With Every Breath

by Niecey Roy

  Tossing his keys on the kitchen counter, the quiet of the house hit him as it always did when he returned home. Empty. He pulled a glass out of the cabinet then crossed the kitchen to fill it at the sink.

  Even with all the yelling between him and Kensie, the house had felt more like a home. He didn’t miss her; he missed the idea of their family. He missed Micky.

  Thinking of his son made it hard to swallow. Life was so damn hard. He missed out on too many firsts.

  His old man once told him marriage was a work in progress; with the right woman it was all worth it. Kensie hadn’t been the right woman. He had a feeling she never wanted to be. She used to scream he ruined her life, which was something he couldn’t understand—together they made the perfect little boy. Maybe their marriage had been a mistake, but Micky wasn’t. That boy was the best thing that had ever happened to Cole.

  Their life together started off rocky. There hadn’t been a lot of money between them, so they moved into the house Cole grew up in. It was paid for, and he made do working side jobs out of the little detached garage out back. All the hours he put in at a full time job and then moonlighting bodywork on the side paid off. After three years, he finally reached the point where a bank would finance his dream. He was proud of the business he built, and imagined his dad smiling down at him from heaven—it was something they had talked about often before his dad lost his battle with cancer. Brooks Customs wasn’t enough for Kensie, though. He thought if he made a lot of money, if financially he could give her everything she wanted, things would be better for her, for their marriage. Only, nothing ever made her happy.

  She hadn't finished college—his fault, Cole supposed. But then again, he didn’t ask her to quit. Her pregnancy had been difficult, and the forty-minute drive to and from nursing school had been too far. The circumstances were something he couldn’t change, but she blamed him all the same.

  It didn’t matter anymore—their marriage was over. All he needed to concentrate on was being the kind of man Micky would be proud to call his dad. He’d figure out the rest later.

  He tugged the cut-off shirt over his head and tossed it into the basket in the laundry room on the way to the stairs. The wood staircase creaked with each step. He was halfway up when his cellphone rang from inside his jeans pocket. He dug it out to look at the display, but didn’t recognize the number.

  “Hello?”

  “Cole?”

  He sucked in a breath.

  “It’s Jaden.”

  “Hey.” He couldn’t think of anything better to say, because the sound of her voice made him breathless. “How’s it going?”

  “Better after a shower,” she said.

  “I bet. I’m about to do the same.”

  “I owe you an apology.” She sounded embarrassed.

  “You do?” He paused at the top of the stairs. “For?”

  “I, uh...” She cleared her throat. “I apologize for this afternoon. You were kind enough to come get me, and I pretty much accused you of—”

  “Being a cheating asshole? I get it.” He chuckled and headed down the hall toward the bathroom.

  “I thought you were married. I mean, I know you’re still married,” she blurted. “But I didn’t realize you’re getting divorced.”

  “In your defense, I’m not actually divorced yet. We still have to sign the papers.” He winced and flipped the bathroom light on. “I guess to some people’s morals, it’d still be cheating for me to date right now.”

  “There’s no high horse for me.” Her soft laughter vibrated through him like the strings of a cello. He pictured her smile, and a familiar pang of yearning hit his chest.

  “That’s good. I’m glad.”

  “I’m really sorry.” Her tone sobered. “About your divorce, I mean.”

  “It’s okay. Really,” he said. She had no idea. Maybe she’d give him a chance to explain. He wanted that chance. “Your car’s settled at Joe’s Garage. I trailered it over and left the keys with him. He’ll call the rental place for you.”

  “Thank you. By the time I called to tell them that their rental’s a pile of junk, someone from the mechanic shop already had. They told me they’d get a replacement out on Monday. Apparently they’re understaffed at the location in Sterling.”

  “Well, if they try leaving you with another pile of junk, you can borrow something of mine. I’ve got the pickup and the Cutlass.”

  “You’d let me drive the Cutlass?” She sounded shocked.

  “No,” he said, and she laughed.

  “Right. I didn’t think so.”

  “I’d let you drive my pickup, though.”

