My Way Back to You (Harlequin Large Print Super Romance)

by Pamela Hearon

  She shook her head, reluctantly letting go of his hand. “He went upstairs and locked himself in his room as soon as we got home. He’s been there ever since.”

  They passed through the kitchen and great room, and Maggie dropped her sweater onto a chair as they passed. Then they continued down the hall toward the front of the house, where they simultaneously came to an abrupt stop. Their eyes met.

  Her bedroom was to the right, the staircase to the left.

  An excruciatingly awkward moment passed, her pulse throbbing to the beat of the drums overhead while her breath stilled in her chest.

  Jeff’s grimace deepened. “I know you said I could stay here, but I got a room in Benton. I thought you could take me into town later.”

  He didn’t want to stay with her.

  Maggie’s heart sank with a thud, but she managed a nod. “Okay.” She glanced around—anything to break eye contact so he wouldn’t see her disappointment. “Do you, um...want a drink first? Or a minute to catch your breath?” She wasn’t sure how he was being affected, but the room felt ten sizes smaller than normal to her.

  He shook his head and ran a hand through the top of his hair and down his face. Then he gripped his hips with both hands. “No, I want to talk to our son.”

  She led the way up the stairs, and when they reached Russ’s room, she would almost swear she could see the door vibrating from the sound waves buffeting the other side. She knocked lightly. “Russ?”

  No answer.

  Jeff stepped up and pounded with his fist. “Russ!” he shouted. “Get over here and open this door now.”

  The music stopped and footsteps shuffled their direction. The door opened and Russ’s sad puppy-dog eyes greeted his father. “Hey, Dad.”

  “Hey, son.” Jeff pulled him into a hug, and Maggie’s heart shattered under the onslaught of emotion.

  Jeff loosened his grip and stepped back, tilting his head toward the staircase. “Downstairs.” It was an order, not a question, and Russ slunk by them, imaginary tail between his legs.

  Maggie followed, with Jeff bringing up the rear. The silent procession made its way down the steps and to the great room where Russ flopped unceremoniously into a chair.

  Maggie sat on the couch and, without hesitation, Jeff sat down beside her in a show of solidarity. Her breath shuddered in her lungs at his close proximity.

  Jeff dove right in. “We’re all here to talk like adults, and that’s what we’re going to do. We won’t tolerate any sullen, childish behavior. Is that understood?”

  Russ nodded. With his head lowered, his eyes shifted between theirs, making direct contact with both.

  Jeff leaned back, turning slightly in Maggie’s direction and resting his arm across the back of the couch behind her. He held his other hand out, giving Russ the floor. “You start.”

  * * *

  “IT’S JUST NOT what I expected.” Russ shrugged, looking miserable. “I thought living in the big city would be great. I mean, I love San Diego. But Chicago’s not San Diego. I miss my friends, and I miss home.”

  Memories of those same feelings squeezed Jeff’s heart. Murray, Kentucky, had been a far cry from the city and culture he’d grown up in. “A move like this takes time to adjust to, son,” he said gently. “It’s natural for you to miss your friends, and, of course, you’re going to be homesick. That’s all part of growing up. But you make new friends. You’re not having trouble with that, are you?”

  Russ shook his head.

  “And remember...” Mags entered the conversation. “Most of your friends aren’t here, either. They’re away at school, too. Do you talk to them? Stay in touch?”

  “We talk some.” Russ scooted back in his chair, a bit more relaxed.

  “They’ll be home this week, too,” Mags said. “Invite them over for Taco Tuesday. We’ll fix tacos and y’all can play pool like you used to. It’ll help you see that though some things have changed, other things remain the same.”

  Russ nodded, but the way his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard told them they hadn’t touched on the real problem yet. Jeff wasn’t surprised. Russ had spent summers in San Diego, away from his friends, his entire life, and had never suffered homesickness. That it was rearing its head now seemed off. “But that’s not what’s really bothering you, is it?”

