Gaia

by Jeff Gardiner

  I couldn’t resist her advances – nor did I want to. Lying on my side, I drew her as close to me as was physically possible, listening to her broken breathing patterns.

  ‘You’re so beautiful and perfect, Tia.’

  She didn’t respond, and I didn’t want to disturb her.

  ‘I think I could very easily fall in love with you.’ I had no idea if this was the right thing to say, as I had no experience in these things. Was it too intense? Too corny?

  Her hands were wandering all over me: my buttocks; my crotch; my thighs; my chest.

  Everything was so romantic and passionate. I dismissed a passing memory of Ala and, instead, I envisaged a future with Tia. I gazed at this wonderful creature; her cleavage, soft lips, blue eyes, long smooth legs. When we kissed, she looked different so close up. Her face became even more angelic and perfect. Her lips slipped down to my neck and then she tugged my shirt from my trousers and began to kiss my belly button and my tightening stomach. It tickled and aroused me beyond comprehension. I had to stay calm and pretend I’d made love to a hundred girls.

  I wanted to touch her smooth skin and mysterious curves, but was beginning to feel sleepy. There was always the morning, and tomorrow night and the day after …

  A noise woke me up. I looked through the blurry gloom to see Tia standing at the end of the bed. It was still dark outside.

  ‘Good morning, gorgeous,’ I said lazily.

  ‘Hiya.’ Her voice sounded flat.

  ‘You OK?’

  ‘Yup.’

  I looked at the digital clock which showed the time as 4:18. I switched on the lamp above my head and saw she was fully dressed, which disappointed me. I wanted to go back to the hugging and kissing. I had lots to learn from her.

  ‘Oh. You going somewhere?’ I tried not to sound too disappointed, wanting to keep the mood light and friendly.

  ‘Thought I’d go home and leave you to it.’

  ‘You can stay if you like. I’d like you to. Sorry about falling asleep last night—’

  ‘There’s one thing you could do for me.’ She sat on the edge of the bed and I felt hopeful.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Can you change into the bird-thingy? I’d like to see you do it. Close up and all.’

  This was a little unexpected, and her tone made me wary. Wasn’t I her boss? What made her think she could be so familiar?

  ‘Um. I prefer not to in an enclosed space—’

  ‘So you really can?’

  She was starting to sound more like a groupie than an employee. My suspicion was starting to override any hope of satisfying my desires.

  ‘Yeah.’ I sat up properly. Something was clearly wrong. I’d naively started dreaming too soon.

  ‘I was nervous you’d change last night – you know – when we were … being intimate. That would’ve been really freaky.’

  Was that it then? She was spooked by the idea of my shape-shifting? Was this a problem? Perhaps she considered me a freak. It was clear that my shape-shifting was a barrier between us.

  ‘I do have control over it – the changing. It doesn’t just happen randomly or under a full moon. If you wanted to, I could show you how to change. We could find your numen.’

  Tia gave a scowl as if I’d just told her to eat up her cold Brussel sprouts. It made me slightly defensive and I was aware my voice sounded a bit whiny and desperate.

  ‘I thought we shared something wonderful last night—’

  She flipped open her mobile phone and started flicking through what I assumed were texts or emails. Perhaps she was checking Facebook. Rude, but possibly a sign of our times.

  ‘Well that was definitely your first time last night, wasn’t it?’ She smirked and held her phone up towards me. It flashed and took me a few seconds to realise she’d taken my photo. My torso was naked, but luckily a sheet covered me from the waist down.

  ‘Um, excuse me. What the hell—?’

  She snapped the phone shut, put it in her pocket and made for the door.

  ‘I want that picture deleted from your phone.’

  ‘Just for the record, honey, you were rubbish last night.’

  And she was gone.

  I terminated her employment with immediate effect, discovering that she’d already written a resignation email. What was her plan exactly? I felt sure that was the last I’d ever see of her.

