Troy
Page 8
I sit on the edge of the bed and rest my head in my hands. How am I supposed to fucking concentrate with Addie nagging me all the damn time? I shift my head toward the bathroom door as it opens, and Kaci steps out rubbing at her sleepy eyes. How am I supposed to concentrate when I’m surrounded by so much temptation?
If my chest doesn’t loosen up soon I’ll have a fucking heart attack. I can’t take my eyes away from her; I can’t breathe in her presence. She is so fucking perfect. She slowly looks over at me, a shy grin tugging at her soft, kissable lips.
“You’re really beautiful.” The words slip from my lips with no thought from my brain. I mentally curse my mouth, wondering what the fuck is wrong with me.
She laughs unsteadily and lifts her hand to cover her lips. “I’m a mess, Troy.” She runs a hand in front of herself, indicating her perfectly rumpled appearance. “You can go out and get laid if you want. You clearly need it if you think I look anything other than complete hell right now.”
I sigh and drop my head back into my hands. Why did I have to say anything? The tension in my shoulders increases as I think about her getting laid by anyone other than me. There is something really wrong with me.
“I’m fine. I really can go a week without getting laid, Kace.” I mumble petulantly.
She laughs harder. “Sure you can.”
I set my gaze in a hard stare and lock it to hers until she stops laughing and sobers up. “You really don’t think very highly of me, do you?”
I don’t wait for a response. I grab up my duffle and head for a shower. I have too much shit to do today to worry about what one chick thinks about me, even if it’s Kaci, and even if she is fucking dead on. I am disgusting. I just never cared before. I shouldn’t care now. Why does it matter what Kaci thinks?
A timid knock comes at the door I’d only just shut. I crack it open and stare into regretful blue eyes.
“I’m sorry, Troy. I didn’t mean to offend you.” Her voice is timid and that musical lilt wraps around her words.
My shoulders shake with my humorless laugh. “You were just saying it like it is, right? Don’t worry your pretty little head over it, princess.”
Then I did what only an asshole like me would do. I shut the door in her face, and locked it. I lean my forehead against it for a minute, letting the pain settling in my chest tear free. I have to get a fucking grip on this. I either have to learn to control the feelings Kaci brings out in me, or spend the rest of this week in a painful, soul-searing, hell. I push myself from the door and set about getting ready. I have things I need to handle. Things way more important than this shit.
***
Kaci has been quiet the whole drive south, but her gaze periodically shifts to me. Her mouth opens as if to say something, but closes again quickly as she diverts her gaze elsewhere. So we drive to the run-down, ghetto apartment to meet a girl named Becky in silence.
I know that she is nervous, can tell by the bouncing of her knee and the fingers she twists together in her lap. Kaci has taken extra time with her appearance. Not that she really needed to. I honestly think she looks better without all of that shit on her face. Who would have thought that hookers would be the thing to make Kaci Quinn nervous? I park in the cracked cement parking lot. Kaci unhooks her seatbelt and reaches for the door, but I grab her arm gently to stop her. Her gaze shifts first to my hand on her arm and then to my eyes.
“Let me get out and walk around to you. This is probably the shittiest neighborhood on this side of town. I won’t risk a stray bullet taking you out.” The utter fear that constricts my lungs with the words is indescribable. When was the last time I truly felt fear?
She swallows so hard I can see the movement in the thin column of her throat. Her head bobs softly, and I reluctantly let her go as I step out of the car. Thankfully she listens and stays put until I reach her. She steps out and I keep my body close to hers, inhaling the soft scent of flowers, until we make it to Becky’s front door.
“You’d take a bullet for me, Troy?” Her voice is so soft I strain to hear the question.
“That’s what I’m here for, Kace.” Thank fuck that wall is back around my heart, and I’m not letting mushy shit spill from my lips anymore. If I started waxing poetic about my willingness to die for her she’d bolt away from me as quick as she could.
