by Raine, Alice
Wow, this certainly wasn’t the state I left my room in on Monday. The only conclusion I could come to was that Nathan must have gone loopy when he found I was gone. But why? Once again I came back to the confusing fact that he had torn up my contract, but for some reason was now going bananas by trashing my room, turning up at my flat in a fury and dragging me back to his place like some hormonal caveman. It was incredibly confusing and definitely not good for my health if my churning stomach and thumping heart were anything to go by.
I hadn’t been in Nathan’s apartment long before the doorbell sounded breaking me from my nervous pacing. Had he forgotten his key? Frowning, I headed back down the corridor, realising that there was no way he could have picked up a takeaway and be back this quick. Making my way to the door I looked though the peep hole and grimaced when I saw a colleague of Nathan’s that I vaguely recognised from a previous visit. Gregory. Since the problems with his company that Nathan had briefly mentioned to me, I’d overhead him on the phone to Gregory practically every time I had been over. I didn’t know for sure, but I assumed from their regular contact that this guy was fairly high up in Nathan’s company, but his timing really couldn’t have been worse tonight.
Opening the door with a tight smile I stood on the threshold, not particularly keen to let Gregory in – he was the kind of man whose appearance seemed to scream ‘smarmy’. I hadn’t liked him much when I’d last met him and Nathan had been present, now I was on my own and it made me feel decidedly uncomfortable.
‘Stella, what a pleasant surprise,’ he said with a grin that was just a bit too smug for my liking.
‘Hi Gregory, Nathan’s not in at the moment.’ Cool, breezy, and straight to the point, that was the best way to handle guys like him.
‘I know, I spoke to him on his mobile. I’m here to pick up a contract from him then I’ll be out of your way. He said to come in and wait for him.’ Oh, he had, had he? Great, so now I was lumbered with Gregory until Nathan got back – could this evening get any worse?
My nerves were frayed enough from tonight’s events and now with Gregory’s appearance I was feeling decidedly prickly. ‘Um, I guess you should come in then. Take a seat.’ I offered, limply pointing to the couches behind me. Jeez, in my frazzled state and with my thoughts running riot playing hostess was the last thing I needed tonight.
‘I can just go straight to his office and grab it if you like? It’ll probably be waiting on his desk.’ As much as I wanted to get Gregory out of here as quickly as possible I wasn’t happy with the idea of letting him roam around in Nathan’s office unchecked, especially with the problems he’d been having with information leaks, so I reluctantly blocked his path to the office and indicated to the sofas instead.
‘No, come and sit for a minute, Nathan won’t be long,’ I encouraged, trying to sound a little friendlier than I had earlier.
‘Well that sounds like an offer I can’t refuse,’ Gregory purred with a sickly sweet smile. Ugh, I only just refrained from gagging and rolling my eyes. Kenny would describe that tone as ‘puke-tastic’ – something likely to make you puke if you were subjected to it for too long, or too frequently. One thing was for sure, I wasn’t offering Gregory a bloody drink, as soon as Nathan had given him the paperwork I wanted Gregory out of here so I could finally sit down with Nathan and sort out the jumble of issues we had to deal with.
Instead of sitting on the couch opposite me, Gregory irritatingly chose to wait for me to sit and then came and sat directly next to me. Talk about uncomfortable. I huffily blew some hairs from my face – God I could so do without this now.
Unfortunately things only went from bad to worse as Gregory’s hand slid across the back of the sofa and lightly touched my shoulder. Frigging sleazeball! Although admittedly the sofa was quite small so perhaps it was an accident. I shifted myself further away from him and tried my best to act casual, but unfortunately I was a crap actress so probably completely failed. Within seconds however, I felt the touch of his fingers on me again and shook my head in disbelief. Once I could pass off as a mistake, twice was definitely intentional.
Instead of a discreet shift this time I snorted out an impatient breath and flicked his hand off dismissively like I was shooing an irritating fly. ‘Gregory, I’m not interested,’ I stated flatly, wondering for the hundredth time what was taking Nathan so bloody long.
