Forsaken Duty, The Red Team Series, Book 9

by Elaine Levine

  “Want to go see the puppies?” Zavi asked Troy, who nodded, giving the long hallway a last look.

  “We’ll go with you,” Blade said, holding his hand out for Eddie.

  Angel checked Selena’s reaction to what had just happened. “You okay?”

  She nodded. “Why wouldn’t I be? Why do you guys keep asking me that?”

  Angel shrugged. “Greer was taking bets on which cousin you’d hook up with.”

  Val laughed.

  “Assholes,” Selena muttered. “I’m gonna cause Greer some pain.” She looked around for him, but he’d slipped away from the group.

  Ace came forward. “Good idea, Sel. My brother’s an idiot. Let’s go make a plan for that pain.”

  “Shit,” Val said as they walked away. “That can’t be good.”

  “You weren’t in on that bet, were you?” Wynn asked Angel.

  He started to nod, then shook his head, making a full circle. “No. No, that would have been inappropriate.” Wynn’s brows lifted. He looked over Wynn’s head and mouthed, “Help me,” to Val.

  Val grinned and tucked his hands up under his armpits as he looked around at the group, his expression soft. “I love my family.” He nodded toward the two women who went outside. “Even the vicious ones.”

  Mandy gave him a hug. “We love you too.”

  “So, did you find my fake parents?” Wynn asked Angel.

  “We did,” Angel said. “They seem legit. Max is processing them in the bunker. We were going to give them some time to get settled, maybe let them eat in their room. They’re anxious to talk to you.”

  “Yeah, me too. But I don’t want to do it alone.”

  “I’ll be there,” Angel said.

  “Can everyone be there? I don’t trust them. And I don’t trust myself to hear them properly, if they really are my parents.”

  Val nodded. “We got your back. How about after dinner, we bring them down to the living room? I’m sure Greer’s got a thumb press somewhere.” He looked at Angel. “You got the water board?”

  Angel laughed.

  “Torture isn’t necessary. Just don’t leave me alone with them,” Wynn said.

  Angel put his arm around her shoulders. “Never. How about we go see those puppies? They make everyone’s day better.”

  “You sure it’s okay to leave Troy with them?” Addy asked.

  “Absolutely,” Owen said. “Mandy’s as fierce a mother as you are. If she needs us, she’ll come get us.”

  He opened the door, then kicked it closed behind him, setting her on her feet outside the bathroom.

  “I’m not fierce.”

  “Aw, sweetheart. You are the very definition of fierce. It’s an honor to have you in my heart.”

  She pressed her hand to his chest.

  He caught her fingers and lifted them for a kiss. “Addy, I know that things between you and others haven’t been good. I need you to know I’m not like them. I will never shame you or hurt you.”

  Her eyes lowered to his chest. He bent a little to get her to look at him.

  “So much hate. So much time lost,” she whispered.

  He nodded. “And so much time still to come. We can begin again. Now. Here.”

  “Shut the door on the past?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I can’t until I get Augie back.”

  “Just our past. Augie’s our future.”

  “Your letters were beautiful.”

  “Did you read them?”

  “All of them. I’ve been crying for days.”

  Owen sucked in a sharp breath. He smoothed his thumb over her cheek. “That was never my intention.”

  “I wish I’d gotten them when you wrote them.” She looked up at him. “Did you get the man you were after? And the doctors?”

  “We got the doctors. They’re a little traumatized, but safe now. Jafaar got away.” He kissed her forehead. “Addy, I desperately need a shower.”

  She nodded. “I could use one too.”

  He smiled as he stared into her eyes, framing the sides of her face with his hands. She’d always been smaller than him, but now he realized how much smaller. Something about her big personality always made her seem larger than life. Her hands moved from his forearms to his shoulders. He looked at her as he started to unbutton her shirt. He hoped she didn’t notice his hands shaking. Shadows still filled her eyes.

  He leaned close to whisper, “There is only us now, my Laidy.”

  She shook her head, sorrow in her eyes. “There’s never only us when there’s everything else in between us.”