She doesn’t respond, just knocks on the greenish colored door gently. I can hear a scuffle on the other side right before a thin woman, skin the color of ebony, and silky black hair answers. Her brown eyes immediately jump to me, and a smile lights up her face.
“I don’t usually do threesomes, handsome, but for you?” She clicks her tongue to the roof of her mouth. “For you I would definitely make an exception.”
I wink at her even though my stomach clenches in disgust. “That’s awful nice of you, sugar, but I’m taken, and I’m not here for that.”
I tilt my head toward Kaci, and Becky’s eyes finally move to her. “Who are you little girl?”
Kaci steps forward, putting her tiny frame between me and Becky. “I’m here for Stella.” Kaci’s voice is firm, no hint of her nerves visible anymore.
“I told Stella I’d think about it. I’m not done thinking.” Her dark eyes stare at Kaci, and I can sense some undercurrent of conversation being had between them.
“Stella wants you at the house by tomorrow morning.” A little of that Irish lilt escapes on the last word as Kaci reaches back and wraps her fingers around my wrist.
“And if I say no?” Becky’s eyes flicker to me once again, but this time they look a little nervous as she gazes over my body.
“That’s not really an option. You know that.” I’d be lying if I said watching Kaci handle business in such a confident manor wasn’t a huge turn on.
Becky nods slowly, adjusts her too tight top over her massive tits, and cocks her head behind her. “I can’t just leave.”
I look between her and Kaci and it takes about two seconds for me to put together what isn’t being said between them. We aren’t alone. Becky catches my eye and the terror reflected in them is all I need to act. I turn toward Kaci, resting my hands on her shoulders and bending down to get eyelevel with her.
“Go put both of you in my car, lock it. Don’t fucking move, you hear me?” She nods at me with terror filled blue eyes.
I step back and move Kaci behind me just as an angry male voice booms through the tiny place seconds before his big frame fills the doorway behind Becky. “What the fuck is taking so long, bitch?”
He eyes me and Kaci as he grips Becky’s arm and pulls her back into the apartment. “Whatever it is you sellin’ we aint interested.” Spittle leaves his lips as he talks and floats about the air in front of him.
I look back at Becky’s face, her eyes wide and her body trembling under this man’s touch. He is a tall guy, not quiet my height, but close. I take in his overweight appearance and bald head, the swastika tattoo on his forearm. I rush forward, knocking the man back a few steps, and he releases Becky on a tight groan of pain. I untuck the nine-millimeter from its holster.
“Run.” I yell, and both of the women take off in the direction of my car.
I hold my breath as I am assaulted with the stench of garbage and body odor. The man struggles to get back to his feet, having slid in something on the peeling tiled floor. Once he regains his balance he puts his hands on his wide hips in a fighters stance.
“That was a stupid thing to do! Just wait till I get my hands on that bitch!”
I aim the barrel at his bald head. I don’t hesitate. I click off the safety and fire a single shot right between his dark eyes. Blood spatters the wall behind him, and his body convulses briefly with the impact of the bullet before slipping back to the floor. The surprised look in a person’s eyes, as if they couldn’t believe I had just done that, used to bother me. It didn’t anymore.
Sadly, this isn't the first time I have shot a man. The first man I shot had the same look of surprise, almost astonished tha
t it could happen to him. That he too was no more than a mortal man incapable of escaping death. This man wouldn’t even register on my radar once I left here. Which I was doing ASA-fucking-P.
I slip the safety back on, shove the gun back in my holster, and rush out to my car. I can see Kaci’s wide eyes in the windshield. I climb in the car and turn the engine over. The only good thing about shitty places like this is the lack of police officers that give a shit.
No one talks on the drive to the bus station. I park, climb out, buy a ticket to Palms, and walk back to the car. When I get back they are standing outside of the car, huddled in conversation. Tears are streaming down Becky’s face. Interrupting their conversation, I hand her the ticket.
“This will get you back to Palms. I suggest you find Stella.” I speak softly, not wanting to see that look of fear in her eyes again.
