My Way Back to You (Harlequin Large Print Super Romance)

by Pamela Hearon

  “That’s understandable. You were grieving.”

  Maggie opened her eyes, and her face contorted with pain. “He was grieving, too,” she said softly. “And I wanted to hold him...wanted him to hold me. But I couldn’t.” She ran her fingers through her hair and squeezed the roots. “He said he loved me...”

  Rosemary’s breath stalled in her chest. “He said that...after you lost the baby?”

  Maggie nodded slowly. “Asked me to marry him again, too. He said we were meant to be together.”

  Oh, for heaven’s sake. Could they still be in love after all these years? The air in Rosemary’s lungs quivered as Eli’s words from the campground surfaced in her thoughts...as they had so often the past week. I’m afraid she’d turn back to Jeff, she’d said, and Eli had replied, Maybe she needs to.

  * * *

  “DO YOU STILL love him, Maggie?”

  She heard the fear in her mom’s tremulous whisper, and she didn’t want to scare her, but she was determined to come clean about everything. “I’ve never stopped loving him. Never will.”

  “But Zeke...”

  “Was a substitute...and a poor one, at that.” It was time her mom knew the truth about Zeke, so she shared it in as few details as possible, all the while watching her mom’s jaw drop farther and farther at the shocking truth behind the man.

  “I can’t believe you never told me any of this.” Her mom pressed a palm against her forehead, looking as though she were trying to keep the vast amount of information from exploding out of her frontal lobe.

  Maggie spread her hands on the table, surrendering the truth. “It was just another failure.”

  “Life is full of failures, Maggie. If you’re not failing, you’re not trying. And if you’re not trying, you’re not living...you’re simply existing”

  Her mom’s words struck a chord, and something thrummed deep inside her. “For years, I’ve felt like I was living through Russ. And then, I was around Jeff, and we were dancing and playing golf, and...” The rest was obvious. “And then I was pregnant, and I had this wonderful new life inside me, and she made me feel alive.” She was all sobbed out, but a lingering tear ran down her cheek. She dabbed it away with a napkin. “And now, she’s gone and Russ is gone and Jeff is g—” Her voice broke. She finished with a shrug.

  “I can’t believe I’m saying this.” Her mom’s eyes darted around the room, and her chest rose and fell on a sigh. “But if you and Jeff still love each other, why can’t you work this out?”

  “We have fifteen hundred miles separating us for one thing. And we both have businesses to run.”

  Her mom’s voice was quiet. “Those are excuses, not reasons. What is it that really keeps y’all apart?”

  “I’m not me with Jeff, Mom.” Maggie groped for the right words. “I’m an extension of him.” Her mom squinted, head tilted in question, and Maggie tried again to explain. “I wouldn’t have danced in Chicago or gone with anyone else on the spur of the moment to Lake Geneva.” Her mom’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Yeah.” Maggie gave a sheepish grin. “That’s where we were when you called to tell me about Dad’s surgery.” She dismissed the subject with a wave of her hand. “But, I wouldn’t have invited him to stay with me on my own. He talks me into doing things that aren’t me, they’re him. I get lost in him. And no way would I have considered facing the crowd at the park. I was acting like him, not me.”

  Her mom leaned back and closed her eyes, and when they opened, they glimmered with unshed tears. She shook her head. “You’re wrong, Maggie. Those things he talks you into? The things you do that you attribute to his influence? They’re exactly what you would’ve done before...” Her voice trailed off and she swallowed.

  “Before what?” Maggie’s heart paused.

  “Before Russ.”

  Her heart did a double beat to catch up.