  Two days later, the papers were full of the lying bitch’s story about how I’d seduced and taken advantage of her. The photo of me looking startled, half-naked in bed was enlarged on the front pages. She’d done a classic ‘kiss and tell’ on me, and probably made a fortune out of the experience. The details were sordid and untrue, but what could I do about it? Her boyfriend, who I knew nothing about, stood by her, saying he forgave her and that it wasn’t her fault. I’d been framed and been played. What a fool. Clearly, she and her boyfriend had planned the entire thing in detail. They were only interested in me because I was rich and famous. Once again, it always came down to money. Fame certainly brought with it a steep and painful learning curve.

  And it wasn’t only the women I had to look out for. Blokes had their own ploys and tended to act tough around me – especially anywhere near the bar.

  One night, shortly after the incident with Tia, I was out letting my hair down and a group of lads standing right in front of the bar refused to move when it was obvious I wanted to get past to order a drink. The blond one closest to me jerked his face right up to mine and I saw his eyes change into something canine and fierce. It happened very quickly and I wasn’t sure if it had been the lights and my imagination that had caused the effect.

  But then I realised he was a numen. How many more numen were there? What happened if it started to get out of control? Should I talk to him? Was he even aware of what he was?

  ‘So you the guy who shags his employees then? Falco. How about a fight then? You and me. Outside.’

  Looking at their drunken, thuggish behaviour, I decided that a philosophical chat about his role in saving the planet from environmental disaster wouldn’t go down too well.

  Instead my security guys sorted them out amidst their jeers and rude gestures. It seemed my general popularity was on the wane. Or at least among certain demographics.

  I didn’t bother getting a drink, instead I left the club and walked to my hotel apartment round the corner. A solitary figure stood by the steps leading up to the hotel. It was a young lady in a miniskirt. How did she know where I was staying? It probably said in some gossip rag somewhere. I refused to read the tabloids.

  ‘Hiya, Falco. You want some company tonight?’

  I’d heard that line used by prostitutes in movies. Was she willing to sleep with someone she knew nothing about? I admit to feeling nervous … well out of my depth. I was eighteen but still inexperienced in these sort of situations. So far, bigger issues had kept me distracted.

  She sniffed and took out something that looked like a fat pen, put it to her mouth and inhaled. A white cloud grew from her lips. The vapour smelt sweet and fruity.

  I cleared my throat to make a point, though.

  ‘Human age means nothing to creatures like us.’

  She’d read my mind. But only numens …

  And she transformed. I saw in the split second before she shrank how her pupils stretched into slits. She brushed up against my legs, now furry and lithe: a cat.

  See. I’m just like you, Felis.

  How did she know? I thought I’d kept my cat numen a secret. Her feline features were beautiful. I stayed human but my animal eyes could see her clearly where the glow of the orange streetlights mixed with the violet rays of the hotel lobby.

  I so wanted to change and share the excitement and wonder of being a cat, with someone who truly understood. Her female scent made me giddy. I hadn’t drunk any alcohol, so I couldn’t blame drink for feeling light-headed.

  She began to purr and snake around me and I was caught in a conundrum.

  Should I f
ight against my animal instincts or go with them? Should human morality inform my choices as a numen? What the hell even was I?

  I NEED SOME ANSWERS! I can’t do this on my own. I’m not ready for this. I’m just a stupid kid who’s lost in something I don’t fully understand.

  My naivety gave me away again. She could read my mind and sense my weakness. I recognised her reaction as one of confidence and disdain.

  I needed Guy or Ala to give me the answer. But they weren’t here, and the answer wasn’t clear. For so long – since the changes began – Guy had been my mentor and friend. None of this would be happening without him.

  I made a decision.

  And transformed.

  My bones cracked and clicked into new shapes and positions. My skin hung loosely and then was re-stretched over my smaller frame. Searing agony ripped through every fibre, sinew, vein, nerve and cell. As intense as it was, it only lasted a second. Then I felt the ‘pop’ as my transformation was complete. I relaxed into my new body. It was so familiar and natural.

