The Springtime Mail Order Bride

by Kit Morgan

“Your gang?” the well-dressed man drawled. “People accompany you on such excursions?”

  Red Ned sneered at him. “And they have a good time doin’ it! Now, let’s see what you got in them fancy pockets of yours, mister.”

  “Don’t you dare lay a hand on me!”

  “You know, you’re really starting to annoy me, I outta shoot you first.”

  “I’m worth nothing dead.”

  “You’re worth nothing now!”

  “In that, my dear fellow you’re wrong. Am I to take it you’ve encountered a young lady here on the farm?”

  Red Ned smiled. “I’m saving her for later. After I’m done robbing these fine folks blind.”

  Arlan’s body tensed, but neither of the men noticed. So, that’s why he hadn’t heard a peep out of Samijo since his own encounter. He must have her tied up in the house.

  “Well, if you must know, the young lady is quite rich, but only if she’s married to me. I’m certain we can work out an arrangement, you and I.”

  Red Ned scratched his head with his gun. “How rich?”

  “She’s got more money than you could ever imagine.”

  “I dunno, I can imagine a lot. How come she’s only rich if she’s married to you?”

  “There’s no time to explain all that, let me go and I’ll see you’re well rewarded.”

  “She’s married to my son!” Ma cried. “This pole cat is lying!”

  Red Ned glared first at Ma, then at the man. That true, Fancy Pants? Is she married to one of these fellas?”

  “One small detail to deal with, a trifle really.”

  Red Ned stood and pondered his words. “Are you tellin’ me, that who ever is married to that little gal I got tied up in that there house, becomes a rich man?”

  “It’s what I said, isn’t it?” Mr. Fancy Pants said with a roll of his eyes.

  “Well now, isn’t that something?” Red Ned said and spit. “This here’s my lucky day then, ain’t it? You’ve just given me an idea, Fancy Pants.”

  Arlan pulled at his bonds but it was no use. “Touch her and I’ll kill you!”

  Red Ned laughed. “I ain’t gonna touch her, not yet anyway, I’m gonna marry her!”

  “What?” everyone said at once.

  Red Ned laughed so hard he almost fell over. “You heard me! And lookie here! I got me a preacher and everything! Now all I need is to go up yonder to the house and fetch my bride.”

  “You can’t marry Samijo! She’s already married to Arlan!” Ma screeched.

  “Ma!” her sons cried as a gagged Daniel rolled his eyes and shook his head.

  Red Ned got right in her face. “That’s something I plan to remedy as soon as I come back. Best say your goodbyes, lady.” With that he turned and left the barn.

  “Arlan!” Ma cried. “I’m sorry, but he … he just made me so darn mad!” She struggled against the ropes. “When I get out of this, I’m gonna throw that varmint down the well!”

  “Calm down Ma,” Arlan said. “We gotta think of something before he gets back.”

  “You’ll never get out of those ropes,” Fancy Pant’s drawled.

  Arlan glared at him. “Who are you, any way? And why are you looking for Samijo?”

  “I’m her Uncle Burr, and she’s to be my wife.”

  “You want to marry your own niece?” Calvin said in disgust. “Ain’t there a law against that sort of thing?”

  “She’ll make me a rich man when I do,” Burr hissed.

  “If you get out of this alive,” Ma added with a snort. “You’re in as much a fix as the rest of us you low-down rattler.”

  “Madame, I would appreciate it if you’d keep your opinions to yourself.”

  No sooner had he spoken, Red Ned came waltzing back into the barn, a trussed up Samijo over his shoulder. He set her down in the middle of the floor and did a little jig around her. “We’re gonna have us a weddin’!” He bent down and took off her gag. “How much money you got?”

  “Mon … cough … money?” she choked out. “What are you talking about?” Her eyes sought Arlan’s and he gave her a small nod of reassurance. “Who are … she began, then stopped and gasped. “Uncle Burr!”

  “Hello Samantha, miss me?”

  She tried to squirm as far from him as she could get, but didn’t get far, bound as she was.

  “Explain to me again how this works,” Red Ned demanded. “I marry her and I get all her money?”

  “Money? What money?” Samijo pushed out horrified. “What are you talking about?”

