by Alexa Davis
“But I suppose I should have known better. I guess the fact that he’s never bothered with his own child should have been clue enough that he would never be in it for the long term.”
My eyes snapped up at that, my heart stopping. Did she just say what I thought she did? That Matthew had a child? Holy fuck, I wouldn’t even know where to begin with that one. I wouldn’t even know what to do.
Seeing that I was stunned by this news, a tiny smirk played on Terri’s lips. It was only for a split second, but it was long enough for me to see it. A sickness began to swirl around in my stomach, as I waited for her to speak out once more. But she remained silent, tormenting me with her eyes, forcing me to ask the one question I didn’t know the answer to.
“He...he has a child?” My palms were sweating, my fingers trembling, my knees knocking together. I almost couldn’t bear the strained atmosphere that was circling us.
Oh, my God, I wanted to scream. Just put me out of my misery already!
“Oh yeah, didn’t you know? Everyone else does, I’m surprised you haven’t heard it yet, even if you have only been here for a while.” She stepped closer to me, tapping her fingers on her hips, making me look at her overtly sexy curves without even wanting to. Had Matthew really been hooking up with this girl? Why the hell would he go from her to me? She was so much hotter. “He has a kid with Kerri.”
As soon as those words left her lips, any cool façade simply fell away. I felt the rug pulled out from beneath me, literally causing me to stagger backwards. Was that possible? Could that be the case?
Kerri had certainly been very evasive when I asked her about who Grant’s dad was, almost weirdly so, which lined up with this story. Plus, if he was a womanizer, he could have easily charmed her into bed. Maybe it was on a night she was feeling lonely. Maybe they were drunk. By the time he came to her, we hadn’t spoken for many years, so it was unlikely that either of them would hold any loyalty to me anymore.
Then I came back, and fucked up everything. It was unlikely that either of them would feel brave enough to tell me...especially after I drunkenly screwed Matthew again.
Holy fuck!
Was that why she hooked up with Willy? Someone she didn’t seem to like? Was it because Matthew had rejected her, and their son, so she wanted some revenge? Did she sense he was into me, so she went off with someone else?
I thought I was about to throw up, so I pushed past a content Terri, making my excuses. I raced into the bathroom to give myself somewhere more discrete to throw up, should it come to that.
I panted heavily, leaning over the toilet, but it quickly became clear that nothing was going to come up, so I slid backwards and allowed my butt to crash against the cold, tiled ground with a thud. My head pounded with heat, while my mind ran free with images of the pair of them together. It was possible, I knew it was; that was why Terri’s story cut so deep.
If everything she’d just told me was the truth, then Matthew really wasn't the man that I thought he was. Maybe that nasty side I saw to him when my dad died was the truth of him after all; maybe that was the guy he’d become more of over time.
I stood up, knowing I was going to have to get myself ready for work regardless of what I thought about Matthew. He might be a total dickhead, but he was my employer now, and I needed him to pay my wages. I couldn't ask him about any of this, especially not in the workplace, because I needed this job so damn badly.
I was going to have to just avoid him at all costs, focusing only on the job at hand instead. No more cozy chats, no more lunches together: I was only there to work.
I would have to speak to Kerri about her and Matthew, instead of him. I could trust her a whole lot more. I felt that if I went to her with this and asked her outright, I might stand a chance of getting the damn truth.
*****
The day that followed was absolutely exhausting. I was exhausted purely from having to actively avoid Matthew and Terri, so by the time I could get the hell out of the place, I stalked out without a second glance. Matthew was probably confused as to why I hadn’t even said goodbye, but I didn’t give a shit about that. He could think whatever he damn well pleased about me.
I needed to get home quickly, to veg out and wallow in my own, negative emotions, but I couldn't just yet because I had to head to the pharmacy first. Mom needed a whole bunch of new meds, and while I was in high spirits in the morning, if I’d known how my day was going to go, I might not have been so kind as to pick them up.
Actually, that was unfair. Mom was up and down a lot, so of course I would have unselfishly offered. It was just a pain in the ass when I wasn’t in the mood.
“Oh my God, Ashlee Baker, is that you?” a vaguely familiar voice called out the second I stepped through the doors. “I mean, I knew that your mother had returned to town, but I didn’t realize it was a package deal.”
I took me a second of staring at him blankly to realize that it was Harry from my old school, the one who held the graduation party that caused everything to fall apart. I’d all but forgotten that his family owned this place; to be honest, I never thought that I would see him working there. Back in the older days, he was much too spoiled to ever get a job.
But as my eyes travelled up and down his broader, more muscular body, drinking in the sexy goatee sitting on his chin, it was obvious to me that the over the last decade, the boy had done some serious growing up.
“Oh, hi, Harry,” I smiled up at him. “It’s nice to see you again. How are things?”
“Good, good. I take it that you’re here for your mother’s medication?” I nodded and watched him scurry off to sort it out. At least some people had changed since high school; it was a relief to see that I wasn't on my own with that one. “So, how long are you back for?” he asked me as he handed me the bag of stuff. “It would be nice to hang out with you while you’re here, catch up and stuff?”
