Love Notes

by Heather Gunter

  I can't help but feel relief wash throughout my whole body. However, I'm starting to think this may be easier said than done. “Give me your number Charlie.” Shelby says. I start to argue and she can see the reluctance written all over my face. “Nope, I will take care of it, don't you worry.” she says.

  I sit there still as a statue while Shelby makes the call. I can hear her speaking into the phone, but truth be told I don't want to hear, so I follow Tori up to her room. Tori and I sit there in silence and just wait for Shelby to make an appearance.

  Finally, Shelby walks upstairs and says, “You won't be going back there Charlie. You’ll stay here, with us.” At this surprising turn of events, I start to ask how? “It wasn't hard Charlie, all I had to do was threaten to take you to the police station. I told them I had taken pictures of your face as evidence. I'm sorry to tell you that your mom is also sticking with your dad on this one. I'm sorry, she isn't the mom that you deserve.”

  I’m sad, but I actually also feel relief. Things with my mom have been wrong for so long. “Thank you Shelby. Really, I know you don't have to do this and I won't be any trouble. I promise.”

  “I know you won't Charlie. You can have the room down from Tori. It's the spare bedroom and we’ll make it yours.”

  Her kindness astounds me. She doesn't even know me. Not really and here she is offering her home to me. I must have a worried look on my face, because she looks at me and gets up and pulls me into a hug.–a Mom hug.

  The last time I was hugged by a mom, it was Carol, Maverick’s mom, which fills me with another sadness. It causes me to start crying all over again. I'm assuming the effect of a mother's affection is a lot for me to digest. It's so foreign to me. Sad isn't it? I cling to her and cry even harder. She comforts me and rubs my hair on my head, like a mom is supposed to do. She holds me until I’m all cried out then pulls back some. “I want you to feel welcome here. I'm not perfect and you may get angry at me from time to time, but I will never holler, hit or demean you.

  All I can say in response is, “Thank you.”

  “You girls get some sleep. Charlie, don’t worry about school in the morning.”

  I nod yes and Tori guides me to the spare room, which is now mine. Tori has stayed silent this whole time, how I’ll never know. Until now. Now she says, “Charlie, I'm so sorry. I knew something was going on and that there had to be a reason why you were so insecure. I just never imagined.

  “I mean, I even went and talked to Maverick.”

  Well this is news to me and I'm kind of shocked. “You did what?”

  “Don't be mad, but I did visit him in the hospital and I might have called him an ass hat. I was pissed and gave him hell, but you should know one thing.”

  “Yeah, what's that Tori?”

  “Well, what if I said he knew he was stupid and that he loves you and wants you back, but is trying to come to grips with his own issues? Just know that I think he regrets his hasty decision. He felt horrible and even let me holler at him and call him names, without interrupting, mind you for like ten minutes.”

  “What was that today, then?” I ask. Tori sighs, “Look I can't speak for him, but I think it was just coincidental that “the bitches” were right there. You know how they are. Did he try to talk to you at all today?”

  I start, “Yeah but…” “No buts, Charlie I know I'm right.”

  This is just too much for me to process. Between all of the events of the night and my face killing me and not to mention the raging headache I have, from crying so much. I need sleep and I need it now.

  Without another word Tori walks out. I shut the door, walk to the bed and crawl into it. The moment the sheets are pulled up, I feel peace and at home, oddly enough. I close my eyes and finally let sleep take me.

  Chapter 41-Maverick

  Have you ever had a thought and you just knew that something was wrong? Kind of like ESP. You think you're just crazy at first, but then to find out later that you were right about your feelings? This is how I have felt all day and all night long.

  I’m lying in bed and all I can think about is her. The minute Charlie wasn't in choir class, which is her favorite class, I knew something was wrong. I knew it was because of me. I really wanted to talk to her. I know I acted like a coward this morning. I should have never looked away. I should have walked, no more like hobbled up to her and told her I was stupid. An idiot or every horrible name in the book. But I didn't.

  I was worried though. My gut was telling me something was off. All I know is that I had to talk to her. I have to tell her how I feel about her and how amazing she is. Even if she tells me that she never wants to see me again, I need her to know. I owe her that.

  Tomorrow, first thing I'm going to talk to her. I'm going to win ‘my’ Charlie back.

  Chapter 42-Charlie

  I wake up feeling like I have been run over by a freight train. I hear a knock on the door and see Shelby peek her head in. “How do you feel honey?” Well that was a loaded question if I ever heard one. “Truthfully, I don't feel good at all. How does the face look?” I ask. “Honestly, Charlie it looks awful.

  “If you need me I will leave my number on the fridge. Call if you want to talk any time today.” Shelby turns to leave.

  “Shelby?” I holler. “Yeah hon?” “I just want to say thank you. For everything.”

  “Charlie, no thanks are needed, okay? But if it makes you feel better. You're welcome.”

  No sooner do I lay back down, than Tori comes prancing in. “Do you need me to stay home with you?”

  “Naw, I'll be fine, but thank you. The question is, will you be okay doing the program with Maverick tonight?” I ask her.

