by Raine, Alice
‘That was Melissa … she used to sub for me,’ Nathan murmured, apparently testing the water and gently taking hold of my hand again.
My fingers felt like stiff wooden twigs within his grasp. The stew of emotions in my brain was so messed up that I barely knew how to react, so I decided to use my custom fall back; sarcasm and swearing. ‘Really? I’d never have fucking guessed, Sir,’ I spat in a low whisper, making sure to inflict as much emphasis on the last word as possible. Perhaps it was nearly my time of the month and I was hormonal or something, because bizarrely Melissa calling Nathan ‘Sir’ had actually shaken me up more than seeing the baby. The idea of him in bed with Melissa, or any other woman for the matter, made me see red and feel like going on a killing spree. Although seeing how many women Nathan had probably slept with in his illustrious past it might take me a while to track them all down, I realised with a bitter grimace.
‘Stella, calm down,’ Nathan warned in a soft growl, but I was way past calming down. Ripping my hand from his, I crossed my arms and looked up at him defiantly, completely unable to get the images of him buried inside of her out of my mind.
‘When were you last with her?’ I demanded, keeping my eyes locked on his. In our last few days together Nathan had become so much better at holding eye contact, so if he dropped his gaze now I’d definitely suspect that he was hiding something from me. But he didn’t drop his gaze; in fact, if anything it heated by several degrees and made my stomach tighten. He shook his head as if considering something, but then confusingly a smile began pulling at his lips. Reaching out he tried to stroke his hand down my cheek – his touch usually never failed to flare desire inside of me, but not today, right now I needed answers so I dodged out of his way with a swift sidestep and another glare.
‘Don’t try and distract me,’ I said, knocking his hand away and causing Nathan to narrow his eyes, ‘When you first saw her you looked terrified, Nathan, like you had been caught red handed. So when exactly did you last see that woman? Was it while we were together?’ My voice faded out as bile settled in my throat. If he said ‘yes’ I’d have to turn and walk away before I threw up on him.
But Nathan didn’t answer me verbally, instead his nostrils flared, his eyes darkened with annoyance, and then too quickly for me to dodge he grabbed my wrist and proceeded to drag me down a tiny side street to our left. Actually, it turned out to be more like an alleyway, full of bins and doorways which presumably were back entrances to the shops, but I didn’t stop to look too closely because after about ten steps Nathan had me pushed up against a wall and was leaning down over me rather ominously.
I felt completely unhinged, totally irrational, and close to losing it – quite apparently jealousy is not a trait that settles well with me because I beat him to an answer and spoke first. ‘When were you with her, Nathan?’ I shrieked again, before my courage evaded me, but my answer was met with a growl, as his face turned redder and redder by the second. ‘When did you last fuck her? Is that more understandable language for you?’ I demanded, as gathering tears stung my eyes. Nathan’s mouth descended upon mine so suddenly that I didn’t have time to think about avoiding it, one of his hands lunged into my hair, twisting it around his fingers and keeping my head from moving as his tongue forced its way inside my mouth, whilst the other hand gripped my hip and held me firmly against the wall.
Even in this situation, with jealousy blurring my actions and countless questions rolling through my brain, I struggled to resist my pull to him and an infuriatingly needy moan rose in my throat at his possessive onslaught. Raising his head just a fraction he gazed down at me, his eyes heated and lusty. ‘I fucking love that you get this jealous over me, Stella,’ he panted, but seeing me lick my bruised lips and frown he sighed, ‘Is that why you’re so upset, you think I cheated on you?’
Chewing on my already sensitive lip I was teetering right on the edge of losing all control. I could feel it slipping through my fingers like grains of sand, so I didn’t reply – I just stared at him, desperate to hear the answer I needed to hear. ‘Well over a year and a half ago, OK? Things ended with her before you and I met, Stella, I would never cheat on you.’ he informed me, his tone and grip both softening with his last words.
Releasing my tortured lip from between my teeth I found my voice. ‘But you looked so guilty when you saw her.’
