Into the Light (Untwisted series Book 3)

by Raine, Alice

  Looking back at Nathan I saw he was completely lost now, shutting down and gazing sightlessly at the floor whilst rubbing his hands together as if trying to clean them. He was a shell of the Nathan I knew, and it was obvious that he was hurting deeply, but I didn’t know what to do to bring him back to me. I thought about how Nathan always said that actions spoke louder than words to him, and I suddenly knew what to do.

  Picking up the sponge that he had used on me just minutes earlier I squirted some soap on it and began to wash him thoroughly all over his body just as he had me, careful not to miss any centimetre of his beautiful skin. Hopefully this was what he needed tonight, to feel clean and not tarred with thoughts of his brothers blood on his skin.

  Normally something as intimate as this would have had me panting like a dog in heat, but he was so despondent that all I could think about was trying to soothe my poor, distraught man as he just stood there completely vulnerable, staring at the ground and letting me have my way.

  I cleaned every single scrap of skin that I could; around his knees, the arch of his foot, behind his ears, you name it, I cleaned it, although I deliberately avoided his groin – I didn’t want him to think I was trying to tastelessly initiate something sexual. Next I shampooed his hair and thoroughly rinsed it, him tilting his head back on my soft commands but otherwise remaining still, and then when I was done with his body I gently applied pressure on his shoulders and eased us both down onto the floor of the shower. With the water still pouring around us like warm rain I reached up for the soap and nail brush and shuffled myself closer to him so that I was sat directly in front of him with my legs crossed. Talk about a peep show – I was completely naked and openly exposed to him, but I disregarded any embarrassment I might have felt, he needed me right now. Besides, it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen it all before anyway.

  Reaching forwards I placed my hands over his and he stopped with the washing gestures and clenched them into fists instead. I could have taken this as a sign to leave him alone, but luckily I’m pig headed so I persevered and took one of his hands in mine. Patiently I began unclenching each finger one by one then I gently and thoroughly washed each digit, careful to use the brush and clean under his nails too, and then repeated the same treatment to his other hand before acting on impulse and clambering a little awkwardly into his lap. Given how wet and slippery we both were this was actually a lot harder than I first anticipated, especially seeing as Nathan was still sat silent and frozen in place like a statue.

  Once I was in place and comfy enough I leant my cheek down onto his shoulder and placed one hand on his chest in what I hoped was a reassuring gesture. We didn’t generally do anything ‘snuggly’ together, so I really wasn’t sure how this would pan out, he would probably freak out and ask me to leave, but to my surprise after a second or two Nathan’s arms came up around me and pulled me against his body, cradling me to his chest and even briefly nuzzling his face into my hair.

  I was pruning up from being in the shower so long, and I could see from where Nathan’s hands were settled on my arms that he was too, but this was too important a moment to break just because I was looking a bit wrinkly. As if reading my mind though, Nathan briefly leant his head into the top of mine and then began to stand. Did he kiss the top of my head just then? It certainly felt like it, but that would be a very un-Nathan-like gesture, mind you, everything I’d seen about him in the last hour was unusual, he was open and defenceless and in need of me, whereas usually his stark, firm exterior gave the impression that he didn’t need anyone, let alone a woman.

  Joining my arms around his neck I let Nathan carry me from the shower and place me on the counter between the twin sinks. I glanced at each and both were immaculate and I briefly wondered if he had a favourite or just used which ever took his fancy each night. Without saying a word Nathan turned and scooped two large, fluffy towels from a rack behind him and then began to thoroughly rub me dry before doing the same to himself and then hanging the towels back up.

  Once again in silence he turned to me, his hair a dishevelled mess that no doubt matched mine, and then after offering me a small, shy smile Nathan wordlessly scooped me into his arms for the second time in five minutes and carried me to back through his bedroom. With my arms around his neck and my face leant against Nathan’s strong, warm chest I decided that I could quickly learn to love this position. A tinge of disappointment crept through me as Nathan by passed his bed and instead headed down the corridor to my room, but this was soon overshadowed by the realisation that he was so effortlessly carrying my size fourteen bum as if I weighed nothing at all. Perhaps all of Nathan’s sexual gymnastics had caused me to shape up even more recently.

