A Dream to be Loved Kandi Jaynes

by Kandi Jaynes

  "Is something funny?"

  She instantly went as red as she had in the break room this afternoon. "I... uh..." She burst into nervous giggles. "No, not really." His brows drew together. She laughed even harder. She had never behaved this way around a man before. She felt like a twelve-year-old. "Well, um... actually it was funny, but it was one of those you-had-to-be-there things," she stammered.

  He didn't look convinced but decided not to question the subject further. "So where are we going tonight?"

  "Do you like seafood?" He did so they decided on a small local restaurant that was well known for their fish and shrimp.

  Kate enjoyed dinner but decided it was time she made sure Drake didn't read too much into it. She wished she hadn't gotten carried away at lunch and invited him without considering the consequences. She was quiet as she drove home trying to figure out how to convince him this had been a impulsive invitation and he shouldn't take it too seriously. As she pulled into the drive, he turned and smiled at her with his arm resting along the back of her seat. He slid his fingers under her braid and began to caress the back of her neck.

  "I enjoyed dinner. Thank you. It's also nice to know you're no longer angry with me."

  Kate turned off the engine. "Angry with you?

  Drake laughed. "You said when you were done being mad at me for telling everyone at work about us you'd let me know by asking me to dinner."

  After a moment of confusion, the conversation came back to her. She also laughed. "Oh, yeah, I did say that, didn't I? Well, I guess you're off the hook."

  "Don't think I've forgotten what else you agreed to."

  The look on his face quickly conjured up the second part of the conversation. How could I have forgotten? Her mind scrambled trying to think of a way out of it.

  Drake laughed out loud. "Oh no you don't. You agreed and I'm holding you to it."

  "Drake, I...."

  "You can either kiss me here, or we can get out of the car first. It's up to you, but you have to decide soon because I have some work to catch up on so I can't stay much longer."

  "Well, if you're in a hurry it could just wait."

  "Oh, I definitely have time for this."

  Kate shoved the door open and escaped from the car. Drake also vacated the vehicle and walked around meeting her half way. He took her hand and walked with her to his car. When they reached his door, he dropped her hand and grinned. Making no move toward her.

  She glared at him. "You're not going to give me a break here, are you?"

  "Nope."

  "Drake." She ran a hand through her hair.

  His voice lowered. "And I expect a real goodnight kiss. Not some sisterly peck on the cheek."

  Kate brought a hand up and covered her eyes, massaging her forehead with her thumb and forefinger. There was no way out of this. She had willingly agreed to it at the time.

  She just wished she had remembered before getting into this position. Finally with a sigh of defeat, she lowered her hand. You can do this, you can do this. You can do this. She slowly slid her hands up and over his shoulders. He still made no attempt to participate. She could tell by the look on his face he was going to leave it all up to her. Stretching up on tiptoe, she let her eyes drift shut as she touched her lips to his.

  She felt Drake's arms slip softly around her. She could feel his heartbeat against her own. Knowing if she continued she could get carried away by the sensations rushing through her, she slowly sank back on her heels breaking the kiss.

  After a careful breath, she asked, "Was that acceptable?"

  Drake smiled, "Yes, that was defiantly acceptable." He dropped his forehead to hers. "As a matter of fact, I would be willing to accept a kiss anytime you wanted to give me one."

  Kate squeezed her eyes shut briefly before stepping back. "You have work to do. I'd better let you get home."

  He brushed a kiss across her cheek. "Sweet dreams, Kate."

  Once in the cage Tuesday morning Kate threw herself into work with a vengeance. After the tooling report, she started pulling all the tools out of the drawers and cleaning the cutting oil and coolant residue out of the slots. When that was done she one by one emptied the polishing supply shelves and scrubbed the dust and grime off them. She was bent with her head stuck between two shelves trying to reach the back when "Hello Kate," reverberated through the enclosed space. Startled, she jerked her head up and smacked it on the metal sheeting above.