  “You father’s money, you silly girl. The money I never told you about,” Uncle Burr said then turned his attention to Red Ned. “I’m the only one that can marry her and have access to her accounts. You haven’t the … ah … proper knowledge to make the withdraws.”

  Red Ned laughed. “I’ve made my share of bank withdraws, Fancy Pants. Don’t tell me I can’t figure out how to do it.”

  “Fine, which bank is her money in?”

  Red Ned was about to laugh again, then snapped his mouth shut. “I see your point. Hmmm, this does pose a problem, don’t it?”

  “Uncle Burr!” Samijo cried. “What are you talking about?”

  Uncle Burr smiled wickedly at her. “Your father left you everything, his lands and estate, and all his money, along with one stipulation. You’d get none of it until you turned eighteen and married.”

  “So that’s why you wanted to marry me … to get my father’s things …”

  “Not things, you little fool. Millions.”

  Everyone stared at him in shock, mouths agape, including Red Ned, who even dropped his gun at the disclosure. “Now don’t that beat all …” he said to no one in particular.

  “Untie me, you imbecile, and let’s get this over with.”

  “Get what over with?” Red Ned spat as he snatched up his gun.

  “My wedding,” Uncle Burr said with a wicked grin. “Then once we have the proper proof of my marriage, I can get you your reward for helping me win my bride.”

  “Win your bride?” Red Ned asked, his brows raised in curiosity.

  “Of course,” Uncle Burr began. “After the tragic barn fire, the Widow Weaver married me out of her desperate need for survival, unaware that she was heiress to a vast fortune. Lucky for her, I knew of it, and she was able to live out her days in abject luxury. Now doesn’t that sound nice?”

  Red Ned smiled and pulled a huge knife out of a sheath at his belt. “I like the way you think, Fancy Pants.”

  Arlan snorted. “All except for the part about the tragic barn fire.”

  “Now that part is too bad,” Red Ned agreed.

  “Tell you what I’ll do,” Uncle Burr said. “I’ll let you witness my wedding, then we’ll see to the fire.”

  Samijo gasped. “Uncle Burr, no! That’s murder!”

  “Not if it’s an accident it’s not.”

  “You can’t do it! Besides, what’s to keep me from telling someone?”

  “Cutting your tongue out would suffice I think,” he said dryly.

  She shook with terror, eyes wide at the casual statement, and looked to Arlan for comfort. His eyes locked with hers, and she fought against tears. Their situation was near hopeless. What were they going to do? Please Lord! We need a miracle! Help us!

  * * *

  Within moments Red Ned had freed not only Uncle Burr, but the preacher and Samijo as well. Her feet at any rate, he kept her hands bound behind her back. She now stood next to Uncle Burr, her heart in her throat, as Red Ned stood behind the preacher, a gun in his back. “Okay preacher man, do it,” the bandit demanded.

  “But this isn’t legal. She’s still married to another man,” the preacher stammered.

  Red Ned peered past the preacher to where Arlan sat bound. “You’re right, I forgot about that.”

  “It doesn’t matter!” Uncle Burr argued. “He’ll soon be dead anyway.”

  “But that’s doing the whole thing backwards,” the preacher argued.

&n
bsp; “Land sakes!” Ma cried. “Don’t be giving these two varmints any ammunition to work with!”

  The preacher glanced to Ma. “Whoops.”

  “Who cares if it’s backwards?” Red Ned chortled. “It’s more fun to watch hubby over there squirm in his ropes while his wife marries a villain!”

  Uncle Burr smiled. “Why thank you,” he said as if it were a compliment.

  “Don’t mention it,” came Red Ned’s reply.

  Daniel moaned into his gag in disgust while the twins sat, mouths agape. Arlan on the other hand, was loosening his bonds behind his back. He’d found a nail in the hay, and was doing his best to free himself.

  “Uncle Burr,” Samijo said in a low voice. “You can’t do this!”

  “It seems I already am.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me about my father’s money? And how did you find out I was here?”

