The Heart of Trelyssia

by Lisa Chitty

  ‘And now, with James acting like this, the boundaries have changed and you’re no longer certain of how to go on?’ Zaria finished for him.

  Randall nodded. ‘I want the old James back. The bloke that I know, who’s always safe and sensible, that I can argue with, tease about his sense of style.’

  ‘Whilst that would be good for you, what about him? Are you really thinking about his wellbeing?’

  ‘Yes!’ replied Randall adamantly. ‘The way he is, he isn’t taking any care of himself, he doesn’t eat unless you force something on him. I’m fairly certain that he’s not sleeping. I even tried to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, that Abi’s death was inevitable the moment she set foot here, but I don’t think he heard me. It’s like he’s given up, and doesn’t want to go any more.’ Randall paused once more, contemplating what he had just said. ‘Oh no! That’s it, isn’t it? He wants to die! He thinks he can be with Abi again if he’s dead too.’ Randall’s shock at this thought had him rising to his feet as though to find James and prevent him from a dire course of action.

  ‘Sit down, Randall!’ Zaria commanded him. Once Randall had complied she went on. ‘He’s not actively seeking death. Possibly a part of him might think that it’s a good idea, but the very essence of who he is means that he won’t actually kill himself. Right now I think that’s he lost, and needs to find his way. He’s stuck in limbo, unable to grieve, but also unable to move on and until he can do that he’s not going to change back into the old James that you know.’

  ‘So what can we do?’ Randall asked.

  Zaria sighed. ‘I don’t think that there’s anything that we can do. At first, I thought that between you and Steve you would be able to help him find a way through. But I think I underestimated the depth of feeling that he had, still has even, for Abi. We have to wait for him to find the way for himself. Something will spark it off, but what, who knows?’ Zaria shrugged helplessly.

  ‘So we just sit and wait and hope? That’s it?’

  Zaria nodded. There wasn’t anything else to say. It really was just a waiting game.

  * * *

  Steve and Randall continued to look after James as best they could. However both of them were finding it wearing. Spending time with someone who had no interest in the world around them was very frustrating. It had got to the point where only one of them would be with James, whilst the other had a break. In between looking after James, they were trying to help Sasket and Zaria come up with a plan of action for the day of the Baron’s marriage. The date was fast approaching and they needed to work everything out.

  Steve was in the council room early one morning with Sasket and Zaria when Randall walked in alone. Randall looked startled on seeing Steve. ‘Aren’t you meant to be with James?’ he asked.

  Steve shook his head. ‘No. It’s meant to be your turn now. Are you saying that you’ve lost him?’

  ‘No. I haven’t lost him! He’s just…, not with me, right now.’

  Steve looked like he was about to lose his temper with Randall but thought better of it. ‘We’d better go and find him!’ He headed for the door, Randall in tow.

  ‘Wait!’ Zaria called out. ‘Maybe you should stay here and give him some time by himself.’

  ‘Are you serious?’ Steve asked incredulous. ‘Anything could happen to him!’

  ‘Actually, it won’t. He can’t leave here without someone knowing, and whilst this network of caves is vast, he can’t come to any harm. There’s always someone around, or nearby, who can help.’

  ‘That does make some sense,’ Randall agreed. ‘Maybe he does need some time out. It might help him get his head round things if he’s left alone.’

  Steve hesitated, looking from Zaria to Randall. ‘Fine. But I’m not going to leave him all day. If there’s no sign of him by lunchtime, we’re going looking for him.’

  ‘Fair enough,’ said Zaria. ‘In the meantime shall we go on with our plans?’ She gestured to the huge table in the centre of the room, which was covered in maps, and had a model of the Baron’s stronghold in the centre of it. Steve and Randall nodded in agreement and joined her by the table.

  * * *

  James glanced over his shoulder and gave a sigh of relief. No one was following him, he had managed to give both Randall and Steve the slip. It wasn’t that he was ungrateful for their concern over him, but he needed space. He couldn’t think while he was being constantly crowded by them. He had tried to work his way through things at night, but contrary to what Randall thought he was asleep every night almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

  However, he wasn’t sleeping soundly. He was constantly being plagued by nightmares. Whilst they all differed in how they began, they all ended the same. He and Abi becoming separated and her being attacked. Every time she was begging for his help, but he was turning his back on her and leaving her to die. He woke up each time drenched in sweat and angry with himself for not helping her. He might be able to avoid his feelings of guilt during the day, but there was no escape at night.

  James paused in his thoughts and suddenly took notice of his surroundings. He didn’t have a clue where he was. He had just been wandering aimlessly amongst the labyrinth of tunnels. He shrugged contemplatively. If he didn’t know where he was then it was unlikely that anyone would find him, which would give him the time and space that he needed to sort everything out in his head. He noticed that the walls of the tunnel he was in had formed a natural ledge wide enough to sit on, so, rather than continue wandering around he decided to stop and rest.

