Gaia

by Jeff Gardiner

  I’m looking for another falcon. Can you please help me?

  No answer. Why was he so intent on making me his prey? Was he tired of smaller morsels and hoping for a bigger meal? I raised my crest into a tall crown to make myself look bigger, created a snarling noise probably never heard before from a hoopoe’s beak and flew directly at him. Like all hunters and bullies, he couldn’t cope with the idea of his victim turning the tables on him. Startled, he flapped away like the coward he really was.

  I know where there’s a falcon.

  Hopping around on a branch of the birch tree I sat in was a small sparrow-sized bird, mostly brown and white, but with a dab of scarlet on his head: a redpoll.

  Different from the one I just scared off?

  Yes. A new one who keeps himself to himself.

  Do you know where he lives?

  Yes. I think he might be a numen. Is that why you want to find him?

  Yes. He’s my friend and I need him. It’s very important. Have you spoken to him?

  No, I’m too scared to go close.

  Did you try going up to him as a human?

  I don’t know how to.

  Are you not also human?

  Yes, but after turning into a bird I never figured out how to change myself back.

  Would you like me to help you?

  Without waiting for an answer, I attempted to connect with him mentally, by first clicking our beaks together and then nuzzling the side of my head against his. Our thoughts merged and I imagined him as a human: strong and muscular. It appeared to be having an effect of sorts on the redpoll who suddenly fluttered his wings rapidly and hopped onto my back, mounting me as if about to mate with me. Just then, he grew, white and featherless, to over six feet of muscular, rugged humanity. I could see now why such a fine specimen of a man would feel troubled trapped as a tiny bird.

  The man spluttered as he groped around on his hands and knees. I flapped my wings to avoid being crushed by his careless fists and feet.

  Sorry. I’m really sorry. Don’t know what came over me. Sorry. He spoke Icelandic but it came into my mind as a thought that wasn’t mine.

  Just don’t try it again, or I’ll get my falcon friend to eat you, little birdie.

  It didn’t really work saying this to a hulking great man who now stood before me completely naked. He suddenly became aware of his nakedness and apologised again. Then he disappeared to be replaced by the same redpoll with the flash of scarlet on his head.

  Follow me.

  He took me to an isolated bay surrounded by tall, dark grey cliffs – some of them looked like they’d been made up from a giant child’s set of building blocks. Sharp crags reached out from the water, glistening black from the waves that constantly caressed them. Beyond those stood a large arched doorway like a portal into a different world or realm. The beach was black mud, scattered with rocky outcrops and jagged edges. There was no easy way for a human to get down here, as the bay was cut off on each side by jutting sheer facades. Swimming would be the only way for an ordinary human, but the sharp rocks that punctuated the water regularly would make the passage here treacherous. Ideal for a recluse who could fly.

  Is this the place?

  The redpoll twitched nervously. I could sense his honesty though.

  Yes.

  Thank you.

  And he flew off. Birds aren’t great conversationalists, I’ve found, unless talking about themselves or their territory.

  Luke?

  I tried to sense his presence, and began to wonder if I’d been brought to the wrong place. Or perhaps Falco had gone off somewhere else for a while, on one of his famous world flights. I flew down to the beach to look for any clues that he’d at least been here.

  Landing on one of the flatter rock formations, the first thing I noticed was a cave that hadn’t been visible from the clifftop, and neither would it be spotted from the sea because of the angle of the entrance into the rock face. I flew in and was immediately struck by his scent. This was his new home – his fortress. I transformed into Ala, suddenly aware of my nakedness, and stayed near the entrance until my eyes got used to the darkness. Once I felt I could make out large objects, I ventured inwards, hoping to find something to use as clothing and warmth.

  Luke had managed to get a few articles for comfort. I took one of the blankets – ignoring its smell and cold, clammy texture – and covered myself up from the cold breeze that still penetrated the cave.

  Luke? Falco?