‘Because of Nathan? You’re not exactly a proper couple though, are you? We both know the type of relationship you have.’ His tone was lecherous and made me feel quite sick, but all I could focus on right now was Nathan, and wondering if we had a relationship at all – not that I was going to admit that to Gregory. He once again adjusted his position on the sofa to try and close the gap between us, but I moved myself further away again until I was squashed right up in the corner, ‘For example, I know you only see him at the weekends, maybe we could meet up mid-week sometime for a bit of fun?’ I was completely taken aback by Gregory’s line of pursuit; for one thing it was bloody cheeky, but secondly it sounded distinctly like he knew exactly what kind of arrangement Nathan and I had together, which must mean that Nathan had told him.
That was it. I was now officially pissed off. Both at Nathan for sharing our private details, and at Gregory for being a complete knob and trying it on with me when I was in no mood for it.
‘I’m not a fucking prostitute Gregory,’ I spat, pushing away his roaming hand again, this time with substantially more force.
Apparently my rebuff ran off Gregory like water though – I suspect a seasoned charmer like him was used to rejection from women – but he merely grunted a laugh before trying to slide closer to me again. I’d had enough now and tried to stand up, only to have Gregory push me back down. ‘It’s not even a real relationship is it, Stella?’ he spat, getting right in my face with all his podgy ugliness. ‘It’s an agreement that says Nathan gets to fuck you each weekend as much as he likes. I wonder if you’ll be so keen when he’s lost all his money. Don’t kid yourself that he gives a fuck about you, Stella, you’re just a convenient way for him to get a shag,’ he said bluntly, making me shudder at his coarseness and turn away from him with a flinch.
That stung. As much as I shouldn’t let his spiteful words affect me, they did, because unfortunately I knew they were probably true – not that I’d let Gregory see that he’d upset me. Turning back to face him as I still struggled to stand up I put on the blankest face I could, ‘Maybe so. But it’s different now, for me anyway. I’m with Nathan because I want to be, and for your information Gregory, I wouldn’t touch you with a fucking barge pole even if you did offer to pay me.’ As finishing lines go I was quite pleased with that one.
Raising my chin proudly to see if he’d finally got the message I watched in disbelief as Gregory literally disappeared before my eyes. Blinking several times I looked at the sofa where moments before Gregory had been lounging with a cocky expression on his face, but it was empty.
One minute he was there, then he was gone.
Just like that.
Behind me I heard a muffled groan and swivelled to find Nathan doing a pretty good impression of the Incredible Hulk as he gripped Gregory’s suit lapels and dragged him towards the door of the apartment. Oh, so Nathan had been the cause of Gregory’s sudden evacuation from the sofa; that certainly explained his disappearing act.
‘Clear your desk on Monday, Gregory, you’re done. It seems I can’t trust you as far as I can throw you,’ Nathan grunted as he yanked open the door, ‘… and if you ever touch Stella again I swear to God I’ll fucking kill you. ’
‘Jesus, Nathan, calm down, she’s your fucking submissive, not your wife for fuck’s sake …’ but the rest of Gregory’s sentence was lost as Nathan punched him firmly in the face twice, probably breaking his nose if the amount of blood spurting out was anything to go by – bloody hell that looked painful – and then slammed the door after him.
Staggering backwards, Nathan shook out his fist with a grimace and then tu
rned to face me with his chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to catch his breath. Blimey, he looked completely wild, his eyes were blazing and wide, his hair was a messy mop on his head and his shirt was covered in Gregory’s blood and un-tucked from the struggle.
‘This wasn’t how I planned this conversation starting …’ he murmured, before shrugging slightly and fixing me with an intense stare, ‘Did you mean what you said about us?’ he suddenly demanded between panted breaths.
Panic encased my entire body. Bugger, he’d heard the whole conversation. I could literally feel the blood leaving my cheeks as I paled significantly; this completely went against everything Nathan had wanted from our partnership, but after the events of the last seven days, not to mention the past hour, I was a little unsure where that partnership stood at the moment.