  He settled himself down, leaned back, rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes. Immediately images of Abi filled his head, but instead of blocking them out like he had been, he allowed them to come. He remembered how she had looked when he had first seen her, standing by the edge of the track in the forest wondering which way to go. He smiled as the memory returned. At the time she had looked so lost and uncertain of herself. But that initial impression of her had soon changed, and he had found that she was actually a strongly independent person, with a mind of her own. She was unlike any other woman that had interested him, and he had been surprised by his growing feelings for her.

  More images filled his head. Abi laughing with him over Randall thinking he had rabies, how gently she had taken care of Steve when he had been turned into a hamster. He remembered how angry he had felt when he thought that Sasket and Zaria had poisoned her. It was at that moment he had started caring about her. But he hadn’t fallen in love with her until later. That had happened at the tavern when they had returned from the armourers and she had been so angry with them all. She had been totally unguarded at that moment and had shown her true self, and he had been stunned by the strength and the beauty of her. Her anger had so consumed her that he had understood why she was referred to as the Fiery Woman but it had also made her appear so vividly alive. As he had stepped between her and Randall, and gently stopped her, all he had wanted to do was take her in his arms and kiss her. But he hadn’t. He didn’t know how she felt about him and he hadn’t wanted to do anything that might have made her push him away. So he had bided his time and had been rewarded the night she had completed her mystery task. How he longed for that night again. The feel of her hand in his, of being in total harmony with her. Tears sprang to his eyes, but he angrily brushed them away. He couldn’t break down now. He had to get to the conclusion of his thoughts or he would never be able to move on.

  He opened his eyes, and for a moment he stopped his thoughts of Abi, and focused on the wall opposite him. He knew that to work through everything properly he was going to have to go all the way to the end. To the day she had died. Once again tears came to his eyes and his breath caught in his throat at the thought of Abi’s death. But he couldn’t do that yet. He clamped down on his grief, his throat beginning to hurt at the effort involved in not crying. Eventually he got himself back under control and once more he closed his eyes and allowed himself to think about her last day alive.
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  The day before, Randall had tried to stop Abi coming with them but he had overruled him and dragged her along. He remembered saying that he had wanted her along because she had a right to be there, that they were all in this together. But he had lied. The only reason that he had wanted Abi with them was because he hadn’t wanted to be apart from her. But now, they were separated forever. He banished that thought instantly and moved on in his mind.

  He saw her standing next to him, on the plateau. She had done exactly as Sasket had asked and been a meek, dutiful woman. The complete opposite to how she actually was! Then Sasket was commanding them all to run. She had turned to him and tried to grab his hand as they had run off, but she had missed. If only he had reached out to her and caught her hand, he could have pulled her along with them. He shook his head. There was no use in thinking of what could have been. He couldn’t change anything now.

  As his thoughts progressed he remembered the stab of fear that he had felt when he had realised she wasn’t with him, followed by absolute terror when he had heard her scream. That scream was haunting his nightmares now. That one, and the one that had followed, that had signified the end of her life. He should have fought Sasket harder, gone back to her. He might have been hurt, or not got there in time, but at least he would have known that he had tried to save her.

  James opened his eyes again and looked once more at the wall opposite. He had gone through all the events in his head and now he had to do the hardest part. He took a deep breath and confronted everything that he felt and as he did, he knew that he had no right to cry over Abi. He had led her into danger and failed to protect her. It was his fault that she had died, and he would have to live with that thought for the rest of his life.

  His heart was heavy as he stood and prepared to find his way back to the others. But now his mind was clearer and he was able to move on. All apart from one small nagging thought in the back of his mind. Something that Randall had said a couple of days ago. He hadn’t been paying much attention, but it was something about Abi’s death being inevitable and there was nothing that he could have done about it. He shook his head and dismissed the thought. Randall was wrong. He was responsible. He had finally admitted it to himself and was now able to deal with that fact.

  James continued wandering along the corridors, uncertain of where he was going but sure that he would find his way back. He had been walking for some time not paying much attention to where he was when he suddenly looked up and at the walls of the tunnel he was in. Unlike the others, they had been carved, and as James peered closer at them, he realised that they were names. He suddenly remembered being here before with Sasket, Abi and the others. This was the corridor that contained the Wall of the Dead. Everyone’s names were carved here, those who had died fighting for the cause.

  James’s breath caught in his throat and he stopped dead. Did he dare go the full length of the corridor, to its end where the most recent names would be? He stood still for a long time before slowly placing one foot in front of the other and continuing on. Eventually he could see the end of the list of names, but not clearly enough to see what they said. He put one hand on the corridor wall, closed his eyes and walked slowly forwards. When he judged he was in the right place, he turned to face the wall, but he couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes.

  As he stood there, what Randall had told him came back to him. According to legend, Abi’s death had been predicted since before she even arrived here. Maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t his fault. He hardly dared believe that there had been nothing that he could have done to prevent her dying. But as he stood there in the deserted corridor, he could have sworn he could hear voices, the voices of everyone who had died before her whispering that it hadn’t been his fault. The whisper became a roar in his head, and finally he realised that he had been wrong, he couldn’t have stopped the armed guards killing her. Immediately the voices stopped and in the sudden silence he opened his eyes and there, in front of him, carved into the wall at the bottom of a long list, were three letters.

  Abi.