As tense as the situation seemed to me, Nathan smiled. ‘The reason I froze was because I thought you might freak out meeting her.’ he paused and ran a hand through his hair, ‘Plus it slightly threw me to see her with a baby, for a few seconds I panicked that it might be mine.’
Swallowing loudly I stared at his features and could only see truth reflected in his eyes, which reassured me, but as painful as it was, I needed to find out a few more things. ‘Did you want the baby to be yours?’ I asked in a pained whisper.
Nathan’s eyes opened so widely they almost popped from his head. ‘Fuck, no,’ he replied with a firm shake of his head and a grimace.
It seemed fairly apparent from that reaction that Nathan didn’t like the idea of having kids, not that I’d expected differently, given his own troubled childhood. Finally, as his fingers massaged my hips softly and he continued to stare down at me with wide, pleading eyes I felt myself relax. The release of tension nearly made me hysterical and I had to work hard to keep myself in check and stop myself laughing.
Placing a hand on his chest I could feel his pounding heart beating a heated pattern that pretty much matched my own. Adrenaline was still rushing through my system from our encounter with Melissa, not to mention the dose of desire that Nathan had stoked within me with his earlier kiss.
‘Did she live with you?’ I whispered suddenly, not sure why I was asking, but somehow finding that I wasn’t able to stop myself.
Drawing in a breath, possibly in preparation for his answer, or maybe to calm the raging hard-on that I could feel pressing against my stomach Nathan tilted his head but maintained eye contact. ‘Yes … but only for four months and only as my submissive. Our relationship was always very business-like.’ My eyebrows had drawn into a frown, I could feel it, and upon seeing my look Nathan gently moved a hand to cup my face, where he began to soothe away the crease between my brows with soft circles of his thumb.
‘She may have lived with me, but she knew very little about me, Stella. I don’t wish to upset you, but with Melissa, and the others before, it was just sex for me, nothing else.’
His use of the phrase ‘the others’ made my stomach twist with another insane twist of jealousy and I instinctively tensed up again. ‘Did you love her?’ The question popped from my mouth before I could stop it, and I felt him stiffen again. Why was I asking that when I didn’t even know if he loved me?
‘No. I never loved any of them.’ Perhaps sensing that I was on the verge of losing it Nathan lowered his head and kissed me softly, his warm lips scattering kisses on my cheeks, eyelids, and finally lips, his sweet actions going some way to soothing my hurt, ‘You, Stella, you’re so different … I … I …’ But much to my disappointment, whatever he was going to say dried up in his mouth. ‘It’s my past, Stella, I can’t change it, but you must believe me when I say you’re the only woman I have ever been like this with, the only woman I have ever … cared for like this, and that’s the God-honest truth.’
He’d avoided saying the word ‘love’ again, but his words meant so much to me that I finally smiled and relaxed feeling the remnants of my jealousy softening and melting away.
As we stood there pressed together I briefly considered telling Nathan that I had fallen in love with him, but decided against it for now – I wanted the words to be said in a time of passion, not a tense situation. Besides, they were just words, did I really need to hear them from his lips? As long as he treated me well and we were happy together what would those three little words really achieve in the long run?
Nodding, I also knew he was right about us and how he viewed our relationship as different. Nathan
didn’t know it, but when I’d been in the bathroom last night I’d overheard him on the phone to Nicholas and Rebecca arranging tonight’s dinner, and to my surprise he’d started talking about me. Quite apparently it wasn’t the first time either, because he’d sounded genuinely thrilled as he’d told them that things were progressing well between the two of us.
Relenting, I rolled my lips between my teeth before he reached up with his thumb to stop me with a chastising look. ‘OK, I’m sorry, Nathan, I probably overreacted,’ I murmured, now feeling rather stupid about my childish outburst.
Pressing himself more firmly against me Nathan leaned down and kissed my ear, drawing the lobe between his teeth to bite it gently and causing me to groan and lean my head sideways to give him better access. ‘It’s OK. Besides, you can’t be jealous of the fact she lived with me, I’ve asked you to move in twice now and you’ve turned me down flat.’
