their toy chest, and I could bring over my labeler to show them... how... to…

  What? Stop looking at me like that, I am not OCD. Organization is a good skill for a child to... shut up!

  I stepped into the restroom as a tall Hispanic woman stepped out with a smirk on her face. She hesitated long enough to give me a once over. As the door shut, I started toward the stalls, wondering why she had been smirking. Then I heard a familiar voice hissing, “Ooooh right here. Yes.” My eyes flew wide when I recognized some combat boots under the stall door facing some stylish boots.

  The stalls shook as the feet turned around and Jess' voice moaned, “Ohhhh... take that fly girl!”

  Eeep! Eeep! Eeep! I scurried out of the bathroom. I could hold it. I blushed my way back to Jane's side. I glanced back at the back hall and shook my head in wonder. Those two were always doing it like bunnies everywhere! They had been kicked out of a changing room in Macy's just a week earlier. They couldn't get enough of each other.

  But... I knew how that was. I thought back to the morning after Barney was brought to the hospital. That fateful Tuesday morning I woke in an aroused state, gooseflesh racing across my skin as I found Jane straddling me, leaving a trail of hot kisses down m
y neck as she hummed the Happy Birthday song.

  My core had never been so heated, nor had I felt such anticipated arousal in my life. I opened my mouth, but she put a finger over my lips without stopping in her downward path. She paused long enough to smirk up at me as she said to my questioning look while I panted in need, “Shush. No babbling. It's my birthday, and I'm unwrapping my present now.”

  Oh by the saints of the canine hydrant, she had been serious about taking me on her birthday! I was about to be Detective Jane Marie McLeary's personal squeaky toy. I whimpered as she reached down, whispering, “Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me,” when she pulled my nightshirt off of me to leave me exposed and wanting. She pinned my hands above my head and resumed kissing her way down my body toward her target, leaving a trail of flame in her wake.

  That's all I care to share on the subject other than, it was absolutely nothing like being with a man. It was... more. So much passion and emotion shared that I found myself crying as she showed me the benefits of being with a woman... three times.

  Now it is almost a contest to see who can be up first to wake the other in a similar manner. And after our many arguments, makeup sex was the best!

  I just may be addicted to my jerk cop. What? Stop smiling! Gah! Why did I even tell you this? Now I have to go bury my head in the sand.

  At least we know for sure whether I'm truly bisexual or not. It's a yup. Jess and Ker gave us welcoming hugs at our place during the impromptu party we threw for Jane that night, with just close friends and family. My old bestie paused in mid-hug then held me at arm's length her eyes wide in surprise as she looked between Jane and me and blurted to my mortification, “You're glowing! You two totally did it! The old taco platter, the pillow biter, the...”

  I gleeped and patty-caked the air to get her away from me. Becky was chuckling, and Garrett looked as embarrassed as I was. I looked to Jane for support, but the jerk cop was just smirking almost proudly.