  “You were right when you said you’ve been living through Russ for years. Eighteen years to be exact. But not always. You were the most fearless child.” Her mom pressed a fist to her lips, giving a chuckle that was nostalgic and sweet. “Lord, you were into everything.” She shrugged her eyebrows. “You weren’t afraid of anything and you wanted to try everything, which, of course, is the reason you got pregnant at nineteen. But after Russ came along, it was like somebody flipped a switch on you. You were so protective of him...and, now that I think about it, probably terrified something would happen to you and take you away from him. You were convinced nobody else could take care of him like you did.” She pointed her finger. “If you remember, that’s why you started the salon. You didn’t want him in a day care...wanted him right there with you all the time. Since the day he was born, Russ was your whole life. Yet, in one short week, Jeff managed to bring out the old you—the courageous you who wasn’t afraid of facing life head-on.”

  Maggie propped her elbows on the table and leaned her head into her hands, massaging her temples while the truth of what her mom was saying sank in.

  But what about Jeff’s control over her? No doubt, he had a strong personality. But if she’d done the about-face her mom said she had, he would’ve been grappling to understand what was happening to the woman he loved...would’ve been trying even harder to bring it all under control. And if she’d been suddenly facing a new side of herself that was afraid of everything, they would most definitely have been at odds.

  He hadn’t been trying to change her. He’d been trying to restore her to...to my old, real self.

  The lightbulb moment brought a few seconds of respite before the pain of what-might-have-been placed a vise grip on her heart. She sighed. That was all water under the bridge now.

  “I see what you’re saying, Mom, and I think you may be right,” Maggie said at last. “And I think I would’ve been the same way with this baby.”

  “I doubt that.” Her mom shook her head. “Age changes us. We get older and wiser. We learn from our mistakes and finally realize which ones weren’t mistakes, after all.” She leaned closer. “Like Jeff, for instance. Why don’t you call him?”

  Maggie’s stomach somersaulted at the suggestion. All those things she’d said to him the last time they were together made her heart ache all over again. “I’ve put him through enough.”

  “Would you mind if I called him?”

  Maggie tried to blink the incredulity from her gaze. “Yeah, I would. We’ve said everything that needs to be said. The only thing that could make this any worse would be for him to think I’ve gone running to y’all again like I used to, trying to gang up on him. That never should’ve happened in the past—and it certainly shouldn’t happen now.”

  Her mom’s mouth tightened around the edges. “I’d like to apologize for all the bad things I’ve said about him over the years. And I’d like to tell him I’m sorry about the baby.”

  “Send him a card.” Maggie pulled out her phone. “Here’s his address.”

  Her mom keyed the information into her phone and then placed it on the table, absently drawing figure eights on the screen. “So why were you crying in the car? Because of your baby? Because of Jeff?” she asked softly.

  “My last client told me she’s pregnant with a little girl. It made me sad.”

  Her mom came over and knelt down in front of her, taking her hands. “And it will for a while. It’s all part of the grieving process, remember? First, disbelief and denial. That’s followed by anger and guilt—where you are now. You’re mad at life’s unfairness...that no matter how hard we try to control it, some things are out of our control.”

  Maggie shuddered. “That’s it exactly. Why does she get to have a little girl, and I don’t? Why did my baby leave me? Was I not good enough?” The quiver of her chin vibrated in Rosemary’s heart.

  “That’s the anger and guilt talking. You know you’re a good mom. Look at Russ.” She brushed the hair from Magg
ie’s eyes, and Maggie leaned into the gentle touch, realizing how much she’d missed it. “Life’s full of mysteries. Some we solve, some we don’t. Give yourself time to get to that acceptance stage, sweetheart. It’s there. You just have to move forward to reach it.”

  Maggie stood, pulling her mom to her feet and into the first real hug they’d shared in what felt like a lifetime.

  It was a small movement physically, but emotionally it moved her a giant step forward.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  “TELL YOU WHAT.” Rosemary put her hands on her hips and looked around, innocently easing herself between Maggie and the table. “Go wash your face. Change your clothes if you want. I’ll clean up in here, and then we’ll go to my house and I’ll fix us some supper.”

  Maggie threw a glance toward the dishes left on the counter and shook her head. “I can take care of it, Mom. I don’t want you cleaning up my mess.”