  Drake grinned when she muttered something very unladylike as she extracted herself from the tiny cave.

  Rubbing her head, she glared at him. "What do you want?"

  "To see you." He leaned a shoulder against the newly cleaned shelves and crossed his arms over his chest. "I happen to know it's your break time and thought I'd come and see you."

  Kate studied him for a long moment, then heaved a long resigned sigh. "You're not going away, are you?"

  "Nope."

  "Then I think it's time we agreed to some ground rules."

  The left side of his mouth curled upward. "We, or me?"

  She made an exasperated sound. "Look, I've spent a lot of time thinking the last couple of days." She dropped her rag on a nearby stool, then squared her shoulders as she faced him. Bringing her hands to her hips she continued, "You won't leave me alone, and well, I guess I don't find your company..." she hesitated a moment, cocking her head with a look of concentration obviously choosing her words carefully, "unpleasant. So I suppose there isn't any reason we can't be friends."

  Drake groaned, "You aren't giving me the we-can-still-be-friends speech, are you?"

  "No, I'm giving you a we-can-only-be-friends speech." She dragged a hand over her hair. "If you agree" another sigh, "I won't object to our spending time together. We could occasionally go out to dinner or a movie or something, but it would just be as friends, not dating," she spat out the last word like it was foul, then glared at him. "If you can't agree to these terms, then you can just go away now."

  His stance shifted and his eyes narrowed on her. She stood tense waiting for his answer, and started to fidget. "Drake...."

  He held up his hand. "I just needed a minute to think it over. The answer is yes, I'll agree to your terms." He slid his hands into his pockets. "If that's all you can give me, then I'll take what I can get."

  She smiled as relief washed over her. "Thanks."

  "So does this mean if I was in the mood for pizza tonight, you wouldn't be mad if I asked you to come along?"

  "I suppose not."

  Drake looked at his watch. "I'd better let you get back to work and I have to go check on a rush job out on the floor." He winked. "See you tonight."

  Kate watched him leave then finished wiping down the shelf she had been working on, restocked it, and decided to leave the rest of the shelves for another day. She felt lighter somehow, not so much tense energy needing to be burned off. She felt good about her decision, and Drake's agreement. She could enjoy his company now as she did with other friends without him expecting more from her than she could give.

  That evening when Drake showed up she was cleaning up a mess. "I just finished painting a small shelf I want to hang in the kitchen. I need to get cleaned up. Do you mind waiting?"

  "Of course not. Take as long as you need."

  After a quick shower, she opened her closet and looked around. She pulled out a new pair of jeans and one of the sweaters she had bought and never returned as planned. Not knowing when she would have time to get back to the store, she decided to keep the clothes. It was a pale coral color and soft as down. It was long sleeved and hugged her more tightly than most things she wore. She replaced the antique locket around her neck. It was the perfect accent for the sweater. A nervous flutter caught in her middle when she wondered what Drake would think if he knew, except to shower, she hadn't taken it off since he gave it to her. It wasn't because he had given it to her, it was because she had loved it since the first time she saw it, but was sure Drake would make more out of it. It was th
e only piece of jewelry she had ever worn to work. She made sure it stayed tucked under her shirt so it didn't get damaged. It was strange, even no longer than she'd had it she felt lost when it wasn't around her neck. She shook herself mentally. "Stop being silly," she mumbled to her reflection. "It's only a necklace."

  *****

  Kate was digging through her purse when she entered the kitchen. "I was sure I dropped my keys in her somewhere."

  Drake was glad she didn't look at him right away. If he was going to do the friends thing he had to keep his cool, and that sweater did nothing to reduce his temperature. By the time she found her keys, he had regained his composure. Mentioning, "You look nice," in a by-the-way manner as they walked to the car.

  "Thanks."