  Then an instinct exploded within me. There was no sound or movement to alert me; just a sense of his presence. Nearby!

  I didn’t need to see to know where he was. It was difficult to penetrate the gloominess and I wished I had a falcon’s eyesight, but I trusted nature’s instincts and followed the magnetism onwards a few paces until I felt something soft beneath my bare foot. It was small, cold and inert. Falco!

  He couldn’t be dead. Surely? I knelt down and put my hands around his feathered, prickly shape and lifted him slowly, pressing him to my bosom.

  Please let my warmth and life transfer to you. Take all of my energy and lifeblood. I’d give it all up for you.

  By the time I returned to the lighter entrance of the cave I was a mess of tears, snot and shivering. I knew it must be evening time and yet the sky was as bright as the morning had been. During an Iceland summer, the sun never sets.

  Poor Falco was in tatters and had surely been attacked. But by whom. Or what? I understood that life as a wild animal was always filled with jeopardy, but I also knew that Luke was more resourceful than most and would never easily allow himself to get into a position of weakness. He’d survived so much and come so far. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end.

  In the cool, windy sunlight I saw his missing feathers and the red raw flesh blistering in patches as if he had some hideous disease covering him in bleeding sores and livid blisters. Had he been ravaged by some plague or pestilence? I’d seen no other sign of it; surely I’d have seen the corpses of other animals if some blight was sweeping the region.

  Lying cold and still in my hands, I knew what I had to do. I’d seen Luke and Guy do it, and had tried a few times with little success. I’d been too involved in politics and the academic side of things without really putting things into practice. But I was very glad to try now. Blood and breath transference. It had to work. My own pain and fear was irrelevant right now. It was about saving Luke.

  I remembered each step and followed it exactly, hoping that my tears didn’t dilute my blood too much. Perhaps it helped? This wasn’t an exact science. This was magic that I’d never fully understood, as some things in our world are beyond us. We need to accept this in our human arrogance and live with it.

  In the cave I found matches and firelighters, cups and pans. So much for a completely natural life then, Luke. It made me smile, which made me feel guilty, but I had to trust and have faith that things would work out. It was all I had. That and patience.

  Once I’d lit the fire, I flew off to find some flowers and herbs to help Luke’s body recover. It took me a few hours to gather together a handful of cranesbill, yarrow, poppy and speedwell. It served as both ointment and potion; a rather disgusting-flavoured yellow tea. I poured some carefully into Falco’s beak and massaged his throat. I repeated my blood and breath transference ritual and then went to sleep, wrapping Falco in a carefully torn blanket. Although I still detected no breathing, I felt a warm glow emitting from him. I smiled and let fatigue pull me into a fitful sleep.

  A sound woke me up. An irregular tapping which I assumed to be a drip. My head pounded and my back was so stiff I couldn’t move. I stretched and wriggled until I felt some blood flow freely around my body again. Recalling where I was and why, I sat up quickly and looked round. Then I slumped when I saw Falco still in the blanket where I’d left him. Willing him to move, I stared at him with the final remnants of hope in my heart. The longer I gazed, the more hopeless I became. Was there any more I could do? Or was I forced to
accept the inevitable? When resuscitating a body, the doctor at some point has to stop his team and accept defeat. Had I reached that moment?

  I lay down in a state of despair.

  Tap tap.

  I twisted round in time to see him move! His little beak tapped the ground with each slight movement of the head.

  Luke!

  He didn’t have the energy to respond or communicate but I didn’t care. My wonderful Luke, my falcon, was alive!

  I scrambled over to him and, carefully lifting him into my arms, I hugged him as if he was my first-born child. Not only was he warm, but I felt his beating heart; the pulse went right through me. Close up now, I began to inspect the scabby flesh between his sparse remaining feathers. The skin looked like it had been covered in a rash of swellings and hives. The skin was either blistered or rubbed raw, going almost black in some places. Some of the patches reminded me of insect bites. Had he been bitten – or stung – and perhaps had an extreme reaction like an anaphylactic shock? I’d heard about people so badly affected by wasp and bee stings that it even did something to their nervous system, affecting the brain region that controls motor skills and reflexes.