  He knew what she was talking about. All those years. All the others they’d been with—through choice and force. He took hold of her waist and pulled her close. “Let’s let it all go, all of it, even if it’s just for this moment. I accept your past. I hate it. I would undo it if I could. But we’re here, safe, together—just where I always wanted us. I’ll make you forget the others.”

  Panic flashed in her eyes. “I don’t want you to make me do anything.”

  He reached over and locked his door. “Can I at least make you scream with pleasure?”

  She shook her head. “Especially that. No sex that makes me scream.” Tears filled her eyes.

  Owen brushed them away with his thumbs as he leaned his forehead to hers. He just wanted her to know that she was safe with him, that’d he’d never hurt her, that they could stop whenever she wanted. But all this talking was digging a hole for them fast.

  “Laidy,” he said as he caught her face between his hands and brought her focus to him. “There’s so much I want to say, but I don’t think words matter now. Only time does, and that’s not something we can have instantly, so I’m just going to ask for your trust.”

  She wrapped her hands around his wrists, smiling sadly as her gaze lowered to his lips. “I guess we begin over now.”

  “I’d like that.” He grinned. “Damn, I’m as nervous as a kid.”

  Her arms went around his neck. “Show me, Owen. Show me what your love feels like.”

  He kissed her mouth, then stepped back and tore the Velcro straps of his Kevlar free and set it next to the wall. He took off his tan pullover and tossed it and his tee on the floor. Sitting on the bed, he untied his boots and kicked them off.

  He put his pistol in the drawer of his nightstand and was about to drop his cargos but stopped, distracted by the sight of her undressing. He watched as she unbuttoned the rest of her blouse, pulling it from her waistband. Her hair was still short, but had grown out another inch since he first saw her. It was darker than the white blond it had been when they were kids, but its current color was much richer with its streaks of browns and light blonds.

  He reached over and fingered a few locks. She looked up at him, then let her gaze roam freely over his chest. He wasn’t a hairy man—just had a little golden furring over his pecs. He wondered if that was to her liking. Not much he could do about it either way; he wasn’t about to suffer through what Val did in the name of manscaping.

  He needn’t have worried. Her eyes darkened as she looked him over. He knew he’d changed in the decade they’d been apart. Bulked up quite a bit. Working out was his refuge. Then tears filled her eyes when her gaze hit the fading bruises that lingered from his time with Edwards.

  “Owen. God.” Her cold hands touched his hot skin. His body contracted at the gentle contact. He didn’t stop her hands from touching his blotchy patches. It was like she was putting him back together. When she met his eyes again, he bent over and kissed her, long and deeply, wanting to distract her.

  Her hands began to fuss at something near his crotch. He looked down to see her unfastening her jeans. She pushed them down her hips, revealing a pair of light pink panties. So goddamned feminine. Her legs were lean and soft. He pushed his cargos down, exposing his black boxer briefs and the hard-on they barely contained.

  Her lips parted as she saw how ready he was for her. He stepped closer to her, studying her as he pushed her b
louse off her shoulders. Gooseflesh rose across her skin as he helped her take off her tank top. Her bra matched her panties. Its silk cups held generous breasts. She was bigger there than he remembered. He smiled as he rubbed his hands over her upper arms.

  “You’re beautiful,” he said, then took her hand and led her toward the bathroom.

  He put a couple of towels on the warming rack, set some washcloths in the shower, then started the water to warm it up before they got in. He took out a box of condoms and removed one. When he looked up, he caught the sight of her in the big mirror over the sink. She was completely nude. His mouth went dry.

  Turning, he pushed his boxer briefs off, then pulled her against his body, feeling her soft skin from his chest all the way down his thighs. Though slim, she was curvy in all the right places, the complete opposite of him. He kissed her as he held her close.

  Steam was filling the bathroom. He opened the stall door and set the condom where he could reach it. After adjusting the temperature of the water, he let her get in first. Standing with her in the hot stream of water, he ran his hand down the side of her face, over her chin, down her neck, down her chest, ending at her navel. It was a shame her scars were all on the inside. They were harder to heal because they couldn’t be seen, and she was the only one who could feel them.