Making a little humming noise in the back of my throat I prepared for him to bring up this little sore point from last night again. It was true, I’d rejected the offer to move in with him, but when Nathan said he’d ‘asked me twice now’, I had to smile, as far as I was concerned, forcibly packing up my things and practically dragging me to his apartment did not count as ‘asking me’. So purely out of principle when he’d brought it up again later after our reconciliation I had said ‘no’ again, which had shocked Nathan no end. A smile lit my lips as I remembered his expression, he’d literally had no idea how to deal with my rebellious response so he’d tried to kiss me senseless instead.
His reaction showed how much he’d progressed in recent weeks, in the good old days of ‘dominant Nathan’ he’d simply have taken me over his knee for a long spanking and demanded that I agree. Instead he’d looked completely torn, his mouth opening and closing like a goldfish until finally he’d nodded jerkily and hidden his face by kissing my neck. It had been a small victory to me, but one that I suspected wouldn’t last long if he chose to really lay on his persuasive talents.
The idea of living with him was tempting, of course it was; I was head over heels in love with him, but it was way too early in our relationship and seeing as I was basically addicted to him already it probably wouldn’t be hugely healthy for me. Plus I liked the idea of keeping my flat on; it allowed me to maintain some sense of myself.
The fact that I viewed his flat as just that – his – with the idea of his previous submissives living in it with him didn’t help either, it actually made me feel rather ill and wasn’t somewhere I would chose to move into full time. Seeing as Nathan’s apartment was self-designed by him – one of the first developments Nathaniel Jackson Architecture completed after he started up his company – and as such totally adored by him, I’d chosen not to share my dislike of the apartment with him in our time together.
Pressing his groin against mine he pinned me to the wall more firmly. ‘Move in with me,’ he urged me again, as I’d known he would now the topic had been raised, but I shook my head and ignored the persuasive squeeze he gave my hips.
‘No, Nathan,’ I replied softly, but seeing the rising stubbornness on his face, possibly accompanied by a touch of hurt, I tried to placate him by adding, ‘Not yet,’ and then began soothingly rubbing my hand across his chest. It worked, marginally, because he let out a long sigh, but didn’t say another word on the subject.
‘Come on then, my stubborn little minx, let’s get that brunch, shall we?’ Grateful that he had let the subject drop for now I nodded, took his hand, and allowed him to lead me back onto the main shopping thoroughfare in search of our food and caffeine fix.
We meandered through the packed streets, but with the lovely weather the atmosphere was relaxed – as relaxed as it gets in the bustle of central London anyway – and after stopping for a bottle of orange juice in a tiny little shop we then headed off to continue our walk to our brunch destination.
We couldn’t have been out of the shop more than a minute when I saw an eerily familiar face step from a side street just ahead. The focus of my gaze was deeply involved in a heated conversation with a blonde woman who looked like she was going to cry any minute. ‘Christ, you have got to be kidding me,’ I muttered, slapping a palm to my forehead and quickly trying to change the direction we were heading in by gripping Nathan’s hand and dragging him to the left.
‘What is it?’ Nathan asked, not shifting a millimetre and pulling me to a standstill. Standing still was not good, we needed to move – preferably hide – so I tried to tug on his arm again, but frowning down at me Nathan simply wouldn’t budge. Bloody stubborn man. Glancing to my right I winced, accepted the inevitable, and then looked up at Nathan. ‘Let’s just say that today is obviously going to be a day full of exes,’ I whispered miserably, as Aidan, my previous boyfriend, spotted me and joined Nathan in his frown.
The gods obviously had it in for me today. I mean seriously, what were the chances of meeting not only Nathan’s ex, but mine too? It had to be a million to one, but no, lucky me, there was Aidan in all his glory staring at me in surprise across the street.
‘Stella?’ he called questioningly, looking from myself to Nathan and then back again. ‘It is you!’ he added, pulling the startled-looking blonde along with him as he came over to speak to us.