She nods and takes the ticket from my hand. Her arms fling around me, and she cries unexpectedly into my neck. “Thank you so much.” She chokes the words out with a despairing sob.
I pull her away from me and nod solemnly. She steps around me and heads into the bus terminal without another look back. I climb back into the car, Kaci climbing in at the same time. I turn to look at her as I turn the ignition and am met with her disapproving gaze.
“Did you kill that man?” Her voice is shaky, and I can’t tell if she is asking out of fear or anger.
I look ahead at the road and refuse to look at her again as I pull onto the highway. “You really don’t want me to answer that.”
I can see the bob of her head in my peripheral with her acceptance of my answer. My heart shatters a little for her. No woman, especially one as pure and beautiful as Kaci is, as my mother had been, should be trapped in this shitty life. I am so numb to this that I didn’t stop to think about how my actions might affect Kaci.
I was ten the first time I’d killed a man. It was something that will forever haunt me just as much as the reasons behind it. Ardon had sat me down in his office; he’d placed a firm hand on my shoulder, and bent his knees so he was eye level with me. I had been so nervous my knees shook, and sweat broke out across my forehead. But Ardon’s dark gaze never wavered as he looked at me with reassurance.
One of the lackeys, a man named Frank, had been caught raping an eight year old girl. He’d been caught by me…
I had innocently stumbled into a situation I hadn’t been ready for, that no one could ever be ready for. We had run out of tissue in one of the upstairs bathrooms, and wanting to help out I had told Ardon I would head downstairs to grab more from the storage closet. He’d looked at me with pride in his eyes, and tilted his head toward the door in approval.
I made the walk downstairs, running my fingers over the rough texture of the brick wall, and singing Amazing Grace in my head, humming the tune on my lips. The gut wrenching scream is what had caught my attention first. My instincts kicked in, and I ran away from the storage room and down a corridor into a darkened, unused, unlocked office.
I can still feel my heart pounding, my grip tightening on the handle, and the screams tearing my throat raw. Frank was lying on top of her, his hands forcing hers above her head; her face was so bloody I couldn’t even tell who she was. I ran over and kicked him as hard as I could.
I kicked Frank in the head repeatedly as I continued to scream. I took a timid joy in watching the pain I inflicted upon him, but it was accompanied by the fear of what Frank would do to me if I stopped. I didn’t let up until Ardon came running in.
He’d flicked on the light switch, taken one look at the situation, and grabbed me in his arms. It was then I noticed that the girl hadn’t been fighting him, because she was dead. Dark curls stuck to her head with blood, and her dress was covered with the sticky goo. I thought I was still screaming but my throat was so raw I couldn’t be sure.
Ardon pulled out his gun and shot Frank in both knee caps before pulling me from the room, and shutting the door behind us. He walked me back up to his office, sat me in this chair, and handed me a cup of water to soothe my throat. I couldn’t drink it. My throat wouldn’t work.
“You have to kill that man, Troy. A man like that shouldn’t be allowed to breathe the same air as you or me. It’s time for you to step up, do what a man has to.” His dark words were loaded with the weight of what he was asking of me.
Speech evaded me, but I managed a weak nod. I wanted him dead with a burning in my soul I had never felt before. Ardon gave me a minute to gather myself before he walked me back down to that storage room, handed me a gun, and opened the door.
Dad used to take me to the shooting range, so I was already a decent shot. Frank pleaded at my feet for his life, but all I could see was that helpless little girl’s lifeless face as I pulled the trigger, and landed a bullet right between his eyes. Ardon looked on with a twisted sense of pride, before once again pulling me from the room…
It is exactly this, this toxic shit that has coated my soul and emptied my heart that would never allow me to be with Kaci. I will never be good enough. I will always have this darkness inside of me that I would die before I tainted her with. So I keep my gaze ahead and my hands to myself all the way back to the hotel.
