Fast Forward

by Juliet Madison

  Hang on … business … assuming she meant my business, then I must actually own KC Interiors!

  “Who would have thought all those years ago that it would turn out so successful, huh?” Kasey added. “Must be the fantastic name we came up with.” She winked.

  We came up with it? But it obviously stood for Kelli Crawford, my maiden name.

  “I’m glad you eventually surrendered the ‘Kelli’s Designs’ idea and went with mine. I mean, KC Interiors—it’s just so brilliant how we combined our names. Poor old Will, not getting any naming rights, but he does own more of the company than I do and keeps the boat floating so to speak. We couldn’t have done it without him.” Kasey leaned forward. “Although, he couldn’t have done it without us. Your talent, my money and his business skills … perfect!”

  So much information circled around my head trying to be processed, new revelations continually added to the proverbial merry-go-round in my mind. So, my sister was part owner of my business … and William and I were not only husband and wife, but business partners. Whatever happened to not mixing business with pleasure? And the name, KC … aha! Kay-Cee … Ka-sey … Kasey Interiors! We used our initials which just so happened to sound like Kasey’s name. It was brilliant.

  Despite momentary pride at my success and the relief that I wasn’t just a housewife after all, I still didn’t understand why I hadn’t become a successful model. Mum would have loved it … would have been so proud. I remembered what the psychic said about her being sorry and I felt all weird inside, so I made the effort to push the memory from my mind.

  When the waiter arrived with our meals I was anxious to check out the turken and broccolato. I immediately sliced off a tender chunk and pierced my fork into the flesh, along with a fragment of the crispy rosti.

  “Holy crap!” I exclaimed after a deep moan. “This is freakin’ delicious.”

  Kasey’s loaded fork paused near her open mouth and her eyes widened. A serious looking woman with lips like a taut rubber band glared my way from the table near us.

  “What?” As I asked the question I realised I had spoken like a twenty-five-year-old as opposed to a mature woman of a certain age. Oh, and freakin’ probably wasn’t the word of the moment in the future … although had I heard Ryan saying it earlier? I couldn’t remember. Nothing new there.

  From then on I used more appropriate words like divine, mouth-watering and heavenly, while Kasey simply said her meal was great as usual. When we’d finished our lunch and a dessert of—get this—oyster ice cream on honeycomb wafers, I downed a mouthful of the rich, warm liqueur-free affogato I’d decided to indulge in, despite having had more than enough caffeine and adrenalin for one day. Not to mention dairy. Whether it was the melted cheese on the turken or the oyster ice cream or the affogato I didn’t know, but my stomach was bloating like a balloon. Well, considering the fact that I woke up with a balloon-like stomach anyway, it was filling up like a large helium-filled balloon. With any luck it would continue inflating and float my cumbersome body back to the past. Hopefully it wouldn’t suddenly deflate with a high-pitched squeal.

  “Did you forget to take your enzyme tablets?” Kasey asked, gesturing towards my stomach as I rubbed it a little. “You’ve probably overdone the lactose.”

  “Damn.” I nodded. I didn’t know where to find any tablets as I wasn’t even carrying a handbag. No one seemed to carry handbags. Poor Prada must be out of business by now. Just me and my e-pad. Unless the e-pad also stored tablets, as well as glasses for my failing eyesight? It could be like a Mary Poppins e-pad.

  “I’m sure it’ll pass,” Kasey said, indulging in an affogato too and for the first time since I sat down opposite her at the table I noticed the diamond glinting on her left hand. On the finger … as in the engagement-wedding-marriage finger. A single stone cradled by a spiral of gold melded perfectly alongside a plain gold band.

  My sister was married! I couldn’t believe it. Kasey … a wife? I never thought I’d see the day. Well I’d guessed it was always possible, but I never saw her as the marrying type. Once, when she was about seventeen, I even thought she might be gay because she seemed to brighten up whenever my friend Rachel came over. But it turned out she just wanted to be one of us, although she never was. She was and always would be in my eyes, Kasey the bug-obsessed tomboy … which, as it seemed, had worked out well for her.

