Waiting for Autumn

by DeRouen, J. A.

  She tosses a thumb over her shoulder and crinkles her nose. “Isaac? Lance’s son, right?”

  “Right. His mom moved overseas with her husband, and Lance is always on tour. He’s going to live with me for the next couple of years. Uncle Sebastian to the rescue.” I shoot her a sheepish smile and shrug. “Let’s hope I don’t corrupt him. How much damage can I do in two years, right?”

  Autumn raises her eyebrows and presses her lips together, then we both laugh. Together. And it feels like home. It feels like after years of being on the outside, afraid to look in, I may finally get to come home.

  Her mood sobers, and she gives me a soft smile. “I didn’t have a chance to tell you before, but your parents, Seb… Well, you know how I felt about your mom … about both of them, really. I’m so sorry.”

  “Thanks,” I say, resisting the urge to reach out and squeeze her hand. “That means a lot.”

  We talk about rent and move-in dates, and somehow, I’m able to skirt the tiny issue of location. We talk logistics, and my mind reels with all the unspoken words hanging between us.

  I’ve missed you like crazy.

  I don’t want to spend another day without you.

  A love this strong was never meant to end.

  But she gives me a terse wave over her shoulder, and I return it with a hopeful smile and wait. There will be a time for everything I want to say to her, and it’s fast approaching. I’ve opened the door today. Now I only need to get her to walk through it. And I’ll wait for that day. I’ll always wait for Autumn.

  Chapter 12

  Dear Seb,

  When your fingers slide between mine, I break into a full body shiver.

  When our chests press together, I feel our hearts beat as one.

  When your lips brush against mine, I hear the whisper of every promise you’ve ever made to me.

  You are mine, and I am yours. No amount of distance will ever change that.

  Forever,

  Autumn

  Autumn - Sixteen Years Old

  The Past

  Prosper, LA

  “I think we should run away tonight.” Nuzzled into Seb’s neck, I feel the chuckle bubbling in his chest. “With the championship game next week, no one would even notice we were gone until it was too late.”

  His thumb circles over my bare hip, and the sensation is like a hundred first kisses rolled into one touch. His hands running up my bare legs; the brush of his chest against mine as he hovers over me; the feel of our bodies coming together on a gasp, then a contented sigh. We’ve lived a lifetime of memories in the making, and tonight feels like the culmination of every kiss, touch, and secret we’ve shared.

  “Who needs high school diplomas? We’ll just live on love.” He pauses, his words and his thumb. “Love and squeeze cheese. Our skin will have an orange tint from all the dye and plastic we’ve eaten, but orange people need love too, right?”

  “Yes, yes they do.”

  When I found Sebastian’s first note earlier this afternoon, I never imagined we would end up here.

  You are my first and last thought, and that’s no lie,

  You’ll find the next clue where lizards fly.

  The folded-up note peeked out from between the bricks of the pool house. With each clue, he walked me through our memories. Our favorite hide-and-seek spot; the stop sign that marked how far we could venture on our bikes, even though we never listened; Mr. Janson’s fence where we kissed for the first time. And the last clue led me here.

  I’ll always be with you, this I’ve solemnly vowed.

  Come and find me where girls aren’t allowed.

  Like some stupid sign written by stinky boys could ever keep me away. The cabin hadn’t started out as much—just a few pieces of plywood lodged between tree roots with a corrugated metal roof resting on top. Over time, our death trap of a hideaway got makeover after makeover. Today, it’s got an honest-to-goodness floor, windows, and roof that doesn’t blow away at the whisper of a rain storm. I’d even made curtains, although I was nearly outvoted on that one. It helps when you stick your tongue down the swing-vote’s throat.

  I saw the candles glowing in the window as I made my way through the trees. When I peeked my head inside, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Rose petals littered the floor and photos spanning a decade covered the unfinished walls. Gone was the cracked ice chest where we used to hide the beer. In its place was a picnic basket and my favorite person sitting cross-legged next to it wearing the sweetest, most vulnerable expression I’ve ever seen.

  Fisting the stack of notes in my hand and hurling the crumpled mess at his head, I hollered, “It’s about time!”

  He busted out laughing and reached for me.

  I’d been throwing myself at my boyfriend for months. Months. Honestly, I was beginning to feel like that little girl with lopsided braids and dirty knees again.

  He wanted everything to be perfect. He wanted it to be the right time. Honestly, there had been moments when I’d been a hair’s breadth away from yelling, “The right time is right the hell now!” I couldn’t make him see that it would be perfect because it was us, not because of the time or place.

  “And we’ll have little orange babies. Two of them, I think.”

  His words snap me back to the present, and my eyes widen. The burn of emotion pricks behind my eyes as I beat back happy tears. I know it’s just a silly daydream, two teenagers thinking of a faraway future, but it’s been my dream for so long. To know Sebastian thinks about those things, looks at his life and sees me there by his side, is surreal.

  “Yeah, two kids,” I whisper, failing to hide the smile in my voice as I tip my forehead into his chest. “We’ll name them Aria and Wyatt.”

  “Aria and Wyatt? Hmm, I think I like that.” He brushes my hair behind my ear and tips my chin to meet his eyes.

  “Doesn’t the name Aria sound delicate and angelic? You can’t even say it without sounding reverent. Aria … Aria … Aria.” I giggle when he pinches my side. “Isn’t it so pretty?”