  She smiled and he could tell she was much more relaxed now he agreed to her terms. He was pretty sure, in her mind at least, this would keep him at a safe distance. As far as he was concerned, she had just willingly agreed to go out with him. That was a huge step. If she needed this friend not date word game to make her feel more secure about letting him into her life, he would play along. At least for a while. After all, couples should start out good friends.

  He glanced her way again, trying not to grin. He knew she didn't dress like that when going out with her female friends. She had dressed up for him, and without being tricked.

  He could get into this friends thing. Now that he didn't have to spend the first half of the evening waiting for her to relax, they could get to know each other better faster. He knew she needed to go into this relationship one step at a time and she had finally taken a step toward him. Now was not the time to push her for anything else. He was willing to wait until she was ready for the next step.

  *****

  Kate had enjoyed the evening. On the ride home however she became curious as to how it would end. Drake had agreed to her just friends rule, would he try to kiss her goodnight? Once parked they both exited the car and Drake walked her to the door.

  "Do you want to come in for awhile?"

  "I would love to, but I have an early meeting in the morning so I'd better be going." He clapped her shoulder like he would any of his buddies. "Good night. Thanks for the company at dinner," and strolled to his car without a backward glance. He did wave as he pulled out onto the road and drove away.

  Kate stared after him, mouth gaping. After several minutes she turned toward the steps stating loudly, "Well it's a good thing he didn't try anything, or he'd have been sorry." She went in the house, curled up on the couch and burst into tears. She didn't want to think about why. She just needed to cry.

  Kelsie walked in a short time later. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

  "Well it's not because of him that's for sure!"

  "I'll make tea and we can talk."

  When she returned with the tea, she listened while Kate explained how glad she was Drake finally understood how she felt and was willing to just be friends.

  "Well good," Kelsie said, "I'm sure it's quite a relief not to have a single, gorgeous, successful man chasing after you anymore. That can be so bothersome."

  Kate glared at her. "Very funny." She set down her cup and stretched along the back of the couch. "Actually yes, it is a relief. Now I can relax and my life can get back to normal."

  Kelsie picked at the fringe on the throw pillow she was holding, and softly asked. "Why are you so afraid to take a chance, Kate?"

  Kate looked away. "I've told you he's a VP."

  "I didn't buy into that excuse the first time I heard it, and I'm not buying it now. What's the real reason? It's obvious to everyone else Drake doesn't care what you do. It's you he's interested in. I don't believe that's the problem. You don't seem too convinced of it yourself."

  Kate burst into tears again. Too many emotions had been bottled up for too long and demanded to be released.

  "I don't know why he won't leave me alone. I'm the girl nobody wants. He can't possibly want to be with me. He probably just feels sorry for me now, but he'll get tired of me and leave."

  "Why would you think that?"

  Kate slid off the couch to retrieve the box of tissues from the small table by the front window. She stood and stared blindly at the fields across the way.

  "Nobody has ever wanted me. It's a fact I came to accept a long time ago."

  "Kate, I know you were passed around a lot as a kid, but you weren't always unwanted. I remember the year you lived with your cousin and her husband during high school. You really enjoyed that and were the happiest I've ever seen you." Kelsie stood and came up behind her. "I've always thought it was strange you didn't spend more time with them after you moved out."

  Kate felt completely defeated. She was drained and didn't have the energy to fight it any longer. "I've never told anyone because it was too humiliating. I couldn't believe I had been so stupid." She removed another tissue from the box wiping her eyes and nose. "You remember how I told you my parents had helped bail my cousin out of a jam when she was younger, and help her get her life back on track?

  "Yes."

  "Well, the day I moved out, after I had everything packed and in the car I went back in to say good bye and tell them how much it had meant to me to have stayed there. I was thrilled when I was told they asked if I could live with them. It was the first time I had felt truly wanted anywhere." She caught another tear with her tissue. "I told them how much I appreciated being there, and was about to let them know what it had meant to me, when my cousin hugged me and said it wasn't a problem at all, that she was thrilled to finally have the chance to repay my parents for all they had done for her." Kate couldn't stop the sob that escaped. "I had actually believed they had wanted me, and in the end I had only been a means to repay a debt." She covered her face with the tissue.