  “How’s hubby?” I couldn’t resist asking. I wanted the goss.

  “He’s great. Busy with his new anti-skin cancer campaign. I’m so proud of all the awareness he’s raised.”

  Twenty five years later and skin cancer remained a problem by the sounds of it. Probably due to that global warming stuff. Kasey’s husband was probably a medical type too, some kind of doctor or researcher perhaps? I bet he and Kasey were like twins. Two little (well, not that little) scientific types discussing bugs and … holo-ink over the breakfast table.

  “Sounds like he’s been a busy boy,” I added, hoping for more details.

  “Yes, but not too busy to come to your party tonight, of course. We’re both looking forward to it.”

  Oh yay, I’d get to meet her husband. How cute! I smiled at my little sister, feeling suddenly protective and big-sisterly and guilty for the many times I’d made fun of her as a child.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” Kasey asked with one eyebrow cocked.

  “It’s just, well, do you remember the night before my twenty-fifth birthday (last night to be exact, but what could I say?), when you got upset at the bar and stormed off during my speech?”

  Kasey’s eyebrows drew together and she tapped at her chin. “Oh yes, you were talking about your fantastic life, while I was thinking how crappy mine was.”

  “Well, I can’t remember if I ever apologised for whatever it was that upset you and for any times I made you feel left out. So, I’m apologising now. I’m sorry.”

  Kasey flicked her hand towards me. “Oh, don’t be silly, it’s all in the past. And besides, I was really only upset that night because of Dad.”

  “Dad?”

  “Yeah. You would have been a mess too if you’d just found out the father you thought was flesh and blood wasn’t your biological father after all.”

  Whoa, what?

  A splatter of coffee escaped my lips and I wiped it away quickly with my hand.

  “I didn’t want to disturb your birthday celebrations by telling you I was only your half-sister, which is why I waited till the day after your birthday to tell you.”

  I wanted to yell out at the top of my lungs, Mum had an affair? and We have different fathers? but it took all my effort to remain composed. Besides, if I let loose my stomach probably would too.

  Kasey looked concerned at my spluttering, so I lied and told her some coffee went down the wrong way.

  “So I wasn’t really upset with you at all that night, I was just feeling … like a reject, I guess. But at least it all made sense after that. I mean, you and I, we were always so different. And with Dad being a builder, a practical man who never finished high school, and Mum not having a scientific bone in her body, it was strange how I didn’t resemble them. Even though I had Mum’s genes too, I obviously took after the scientific, enquiring mind of Mum’s physiotherapist.”

  Oh man, I couldn’t believe it! Mum had an affair with her physio and the result of that was Kasey. Dad probably believed she was his child.

  “So when did Dad find out about the affair again, I can’t remember?”

  “Just before Mum died she confessed. Said she didn’t love the other guy, just fell in love with the pain relief he was sometimes able to provide.”

  “I can’t believe he waited so long to tell us.”

  “Yeah, but I guess he was only looking out for me in his own way. Not wanting to tell me until I’d finished school and got my degree. But then I told him I was going to keep studying for my Masters, followed by a PhD and the poor guy probably thought he’d never find a good time to tell me the trut
h!” Kasey took a quick sip of her coffee which had now melted the ice cream in the affogato.

  “So,” I began tentatively, “Do you know if he’s coming tonight?” I really wanted to talk to Dad and understand everything that had happened all those years ago.

  Kasey looked at me with morbid disgust. “What do you mean is he coming tonight?”

  “I mean, I’m not sure who’s on the guest list so I was just wondering …”

  “Stop joking around, Sis. I wish I could see him again too sometimes but at six feet under, I doubt that’ll be happening anytime soon.”

  It was as though my heart was in an elevator that had just plummeted from top to bottom of a thirty storey building.

  “Dad’s … dead?”

  Chapter 10

  Four Hours to Go

  “The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.”

  –Muhammad Ali

  “Kel, are you okay?” Kasey leaned forward and placed her hand on my arm. “Will texted me earlier to say you were feeling … vulnerable.”