I looked into his eyes, wondering if this was a date or a friend thing...and did it really matter either way? Since it was obvious that things between me and Matthew were never going to become anything, why not see what else is out there?
“I’m back for the foreseeable future,” I told him, my heart pounding with excitement at the snap decision that my brain had just made for me. “And a drink sounds lovely. When would you like to go?”
Chapter Nineteen
Matthew
Wednesday
What the fuck is going on?
That thought kept rolling over and over in my mind as the day went on. Why was Ashlee acting so weird around me? It didn’t make any sense. The last thing I could remember was us having an awesome lunch together, getting along well. What had happened between that moment and today? What could I have done in that time?
I decided to ask her at the end of the day, once all the patients had gone home, to get everything out in the open before it festered and became a real issue. I wanted to resolve whatever I’d done to upset her as quickly as possible.
But as the end of the day rolled around, I watched in shock as she rapidly grabbed her things and stomped out from the clinic without even glancing at anyone else. My heart thumped painfully in my chest, my eyes ached with the image of her walking out on me, and that only got worse as I spun around to see Terri with a bitchy, happy grin on her face.
“What did you do?” I asked her in a warning tone of voice.
“I don't know what you mean,” she grinned as a reply. “I’ve just been keeping to myself all day.”
“Don't play dumb with me,” I snapped as a red, misty rage descended over me. “Just tell me what you’ve done.”
“Oh, you know,” she shrugged, acting all innocent. “I just told Ashlee the truth.”
Truth? What truth? Was she referring to the money? The damn lottery ticket that was already making my life a misery? Why would she tell Ashlee? And why would it piss her off?
“What do you mean?” I stepped closer to her, wanting her to see how angry she was making me. I wanted her to te
ll me the truth now, and I was getting increasingly annoyed that she seemed to be insisting on playing games. “What the fuck are you going on about?”
“I told her about me and you,” she teased, swaying her hips at me, biting her lip as if she was trying to seduce me, rather than wreck my life. “I told her about how you like to fuck me in the janitor’s closet,” she was near enough now to breathe that sentence on my cheek, sending that boiling sensation racing all over me once more. “I told her how you’re a real boob man, and that you never neglect the nipples. I told her how you like it when my mouth is all over you.”
“Fucking hell, Terri,” I burst out in temper. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“What do you mean?” she asked, with a quiet smile in her voice. “What’s wrong with that? I’m just staking my claim. You think that now you’ve won that money, you can just blow me off and screw whomever you want? I don't think so.”
God, is this girl fucking mental? I couldn't have made it any clearer that we weren’t anything to one another. How was I going to get it through to her that we were never going to be? If telling her straight out wasn't enough, what was going to be?
“It isn’t like that, Terri, and you know it,” I sighed dejectedly. “This has nothing to do with any money or anything, and you know that. This is to do with me and you, and the fact that we’re not right for one another.”
“Oh, and she is right for you?” Terri practically screamed in my face. “We were fine until she came along. I don't understand what it is about her that’s so special. You’ve fucked other people while we’ve been hooking up, but you’ve always come back to me. That must mean something; you must feel something for me. Why can’t you see that?”
Fucking hell, this couldn't have gone any worse!
“No, Terri, it’s never been that way between us. I thought you got that. I thought we had an agreement.”
“Fuck you,” she spat out, placing her palms firmly on my chest and shoving me backwards. I went to grab hold of her wrists, to stop her from pushing me again, but before I got the opportunity to do so, her hand connected with my cheek painfully, causing a loud slapping sound to ring out around the entire building.
That was it – that was the moment that I’d truly had enough.
“Get out, Terri,” I told her in a calm and considered tone of voice. “And don't come back. You’re fired. I’ll have your final paycheck sent to your house.”
“But-” she tried to interrupt, but I wasn't having any of it.
“But nothing,” I shook my head seriously at her. “You’ve just assaulted your employer. I could get the police involved if I wanted to.” Of course, I had no intention of doing that. I wasn't exactly innocent in this situation, but I wanted her to understand how much I meant this. Subtle hints did not seem to work with Terri.
Her face went through a whole range of emotions before she seemed to settle on a weird sort of acceptance – one that mixed an intense need for revenge in her eyes. I didn’t want to know what she had in store for me; all I wanted was for her to go. I wanted my biggest mistake to be gone forever so that I could try and make things up with up with Ashlee.
“You’ll be sorry,” she told me sinisterly. “If you ever come forward for that money, I think that the press will be very interested in what I have to tell them.”
God, even the thought of the stories that Terri could come up with filled me with dread. But I couldn't let that derail me; there was no way that we could be around one another again. That was one step too far – this needed to end.
Then, much to my relief, she grabbed all her stuff and walked off. As the door clattered behind her, I let out a deep breath I hadn’t even realized I was holding before moving on to my next issue.
I needed to get to Ashlee right away and talk to her about this very uncomfortable topic. I didn’t like the idea of her finding out the ugly side of me that came out as she moved away, but I knew that if we were ever going to have to have a chance at a future, I was going to have to lay myself bare. I wouldn’t be able to hide away any of who I was, wanting make myself look better. I would simply have to tell her everything to get the clean slate I so desperately needed.
