If Love was Fair

by Savannah Stewart

  “Hurry Josh!” I was itching to open that car door.

  The car jolted as it came to an abrupt stop in the gravel lot just yards from the docks. I slung the door open and jumped out as fast as I could. My feet had barely hit the gravel before I bolted. I stretched my arms out wide into the air, and tilted my head back so that the rain would hit me directly in the face. It was heavenly. You know that feeling when you have to pee so badly that you can barely hold it, and once you finally get to go it’s like sweet release? This was better. WAY BETTER!

  Making my way to the waters edge, I couldn’t contain my laughter. I hadn’t felt this good in weeks. It was euphoric.

  “You’re crazy, you know that?” Josh called out to me, but I didn’t care. I was in a zone, as I spun around and around. “I said you’re crazy!” He yelled again.

  I stopped spinning and focused on Josh’s face, giving him a smile he couldn’t resist. He was drenched from head to toe, rain dripping down his face.

  “If I’m crazy, then so are you,” I reminded him. “Takes one to know one. Let’s go,” I pointed to the lake.

  When the rain chances were high or the storm clouds were rolling, no one would come to the lake, no one except me.

  It wasn’t an easy task, but I somehow managed to remove the wet shirt from my body. I kicked off my shorts and stood shivering in my bra and panties. When I glanced back at Josh, he was following my lead stripping down to his boxers. Just as he was removing his last sock, I bumped my hip into the side of him making him lose his balance. I laughed and ran straight into the water.

  “You’ll pay for that,” He threatened in a shivery voice.

  Oh, I hoped so.

  I was up to my shoulders in the warm, murky water, waiting for Josh to come closer. He was planning some kind of attack. His eyebrows rose and I squirmed under the water. “Josh no,” I warned, though I didn’t mean it.

  He jumped towards me, swooping me up in his arms. “Gotcha. You can’t get away from me Lee.”

  I thrashed against him, but it was no use. He was so much stronger. His arms were locked around me and there was no way I was getting free. “Bombs away!” He yelled just before he threw me over his shoulder into the water.

  I came up laughing, though water was sputtering from my nose and mouth.

  “That’ll teach you.” He said before lowering himself down further into the water.

  The two of us swam around until the rain stopped. We were having the best time, and I wasn’t ready to get out. Josh, on the other hand, was more than ready. As soon as he starts wrinkling he wants out. Says it grosses him out or something. He’s just as weird as I am sometimes.

  We sat on the south dock letting our feet dangle into the water when the conversation I’d been dreading finally came up. We’d both been avoiding it like the plague for the past forty-eight hours, but we only had two days left before the big departure.

  We’d been inseparable since we were kids. In the back of my mind, I knew that we’d one day go our separate ways and I probably should’ve been more prepared for it, but I’d grown used to having him by my side. Just didn’t seem right any other way. We were supposed to be together.

  It was a big mistake. Josh leaving was the ultimate mistake. It was going to change everything. It didn’t matter what he had to say. Things wouldn’t be the same, and there was nothing I could do to change it.

  I leaned my head over on his bare shoulder. “You’ll come visit me on the weekends when you can, and I’ll call or text you every day,” he proposed.

  I could feel the tears welling up threatening to spill over. “Right.”

  “And I’ll be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

  “You better,” I replied.

  “Listen,” he said. “I told Moose that I wanted him to look after you at school and that he should crack some skulls if anyone messed with you.”

  Matt Tillman or Moose as we called him was a good buddy of Josh’s. He was captain of the wrestling team and was always pretty nice to me, though I didn’t know him that well.

  “But Josh…”

  He stopped me. “I know you and Moose aren’t that close, but he’s my friend. He promised he’d take care of you while I was gone.”

  “And what do I have to do in return?” I frowned.

  “Only a couple of hand jobs,”he joked.

  “Very funny.”

  “Poor Moose.”

  “Poor me,” I scoffed.

  “Seriously though, I don’t want you worrying about anybody at school messing with you while I’m away. It’ll be fine. Just one year is all we have to get through, and then you can pack your bags and join me at UTN.”

  I sighed, swallowing the lump in my throat. “A year seems like forever.”

  “I know.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “But we’ll make the best of it. Now let’s drink.”

  He pulled out a bottle of his Dad’s scotch, and I recognized it right away. That purple label was hard to forget. We had drunk it before. It wouldn’t be my first choice for alcohol (especially when it costs over five hundred dollars a bottle) but I was ready for the burn. I needed something to take away the pain that was lingering in the hollow pit of my stomach.

  Boy did I regret those drinks. I was scotch wasted and wishing for my bed before dark. Luckily Josh barely sipped it or else we’d be hitchhiking our way home.

  After a day of recuperating otherwise known as lazy Saturday, it was officially moving day. Josh was leaving me and my emotions were all over the place. I’d later document that day as feeling like day two of my period. I was agitated, overly emotional, and my yoga pants were the only things I felt like wearing. The two of us probably should’ve avoided an all night Shrek marathon, and that second tub of ice cream.

  But we didn’t.

  We wanted our last night together to be the best one of the summer, something unforgettable.

  It was.

  “That’s the last of it.” Josh sighed as he loaded the last box into his trunk.

  He was driving to school by himself today. His parents had already said their measly goodbyes and didn’t offer to drive him to the dorms. They’d already visited once this summer so I guess they’d seen enough to know that he’d be fine.

  I begged my parents to let me drive separately and follow Josh there, but they wouldn’t go for it. Mom said I’d see him in two weeks. She said it’d be easier to say my goodbyes here.

  Nothing about saying goodbye to Josh was easy.

  I stuck my lip out, giving him the saddest face ever. He couldn’t resist my pouty face, and well, I wanted his arms around me one last time before he left. Wrapping his arms around my waist he lifted me up off the ground. My feet dangled below as I buried my face in the crook of his neck. I wanted to memorize that smell. “I’m going to miss you so much,” I whispered. I wanted to say that I loved him more than friends. I wanted to tell him that his heart belonged to me. It was our last moment of closeness before he left, and I choked, completely chickened out. We’d been alone together hundreds of times over the summer and I didn’t tell him how I really felt about him.

  The tears fell quickly down my cheeks.

  “I’ll miss you too, Lee.”

  When my feet hit the ground, I couldn’t bear to look up at his face. It was too hard. He was upset too, and I didn’t want to see that beautiful face in turmoil. He leaned down, resting his cheek against mine, and I welcomed the rough stubble from the line of hair that adorned his cheek.

  “Remember what I said, Lee,” his silky voice made me shiver.

  “I will.”

  “And don’t let anyone have my side of the bed,” he joked. He knew as well as I did that no one else had ever been in my bed besides him. I intended for it to stay that way, joke or not.

  I sniffled. “I’ll see you in two weeks.”

  “Yep,” he kissed my cheek softly. “Love ya.”

  “I love you too.”

  I love you more than friends, Josh.r />
  Those words were just a figment of my imagination. They never actually left my brain and spewed out of my mouth. Nope. I was the biggest chicken on the planet.

  He climbed into the driver’s seat of his Camaro, and I waved to him as he pulled out of the driveway and left me standing behind.

  He was gone.

  Just like that.

  My best friend was moving away, and I had to let him go. I was going to be the pathetic friend he left behind. The one who loves him, but can’t have him. I screwed up. He was just out of my reach now, and I’d never be able to compete with college.