  “I’m sure whatever they bring me will be fine.”

  “So are we...” He searched for the right word, but wasn’t sure there was one. “Good?”

  She was quiet for a moment too long, and he hated the disappointment that balled up in his stomach. “We’re good. I’ll see you around. Good-bye, Cole.”

  “Bye, Jelly Bean.” He hung up before she could respond, and then grinned as he imagined her narrowing her eyes in irritation at the nickname. Back when they were kids, he called her Jelly Bean to annoy her. She was cute all riled up and he wasn’t blind; he knew she had a crush on him. How to handle it had been the enigma. He ignored it until he couldn’t any longer. Now he needed to figure out a way to remind her of those old feelings and the connection they had.

  Her life was so damn far from Cole’s, but he didn’t care about the details. A couple of weeks were better than the nothing he had with her the last six years. He would never forget the way she felt in his arms, the tinkling of her laughter when he spun her around the dance floor at Mia’s wedding reception. God, the taste of her lips.

  He turned on the shower and stepped under the hot spray. Placing his hands against the wall, he let the water hit the top of his head, then trail down his skin like a caress. He remembered tugging her into the storage room at the reception hall and locking the door. They were bathed in darkness, feeling their way around each other’s bodies. God, the way she moaned in his ear when he lifted her dress to touch the moist panties between the legs she wrapped around his waist...

  Fuck, he wanted her. He kept his eyes closed and reached down to grasp his cock. It didn’t take long to come, not with those memories in his head. He finished washing and stepped out of the shower.

  This time there’d be nothing holding him back. Well, except the woman herself. He just had to convince her to give him one more shot.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Mia’s client called the next day in a panic. Her flowers hadn’t arrived at the reception hall for her wedding that afternoon, and her hysteric tears could be heard from across the room through Mia’s cellphone speaker. Jaden supposed if a bride were to have a breakdown, missing flowers would be the perfect trigger. Mia left in a rush with a promise to check in later once she settled the bridal party in at the reception hall.

  By noon, all of the photos taken during her time stranded yesterday were uploaded to her computer. She’d written and scheduled two blog posts, and had a video conference with the writers of The Road to Bliss.

  By two, she was bored. She wasn’t great at sitting around. She spent a few minutes browsing Mia’s small collection of books—each emotional, tear-your-heart-out-through-your-chest-cavity-and-stomp-on-it novels—but she wasn’t interested in an emotional rollercoaster. There’d been enough of that in her lifetime. So she walked through the first floor of Mia’s house and browsed the photographs. When she found herself lingering in front of an image of her snuggled in Cole’s arms in what seemed like another lifetime, gazing up at him as if he were the only man—person—on Earth, she decided it was time for a walk.

  River Bend was so different than she remembered, and it astounded her. Had she walked these streets with blinders on the entire time she lived here? Maybe it was the fact she was seeing the town through adult eyes, gazing at the sights fully instead of keeping her head down in case she ran into Ellie
stumbling from one of the bars. As a teenager, she had always fought the fear of not belonging, and she worried about being strong enough to face the gossip Ellie drew like wildfire.

  At first, her blog had been for herself. A place she could browse and remind herself how far she’d come from the teenager who counted down every single day until she could leave the trailer park and that life behind. Publishing her first post had been a high, and she’d discovered her purpose—to visit and see as many places as she could and share them with the world. There were little girls out there who had years ahead of them before they would taste the freedom Jaden had also yearned for. Her blog was her gift to them, her gift to herself. Jaden was a different person now as she walked her hometown streets. She wasn’t burdened with the self-conscious insecurity of an emotionally abused and neglected teenager.

  She took her time strolling the sidewalks and window-browsing the shops downtown. Most of the businesses were familiar, but there were quite a few new ones. She stopped to admire an old brick warehouse, now the space for boutiques, a beauty salon, and what looked like a bookstore. There was a lease sign in the window of an empty space.