It wasn't going to be a nice conversation to have, but it had to be done sooner or later, and Terri had just forced my hand.
I whizzed the car over to Ashlee’s home, all the time trying desperately to work out how to word this in the best way, but my brain was coming up with nothing. Instead, it just kept reminding me of that night again. Hopefully this time it would lead to a better result.
My heart hammered as I waited impatiently for someone to answer my knock on the door. I hopped from foot to foot, internally cursing Terri all over again. This shouldn’t be essential; this was her fault. I was glad I wouldn’t have to see her again. Well, probably not ever; this wasn't a huge town, after all, but at least it wouldn’t be in a professional environment.
As the door swung open, I could tell from Ashlee’s face that she’d already seen my car in the driveway and she wasn't happy about me being there. I was going to have to jump in quickly if I didn’t want to be immediately sent away.
“Please, just let me in,” I pleaded, clasping my hands together in a begging gesture. There was no room for pride anymore. “I know what Terri told you, and I really want to explain myself.”
For a split second, it looked like she was going to send me away, but luckily, she seemed too intrigued to resist. I didn’t care whatever got me inside, just that I would be able to talk to her. She stepped backwards, allowing me inside, then she took me into her front room where I perched on the edge of my seat.
“I’m sorry about what Terri told you. I didn’t mean for you to find out that way.” I glanced up into her eyes, to see there was nothing but fury there. I didn’t like her giving me that look; it felt all too familiar, so I allowed my eyes to find my shoes once more. “I admit that I have hooked up with a lot of women, including her, and I know now that it was wrong. I always tried to be honest with my intentions from the get go, to prevent anyone from getting hurt, but it seems like I wasn't always successful in that.”
I gave her a second to interject with any questions of comments, but the atmosphere remained thick with an uncomfortable silence. “I guess that when you left, there was a void in my life.” It was time to be honest, to get all my feelings out in the open.
“I knew that I was never going to find anyone that I liked as much as you, so I just stopped looking. I was also scarred by how badly I fucked things up with us, so I wanted to keep my distance from everyone. I didn’t want to let anyone in.”
“Are you insane?” she finally burst out, making me jump. There was so much venom on her tongue that it hurt me to listen to it. “You think that I’m pissed off because you slept with other people while I was gone?” I stared at her, dumbfounded. If it wasn't that, then what was it?
“I was in New York for decade. Of course I know that you would have slept with other people. Hey, you might have even had a couple of relationships!” I didn’t like to tell her that I’d never even come close to a relationship, not when she was so clearly on a roll.
“But what I didn’t expect to find out was that you’d actually slept with one of my best friends. And not only that, you have a child with her that you don't even acknowledge, never mind look after.”
Huh? What the hell was she on about? Terri hadn’t mentioned any of this craziness to me. It took me aback so much that I didn’t even know what to say. Did she mean Kerri? Why the hell would I be Grant’s father when we’d never even slept together?
And why couldn't I just say that aloud? What the hell was wrong with me?
“Look,” Ashlee continued, standing up. “I have a date in a minute that I really need to get ready for. So, I would appreciate it if you would just let yourself out.”
As she turned to walk up the stairs, I screamed at myself to say anything, to tell her that it wasn't true, to defend myself again that
crazy rumor, but I didn’t. I simply sat there, staring like an idiot, realizing that she was slowly slipping through my fingers.
If I let her go now, she would go on a date with some guy, and she might fall for him. I wanted to stop her from that, to claim her as my own, but I was also acutely aware that it wouldn’t work, not tonight, not while she was in that mood, so I rose from my seat and I walked towards her front door, desperately hoping that I wasn't about to lose her forever all over again.
Chapter Twenty
Ashlee
Wednesday Dinner
I really wasn't in the mood for drinks with Harry. I’d been all for it when I was in the pharmacy, but then Matthew had come over spewing all kinds of random bullshit that basically confirmed everything Terri had told me about him. He really had become a womanizer, a man who only cared about getting with as many girls as possible, and he could try and blame that on me leaving as much as he wanted, but it was him that drove me away in the first place!
A couple of tears fell down my cheeks as I heard the front door click behind him, but as they were mostly from frustration, I brushed them off and focused my attention on my outfit, instead. I tried to see it as a step in the right direction, as a positive move, but my mind couldn't get off Matthew and all I’d learned about him.
In the end, I decided on a pair of simple, black jeggings and a red, oversized, floaty top. It wasn't the best outfit that I’d ever worn, but it looked okay. It would do, at any rate.
I forced myself out of the house, saying a quick goodbye to my mother, and I made my way to the bar. Well, it was more of a coffee shop that sold alcohol, but that was perfect for me. As long as we weren’t at the bar where things happened with Matthew, I didn’t care.
But I quickly found myself there alone.
Eight o’clock rolled by, and Harry didn’t show up. Then it got to ten past eight. I didn’t particularly want to come on this date, but I was utterly fuming that he wasn't even going to show up. How fucking rude was that? Why ask me to go out with him, just to not show? What the hell was that all about? I just didn’t get it. What was wrong with all the guys in my life?