  “I want to help.” That wasn’t a lie, although her conscience pricked at her double meaning. “And, anyway, your dad and I want to tell you about our trip.” She gave a soft swat to her daughter’s bottom. “Go on. You need to eat. It’ll be good for you to get away from your thoughts for a while.”

  Maggie hesitated but finally gave a relenting sigh. “Okay. I won’t be long.” She started toward the front of the house.

  “Take your time,” Rosemary called after her. “We’re in no rush.”

  She waited until she heard the footsteps fade into the bedroom before she grabbed the phone Maggie had left on the table. She pulled up the contacts and, to her relief, found Jeff’s information still open. Quickly, she punched his number into her note app and then put the phone back on the table exactly where it had been.

  The phone call would have to wait until later...sometime when she could be alone.

  Whistling a happy tune, she moved over to the counter to start cleaning up her daughter’s other mess.

  * * *

  JEFF GLANCED AT his phone but didn’t recognize the number coming in. He hit the ignore button.

  “You shoul’ take tha,” Chloe chided. “Somebody migh’ nee’ you.”

  “Shh.” He waved her to quiet down. “Whoever it is can need me after Rudy makes his touchdown.” No matter how many times he saw this movie, Rudy’s touchdown never failed to get him verklempt. He didn’t want to talk business over the phone with tears in his voice. Besides, whoever it was didn’t leave a voice mail, so it couldn’t have been too important.

  “How’s Maggie?”

  “Shh!” Even the mention of the woman’s name made his heart hurt. “We don’t talk anymore. Her choice.”

  “You shoul’ call her an’way.”

  “How ’bout saving the advice until the movie’s over.”

  His phone vibrated again. Same number as before. “Damn it!” He heard Chloe’s delighted chuckle as he paused the DVD. “Hello?” he barked into the phone.

  “Um...hi.” The voice on the other end was hesitant and female, and he felt a twinge of guilt at his bad manners. “Is this...um...Jeff Wells?”

  The voice solidified in his mind, causing the beer he was drinking to solidify in his stomach. “Rosemary?” Oh, God, had something else happened to Maggie? He shifted to the front of his seat.

  “Yes. I didn’t think you’d recognize my voice.” She gave a nervous laugh, which lowered his anxiety level a bit.

  “That western Kentucky accent’s quite prominent. And it’s only been a couple of months since we spoke in person.” Had it really been only two months? So much had happened...

  “Well, the reason I called...”

  Her hesitation made him want to scream. Why in the hell had she called?

  “Maggie told me about the baby, Jeff. I’m so sorry. I see what a terrible loss it’s been for her, and I’m sure for you, too.”

  Except for the initial conversation after he’d arrived back home, he and his parents hadn’t discussed the baby again. And, even though the subject hurt, it was comforting to speak of her out in the open. “Yeah. It was—is—bad. Healing takes time.” He cleared his throat. “How is Mags?”

  “Well, like you said, healing takes time. She’s on her way, though, I think.”

  “Glad to hear that.”

  Chloe’s eyes were wide, and she tilted her head. He gave her an I-don’t-understand-it-either shrug.

  “I...also...want to apologize for the way I treated you at the hospital, and—” her heavy sigh sounded in his ear “—and for how unfairly I’ve treated you over the years.”

  “That’s kind of you, Rosemary, but you don’t need to—”

  “Yes, I do. I’ve bad-mouthed you for eighteen years, putting every bit of the blame for your and Maggie’s troubles on you, when I was as much a part of the problem as anybody, and I’m sorry.”

  Her confession rendered him momentarily speechless, but there was no time for response, anyway.

  “I stuck my nose where it didn’t belong and always took her side against you. It wasn’t fair for me to do that...to you or her.”

  The sincerity in her voice touched him. He waited to make sure this was an official pause before he answered. “Well, you’ve surprised the hell out of me, Rosemary. This really wasn’t necessary, but I do appreciate it. Thanks.”

  “You forgive me?”