  There was a buzz of excitement as business owners hung signs welcoming visitors. None of them noticed her as anything but an out-of-towner come early for the festival. The owners were quick with warm smiles through storefront windows or when they greeted her on the sidewalks. Downtown was busy, cars lined up at stop signs waiting to enter the main street. Some of them thrummed their fingers on their steering wheels, and a mom in a minivan full of fighting kids blew out an impatient huff before parking in front of the grocery store. Jaden smiled.

  The streets were red and brown brick, and there was no litter discarded at the curbs, no homeless squatters in the alleys. It was almost as if River Bend were inside a little bubble, where real life burdens didn’t exist. A façade, of course, something she knew better than anyone. But today, she wanted to enjoy River Bend as a tourist.

  Through the lens of the camera, Jaden focused on two men across the street. They sat on a wooden bench in front of the small barber shop, the red, white and blue barber pole mounted near the doorway revolved beside them. One man wore a pair of tan slacks and white button up shirt, a black comb tucked into the front pocket. Merle looked the same as he had the last time she saw him, his dark hair peppered with gray, and a thick mustache over his lips. The paunchy man beside him wearing a pair of worn out denim overalls puffed his pipe and gazed at the passing cars. If she passed within hearing distance, she’d probably catch a conversation about the weather, or crop prices. She snapped their picture—it would look great in black and white.

  At the street corner she scanned the business signage up and down the block until her gaze landed on the bakery. The Sweet Treat was tucked between an insurance agency and a gift shop. A deep brown canopy hung over the storefront’s pale yellow siding. She waited at the curb for a beat up old pickup to rumble past, every screw and piece of metal squeaking as it went. Looking both ways, she crossed the street at the intersection, no marked crosswalk as a guide.

  The bell above the door gave two soft dings before quieting and she was met with the bold scent of coffee and sweet dough, fruit fillings and a hint of cinnamon. She inhaled and glanced around the bakery for Hillary. There were touches of her friend everywhere, from the walls painted a cheerful cream, to the knickknacks placed around the shop. Only the tables looked out of place, like they’d been stolen from an old diner, the burgundy Formica peeking from beneath mismatched napkin racks. Hillary had been a garage sale fanatic, even as kids, and Jaden knew the racks were handpicked. Her friend had never mentioned she wanted to own her own bakery, but seeing this place now, Jaden had no trouble picturing her here.

  A young girl stood behind the counter wearing a peach and white checkered apron. Her name tag read Crystal. She bounced behind the register with a smile. “Welcome to The Sweet Treat.”

  “Hello.” Jaden crossed the room to a counter flanked by two glass display cases filled with trays of kolaches. Little handwritten cards were labeled with different fillings and placed in holders in front of the trays. Sweet pastries weren’t Jaden’s weakness, but she’d never been able to turn down a kolache. “Is Hillary here?”

  The girl studied Jaden’s face, as if she were trying to figure out who she was. “She’s in the back dropping a rack of kolaches in the oven. Would you like me to get her?”

  “I’m an old friend. Do you mind if I step back there to surprise her?”

  She didn’t even hesitate. “Sure.” She pointed around the corner. “Door’s that way.”

  Only in River Bend would it be okay to send a stranger nosing around.

  Before she could take a step, Hillary rounded the corner and stopped short to stare at Jaden. It took a second for her brain to register what she saw, and then Hillary’s pale blue eyes widened and her mouth dropped open.

  “What the hell?” Her platinum blonde hair was tied up into a pony tail, ending in a short curl at the nape of her neck, and her cheeks were flushed pink from the heat of the kitchen.

  Jaden laughed and opened her arms, then stepped to pull Hillary into a tight hug. “I haven’t seen you in years and that’s the way you greet me?”

  “Yes, because I can’t believe you’ve taken this long to come back home,” Hillary chastised as she squeezed her. She leaned back to look Jaden over. “You look great, as always. Why didn’t you call me ahead of time?” She smoothed a hand over the bob of her ponytail, oblivious to the dusting of flour on her cheek.

  “It was an unplanned visit.” Jaden flipped a wrist at the bakery. “And look at you! This is amazing, Hills.”