I so did not need this. Seeing Melissa had been bad enough, but knowing Nathan he’d probably kill Aidan if he made one wrong comment, which was highly likely because Aidan was not the most tactful of men. The woman on his arm smiled weakly at me, still looking upset about something or perhaps just sensing the impending shitstorm, and then looked utterly relieved as her mobile phone started ringing in her hand. Detaching herself from Aidan’s arm she smiled apologetically and walked away to speak on her phone.
As soon as his girlfriend had left – I assumed she was his girlfriend anyway – Aidan turned back and stared at where my fingers were joined with Nathan’s before glaring at me with a look of pure annoyance on his face. Oh God, here we go. ‘I thought you were too busy for a relationship,’ he sneered, repeating the exact words I’d used as an excuse when I’d finished with him. Shaking my head I didn’t even give him the satisfaction of a reply, instead I turned with a crisp ‘Goodbye, Aidan.’ and started to walk away. To my complete and utter surprise Nathan obediently followed me, but I didn’t dare look up at him, not yet anyway.
‘Word of advice, mate,’ Aidan called to Nathan as we made our retreat, ‘She might be hot in the sack, but don’t expect any more, she’s not the relationship kind.’ Aidan’s voice was filled with bitterness and if I hadn’t been terrified that Nathan was about to kill someone, Aidan or perhaps even me, then I would have politely informed Aidan that the reason I left him was because apart from his bedroom skills which were passable, although nowhere near as good as Nathan’s, he was the most boring man alive.
Nathan froze, the hand that was holding mine tightened and I knew he wanted to go back to ‘speak’ with Aiden. Gripping him as if my life depended on it I literally dragged him away into the crowd. Fucking hell, this day really couldn’t get any worse. As soon as we’d got further away from Aidan I wanted to get a big, strong coffee to calm my nerves and then to head home so no more visions of either of our pasts could haunt us. The idea of going anywhere to eat turned my stomach now. Jeez, it had started out as such a beautiful day too …
‘Stella, stop.’ There was no way I could ignore Nathan’s words, the utter command in his tone was unmissable and I briefly closed my eyes in defeat. He was clearly pissed off, which was probably understandable given what Aidan had just yelled for half of London to hear, but I really didn’t want the drama of him screaming at me on the street too if I continued to try and walk away.
I paused, drew in a steadying breath, and then turned to find him glowering at me with a face like thunder. An expression that was probably pretty similar to mine not that long ago when I’d freaked out about Melissa, actually. The irony of this situation, this whole day, wasn’t lost on me and I very nearly let ou
t a hysterical laugh.
‘Who the fuck was that?’ Nathan ground out through clenched teeth, as a muscle in his jaw line went crazy indicating that his level of annoyance was reaching ‘high alert’.
‘My ex, Aidan,’ I replied, deciding not to give any extra details unless he asked for them.
‘The guy you were with before me?’ he demanded, his grip on my hand now painfully tight and threatening to crush my bones. ‘The guy you said made you interested in domination?’ His grip might have been tight, but his voice was even tighter. Clearly Nathan was really struggling to maintain his composure at the moment.
Hesitating for a few seconds, my brain desperately tried to think of a way of calming him down. What had he done to me when I’d got jealous over Melissa? He’d dragged me down a side street and kissed me senseless. Hmmm, I was nowhere near strong enough to do that, just getting him this far away had been a struggle, and there was no way I was going to pounce on him in the middle of a packed street, so unfortunately honesty seemed like the only other option.
‘Yes,’ I whispered. Nathan’s face turned from intent and focused, to furious and bright red in the blink of an eye and I winced as his grip on my hand tightened even further as he desperately struggled to draw in several steady breaths through his flared nostrils.
‘Overbearing fucker,’ he muttered, then spinning around Nathan scanned the crowd, presumably to search the crowd for Aidan’s retreating figure. I raised an eyebrow, Nathan had obviously decided to overlook the fact that he too was an ‘overbearing fucker’ at times, and was apparently intent on making Aidan pay for it, but thankfully my less than charming ex had wisely disappeared.