  “Yes. Certainly. Apologizing takes a big person.”

  “Good...” There was another longer pause. “Because now that you understand I have only the best intentions for you and Maggie both, I’m going to stick my nose back where it doesn’t belong.”

  His teeth clenched with instant annoyance. How could he have been so stupid as to think she was actually offering a sincere apology? “In that case, I’m hanging up now.” He ground the words out. “Nice talking to you, Rosemary.” He lowered the phone, thumb on the cancel button.

  “Jeff!” Her shout blasted over the line. “Please don’t hang up yet. You and Maggie belong together!”

  Chloe’s eyes had grown to the size of saucers, but now she narrowed them into a look that was fierce and feline. “Don’ hang up,” she whispered, piling all her emotion into that final p.

  Jeff slowly lifted the phone back to his ear. “I’m listening.”

  * * *

  SHE’D GOTTEN HIS ATTENTION, and Rosemary took it as a good sign.

  “I won’t keep you long,” she promised. “But there are some things I want to be sure you’re aware of.”

  “Such as...?”

  “Such as the fact Maggie still loves you. Just this evening she told me for a fact that she loves you and always will. Now, I don’t know if she’s told you the same thing, but those words hold a powerful message if you’ll hear them with your heart.”

  “Maggie and I have acknowledged we still care fo—”

  “It’s not just ‘care for,’ Jeff. It’s love, straight up, pure and simple.” She pounded the word, hoping to crack his thick skull with it.

  “Whatever it is, we’ve acknowledged it’s still there. But we also know it’s illogical to try to build a relationship when we live so far apart. We both have businesses to run, and neither of us can afford to continue flying back and forth.”

  “She said the same thing, and I told her those were excuses, not reasons.”

  “They’re viable truths, Rosemary.”

  “Maybe.” She didn’t want this to become an argument. “But love finds a way.”

  His laugh had a sharp edge. “And apparently it has. What seems to have worked well for the past sixteen years is keeping our distance. It’s when we’re together that things don’t go so well.”

  “They must go fairly well.” She met his sarcasm head-on. “She’s gotten pregnant by you twice.” Oh, Lord! Had that comment overstepped the bounds?

  Apparently no
t. His answering chuckle sounded lighter. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, Rosemary. Honest, I do. But...did Mags tell you I proposed to her?”

  “Yeah. And it shows you’re an honorable man. You wanted to do the right thing for the baby.”

  He spoke again, his voice quieter. “But I asked her twice. Once before and again after we lost our baby.”

  “I know. She told me that, too. And that’s what makes me believe y’all need to be together.”

  “Yeah, well, she didn’t see it that way. She claims she loses herself in me. Isn’t herself—”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is just an extension of you.” Rosemary let out her breath in a sigh, shaking her head in frustration. “I’ve heard it already, and, pardon my French, but I think it’s bull hockey. She doesn’t lose herself in you. She lost herself in Russ.” She reiterated the speech she’d already given Maggie. “Those things she claims you talk her into were easy to talk her into because they brought out the old Maggie—the real Maggie—the one who got pushed out of the way once she became a mother and started being so extra careful about everything.”

  “Did you tell her that?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And how did she take it?”

  “She admits I’m right.”

  “That’s scary.”

  Rosemary laughed. He really was easy to talk to, and she just might be making some headway. “But Maggie also says she’s caused you enough heartache and grief, and that she’s not willing to do anything that might lead to more of the same.”

  “Which is why you’re the one calling instead of her.”

  “Yes.”

  “Did she know you were going to call me?”

  “Not exactly.”

  “What does ‘not exactly’ mean? Did she ask you to call me?”

  His incredulous tone indicated her meaning had gone foul. She wouldn’t have him thinking Maggie had come running to her to take sides again. “She would probably have a heart attack if she knew we were talking.”

  “Oh,” he said, thoughtfully pausing before continuing. “Damn, Rosemary, I’m sorry. I should’ve asked before now how Eli’s doing.”