  Instead of depositing me in my bed and leaving as I thought he would, Nathan crawled in behind me and tugged me hard up against him so we were spooning with my back pressed firmly to his front. ‘Bad dreams in the other room, can I stay?’ he murmured against my hair, and I think my heart just about broke for him. Reaching up to link my fingers with his I nodded, afraid that my tight throat might give away my highly emotional state.

  ‘Of course,’ I finally croaked, wriggling myself back for a more firm pressure against him as we both began to drift off to sleep.

  Chapter Eight - Stella

  The following morning I woke up feeling like I’d been hit by a freight train of emotions. Last night had seen both massive highs and incredibly wrenching lows and I almost felt hung-over from all the thoughts trying to fight for space in my brain. ‘Well rested’ certainly wouldn’t be a phrase I’d be using today, that was for sure; my skin felt tight across my face from the lack of sleep, and I was a little achy from all the time spent crouched on the floor of the shower cubicle, but none of this could distract from the hope I felt inside me this morning.

  Even though Nathan and I hadn’t had sex last night it felt to me like a sudden intimacy had developed between us that far exceeded anything we’d done together in the bedroom. To be perfectly honest I was now wondering where on earth we would go from here, but I was secretly hoping that perhaps after opening up to me Nathan might start to feel more of the connection between us that I did.

  The bed was so comfortable, but even though I just about felt refreshed enough to get up and get on with my day I didn’t want to open my eyes yet. He’d be gone, I was sure he would. Nathan never stayed a full night with me. But if I kept my eyes closed I could breathe in the scent of him that hung in the air and in my mind could pretend he was still here with me. I know Nathan had definitely stayed most of the night because I had woken several times and found him still wrapped around me snoring gently. In fact at one point I’d been too hot, but as I tried to shuffle away to a cooler part of the bed Nathan had growled against my shoulder and tugged me firmly back against him. I have no idea if he’d been awake, or merely acting subconsciously in his sleep, but it had been so thrilling that I’d spent the next five minutes lying in the pitch black, grinning like a kid and trying to acclimatise to sleeping with a few extra degrees of body heat attached to me. It had been worth the effort.

  Finally I braved a few blinks and let the soft morning light permeate my lids. From the warm glow coming though my curtains it looked like it was going to be a beautiful day. Propping myself up on my elbows I finally forced myself to glance across the bed and confirm the inevitable; Nathan was gone. Flopping back down I let out a heavy sigh that vibrated my lips like a long, loud raspberry. Reaching over I was surprised to find his pillow still warm and my eyebrows shot up in surprise. Nathan hadn’t been up long then. Wow, he’d survived most of the night in my bed! I couldn’t help it, in celebration I rolled over and buried my face in his warm pillow and inhaled the delicious smell of my complex, troubled bad boy.

  Would I ever wake up in the same bed as him? An accepting grimace twisted my mouth – probably not, seeing how private and closed off Nathan was, I doubt he’d ever let me see him relaxed and sleeping, he’d probably think it would make him look vulnerable or somet
hing. A huge sigh puffed out of my cheeks at this thought, stupid overly proud man. But my disappointment at his departure didn’t distract me from the bone deep sadness I felt for him after all I’d learnt about his childhood last night.

  I tried to clear some of the residual mush from my brain by rubbing my hands vigorously over my face in the hope that it might wake me up more fully and help me make sense of last night’s events. I’d learnt so much about Nathan that I barely knew where to start and some of it was really confusing for me to grasp. Nathan’s relationship with his father certainly seemed to be an extremely complex one, when he’d spoken of him it had almost been with a grudging sort of respect, respect for a man who he had so desperately wanted to please that he’d allowed himself to be beaten daily. Shaking my head I blew out a long breath and pulled the duvet more firmly around myself. Jeez, it was so sad that he’d had to think like that as a child when the love of his parents should have been given freely and affectionately.