  Trembling, he reached out a hand to touch the carving, to trace her name. Seeing it there made it all real.

  ‘Abi, I’m so sorry,’ he whispered. ‘I love you and always will.’

  He took his fingers away from the wall, gently kissed them and placed them back on her name, tears running down his cheeks. She was gone and he would never see her again. Finally he gave into his grief. Great sobs began to wrack his body as he shrank into himself. He wrapped his arms round himself and sank to his knees. He cried out her name over and over, missing her so much. His cries and sobs echoed round him. They travelled through the corridors, down the tunnels continuing to resound through the caverns. The whole cave network reverberated with his grief and it was like the very earth itself was crying along with James. Abi may be dead, but she would not be forgotten.

  After what seemed like hours, James’s grief subsided enough for him to be able to to on his feet. He stood looking at Abi’s name.

  ‘Your death won’t have been in vain,’ he told her. ‘I will avenge your death if it’s the last thing that I do. I promise!’

  With that, he turned and went to find the others, determined in his resolve to help in any way he could to defeat the Baron

  Chapter 11

  Randall and Steve were still involved in planning the attack on the Baron when the echoes of James’s grieving reached them. All conversation stopped as they looked up. At first everyone in the room was startled, unable to work out what they were hearing. It took them a moment, but soon they realised that what they were hearing was Abi’s name being repeated over and over. Randall and Steve exchanged looks, then headed for the door.

  ‘Where are you going?’ Zaria asked.

  ‘That sound is James. He needs us, so we’re going to find him.’ Steve opened the door, intent on locating James.

  Zaria went over to him and put her hand on the door, effectively stopping Steve and Randall from leaving the room. ‘He’s finally grieving. Let him go through the whole process, and when he’s ready, he’ll come and find you.’

  ‘But he needs us now!’ was Steve’s frustrated reply. ‘Come on Randall, lets go.’ Steve tried to push past Zaria, but Randall pulled him back. ‘We’ve got to go to him.’ Steve objected

  Randall shook his head. ‘I think Zaria’s right. In all the time that we’ve been with him, he hasn’t shown any emotion at all. Now that he’s alone, he’s given in to everything that he’s been feeling these last few days. We should leave him until he wants our company again. It’s obviously what he wanted.’

  Steve stood at the door clearly indecisive. James was a close friend and he wanted to offer him the help that he thought James needed. However, Randall was making a lot of sense. Steve stepped back from the door, back towards the conference table. ‘You’re right,’ he sighed. ‘Let’s wait for him to come to us. In the meantime, I guess we should continue with our plans.’

  However, no one was able to concentrate on the matter in hand. Randall and Steve were thinking about James, and as they were so distracted the others were finding it hard to do anything. Eventually Sasket called a break. ‘We’re not getting anywhere. Let’s stop and have something to eat and drink and then, when everyone’s feeling more like working, we’ll come back’ He then turned to Randall and Steve. ‘It might be an idea if you return to your rooms. James is more likely to go there to find you. I’ll arrange to have food and drink brought to you.’

  Randall and Steve agreed and walked slowly back to where James could find them. The echoes of his grief had subsided, but every now and then, if they listened hard enough, they could just catch a whisper of the name Abi still reverberating softly through the tunnels. Back in their rooms they settled down to wait.

  ‘So, do you think that’s it now? He’s given in to his grief, so he’ll be able to put her behind him, and he’ll be back to his old self again.’ Steve questioned Randall.

  ‘I think that you�
��re underestimating him, of his feelings for Abi. I think we’re still going to need to give him time.’

  Steve looked at Randall thoughtfully. ‘I guess you’re right. I didn’t understand the feelings between the two of them, but they did go deep, didn’t they? Although, you do know that they never actually slept together don’t you?’

  ‘No!’ Randall was astonished. ‘But they went to bed together, here. Are you sure?’

  Steve nodded. ‘James told me himself. I was trying to tease him about it but he was getting all defensive, until he confessed that nothing had actually happened. Apparently Abi was so shattered that she just went to sleep.’

  Randall sat back, contemplating what Steve had just told him. At first it didn’t make sense. He had seen how in love with each other they were, and it was only natural that they should want to consummate the relationship. But as he thought through it, he knew that what Richard had told him would be true. James cared for Abi, and had only wanted the best for her. If she had wanted to sleep, he would have let her, putting what he wanted second to her needs. He sighed. ‘Poor James! To fall in love with someone, have them die and not even manage to …’ Randall paused. Normally he would have finished that sentence with ease, but because Abi was dead it seemed somehow wrong to think of her like that. Instead he went off at a tangent. ‘I don’t think that I could cope with that. I’d go completely to pieces!’

  ‘So would I,’ Steve agreed with him. ‘Let’s hope that isn’t what has just happened to James.’

  The two of them exchanged looks, but were now at a loss for words. The subject was a painful one, and neither of them wanted to carry on talking about it, but could think of nothing else to say either, so they settled down in silence to await James’s return.

  Neither of them were sure how long they waited, but it seemed like forever before the door opened and James came into the room. Randall and Steve leapt to their feet but stayed where they were, unsure how to react to James’s presence.