  Russ leaned forward again and rested his elbows on his knees. His fingertips pressed together and apart in a push-up motion. Jeff recognized the gesture—the same one he used when he was agitated. “Everything’s just a lot harder than I thought it was going to be,” he said. “The competition on the team is tough. I mean, really tough. And the classes. Man, they’re so hard!”

  “College is hard, no doubt about it,” Jeff agreed, trying to be supportive.

  “And high school was really easy for you,” Mags added. “You didn’t have to study much, and now you’re having to develop study habits.”

  Russ crossed his arms and flopped back into his seat. “But I don’t like having to study all the time. I’m either on the golf course or studying. I never get to do anything fun. I want to go someplace easy.”

  Jeff could hardly believe his eyes...or his ears. He wasn’t sure where this chuck-it-all behavior came from, but he sure as hell didn’t like it. He opened his mouth and stretched his tight jaw muscles before he spoke. “You don’t just leave school in midsemester because it’s hard. You figure out what you have to do, and you do it.”

  Russ rolled his eyes. “I have figured out what I have to do. I have to quit. It’s not fun. It’s hard. I want out.”

  “Russ—” Mags began, but the speech rushed out of Jeff’s lips before he could stop them.

  “You do not quit something simply because it’s not fun or it’s hard.” Jeff surged to his feet, slapping the fingers of one hand against his other palm. “Giving up is not an option when it comes to the important things in life.”

  Russ came to his feet then, too, meeting Jeff’s gaze full on. “You mean, the important things in life like marriage, Dad?” His voice was quiet, but the edge was sharp and it sliced Jeff’s heart wide open. “Or is that one of those throwaway things it’s okay to walk away from?”

  The punch from his son’s words landed hard in his gut and knocked the breath from him, rendering him speechless for a moment.

  How could it be that the silence in the room was so much louder than the earlier music had been?

  He coughed to make some room around the piece of heart lodged in his throat. “Russ, your mom and I...” What? What could he say to make his son understand that no matter how much you love somebody, sometimes you have to give them up, let them go? Especially when the entire premise sounded absurd, even to him.

  A warmth moved through him, and he became aware Mags was standing beside him...had slipped her arm through his and pulled it close against her. When she reached out and took Russ’s hand, Jeff watched the tension ease in his son’s face. “Russ, your dad and I have made mistakes, and we admit that.” Her voice was gentle yet firm and unwavering, and she intertwined her fingers through his. God, her hand felt wonderful. “But we want you to learn from our mistakes. Quitting is not an option. Maybe at the end of the semester or the end of the year, if it comes to that. But not in the middle. Now tell us what’s really going on.”

  Russ’s eyes welled with tears. He blinked fast in an effort to hold them back and then his shoulders slumped in surrender. “Nothing’s ever been this hard for me. I’m afraid of...of failing. Y’all...and Grandma and Grandpa...and all my high school teachers. Everybody’ll be so disappointed.”

  Jeff laid a hand on his son’s shoulder and squeezed lightly. “Are you failing? Really?”

  “No. Not yet.”

  Maggie’s hand twitched, and Jeff met her eyes, read the relief.

  “But I feel like if I let up fo
r even one second, it’ll all blow up.” Russ swiped his hand down his face. “I’ve got two papers due when I get back and a test coming up soon, so I don’t even get to enjoy my time at home. I’m so tired I feel like I could sleep the entire week.”

  “Then the first thing we need to do is let you get some rest.” Maggie cradled their son’s cheek in her palm. He closed his eyes and leaned into it briefly. “You can’t think straight or make any kind of decision when you’re this exhausted.” She shot Jeff a meaningful look before she went on. “Go crawl into your own bed, leave the music off and just rest. Sleep as long as you want. Tomorrow, we’ll revisit this and look at it with fresh eyes. Okay?” She raised a questioning eyebrow toward Jeff and he nodded.

  “Good idea,” he said.

  Russ took a long deep breath. “Okay. That sounds great actually.”