  He moved his head into the stream of water, hiding his tears. He pulled her against his body, letting the water wash over both of them. Her arms were folded between their bodies at first. He held her until she slipped her arms under his to wrap them around his back. The roar of the water was loud in his ears. He felt her body shake as her tears came. He held her as she wept. Such quiet rage. She should scream and pound him. He kissed her temple, holding her until the storm broke.

  “Addy, my Laidy, wash me. I’ll wash you. We’ll purge the pain.”

  She pulled free. Taking up the soap, she lathered a cloth then began stroking it over him. “Your bruises hurt me.”

  He nodded. “I know. It’s how I feel about your scars, the ones I know are there but I can’t see. I’ll give you my pain if you give me yours.”

  “How will that help?”

  He lifted his shoulders. “It’s how it works. We carry each other’s burdens. In time, they won’t wear so heavily on us.”

  She sighed. Her hand went still. “He was never kind to me. Even his polite words sliced like knives.”

  Owen nodded. The ugliness was coming out. He hoped that meant light was getting in. Her stories were going to randomly come out. He had to be man enough to listen to them. It was part of carrying her burdens. Each one she let out would be one fewer weighing her down.

  He lifted her chin and kissed her lips. They were soft under his. Her hands ran down his chest to his abdomen, then lower still. She wrapped her fingers around his dick. He felt himself jump in her hands. He deepened their kiss as he reached for the packet and covered himself.

  “Put your arms around me. Let me in, Laidy. Please.”

  She stood on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck. He caught her waist and lifted her so she could lock her legs over his hips. He moved to lean her against the wall of the shower, then slowly lowered her over his stiff cock. She pulled his face to hers and kissed him as he joined their bodies. The sensation was exquisite. With the hot water pounding down on his back, it was almost too much to feel. He began to move in her, slowly, gently, showing her with each stroke all the love and patience she’d never known.

  The heat grew. He shivered. The feel of her in his arms, her body, her pleasure offered up to him, was too much to hold back. He lifted her up and down, faster and faster. “Addy, I can’t—”

  She tightened her arms around his neck, lifting herself up to whisper in his ear, “It’s okay, Owen. Let go.”

  He bent his head into the nook of her neck and did just that, letting his body pump into hers, taking his release. It was beautiful. It was lonely. It was everything and nothing and nowhere near enough.

  21

  Addy’s panic set in as soon as they’d separated in the shower. She should have faked an orgasm. She knew to do that. She’d had years of training. How was Owen going to react to her failure? With fists? Or cutting words? Or threats against her boys?

  It was hard to breathe. The air was damp, but her mouth was dry.

  Owen got out of the shower first. He dropped the spent condom in the trash, then wrapped a towel around his waist. The other he brought back to drape over her. She ventured a fast look at him. His eyes were sad, as if she’d taken something from him. She looked away, uncertain what to do with that information. He’d be angry in a moment, when he realized it was her fault.

  Fear cooled the shower’s heat from Addy’s skin.

  She tried to calm her rising panic by remembering this was a new place, new rules, new people…new places to hide. Standing before her was the good Owen from her memories, but the bad Owen from all the lies she’d been told made her question her safety. A punch from him would hurt so much more than any of Cecil’s.

  He frowned at her, worry in his eyes. It was coming, the anger. It was getting even harder to breathe. Was this the real Owen, or was he playing a part? Was he really the bad Owen?

  “Do you need a moment?” he asked.

  She nodded, trying not to show the relief that stormed through her.

  “Take all the time you need. I’ll be waiting for you.”

  He closed the bathroom door behind him. The room’s steamy warmth was quickly evaporating. She stared at the door, wondering how much time he’d give her before he slammed back in. In a panic, she slipped out of the bathroom and out of his room, rushing into hers. She didn’t lock the door because that would only enrage him if he thought she was trying to avoid him.