  A formless but external thought entered my mind. Luke was trying to tell me something.

  It was one word. Being repeated urgently. I saw his face in my mind’s eye mouthing it but with no sound. Then it suddenly burst into my head.

  Gene!

  Stupidly, I didn’t make the connection straight away.

  Would you like me to find him and bring him here?

  No! Gene!

  Close inspection of Falco’s blotchy flesh and the fact that he could have died – did he die and return to life? – made the realisation clunk in my dim-witted brain.

  Gene. Wasps … but surely …?

  Luke sent me an abstract thought that communicated satisfaction. My suspicion was correct. I had an image fill my head of Falco screeching while being attacked by a swarm of wasps. They stung every inch of him, including his eyes, and crawled into his mouth and anus. The sheer intensity of the attack and the number of stings he received had paralysed him instantly, probably stopping his brain and nervous system from reacting.

  Why would Gene do this?

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I let him sleep; and what a sleep.

  Over the next fifteen hours I kept checking to make sure he was still breathing, as he never moved, but all was well. When he eventually stirred, I’d already concocted my plan; I just hoped he had enough energy to see it through. If Gene had done this with the intention of leaving Falco to die, then we had to hurry.

  Luke, listen to me. I’m going to try and help you to transform. You understand? Do you think you can do that? I need you to imagine yourself changing.

  Earlier I had transferred my blood and breath into him, now I hoped to give him some of my energy – physical, mental and emotional. He let me lift him up and I folded my hands around his quivering body, sharp and prickly where feather shafts had been bent backwards or broken off. I kissed his head and his belly before bringing him up to my shoulder where I lay my cheek against his beak and head. Remaining in that position, I tried to imagine myself fusing with him … becoming him. And I let his mind enter mine. We were as one.

  Where my bare feet and legs touched the ground, I felt the sand, pebbles, rocks, water and seaweed reach up for me, absorbing me into their magical wonder. I pictured myself as Falco turning into Luke. As I kept the images firmly in my mind, like a happy memory, I stroked Falco’s head and neck.

  He flinched in my hands; a frisson. His wings spread out and his beak opened in a silent agony. His outline flickered and his features imploded then burst outwards. I let go but he landed on four feet.

  Felis.

  The cat rolled over on the sand, exhausted, panting. I inspected his fur, which was all there. Beneath it the skin was blotchy and red in places but a hundred times better. I wanted to encourage him to become Luke next. Surely that last transformation would complete the healing process? Except that his energy levels were still low, even with my support. Helping him to change had pushed me to the limit, so I left it there. For now. We slept again in the cave, keeping each other warm under two blankets.

  Later, I left Felis while I went out for a swim, catching some cod for us both. I woke him up.

  Eat this, Luke. You need the energy.

  Felis hungrily gnawed at the belly, back and head of the fish, carefully leaving the brittle skeleton intact. Then he washed himself and curled up, purring himself into another long slumber. It occurred to me to keep watch in case Gene returned, and I even considered going into the nearest town to buy some insect repellent.

  Gene. His involvement here shocked me. A few rumours had reached me but I’d trusted Luke’s judgement of him. I liked him too and felt I could trust him. Why had I never questioned his intentions?

  I kept the fire going through each night, and it was as I dozed that the miracle happened.

  ‘Hello, Ala.’

  Luke’s lovely, smiling, bleary-eyed face looked up at me as he spoke with a cracked voice.

  ‘You’re a sight for sore eyes. And they are extremely sore at the moment too.’

  ‘Luke. How lovely to see you again. I was scared I’d lost you. Do you remember what happened to you?’ Seeing him back like this made everything good again.

  Luke fell back and looked up at the sky, nodding.