  “Isn’t it?” Her eyes sparkled with pride. “There was a moment there when I almost gave up. I had this all-out battle with some real estate ass who tried to steal this place right out from under me.”

  “I’m always up for a good story, especially since it’s clear you won.” Jaden smiled and squeezed Hillary’s hand.

  “I sent my cousin after him.”

  “Gavin?”

  She shook her head. “Trevor. He’s an attorney now. Have you eaten?”

  “Breakfast, not lunch.”

  “Good. I have your favorite.”

  “Cottage cheese filling?” Hillary nodded and gestured to a table against the wall. “Sit. I’ll feed you. Are you staying with Mia?”

  Jaden nodded and rounded a table.

  “You’re probably starving over there. She’s got nothing but bird food and microwave dinners in that house.”

  “That part is true, but last night she brought home fried food and burgers from Pam’s. Then I woke up this morning to a huge breakfast spread bigger than either of us could finish off. I think she took the leftovers to her brother.”

  Hillary’s brows knitted together. “Um, Mia doesn’t cook.”

  Jaden lifted her hands, palms up. “I know, right? I couldn’t stop eating those damn hash browns.”

  Hillary’s lips twitched amusement. “Were they shredded or country-fried with onions and green peppers?”

  “Country-fried.”

  “That’s a new special at Pam’s. I bet she even served you wedges of wheat toast and sausage links.”

  “And the fluffiest scrambled eggs with a hint of mild cheddar cheese,” Jaden added with a laugh. “She’s really sneaky. I don’t know what she did with the takeout boxes.”

  “Recycle bin in the backyard.”

  She rubbed her stomach. “I ate my weight in potatoes this morning and almost went into a food coma. Your kolaches are going to send me over the edge.”

  “Good. If you’re comatose you can’t leave; you’ll have to stay here with us.” Hillary tapped the table before turning on the balls of her feet. She disappeared through a door at the back of the bakery. “I’ll bring you two,” she called out. “There’s no dieting on this vacation.”

  She reappeared with a tray of kolaches and set them behind the counter.

  �
��Do you want these in the display case?” Crystal asked.

  “Pack four up for Mrs. Lewis; she’ll be in to pick them up in about fifteen minutes. Put the rest in the case.” Hillary placed two rolls on a baby blue ceramic plate and returned to the table. She set the plate in front of Jaden, then sat down across from her. “So, why the unplanned visit?”

  Jaden lifted a pastry for a bite. “Mia. She sounded stressed on the phone and was very evasive when I asked her about it.”

  Hillary sat down across from her. Watching Jaden bite into the roll, she said, “She’s always stressed these days.”

  Jaden chewed, her mouth an explosion of nostalgia. She hadn’t had a kolache since high school. “This is amazing. Have they always been this good or has it been too long since I’ve eaten one?”

  “If you can’t remember then it’s been too long.” The pride in her face was adorable. “It’s a new dough recipe, but I also Hills-upped my fillings.”

  “These are the best I’ve ever had.” She went in for another bite. “Mmm. I’m not exaggerating. Just don’t tell your grandma. She’d throttle me.”

  Her eyes warming, she said, “You’re probably right. She’s still the reigning Kolache Queen, but she didn’t enter this year. I’m in the finals.”

  “Will it even be a competition with you there?” Jaden licked her fingers and eyed the remaining roll. Of course she’d eat it, who knew when she’d enjoy another one of Hillary’s masterpieces? She picked up the roll. “So will your grandma crown you when you win?”

  With a laugh, Hillary placed her hands on the tabletop and stood. “Nothing so glamorous. It’s a ribbon, but she’ll award me with if it if I win.” She glanced over her shoulder, and said, “You should stop by the ceramic shop while you’re here. Grams would love that. She’s always asking about you.”

  “Really?” Jaden plucked a napkin from a ceramic basket in the middle of the table. “I should. I always loved going there.” Wiping her hands, she smiled. “Not that I was any good at it.”

  “Hey, we still have a shelf dedicated to our ceramics in her shop. You can pick Mia’s ceramics out pretty easily—hers aren’t crappy like ours.”