  Tori starts laughing, “That's right, we weren't expecting him to be back and we’re singing a girly song. Well, if that isn't pay back I don't know what is. Okay, now I can't help it, because really this is rich.”

  “Um, Tori,” I say. “He doesn't even know we changed the song.”

  “Oh ye of little faith. Do not fear, he will by the end of class. I still want you to come to the performance tonight though. Just think what pleasure you will receive by watching him do this.” And with that said, she walks out laughing.

  I lay back down and can't help but chuckle. It hurts though. Any movement of my face hurts. Ugh, I need sleep. I still haven't processed everything, but I did wake thinking about Maverick and everything Tori had told me last night. Of course, I still feel the pain from my parents. I will feel that forever I'm sure. I hope it will fade some eventually, but in some small way, I know it will always be there. All I know, is that I am beginning to see things so much clearer.

  The more I think about this, the more I need to get up and get an Advil to help cut the pain of my face. I take a pit stop to the bathroom and decide I’m going to avoid looking at myself, but then something tells me to look. That I really need to see.

  I decide to listen. As I look in the mirror, I take in the hand print that’s very visible on my face. It’s faded a little, but is still evident, as well as a little swelling, but thank goodness not anywhere near as bad as it had been last night. And perhaps, with a little bit of camouflaging make up, it will not be nearly as noticeable. After all, it will be dark in the auditorium and you shouldn't be able to tell.

  I look beyond everything and for the first time, finally begin to see myself. Not what my parents see, but really start to see me. The more I look, looking past the bruise itself, the more I can see that I’m actually kind of pretty. I'm not saying that I had an epiphany all of a sudden and think I’m hot. Not at all. I'm just saying, I finally found something in myself, that I’d never seen before. I didn't see the same Charlie. I found a new and improved Charlie. One I really need to get to know a whole lot better.

  Chapter 43-Charlie

  I spent my day sleeping and to be honest, it was the first true rest I had had in a very long time. I woke feeling slightly lighter. Don’t get me wrong, I was still upset. Emotionally and physically drai
ned, yes. However, knowing that I had a place to stay and would never have to step foot into that place ever again, that had never felt like home, now that was a feeling like no other.

  Then like a bolt of lightening, I remember what tomorrow is.

  Homecoming.

  Well, there went that first dance. The strange thing is, that in my haste to pack my ‘essentials’ I packed my dress. The only reasoning I could think, is that it is still important to me and symbolizes something to me. Regardless of the outcome with Maverick and me, I love him. That doesn’t go away over night. The dress is proof, that he had loved me. That was a feeling, I never wanted to forget. I know, strange right?

  Tori comes prancing in my room, excited about the program tonight. “Time to get up my friend and get you beautified for tonight. We are going to make Maverick think twice about ever being a dick wad to you. Let’s show him what he’s missing. Shall we?”

  “Tori, I’m not really feeling up to it tonight. I mean, really my face….”

  “Nope, your face is beautiful and it really doesn’t look that bad. With a little of my magical masterful hands, you will never know. Plus, remember it will be dark in the auditorium and it won’t be noticeable.”

  I knew she would never give up. Hanging my head down to my chest and heaving a heavy sigh, I finally concede defeat. Not that she would ever have given me much of choice. That girl could be relentless when she wanted too.

  I get up, shower and come into my room to see that Tori has pulled my clothes out and laid them out on the bed. I guess she is also my wardrobe stylist tonight.

  I can’t help but smile and be eternally grateful for having met her and that she is my friend. What would’ve happened if my so-called dad hadn’t been transferred and we’d never moved here? The thought alone starts to make me think about the what if’s. I shake myself of the thought. I don’t need to think about this. We did move, I did meet Maverick and Tori and everything is okay, now. I need to remember that.

  I get dressed and walk into the bathroom to find Tori completely dressed and make-up done. Of course, she looks beautiful. She always does. “Come to me and let’s get your already gorgeous face touched up a bit.”

  “Oohh, I’m so good, if I do say so myself.” Tori exclaims. “Behold my masterpiece.”

  I glance in the mirror and see that my face does indeed look a lot better with a little bit of makeup. She is good, I’ll give her that. I didn't think anyone would notice, unless they got extremely close up, which I don’t see happening any time soon.

  Tori and I make dinner for us, so Shelby won't have to mess with it. In a way, it helps me feel like I’m earning my keep. I knew it would actually be appreciated.

  All too quickly it’s time to leave. The closer we get to the school the stranger Tori's behavior gets. She is like a person doped up on too much caffeine. I’m a bundle of nerves. I want to see Maverick, but yet I don’t. I donn’t know who he will be with, or who will be on his arm.

  As soon as we arrive, Tori leaves us to go meet up with the class. Shelby insists that we sit up front. “Oh boy,” is all I can think. I really don't feel like getting noticed and sitting up in the front is the perfect place for that to happen. It is as close and personal with the stage as you can possibly get. Finally the lights dim and the program begins. Tori had told me that they wouldn't be on, until the closer to the end and I honestly couldn't remember how many groups were in front of them. The longer I sit here, the more nervous I get about seeing Maverick. Program after program comes and goes. All of a sudden Tori comes out, but not onto the stage. Next thing I know Tori drops her butt down on the seat right smack next to me.