  Jeff patted his son’s shoulder as Maggie kissed his cheek, then together they watched him climb the stairs, feet dragging with exhaustion.

  “He’s going to be fine,” Maggie said as soon as they heard the door upstairs close. “When he got whiny like this as a little boy, I always knew he was just overtired.” She dropped his hand and rested hers on her hip, absently touching her other hand to the base of her throat. “I could use some fresh air. How about you? Want to go for a walk?”

  He nodded. Anything would be better than standing within arm’s reach of the woman he loved and feeling a million miles away.

  * * *

  THEY SPENT THE first few awkward moments roaming around the front yard, shedding their anxiety about Russ by discussing the abundance of walnuts still hanging on the branches and the Indian corn stalks and pumpkin display she’d put up as decoration.

  The sun had dropped below the trees, adding an additional coolness to the air, when Jeff finally came to a standstill, shoving his hands into his pockets and looking her directly in the eyes. “How are you doing, Mags? I mean...are you still doing okay?”

  She started to cross her arms but caught herself and instead slid her fingers into the back pockets of her jeans. “I’m fine. I’ve been resting, not pushing myself too hard. It’s given me a chance to work through the grief. You?”

  He nodded. “Chloe’s been a great counselor. I feel almost normal again. I mean, the pain’s always going to be there...”

  “But it’s bearable,” she finished his sentence, and they shared a sad smile.

  “Exactly.”

  “Jeff.” She dropped her eyes for a moment to catch the breath that eluded her when his gaze was so unflinching. “I said a lot of things I regret the last time we were together.”

  “Let’s not rehash any of that, Mags.” His eyes closed in a long, tired blink. “Rosemary said you told her we’d said everything that needed to be said. Let’s just leave it at that.”

  Maggie winced at the thought of her mom and Jeff having such a conversation. But she should’ve realized they’d fill the time in the car from the airport with something. “I don’t want to leave it at that.” She was determined to at least apologize. “I said things I didn’t mean, lashed out at you when you were being wonderful. I’m sorry.”

  He shrugged. “It’s okay.” He backed away from her at a quick pace and turned toward the driveway.

  She caught up with him, grabbing his arm and jerking him around to face her. “It’s not okay.” She ground the words out through clenched teeth. “I said I regretted letting you in my life, and that’s a lie. I don’t regret you in my life. Not the first time. Not the second. Not ever. No regrets.”

  Jeff held up his hands in a surrender pose and shook his head. With a purposeful stride, he stalked back toward the house.

  “Where are you going?” she called.

  “I’m going to get my luggage,” he answered over his shoulder. “Go get your car. You’re taking me to Benton.”

  The sledgehammer pounding in Maggie’s chest told her with absolute certainty if she let him go this time, it would be the end.

  No more chances. No going back.

  She took off at a run, beating him to the steps and blocking his way. “I’m not taking you to Benton. I want you to stay here.”

  * * *

  JEFF DID AN about-face and ran his hand down his face, swiping it across the back of his neck, which had broken out in a sweat at Maggie’s words. “No. I won’t do that to Russ. It will send the wrong message, and the poor kid’s stressed enough with everything else going on.” He walked a few steps away, then turned to her. The love he saw in Maggie’s eyes gripped his insides and squeezed.

  “Maybe it could be the right message—that we’re trying to work things out.”

  Jeff’s brain whirred as he tried to figure out exactly what she was saying while still keeping his heart at bay. Trying to work things out? What in the hell did that mean? Reconciliation? Back to being exes with benefits? They couldn’t allow themselves to get caught up in the emotion of the moment again. Not with Russ’s trust in them at stake.

  “No. I don’t mind telling Russ we still care for each other. That much is true. But leading him to believe we’re trying to reconcile, and that it’s only a matter of time before we’re back together is just setting him up for disappointment. I won’t have it.” He ran his fingers through his hair and scrubbed his face, then settled his hands back on his hips. Despite the cool breeze, he was burning up.