  “I … I don’t understand how Dad could have … died.” My voice shook.

  “Kel, the pancreatic cancer took him a few years back. I know we haven’t discussed it much, but I feel bad too, not having been there to say goodbye.”

  “Why? Why did this have to happen?”

  “Just life, I guess. If he hadn’t expanded his building company overseas to work on those commercial developments, maybe we would have got to him sooner. But there’s no point feeling guilty now.” Kasey gave my arm a light squeeze.

  I shook her hand from my arm, too raw for human touch.

  “The disease came on so fast there was nothing we could have done to help. He wouldn’t have wanted us to see him suffer. It’s understandable he didn’t contact us till it was close to the end.” Kasey shook her head slowly from side to side. “It’s such a shame that he’d gone by the time we arrived at the hospital, I often wonder … if only we’d left a day earlier.”

  The emptiness sat heavy in my chest like a brick, weighing down my lungs, unable to breathe. Both my parents. Gone. I had never felt so alone in all my life.

  “Oh, sorry Kel. I shouldn’t be dredging up the past on your birthday,” Kasey said, a look of concern on her face.

  “No, it’s okay,” I replied. “I need to talk about it. I don’t want Dad to be forgotten.” I paused, silent for a moment. “When did I last see him?” I asked, tears threatening to spill from my eyes. “I need to remember the last time I saw him.”

  “I think it was about a year before he died, when you took that quick trip? I didn’t go of course … too caught up in my work.”

  “Oh, yes. That’s right.” How could I have let a whole year go by without seeing him again? Kasey must have been absent a lot longer. “Did you ever actually visit him, overseas?” I asked with a curious eye, as though it had simply slipped my mind.

  My sister shook her head. “The last time I saw him was before he moved away. The damage had already been done by then. We’d gradually grown distant since he revealed the truth about Mum’s affair.” Kasey’s chin dropped to her chest. “I think it hurt him to see me. To be reminded of Mum’s infidelity. I don’t think he felt paternal about me anymore.”

  My chair screeched as I stood up and pushed back tears. “I’m sorry, I have to go,” I said. How could our family have become such a mess?

  “Wait, Kelli, talk to me. Why are you so upset after all these years?” Kasey stood too.

  “My father died! I haven’t even said goodbye! I wish I could see him, I miss him. It can’t be true, it can’t be! I just want to go home!” The tears flooded my face. Overwhelmed with the desperate need to escape, my eyes darted to the exit.

  Kasey grabbed my arm. “I know it’s an emotional day for you and it’s normal to be reminded of the fact that Dad’s not here. Not to mention Mum,” she began. “But you need to be thankful that you’re here, that you’re healthy and make the most of your life. Dad wouldn’t want you to be upset.”

  With tears burning in my eyes, I looked at my sister, now an elegant yet blurry blob in front of me … and saw Mum’s eyes. We may be half-sisters, but we came from the same womb.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m so upset.” I tried wiping my tears with my hands but the sleek liquid only spread further around my face. Kasey handed me a napkin and I dabbed at them, no doubt messing up Barb’s handiwork. “You’re right, I’m just emotional today and…” I realised the whole cafe was staring at us and felt bad for Kasey who probably knew most of the people, “… and I’m going to make the most of my birthday. I just need some time alone to clear my head and get back to normal.” Whatever that was. “I have to go, but thank you. Thank you for a … beautiful lunch.” I gave her a brief hug but my body was desperate to move, to get away and let off steam.

  “Will you be okay?” she asked.

  I puffed out my chest. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry. I’ll see you tonight.” I forced a smile and thanked her once again for my birthday lunch, before scurrying out the door with an audience of concerned onlookers. Poor Kasey, I’d left her in the lurch again. Left her alone, to fend for herself.

  But I had to, I couldn’t do anything else right now but mourn my father and I needed to be alone to do it … which was extremely hard in a busy city on a Friday afternoon. I ran off towards an exit which led to an overpass; an enclosed pathway connecting the shopping centres with another building. The walls and roof were transparent, and the city crowd and traffic buzzed below. I stopped in the middle of the overpass to catch my breath, leaning on the wall.