  I stared at the cat in front of me. She hissed and raised her back.

  Before she could pounce, I screeched and shook my wings at her, feigning an attack. As she cowered uncertainly, I rose into the air beating my wings steadily until I reached the roof of the hotel. Pigeons and sparrows scattered in a sudden cacophony of flapping and squawking.

  I’d have to be careful about who I could trust.

  Where are you, Guy? You started all this and then trusted me with your mission. Why me? I’m not sure I can do this without you.

  Chapter Nine

  I saw off that cat and got back to my hotel room. After a few transformations I felt a little better, and decided to sleep as Felis, as cats seem to have a gift for sleeping with perfect peace of mind.

  Guy? Are you there? I could really do with some help.

  I slept soundly and when I woke up I knew exactly what I had to do. Instinct? A dream? A shared vision? Long distance, remote telepathy?

  After a breakfast of fruit and cereal I flew across the Atlantic Ocean in one go to South America, with the final leg of my journey guided by the estuary of the Amazon River in Brazil near which I rested for a few hours. The mighty Amazon giving me my route, curved and dipped through thick jungle, which continued further than even my eyes could see. After flying east for about a thousand kilometres, I switched northwards for another thousand, taking me to Venezuela, and our hidden base camp that I knew so well.

  When I arrived, Conda was there in human form, with an adult and five younger howler monkeys, all with browny-red fur. It occurred to me that they might be Mona’s own infants, a theory more or less confirmed when I landed and they all transformed into Homo sapiens.

  How wonderful to see you, my friend. Mona usually did the talking for them.

  I hugged both Conda and Mona, and the five children scampered around, transforming randomly from human to monkey without a care. The way they changed at will so easily amazed me. A whole generation was being born now who would know nothing else than being able to shape-shift. I had had many years without the knowledge and had to learn the hard way. Now children learnt at the same time as – or before – they learnt to walk. The world was changing.

  Is Ala here?

  We haven’t seen Ala for many weeks.

  Or Guy?

  Conda – walking on human legs – beckoned for me to follow her. I respected her preference for using the minimal amount of language. Anacondas aren’t known for their communication skills, and I knew full well that these two were far more animal than they were human. They spent most of their lives as snake and monkey, preferring those shapes and lives to that of homo sapiens.

  She took me to a huge kapok tree and pointed up to the top. The tree continued through the thick canopy way above us. There was no knowing how tall it was. At least thirty or forty metres, I guessed. More if it continued above the canopy. So I flew up, as Conda changed into her gigantic serpent form and flowed away like a meandering river.

  I had to keep landing on branches to find the next route upwards without getting too tangled, but soon ran out of gaps to fly into. So I transformed into Felis, which allowed me to squeeze, worm and, when I could, bound upwards towards the speckles of natural light above me.

  I expected to see macaws, tamarins and other creatures living in this huge tree, but it seemed bereft of large wildlife. Birds and smaller primates cackled and shrieked on neighbouring trees, just not here. As I neared the roof of the forest, I smelt something different. I heard the faint noise of claws digging into bark. I sensed a rival close by. But I was in his territory – it was definitely a male of its species. A branch moved a fraction ahead and a colourful bird took off a few metres to my left.

  So I crouched down in preparation; ready for conflict. It had been a while since I’d fought for my survival – especially as Felis – and I considered becoming Falco, which would afford me an easier escape route. But I stood my ground and waited for the approaching animal to make the first move.

  A yellow, white and black head pushed slowly through the foliage. The markings looked like those of a leopard: a jaguar? No. Much smaller than a jaguar – a young jaguar perhaps? Certainly a cat. As it revealed its whole body, I recognised the species immediately: an ocelot. Beautiful black rings round its alert eyes, and black stripes on its cheeks. My body language changed from threatening to welcoming.

  Hello, Luke.