  “But maybe we can get back together.” She walked toward him, hands on her hips, mirroring his stance.

  “Don’t say anything else, Mags. You’re forgetting that I’m overbearing and a control freak—”

  “I know. Which means you try your hardest to take care of the people you love and keep them safe.”

  “Which means,” he continued what he was going to say before she interrupted, “I’m not willing to try to make a long-distance relationship work. I want you with me—all the time—or not at all.”

  Her arms folded across her chest. “You want marriage.”

  Damn! This was like walking a freaking tightrope with no safety net. Say the wrong thing and lose her forever. But the only way to keep his balance was to tell her the truth, so he gritted his teeth and laid it out. “Hell, yes, I want marriage! I want a wife...a real family life. Not love that comes around like shiftwork or any of that exes-with-benefits crap.”

  She dropped her arms and took a step that brought her up against him. Her eyes were big and luminous as she scanned his face. “Then marry me, Jeff.”

  His heart jerked to a stop. “You’re asking me...?”

  She caught her upper lip between her teeth and gnawed for a moment before she spoke. “Since you were here last, I’ve been having this recurring dream where you’ve talked me into riding this motorcycle. It’s exhilarating and I’m going fast, but headed toward a canyon. You keep telling me I can make the jump. I go off the cliff, suspended in midair, and then I realize I’m all alone. You’re nowhere around...and that’s when I wake up.”

  She reached for his hand and pressed it against her cheek. “Last night, I didn’t wake up in midair. I made it to the other side. You know who was there?” He shook his head. “You,” she said. “You were waiting there to catch me...had been there all along.”

  His heartbeat hammered in his ears.

  “I want to be your wife,” she said softly. “Become a real family again. So Jeff Wells...will...you...marry...me?” Her expression was dead serious, not even a glimmer of a smile.

  Everything he’d dreamed of was being offered in her eyes—everything, that was, except a real solution. He shook his head. “I can’t move to Kentucky, Mags.” The jagged edges of his emotion scraped his throat. “I would love to, but I have too many people depending on me, and I just ca—”

  Her finger touched his lips and silenced them. “I want to sell the salon and the house. I want to move to California and be
with you. I’ve given this a lot of thought. I can help your mom with Chloe, so your dad can go back to work as much as he wants, and in turn you can have some time off.”

  He shook his head again, heart pounding now with wonder and fear. They were so close to happiness, yet still so far away. “I can’t let you do that. It’s not fair for you to give up everything.”

  “Well, let’s get one thing straight.” One of her eyebrows rose. “You don’t let me do anything. I’m not asking your permission. I do what I want, and this is what I want. I’m not giving up everything, Jeff. I’m getting everything.”

  “Oh, God, Mags...” He gathered her into his arms, and she relaxed against him. Nothing had ever felt more wonderful, more perfect...or more right.

  She leaned her head back and his mouth found hers with a kiss he never wanted to end.

  But she eventually pulled away and leaned back again, though remaining in the confines of his arms. “Is that a yes?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He answered her smile with one of his own. “It’s a definite yes.”

  * * *

  ROSEMARY ANSWERED THE phone before the first ring was completed. “Hi, sweetheart.”

  “Grandma!” Russ’s voice was breathless with excitement. “You won’t believe this, but Mom and Dad are out in the front yard kissing! I looked out my bedroom window, and all of a sudden they were in this lip-lock. Ew! I mean major, movie-like kissing.”

  A rush of joy spread through Rosemary, warming her from head to toe, and she danced a few steps of a jig in the middle of her kitchen. “Oh, I’m so glad.”

  “You are? Did you know anything was going on between them?”

  “I’ve had my suspicions.”

  “This is just un-freaking-believable.” His laugh brought a chuckle to her lips, as well. She could picture that beautiful smile of his beaming across his face.

  “Now, don’t get your hopes up too high till you’ve talked with them,” she said. “Find out what’s going on.”

  “It’s not getting my hopes up, Grandma,” he said quietly. “My hopes have been up since I was three.”