  “Mr. Slade informed me, right after he threatened to take my house. Who do you think gave me the money to come after you? I owe him a lot of money, and can pay him back once I’m married to you. So you see my dear, it just didn’t do to have you run off and marry someone else the moment you turned eighteen. What are you so upset about anyway? You hardly know your husband, and you’ve known me most of your life. You’ll be much better off married to me.” He glanced to Arlan. “Just as soon as I make you a widow …”

  “What are saying? That I don’t love him?”

  “I said nothing of the kind. Why, don’t you?”

  She looked at Arlan, whose eyes locked on hers as he awaited her answer. She swallowed hard. She did love him, and realized the reason she couldn’t tell him was because she was afraid. She’d lost everyone she’d ever loved, and didn’t want to lose him if she told him. It was a silly child’s fear that had been with her for years, and much stronger than she ever could have imagined. But no more. “I do love him. With all my heart.”

  Arlan smiled. “When did you turn eighteen?” he asked, his voice soft.

  “On our wedding day …”

  “Charming,” Uncle Burr interjected. “Now let’s get on with it. Preacher, if you please …”

  “STOP!”

  Everyone froze, including Red Ned, who stood with a shotgun pressed to the back of his head. Samijo slowly turned. The man holding the shotgun she didn’t know, but Olivia Bridger she recognized. Neither of them looked very happy. “This scoundrel promised to marry my daughter, and by golly, I’m gonna see it done!” the man pushed out through clenched teeth.

  “Oh pa, I didn’t say I wanted to marry him!” Olivia argued.

  “You’re getting married, and that’s final!”

  Uncle Burr’s eyes rounded to saucers, and he swallowed hard. “Uh-oh …” he mumbled under his breath.

  “He promised to marry you! And that’s enough for me!” her father shouted to no one in particular, missing the fact everyone around him was tied up.

  Uncle Burr slowly stepped away from Samijo and turned to the furious Mr. Bridger. “Now see here, I made no such promise to your daughter.”

  “You kissed her, didn’t ya? My son saw you do it!”

  “You call that a kiss? That was nothing!”

  “Olivia, did he kiss you?” her father demanded.

  She smiled as she looked at Uncle Burr, and Samijo almost felt sorry for him. “He sure did, papa.”

  “That’s good enough for me,” he said and cocked the shotgun.

  Red Ned was so confused at this point, he forgot he still held a gun in his hand, but about the time he remembered, Arlan jumped to his feet, and snatched it from him.

  “Oh balderdash,” Uncle Burr sneered as he took in Olivia’s triumphant look.

  “He’s rich Papa, maybe I ought to marry him,” she mused.

  “Rich? Fine. Let’s do it,” her father agreed.

  “Now see here!” Uncle Burr protested. “I’ve not given any consent to this!”

  Arlan punched Red Ned in the jaw to send him sprawling, then turned his seething from to Uncle Burr. “Oh, I think the two of you would make a lovely couple.”

  Uncle Burr spun on him. “Have a heart, man!”

  “About as much heart as you’ve shown us,” Arlan tossed back. “Do it, preacher!”

  The Preacher looked about to faint before he got his wits about him, and caught on. “Oh dearie me, Mabel will never believe any of this.”

  “I can’t believe any of this,” Samijo said under her breath as she took in the sight of her husband. He ran to her, took her in his arms, and kissed her.

  “Oh puhleazzze,” Olivia whined.

  “I couldn’t have said it better myself,” added Uncle Burr.

  And so, just as quickly as Samijo thought she’d lost her husband forever, she got him back, and that’s not all she got. She got to watch her Uncle Burr get married, her brothers-in-law rescued by Arlan, and her mother-in-law cry tears of joy at a shot-gun wedding. Or were they tears of sorrow, for none of them knew who to feel the most sorry for. Uncle Burr, or Olivia Bridger. Unfortunately for Red Ned, he missed the whole affair, having been knocked out by Arlan, tied up, and thrown into a stall for safe keeping until the law took him in hand.

  All in all, Samijo learned it was just another day with the Weavers.

  Epilogue

  Several days later …

  “You sure did a mighty fine job of catching that Red Ned,” Tom Turner told Arlan as they loaded the outlaw into the back of a prison wagon. “We’ve been chasing after this slippery skunk for weeks.”

  “See that he doesn’t get away again, next time I might not be so accommodating,” Arlan told him.