  Even before he’d spoken, I’d known.

  How strange to be looking at Guy when he wasn’t a spider. I’d accepted the loss of human Guy, and had got used to the little spider in my hair or on my hand. But now he looked so impressive in this form.

  A new numen! You did it.

  My strength is returning. It took a great deal of effort.

  That’s fantastic, Guy. I could do with your help. I need your advice and knowledge. The world needs to hear you.

  You’re doing a good job without me, Luke.

  I’m not so sure.

  He took me up to the top of the tree, which continued way above the main canopy of the forest, scaling up into the blue sky for another twenty metres or so. It was cooler up here, and the view was magnificent. Green trees spread out for miles on every side. The only break from the green was the odd rocky tip bursting through. I could just make out one long, thin scar amongst the endless treetops, which Guy told me was a river and a vast waterfall.

  I wondered if our planet had once had all its land completely covered in forest like this. What would that have been like? Would life have been easier or harder living in a jungle? Seeing raw nature like this still with very little sign of humanity’s intervention, and on this scale, was always awe-inspiring, reminding me of the importance of our work and what we were fighting for. On the other hand, seeing sections of the rainforest being decimated reminded me of the shrinking dominion of the natural world and our tragic hand in the destruction of life itself. Once these forests had been even denser and the edges on all sides were beyond all lines of vision, but those boundaries were squeezing inwards as this natural habitat containing more species than anywhere else on planet Earth continued to dwindle because of our greed for resources and money.

  As we stared out at the awesome, overwhelming vastness of what still remained, thunder rumbled and, from nowhere, black clouds nestled over the canopy. Before we knew it, we were sitting inside a cloud, our fur soaked and hanging in clumps. I shook myself and headed down to relative dryness.

  Even under the shelter of the foliage, the rain seeped through with its constant dripping. In some places it cascaded noisily off leaves and ferns. By the time we reached the forest floor, it was swamped. With the river nearby, flash floods took no time at all, and whilst two cats could wade or even swim, we preferred not to. Instead, I carried a spider as I flew to the place Conda and Mona called ‘home’.

  It was a cave; a fortress penetrating the side of a cliff which suddenly appeared out of nowhere behind a jungle of trees,
vines and palms. The cave opened into a very long and complex system of tunnels, including one large chamber with its own chimney funnelling up and over the forest. That cave was home to tens of thousands of vampire bats.

  The last time I stayed here I was glad not to have seen – or been bitten by – one of them, but I had seen whip spiders, agouti, snakes, salamanders, crabs, crickets, beetles and blind cave fish.

  The caves were well lit with a million glow-worms and fireflies, plus the extra bioluminescent fungi and bacteria brought in – carefully – by Mona and Conda’s friends. It seemed to work. They also created brands of fire with extra rich tree resin which burned for hours at a time. It was a lovely home, all things considered, for two humans as well as for a giant snake and a howler monkey with young brood. They had places to wash, eat and sleep. No waste products were allowed in the cave; the bats created enough guano as it was.

  Guy remained as a spider, spinning webs by the entrance of the cave. He created a strong structure half-nest, half-hammock for my Felis-self to curl up in. Conda and Mona lent me thick woollen blankets. I knew it was no use trying to engage him in conversation until he was ready. He knew why I was there. He’d heard my call. As always he controlled the situation and I had to remain patient.

  We shared a few hours of silence, before eating together –choosing from a collection of small rodents; large grubs, crushed insects, fruit and various unwashed roots.

  Conda and Mona told us what they had learned about leading the tribe, and their work with school children.

  We both find staying in human form very difficult, and incredibly limited, Mona told us, as we looked up at the glow-worms. The human mind is unable to grasp so many concepts and realities that animals never even question. People are so stupid. It’s always a relief to go back to being a monkey.

  With no more recollections of that conversation I assumed I must have drifted into a deep sleep; I awoke the next afternoon having been comatose after such a strenuous flight.