  “Um, Tori. What are you doing?” I ask. What does she do? She doesn't respond, she just shushes me, the stinker. “Tori.” I say, which may have been a little louder than I intend, hearing people hushing me, from behind. She ignores me. Just sits there and pretends she doesn’t hear me. Finally, a hush goes through the auditorium. I'm getting restless and moving around a lot. Apparently I'm annoying the shit out of Tori, because she grabs my shaking leg without looking at me and stills it.

  Then a spotlight shines directly on to the middle of the stage and I spot Maverick on crutches. Alone, on the stage. “Tori, what’s he doing?” Again she ignores me. Then the most beautiful music starts playing. I recognize the song immediately. It’s one of my very favorites. Microphone in hand Maverick limps, stands directly in front of me and starts to sing. I make every attempt to avoid making eye contact, but I can't.

  It's impossible and he sounds…. really good. It’s such a soulful song, “You're all I've Ever Needed,” by Paul McDonald & Nikki Reed. It's beautiful he’s intently staring at me, singing these words it seems, to me. “I love you more than I knew, I could ever love someone.”

  He slowly limps off the stage and heads in my direction, never taking his eyes off of me. He reaches me and tentatively reaches out for my hand, looking unsure as if I will allow that. I do, because I would do anything to hold his hand again. He securely takes it in his and almost reverently, leads me back to the stage.

  I’m mesmerized. Like I’ve been put under a spell. I guess in a way I have. I follow, because I can't help it, as he continues to sing to me. He motions for me to sing the chorus with him. I do, because in this moment it feels like a dream that I don’t ever want to wake up from. This is not something that ever happens to someone like me. I’ve always been a nobody. Yet, I begin to realize that slowly, but surely, those feelings have been dwindling, for some time now.

  For this moment, it can be perfect. I’m not going to worry about the past or the present. Just the here and now. So I sing the last chorus with him and our voices blend and mesh so well. It’s complete perfection. The last note lingers and we finish. He continues to stare at me as if I’m the most precious thing in the world to him.

  He leans close and whispers in my ear, “Charlie, you are so beautiful.” He dips me just a little, as if we were dancing and gives me a sweet slight lingering kiss, that brings up feelings never forgotten, but reminds me of how much I've missed him.

  When I come back up, the crowd is on their feet clapping. It’s insanity, the sound deafening. I can’t see a thing with the spotlight shining on us, but I can sure hear the football team, hootin and hollering. Above all, I can hear Will going nuts. I stand there with Maverick holding my hand. What seems like forever, he finally directs us off the stage and into the back.

  Limping, he takes us into a back room off of the stage and turns on the light. Quietly, we walk in and shut the door. For just a moment we stand there, without speaking, with Maverick staring at me like he can’t believe I’m in the same room with him. Finally, he begins to speak. “I messed up. I pushed you away when I shouldn’t have and I’m so, so sorry. I just didn’t know how to deal. I know, that’s no excuse. I love you so much and if you don’t want me anymore, I’d understand. I’d hate it, but I’d understand. Am I too late? Did I fuck up royally, that you’re done with me?”

  I don’t acknowledge his use of words. “Was Tori in on this?” I ask. “Never mind, stupid question. Her behavior tonight, says enough.”

  “Um, maybe, but I picked out the song.” Maverick runs his hands through his hair in that way that I love so much and I picture running my hands through it. He looks frustrated that I haven’t responded in the way he wants me too.

  “I miss you Charlie, and I want you back. I’ve missed you so much. I’ve been so damn stupid. You need to know how I feel and that if I could take it all back, I would.”

  “A lot has happened and there are things that we need to discuss.”

  He hesitantly walks a little closer to me. The moment he steps into the light, I know he’ll be able to see it. I let out a heavy sigh, knowing that I can’t hide it from him anymore.

  Secrets need to be told.

  As if on cue, he asks, “What the hell happened to your face Charlie? Who touched you? I’ll fucking kill him.” He walks all the way to me until we�
��re a breaths distance apart, and starts to gently run his thumb down the spot where the slap occurred. I can’t help but lean into his palm as he gently cups my face.

  “Maverick, this is what we need to discuss.” He just stands there waiting for me to continue. I’m not looking forward to this conversation. Not, one bit.

  So I begin my tale. I tell of things from the past that happened and what I’d endured all of these years, to lead into now. I’m embarrassed. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. As soon as I reach the part where I skipped school and went home, because he had returned. And all of my emotions of not being able to handle him returning to school, I see a look of pure agony cross his face. He looks as if he’s blaming himself. I let that go for now, because if I don’t finish this, I’m not sure I’ll be able to get this all out. I explain about how I finally stood up for myself and how good that felt. How it took finally seeing him and his parents as well as Tori and her mom interact to see that what I had, was messed up. I explain the confrontation and how my so called dad, reacted and what I’d learned. I watch the emotions run amuck on his face, especially when I get to the part of the slap. The minute I tell him this, he turns around and slams his fist into the wall, leaving a massive hole in the sheet rock. His fist dripping blood on the floor.