  “He’s been a heap of trouble, that’s for sure.” Tom agreed. “Don’t know what to do about the other fella. Guess the judge will have to decide. We’ll need you folks as witnesses.”

  “I’m sure the judge will find enough to put him away for awhile. Let’s see, attempted murder, assault, hmmm, kidnapping when you really think on it …”

  “I’m amazed you didn’t kill him,” Tom said. “Considering what he done to your family and was about to do to your wife, not to mention you.”

  Arlan smiled. “Trust me, he got a fate far worse than death.” They both turned to look at a outing Olivia Bridger standing next to her new husband who sported a new set of handcuffs.

  “You’ll write to me won’t you?” she whined. “While you’re in prison?”

  Uncle Burr moaned.

  “But before you go, tell me one thing …” she wheedled.

  He looked down at her in disgust. “What?”

  “Where’s the money you talked about? I want to make sure it’s kept safe while you’re … ah … away.”

  He sucked in a breath. “The money isn’t mine, my dear wife.”

  “What?” she spat.

  “It all belongs to her,” he said with a jerk of his head toward Samijo. “And whomever she’s married to.”

  Tom Turner’s face broke into a smile. “I’ll see the judge wires the proper folks in New Orleans and New York to make sure you get what’s comin’ to ya ma’am.” He then turned to Uncle Burr. “And thank you sir for being so cooperative and giving this little gal’s husband the information we needed to see she’s taken care of.”

  Uncle Burr glared at him with his one good eye. The other was swollen shut. In fact his entire appearance was beyond rumpled after his barn-conversation with Arlan as to the whereabouts of Samijo’s bank accounts.

  “Well, I think this about wraps it up, folks.” Tom said. He looked at the Weaver family and shook his head. “You know, this reminds me of when them English ladies came to Clear Creek about ten years ago. Those poor women didn’t know a thing about livin’ out west.”

  “Really?” Samijo asked. “I’d love to hear about them, maybe I won’t feel so bad. I don’t know much of anything either.”

  “I’d love to share it with ya.” he said with a smile.

  “That settles, it!” Ma said. “I just took a pie out of the oven, let’s m
ake some coffee and you can tell us all about them.”

  “Be happy to, just let me get these two varmints all cozy like, and I’ll join you,” Tom said as he headed for Uncle Burr. He grabbed him and yanked him toward the wagon. Olivia let out a wail and flung herself toward her father.

  “I’m sorry ma’am, but your husband’s done some nasty things to these here folks. He’s gonna have to go to jail.”

  “Jail?” she cried. “I don’t care about jail! I care about the money!”

  Uncle Burr rolled his eyes. “Please, deputy, I beg of you, can’t we just leave now?”

  “Afraid not,” Tom told him. “I got me some stories to tell.”

  “Why do I get the feeling this is going to take awhile?” Uncle Burr lamented.

  “Well of course it will. No good story is worth listening to if you leave out all the details.”

  Uncle Burr moaned again, and jumped into the wagon without any help from Deputy Turner. Olivia gave one last look of disgust, and followed her father to their wagon. The Weavers watched them go, before they turned toward the house, Tom Turner in the middle of them. “Have I ever told you about the time Olivia Bridger came to Clear Creek and got walloped by a Princess?”

  “What?” the Weavers exclaimed at once.

  “Oh yeah, it was quite the fight. But first, I’ll tell you about all them English mail order brides. They were something else.”

  “English mail order brides?” Samijo asked. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean they came all the way from England to get married to some of the men in Clear Creek.”

  “How in Heaven’s name did that work out?” Arlan asked. “I thought it difficult enough to get Samijo here.”

  “Well, it all started when one of the Cooke brothers, they’re English themselves you see, found out he was a Duke, and had to go to England and do whatever it is dukes do …”

  Off they went, the whole Weaver clan, following Tom Turner into the house like mice after the pied piper, ears a tuned to his every word, and listened to his tales of mail order brides from across the sea.

  And Arlan and Samijo? Well, it wasn’t long before they were blessed with more than Samijo’s vast fortune. They were blessed with twins! And they raised them in their little valley, away from the city and all its woes, until they were old enough to decide for themselves if they ever wanted to see it. But that my friends, is another tale …