  I’m really not sure how I’d held back my tears last night – Nathan had been so lost as he’d shared his history with me, but somehow I just knew that pity was not what he’d want to see from me, but I felt wet warmth on my cheeks now as several tears finally escaped and soaked into the pillow. Daily beatings would make most boys hate their fathers, but it seemed that somehow he’d convinced himself that his father’s punishments were a tool aimed at helping him improve himself, something I struggled to comprehend because I came from a loving, supportive family. Although having said that, maybe it was Nathan’s way of convincing himself that his father loved him, and that the beatings were somehow a display of that love. Making a low humming noise in my head I nodded, I’d put money on the fact that he endured the beatings hoping that if he did, his father might just love him a little more for it. It was such a horrible thought that more tears sprung to my eyes now as I tried to imagine what he’d gone through in his younger years.

  Rolling over onto my back I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and flopped an arm over my head to stretch, and then realised that last night’s shower time was in all likelihood why he was gone from the bed this morning. After his confessions Nathan was probably feeling a bit exposed right now, possibly even regretting his uncharacteristic openness with me. But his behaviour hadn’t made me think of him as weak, quite the opposite in fact; to deal with issues as life changing as an abusive father and the near death of your brother made him just about as strong a character as I could ever imagine.

  It would be like walking through a minefield, but somehow I was going to have to prove to Nathan that his confessions hadn’t made me think negatively about him in the slightest. If possible I now felt more for him than ever, but with a sigh I suspected that my complex dominant wouldn’t want to hear my soppy confessions about that subject either.

  Nathan

  Last night had been a real game changer for me in more ways than one – first observing Nicholas and Rebecca and seeing them genuinely happy together had been an eye opener, I’d really never believed that type of happiness could be had by myself or my brother after our fucked-up start to life. Truthfully, seeing how amazing they clearly were together had completely freaked me out and I’d ended up screwing up a perfectly good evening by rudely sending Stella away to bed so I could try and sort out my tangled thoughts. Not that being on my own had helped in the slightest, I’d ended up thrashing around in my bed with nightmares about my father taunting me relentlessly instead of distracting myself with Stella and her willing little body.

  Huffing out a sigh I closed my eyes as I remembered how I’d woken up gripping Stella around the neck and pressing her violently against the wall. Fuck, when she had unexpectedly arrived in my bedroom in the middle of the night she’d scared the shit out of me at first. In my dream my father had been about to beat Nicholas again and I’d been trying to intervene, and to be honest I’m amazed I hadn’t done her some serious damage when I’d grabbed her in my sleep. But shit, the time we’d spent in the shower together had blown me away. Stella had soothed me in a way I’d never expected, listening to me and taking care of me like she really meant it. Fuck, it was so confusing that I didn’t know what to do or say to her. Luckily I did know one person who might be able to help.

  After gazing at Stella’s sleeping form for several seconds I had reluctantly dragged myself from the warmth of her bed and slipped back to my room where I ripped open the curtains to let the streams of early morning light disperse the lingering remnants of last night’s disturbing dream. The room felt clearer now, so I headed into the bathroom to shower but as soon as my feet hit the cool tiles I stopped abruptly as memories of last night rushed back to my mind. Stella had been in here. She was the first woman ever to enter my bedroom or my bathroom, let alone share my shower, they were my private living spaces, a rule I’d firmly adhered to until Stella had come along and burst into my life.

  Licking my lips I stepped up to the sink area and placed a hand on the counter where her naked arse had sat last night when I’d dried her after the shower. Closing my eyes I thought about her glorious body, open and willing, just for me. We hadn’t had sex last night though, it hadn’t seemed necessary for some reason, holding her close had been enough, and feeling her heartbeat against my chest as she melded willingly into my arms and fell asleep had just been fucking phenomenal. Shaking my head in exasperation at the sudden changes in me I expelled another breath and steadied myself with a countdown from 5 to 0.