  Instead, she dressed quickly, choosing a pair of beige slacks, a tank top, and a black V-neck sweater. She picked a pair of black stilettos that Cecil always favored. She’d just finished blow-drying her hair when she saw Owen leaning against the doorjamb of her bathroom, his arms and legs crossed, anger in his eyes. She jumped, then dropped her blow-dryer on the counter, the noise loud in the suddenly quiet room as the fall shut it off.

  “I’m sorry. I’m almost done.” She brushed out her hair, then scrambled to collect her makeup so she could apply it quickly—hard to do when her hands were shaking.

  “Done…doing what?”

  “Done cleaning up so I don’t look like a lowlife.”

  His brows lifted. Good and bad Owen tangled in her panicked mind, mixing with similar experiences with Cecil. Her husband’s wants changed on a dime. She could never make him happy enough to avoid his fists.

  “Who said you could ever look like a lowlife?”

  She lowered her gaze to the counter. Shame. She’d always let Cecil down, no matter how she tried not to. No matter how important it was to do the right thing for herself and the boys, she’d always failed. “He did.”

  “I’m not him.”

  She nodded quickly, trying to keep up with the issue at hand, her mind racing to see where it would fall out. “I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry for what?”

  She licked her lips but didn’t look at him. “For taking so long. I’ll just be a minute more.”

  “Laidy…I thought we were going back to bed. For at least a little bit, until they call us to talk to the doctors.”

  She looked at him, searching for the anger that preceded the fists. She nodded. “I just want to look right for you.”

  He frowned. “Do you always put makeup and clothes on before going to bed?”

  “H-he always liked it that way. Do you not?”

  Owen lifted a shoulder. “It’s not about what I like—it’s what you like that matters.”

  She looked away, trying to unravel that comment.

  “Baby, look at me.”

  She did. He was getting angrier. Her gaze darted around the bathroom for someplace she could take cover, but there was no place, and he didn’t move from the doorjamb.


  “Answer truthfully. Do you wear makeup to bed when you’re alone?”

  She shook her head.

  “Do you want to wear it to bed when you’re with me?”

  What was the right answer? What was it? “No.”

  “Then don’t. I’m not the boss of you. There are only two places in our lives where we aren’t equal: your security and your children. I’m in charge of the former; you’re in charge of the latter. Do you understand?”

  She nodded, but she didn’t understand. “I don’t like these clothes.” She looked at him quickly, surprised that popped out, wishing she could unsay it.

  “Then wear what you want to wear.”

  “I don’t have anything I like.” She quickly added, “It isn’t that I don’t like what I have. It’s just that sometimes I want to wear other things.”

  He smiled. “What do you want to wear?”

  “Slouchy clothes. Stretchy knits. Cheap jeans. Chucks. Nothing designer or couture.” She tossed the eyeshadow case across the counter. Did he know she was testing him? Pushing to see where he’d break and what her boundaries were? “And no makeup.”

  “Then we’ll get you those clothes. And you’re beautiful with or without makeup.”

  She looked at him. It was freeing being honest. He didn’t seem to be reacting negatively. “I don’t have any money. I’ve never had any of my own money. I can’t buy them.”

  “Would you accept a gift from me? A gift, Laidy. Something offered for no reason other than the giving.”

  Her eyes watered. She folded her lips together and bit them. She took a few breaths, calming herself at last. This was the good Owen. He’d met her crazed behavior without getting too upset with her. “I don’t know who I am, Owen. I don’t know if I can accept.”

  He came into the bathroom. She tensed when he lifted his arms, but he only wrapped them around her. “We’ll find you, Addy. I promise. It’s really a lot simpler than you’re thinking. There is no right or wrong when it comes to me or us. Listen to your heart. Listen to mine. Pick joy. All the time. That’s all there is to this.”

  She released a shaky breath, then leaned into him, really leaned. He took her weight without complaint. He was definitely the good Owen. There was no bad Owen. “I don’t know anything. I don’t know what end’s up, what’s real, what’s a nightmare. I want you, but I keep fearing evil Owen.”