My head felt like it was on a see-saw trying to balance out my confusion and all the possible outcomes of this talk – on one side I could lie and pretend I felt nothing for him and he might take me back for our original contract, but alternatively I could tell him I cared about him and he could freak out, officially end our agreement verbally, and throw me out.
I decided distraction was the best tactic here, it would buy me a few more minutes of thinking time, so I stood up on incredibly shaky legs and walked towards the kitchen where I began digging in the freezer before finally reappearing with a bag of frozen peas. If I could fit my big arse in there I’d climb right into the freezer and hibernate for a month to avoid the impending confrontation that was about to go down. I sighed heavily and turned to find that Nathan had followed me, his furrowed gaze firmly locked on mine and his breathing still ragged.
‘Sit,’ I ordered, indicating to one of the bar stools by the breakfast counter. He raised a bemused eyebrow at me giving him orders, which granted wasn’t exactly a regular occurrence, then after staring at me for an age he eventually sat and allowed me to examine his damaged hand. The bruises were coming out already, his skin going a pale blue in places through the blood stains. Biting my lip I tried to ignore the jolt of pleasure that was always present from touching him and instead focused on wrapping his bruised hand in the ice, but a small traitorous sigh escaped my lips anyway.
‘There’s been a change in the balance of our relationship for me recently, Stella, but did you mean what you said? How you’re here because you want to be with me? About it being different between us now?’ I faffed around with his hand deliberately delaying speaking, and hoping he couldn’t see the guilty flush that had spread on my cheeks, ‘Tell me the truth, Stella,’ he demanded in a low tone.
Pursing my lips I prepared myself for the worst; regardless of the reaction I expected from Nathan I had to be honest with him now, this had gone on long enough, ‘Yes … but if you want to keep seeing me I’ll make sure it won’t change anything between us.’ Pah! I was lying already! Of course it would change things! I had feelings for him – deep feelings – it changed everything!
‘Oh but it does, Stella.’ Nathan murmured ominously.
‘No, no, everything will be fine, I promise!’ I insisted quietly, knowing I was getting desperate and failing to keep the despair from my voice. Pathetic woman!
‘It changes everything, Stella.’ I watched as Nathan ran an agitated hand through his hair again, practically pulling out a great handful as he did so, and I grimaced. Here it comes, I thought, he’s going to finalise things because I’ve stupidly let myself get attached.
Who was I kidding? I was more than attached to Nathaniel Jackson, I was in love with him. If my life hadn’t been about to crumble around me I might even have laughed at how stupid I was to go and fall in love with my bad boy. In fact, I’d have given myself a firm slap around the face for my stupidity if Nathan hadn’t been sat three feet away from me.
The noise of his chair shifting followed by Nathan’s gruff voice broke me from my startling thoughts. ‘Gregory was talking a load of shit, you know, I don’t just view you as a convenient shag.’ Oh, really? This got my attention and I looked up in time to see Nathan pause awkwardly and once again run a hand shakily through his hair. ‘Perhaps at the beginning … but … fuck it, I’m no good at talking about this shit, do you want a drink?’ God yes, a shot or two of whiskey might just get me through this horrible ordeal.
‘Let me get it, rest your hand,’ I said, pushing him back down and walking to the glass cabinet. This was another diversion tactic, but gave me a good reason not to look at him, I desperately didn’t want Nathan to see how heartbroken I was feeling at the thought that this might be one of the last times I spent with him.
My hands were shaking but I managed to grab two glasses and then took the bottle of red wine from him, unscrewing the cap before unsteadily pouring us each a decent measure. Well, if there wasn’t any whisky to calm my nerves a big glass of red would have to do.
‘Stella there’s a reason it changes everything …’ Nathan insisted, returning to our conversation as soon as he had his wine in front of him. Something in his voice made me want to look up, but my eyes were starting to sting and fill with unshed tears so instead I desperately stared at the table as if it held the secrets to the Holy Grail. Suddenly my hand was grabbed from across the table by Nathan’s undamaged one and I felt his warmth soaking into me like a healing balm. Unexpectedly Nathan gave my hand a sharp tug, making me lurch forwards and my head shoot up at his surprising move. I was torn between pulling my hand away to help me maintain my composure, or letting him touch me in case this was the last time I ever felt his skin against mine.