  ‘Gene.’

  ‘Do you know why?’

  ‘No.’ Luke sat up slowly, stretching his arms and rolling his shoulders in circles, making the gristle click loudly. ‘Probably greed. That’s humanity’s greatest problem, eh? The universal sickness …’

  ‘Hmm. You think you know someone.’

  ‘Thanks for what you did, Ala. You saved my life.’

  ‘My life is yours and yours is mine. We’re made from the same life-source. We share one spirit with everything in the universe—’

  ‘Yeah, yeah. I know all that. But still … thanks.’

  ‘You’d have done the same for me.’

  Luke stood up and arched his back and then looked at me steadily. ‘Yes, I would, Ala. I would do it every day of the week for the rest of my life if it meant saving you.’

  I felt that warm glow of joy rising through me again. Only Luke could do that to me.

  My falcon.

  I held out my arms and he stumbled into them. Using all my strength to keep him upright, we squeezed each other as if it were the last moment of our lives.

  Oh, Ala. What would I do without you?

  I relaxed my grip so that I could see how he looked at me.

  I always preferred speaking through our minds. It felt much more intimate than using our voices. It allowed us to become a part of each other. Entering someone’s mind was incredibly personal and affectionate. As we communicated, I could share Luke’s emotions and sense the subtle changes in his feelings. I knew he welcomed my intrusion. His expression and gestures matched that surge of happiness that I experienced radiating inside him.

  You were not easy to find.

  Luke held on tightly, pulling me back in closely, breathing warmly into my ear.

  I knew that if anyone could find me it’d be you.

  We remained entwined with only a blanket separating us from fleshly contact. It lasted for many many sweet minutes.

  Well, I’m glad I did find you.

  Me too. To be honest, at the moment I’m struggling to find myself.

  I pulled back again to see his expression, but I smiled first as I studied the thought process furrowed in his brows and forehead.

  Even though I knew he loved me and that something very special existed between us, I felt painfully aware of an unspoken distance. As his warmth passed into me through his tight grip, I still sensed a gulf between us, as if he wouldn’t quite give his whole self up to me. He held me close and all physical signs gave me hope, but I didn’t have his full attention. Not that I wanted it, or even felt t
hat he should give up everything just for me. No. I just knew that a bigger priority existed for him. I knew the worst thing I could do at that moment would have been to distract him with my own petty insecurities and selfish needs. I had to step back and be patient.

  He kissed me – on the cheek. I pulled back slightly and smiled at him. He gave a glimmer of a smile and then nestled into my shoulder again. And he cried.

  More than cried. He sobbed. He broke down completely and I held him as closely as I could. I wanted to join him in his sorrow, but I used all my mental strength to stay strong – or, at least, to appear so. I understood completely. He didn’t need to explain these tears.

  It’s easy to forget that Falco is only just eighteen years old. He is a boy who should still be at school, living with his parents for support as he slowly experiences the challenges of adult life. Most of us get to make mistakes and have family and friends as security; working slowly through the hardships of growing up. But Luke missed out on that. He had to forego being a child – especially those crucial teenage years. He was at that awkward age when the boundary between child and adult is blurred, yet because of his experiences and his mission he was expected to be an adult. He had the eyes of the world on him. Expectations. Love. Hatred. Too much responsibility. Had Guy expected and demanded too much from him? Had I been negligent by stepping back and not giving him the help he should have had? He had always been so able and impressive that I’d forgotten who he really was: a boy who needed love and encouragement.

  His tears were not from grief. Falco – Luke – was overwhelmed. The world looked to him for answers, yet he was exhausted and scared. And I understood why.

  After a few more moments he slowly let me go, stepped back, unfurling to his full height, still holding onto one of my arms to steady himself. I heard his breathing gradually regulate and I looked down out of respect as he used his free arm to wipe his face. He then embraced me, more loosely this time, so I snuggled the side of my face into his chest until he began coughing and spluttering.