Chapter Seven
Troy
How is it possible for my heart to start and stop at the same time? I watch Kaci out of the corner of my eye as I drive, and for the first time in my life I feel regret. I have always lived my life by my own rules… or are they Ardon and Ronan’s rules? I don’t even know anymore. This girl is making me question everything I thought I knew about myself and she hasn’t said a fucking word.
The worst thing of all is that I have no remorse. I wanted him dead. He had hurt Becky, you could tell by the utter terror reflected in her eyes as he yelled at and insulted her, it was in the way he’d gripped her arm. Any man who put his hands on a woman needs to die, and I am always too eager to deal out retribution.
If there is one thing that pissed me off more than all others, it is men bullying women. It is one thing to use them when you are upfront about it, but it is a whole other ball game when you mistreat them and force them to endure it. Why the hell did people think I stayed single? I knew I wasn’t the kind of guy who could settle down and be faithful, and I refuse to hurt someone else with my own selfishness.
The only woman who stood a chance of changing that is sitting next to me, refusing to look my way. Man did that throw me back years. How many times have I tried to get her attention only to be mocked by her and rejected? I will be the first person to tell you that I have a huge fucking ego, but this girl?
She could crush it in her tiny palm with just one look. Then I’d have to spend the next week fucking everything in my path until I felt reassured that it was only her who found me so repulsive. Only, by that point I would actually feel pretty repulsed by myself.
It was a vicious fucking cycle. And how the fuck did I think I could spend a week with her, and come out whole on the other side? She mumbles something and I turn my head slightly to see her forehead against the window, face turned up to look at the sky above.
“You say something?” I can hear the plea in my voice, and kind of hope she hears it too. I want her to talk to me.
I alternate my gaze between the road ahead and the beautiful woman beside me. Her head turns, and my heart shatters at the broken look that shadows her eyes. It is only there for a split second before she forces a smile and shakes her head softly at me, but I catch it, and it completely shreds me to know that I put it there. Me. None of the pathetic excuses I can create in my mind are good enough reasons for acting so thoughtlessly around her.
I could have beat the shit out of the guy, given him a warning or something, but I know his type. If I had let him live he would have found Becky again, and she’d be lucky if he killed her when he did. I couldn’t live with an innocent’s death on my conscience. But that man had been far from innocent. I don’t need to know his sins to know he is swimming in them. One sinner can easily id
entify another.
“You said something, Kace. Just let it out.” I seize her gaze briefly, but she remains silent. Fuckin Hell. “He would have killed her. If I’d let him live I mean.”
I find myself explaining even though I have never needed to before. To anyone. Even Ardon and Ronan have never asked for an explanation for anything. They know I wouldn’t act without a good reason. But Kaci? She doesn’t know me well enough to understand shit about me. I fucking want her to understand. She still doesn’t speak. She just stares at me and her head bobs sadly. Fuck.
“Why are you staring at me?” I force the words out through the tension in my jaw, feeling a tiny bit of relief when a little smirk pulls up at the corner of her luscious, come fuck me, mouth.
“Do you ask all the girls that? I know I’m not the first one to stare at you.” The words are innocent, but the way my body reacts to them is not.
My heart kicks up, and my pulse hammers in my throat. I fucking wish that’s why she would look at me. “I know why they are staring, I don’t have to ask.” I shift my gaze briefly back to the road. “Why are you staring at me?”
She should really fucking stop before I act on something I know she really doesn’t want. She is just looking for something to take her mind away from her thoughts. I know because I still do it. Get a little on edge and clear away my thoughts with mindless sex. I couldn’t be that for her. Not when I wanted to be so much more.
“Who says it’s not for the same reason?” Her words are spoken in a breathy whisper, her lilt returning.
I jerk the car to the side of the road so quickly that she stretches her arms out between her body and the dashboard in front of her, eyes wide and mouth open slightly. I shove the clutch in park and turn in my seat to face her. She shifts her gaze from the windshield back to me, her chest is heaving with her deep breaths, and her eyes are roaming over my face like I’ve lost my damn mind. Maybe I have.