  Now that morning was here and my vision was lit with the bright bulbs of my bathroom, my near constant desire for Stella returned ferociously as my cock sprang to life at the image of her naked form sat on the counter. Now this was a more normal reaction for me, I thought as I eyed my expectant hard-on, this type of emotion I could deal with.

  Christ. I really needed to sort my head out before I saw Stella again, God only knows what she thought of me after last night. Most of the stuff I’d told her was only known by myself and my brother – and possibly Rebecca now, if Nicholas had shared our history with her. Looking down at my erection as it bobbed hopefully I grimaced and shook my head, then stepped into the shower before flicking the jets to cold and dousing my morning hard-on under an icy flood of water.

  Seeing as it was Sunday morning the traffic in central London was quite light so I cut through the sleepy backstreets towards the University College Hospital, before heading north and following the edge of Regents Park to take me to my destination. All in all I made the trip from my apartment in Docklands to Nicholas’s house in Primrose Hill in just under twenty-four minutes, not bad going at all.

  I pulled my Audi around to the back of Nicholas’s house where a small driveway gave a private entry to the rear door of his property. The Audi TT might just be my ‘around town’ car, and certainly didn’t compare to my brother’s new Aston Martin, but I still didn’t trust leaving it on a main road in central London with the risk of scratches from idiots not concentrating on what they were doing.

  After ringing the bell I fidgeted on the spot, eager to get in and seek the advice I needed, but to my growing impatience Nicholas took an absolute age to answer the door. Tutting my frustration I glared at my watch in agitation and baulked slightly when I saw how early it was. Shit, it wasn’t even 8 o’clock yet. I’d been so preoccupied with my own thoughts that I hadn’t realised it was well outside of respectable visiting hours, especially for a Sunday morning. Weighing up my choices with a grimace I decided to stay. Well, I was here now and I’d no doubt already woken them when I’d rung the bell so I may as well stay, I thought, ringing the bell again and adding in a brisk knock just for luck.

  After another few minutes ticked by laboriously I heard sounds of life from behind the wooden door. After two locks clicked back and a chain was removed Nicholas finally opened it up, looking decidedly dishevelled in jeans and a rumpled T-shirt, his hair a messy mop on his head. I raised an eyebrow and smirked at him, if it hadn’t been so early in the morning I would have labelled
his look as ‘thoroughly well fucked,’ but seeing as it was barely half past seven in the morning his crumpled looks were more likely down to my rude interruption of his sleep.

  ‘Early enough for you, bro?’ he enquired with a twist on his lips as he stood back to allow me to enter.

  ‘Yeah … sorry Nicholas, I didn’t realise the time until I got here,’ I apologised lamely. Now I was here I felt awkward. Nicholas was my little brother; yeah, we might both be grown men now, but I suddenly had reservations about sharing my thoughts about Stella with him. What if it turned out that Stella didn’t share my feelings? I didn’t want him to see me fail at something so monumental – I was supposed to be his role model, not the other way round. My sudden indecision made me pause, and so for the time being I kept my mouth shut and pretended my visit was merely a social call. A very anti-socially early call, I thought with another twist of my lips.

  After yawning so cavernously that I again felt guilty for waking him, Nicholas set about putting on the coffee maker and I suddenly became aware of someone else entering the room. Turning, I saw Rebecca had joined us. She looked more presentable than Nicholas did, with her hair brushed and smoothed down, but I noticed that she wore no make-up yet – not that it affected her looks in the slightest. In fact she was possibly more attractive in her natural state like this.

  Suddenly I couldn’t suppress my urge to get this stuff off my chest any longer as a brilliant flash of inspiration hit me; it wasn’t Nicholas who could help me sort out my issues – it was Rebecca. She’d effectively tamed my brother, surely she could advise me?

  ‘I need to speak to you,’ I announced abruptly, eyeing Rebecca as she tensed at my words. Simultaneously from the corner of my eye I saw Nicholas mirror her tension and turn from the coffee maker with a frown.