‘It changes everything because I feel it too, Stella, I want more,’ Nathan said in a low tone. Eh? What? Had I heard him correctly? God, I needed a rewind button, but I was fairly certain he’d just said he wanted more …
‘More?’ I questioned weakly, wondering what he meant and not daring to believe for one second that he might be feeling the same deeper attraction that I was. Only an idiot like me would go and fall in love with their BDSM buddy, and believe me, Nathaniel Jackson was no idiot.
Without allowing him time to answer, my mind suddenly flashed back to last weekend and the reason I’d been feeling like shit all week. ‘But you walked out, last weekend after we spent the full night together … you took my collar off, tore up my contract and walked out … you finished with me …’ Irritatingly I let out a small, dry sob on my last four words and ruined an otherwise well-spoken sentence. Then my eyes flicked to the kitchen counter where the contract and collar still lay abandoned and taunting me.
‘What!?’ Nathan’s tone was so harsh he suddenly sounded furious again, causing me to flinch, but as I looked up it seemed his anger was directed at himself and not me. ‘Is that what you’ve been thinking all week?’ he demanded, causing me to nod shakily, ‘Fuck! I took the collar off because I want more, I want you, not just as my submissive, but as my partner. It’s the same reason I tore up your contract, I thought after we’d spent that amazing Sunday together that you’d realise why I’d done it …’
My head was shaking all by itself now. ‘But at the start of our agreement you said if either of us wanted to end it we could just tear up the contract … you tore it up …’ My voice was reedy and thin as I struggled to comprehend what Nathan might be implying from his words.
Grimacing, Nathan seemed to be running his actions through his mind again, ‘Fuck … I can see now how that must have looked to you. God, I’m so sorry, Stella.’ Nathan started to reach out for me with his other hand, but a firm look from me had him smiling ruefully and tucking it back under the icepack again.
Sensing something momentous might be about to occur, my eyes were locked on him, intent on soaking up every word and every movement of the next few minutes. Shifting on his stool I watched Nathan chew on his lower lip anxiously and felt a tiny seed of hope take root in my belly. ‘Look, the thing is … I … I care about you, Stella, the things you said about feeling more for me, I know what you mean because as alien as it is to me, I feel it too,’ I
very much doubt that he loved me like I did him, but at his words my mouth popped open in surprise no doubt forming a large silent ‘O’, but Nathan continued, ‘When I say I want more, I mean I want to spend more time with you … I want you to move in with me, talk, share things … go out on dates.’
‘D … dates?’ I stuttered, ignoring his ridiculous request to live with him – it was way too soon for that.
‘Yes.’ Nathan ran a hand through his hair again, which was seriously starting to resemble a haystack. ‘I know at the start of our agreement you said you didn’t have time for a proper relationship, but I hoped maybe that had changed? Would you be interested in trying something more with me?’ The sudden uncertainty in his tone was so clear that I very nearly laughed out loud as every muscle in my body seemed to relax at once.
‘It has changed, Nathan, surely you must know that. And yes, I’d really like to try more with you.’ I smiled at my own clumsy wording, but Nathan didn’t seem to care – the pressure on my hand increased dramatically as he gripped me tightly and practically dragged me round the counter so I was stood between his legs next to the barstool and cradled against his chest by his good arm.
‘Thank God for that,’ he muttered into my hair, placing kisses against my ear and making me shiver with delight.
‘I think it’s too soon to move in together though,’ I added hesitantly, worried he might explode again. At my words Nathan leaned back and stared at me for several seconds, his mouth hanging open in apparent shock at my refusal, then, grumbling his annoyance he lowered his head to my neck again.
‘I’ll work on you,’ he promised, kissing the skin by my ear fiercely and making goose pimples rise all across my skin. Ahhh … now that was more like it, this was my favourite place to be.