  Kelsie wrapped her in her arms, hugging her tight. "Kate, I'm so sorry, I had no idea you've been carrying this around with you all these years." She held her until the sobs subsided, then guided her toward the couch easing her into it.

  "Kate, none of us get to pick the family we're born into. Nobody knows that better than the four of us. You know that's how we all ended up such close friends." She held Kate away from her and looked into her eyes.

  "You may have had problems with your family, but think about this." Kelsie paused a moment to make sure Kate was listening. "Missy, Sue, and I have always wanted you." Kate’s head tilted as she took in what her friend said. "We have all been together for a very long time and not once has any of us ever even thought of asking you to move on. As a matter of fact, if you ask any one of us who is the glue that holds us all together we would all say it's you."

  It was now Kelsie's turn to cry. "Who do we all call when there is a problem? Who do we run to when we need help, fight with family, need a place to go?" She waved her hand around. "We all come here. We've all had places of our own for quite some time, but this is where we all gather. We all come here. To you."

  Kate shook her head, not being able to reconcile what she was hearing with what she had believed for so long. "But...." She didn't know what to say.

  "There is no but. Think about what I said. Have you ever once felt unwanted among the three of us? Have you ever once gotten the feeling any of us doesn't want you?"

  Kelsie stood, coat in hand, and repeated her request. "Think about what I said. Time has proven there are three people who want you." She wagged her finger at Kate. "Don't think you're getting rid of us any time soon. It's not a far leap to conclude there would be others out there who would want you and love you as well." She slipped her arms into her coat. "I'm going to leave you to think about what I said. Drake is a great guy, who is smart enough to see how great you are."

  *****

  As the grays and browns of winter gradually morphed into the blues and greens of spring, Drake was true to his word. He treated Kate strictly as a friend. They spent three to five evenings a week together. They occasionally went out with Missy and John, or Kelsie and Tom. He didn't mind when any,
or all of the three women, would spend the evening with them at Kate's house. Kate had been to his apartment, but only when he had taken her there she had yet to go on her own. She did however call him occasionally. Most nights they didn't see each other they talked on the phone. Drake felt like he was playing out scenes from When Harry Met Sally.

  He was acutely aware however, that although he made sure he kept his distance physically, Kate didn't. Over time she had gradually tried to get closer to him. He noticed her fairly often laying a hand on his arm as they talked. Looping an arm through his as they walked, and sitting against him when they watched TV. He didn't bring this to her attention. He liked that she was warming up to him whether she would admit it or not. But it was getting increasingly difficult not to return those gestures and add a few of his own. He knew she liked having him around. He also knew her feelings for him had grown. What he wasn't sure of was if she was ready to face those feelings yet.

  Friday of the first week in May, Drake walked past the cage and saw another employee attending the window. He stopped and asked where Kate was.

  "I'm not sure. I was told she had some sort of emergency and won't be in today."

  Drake felt his gut wrench. It was the closest to panic he ever remembered being. "Do you know what the emergency is?" he asked, trying not the reach in and shake the information out of her.

  "Nope. I was just told to fill in today."

  He strode into the office and asked Ray. "I don't know. She called early this morning and said there was some sort of accident and she wouldn't be in. To tell the truth I've been worried about her myself."

  Drake forced himself to walk, instead of run, to his office and called Kelsie.

  "She called early this morning. Her uncle Max was in an accident. He rolled his pickup truck. I don't know how bad it is or what hospital he's at. When she called she was on her way out the door and didn't give me any details. I'm sorry I should've called you as soon as she hung up, her cell phone was beeping from a low battery when she called. I didn't think about you missing her at work and worrying. It's been a rather hectic morning.