  “Oh, Dad,” I whispered to myself, tears rolling down my face.

  A stranger stopped next to me to ask if I was okay, handing me a tissue and I nodded. I remembered the uncontrollable sadness that had washed over me when my mother died, and this was no different. Except I had seen my mother. I had said goodbye. I didn’t have any closure with Dad.

  A tiny bubble of hope surfaced then, when I realised that this life may not be hanging around too much longer. If I could go back, I would call my dad, go and see him, throw my arms around him and tell him to never move away from us. Tell him to sort things out with Kasey before they drifted apart. They may not be related, but they still loved each other. Dad raised her as his own, she was as much his daughter as I was.

  What if his cancer was somehow caused by unresolved emotions? If I could make things better between them when I got back, it might—just might be possible—to save his life. Couldn’t it? Those two hardly ever had a proper conversation and now I knew why. Come to think of it, Mum had treated Kasey differently too. Parents say they don’t have a favourite child, but I was definitely Mum’s favourite. I think Kasey was not only a reminder of Mum’s infidelity to Dad, but a reminder to Mum of her betrayal.

  My grief at Dad’s death merged with the relief of knowing that in my real life he was still alive and my urgency to get home intensified. But to do that, I had to keep it together. If I kept losing it, someone was sure to schedule an intervention. I had to keep pushing the emotions deep down inside and close the lid on them. I drew in a sharp breath and dabbed at my eyes with the stranger’s tissue. I had to get on with the day as planned and keep my eye on the prize: The birthday cake … my wish.

  With resolve I stood tall and my blurry vision cleared. I turned to walk back into the shopping centre when I caught sight of someone down in the street below. A man wearing a stylish grey suit, with balding grey hair and black-rimmed glasses sat at an outdoor cafe with a pretty woman half his age. He had one leg crossed, bouncing his foot up and down. As though he couldn’t sit still. Just like someone I knew …

  “Grant!” I screamed, all composure going AWOL as I rapped furiously on the glass wall of the overpass. “Baby, it’s me! I’ve found you!”

  The people walking through the overpass gave me strange looks but I didn’t care, I’d found my man! My eyes sca
nned the layout of the vicinity in which I stood, and then the street below, as though I was a cop on surveillance and had to plan the best available route to catch a criminal.

  I peered down into the street. There was an exit just under the overpass, not far from the cafe where Grant was. Pinning his location in my mind, I ran back into the shopping centre and towards the escalator/lift thingy, excusing myself past a slow group of people to get inside the closest compartment. It took me downwards in a smooth, almost instant ride and when the doors opened I pushed through excitedly. “Excuse me … sorry … excuse me,” I kept saying. I hurried to the exit on the left, almost colliding with an automated wheelchair-vehicle of some kind driven by an elderly man.

  “Grant!” I called as I launched myself outside, turning towards the cafe. He was gone. Grant was gone!

  My eyes practically exploded from their sockets as I searched to find him in the crowd. On trembling legs, I ran swiftly to the cafe table where he’d been sitting. I spun around one way and then the other. Passersby bumped into me from all sides and I had no choice but to move with the crowd. Then I saw him…crossing the road.

  “Grant!” I called out, but he didn’t hear me. “Grant!” I yelled louder.

  I looked left, right and stepped onto the road. A car narrowly missed me. The driver slammed on brakes and beeped the horn. Waving an apology, I stepped onto the sidewalk on the other side of the road and rushed up behind my boyfriend.

  “Grant!”

  He turned around, his framed eyes connecting with mine. Only they didn’t completely connect; his held uncertainty for a moment. “Yes?”

  “It’s me! I’m so glad I found you!” I clasped my hands around his wrists and leaned close to him. He had a paler look about him and fine creases hung at the corner of his eyes, but he was still my Grant.

  He pulled back, releasing my hands and the woman next to him glared at me. “Who …” he began, but just as the words came out of his mouth realisation dawned in his eyes. “Kelli?”