  His face breaks into a wide grin. “I think I love it. And you.”

  Our lips crash together, hungry and hot, as if we haven’t spent the night devouring each other. As if no one else in the world has ever wanted another person so badly, loved someone this much. And it’s hard to believe that anyone has. What I feel for Seb is too big to fit inside the confines of my body. My chest could explode with it. My fingers vibrate with the need to touch him, feel his warmth. My body is a feeble cage, and my heart is ripping at its seams.

  My breaths come out in short bursts as I rest my forehead against his. “Do you think anyone else has ever felt this way?”

  “Never.” He wraps an arm around my waist and squeezes. “Are you sore? Did I hurt you?”

  “I’m a little sore, yeah, but nothing worth fussing over. I feel wonderful.”

  “I’ll be better next time, I promise. I’ll get better.” Seb nods his head, his lips pressed into a thin, determined line.

  “How could it be any better? It was perfect,” I say, then press my lips to his. “You were perfect.”

  Sebastian has been my first in all things, and today I was a first for him, too. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah,” I say with a reassuring smile, then slide into the crook of his arm. “Maybe we don’t have to go anywhere. We can hole up here and sneak into our houses for food while everyone’s gone. It would be perfection.”

  Seb chuckles. “Until summer comes around and that hot-as-fuck, after-sex sheen you’ve got going on your skin right now turns into swamp ass.”

  “You love my ass.”

  A grabby hand squeezes my right cheek, then gives it a playful slap.

  “That I do.” He hesitates for a moment before pushing up to sitting, then cradling me in his lap. “I know I’m not the best at telling you how I feel. My heart doesn’t come through in my words, but I hope you can see it in my eyes, feel it when I touch you
… hold you … kiss you. Because you are my future, Autumn.”

  He levels me with his tender gaze—so vulnerable and loving. He shows me how he feels in so many ways every day. How could I ever doubt that?

  “And you’re my future, Sebastian. Don’t ever doubt it—I know how you feel. And don’t ever doubt me, because every plan I have includes you. Tomorrow, next month, next year … forever.”

  “It’s you and me huh?”

  “And Wyatt,” I say with a raise of an eyebrow.

  “And angelic Aria.” He runs a hand through my hair, watching the strands slip through his fingers.

  “And Gatsby.”

  His hand stops midair, eyes darting to mine. “No way in hell I’m naming my kid Gatsby. Kids will take a number for the chance to give him a swirly.”

  “What the heck is a swirly?”

  “A nosedive into the toilet, which a kid named Gatsby will have on his regular schedule of activities.”

  “Gatsby’s our dog, doofus, not a kid.”

  “Oh.” Seb breathes a sigh of relief. “Well, in that case, I approve.”

  “Well, that’s good. I’d hate to have to swirly you into submission.”

  I laugh as Seb hauls me off his lap and onto my back, hands above my head as he hovers over me. “I can think of a great many other ways you can make me submit to you.”

  “Tell me more…”

  Chapter 13

  Sebastian

  Move-In Week

  Haven, LA

  “Is there something you’d like to tell me, Seb?”

  I cringe at the tone of Autumn’s voice, bordering on screechy, but full-on pissed.

  Hmm … I’m guessing she got my package.

  “Tell you? What do you mean?” I infuse innocence into every word. I dart to the back of the shop when I realize my eyes are wide and my hand is splayed across my chest in mock disbelief. The last thing this conversation needs is one of Lexi’s perfectly placed insults about my Academy award-winning performance.

  I pull the phone a few inches away from my ear before she gets started again. My eardrums will undoubtedly thank me later.

  “Something you failed to mention? Like the fact that the address of my new apartment is one-and-the-same with the address I punched into my GPS to get to your coffee shop?” Each word punches like a shove to my shoulder, which is exactly what she’d be doing if she was standing here with me.

  If there were any way to send Autumn the key to her new apartment sans address, I would have made that shit happen. God knows I tried.

  Just meet me at the coffee shop, and you can follow me. I’ll help you unpack. No need to get lost in a new town.

  She stonewalled every one of my attempts. My solution? Wait until the very last minute to send her the key. Wait until every apartment in a thirty-mile radius that isn’t infested with bedbugs or sporting an outhouse was taken.

  I never said I’d play fair.

  “Well, in my defense, the address is slightly different,” I hedge, daring to put the phone back to my ear. “You see that letter ‘B’ after the address number? My coffee shop has a letter ‘A.’”

  Muffled huffs and puffs filter through the phone, and I picture her wearing a hole in the floor as she paces back and forth. Autumn’s always been a tomboy at heart, but there’s a little bit of drama sprinkled in there, too. The drama is amped up to one hundred today, because seriously? She’s a grad student with a coffee shop right downstairs. That’s the equivalent of heaven on Earth.

  So, she’ll run into me every once in a while. It’s not the end of the world, is it? Some women would be ecstatic at the prospect. Some would be downright delighted.

  But not this woman. And she’s the only one who counts.

  “I need to call Aunt Dorothy and tell her plans have changed,” she mutters, talking more to herself than me.

  “Whoa, hold the fuck up. Plans haven’t changed. It’s a great apartment, Autumn, you don’t have to back out,” I say, my words coming in a rush. I feel as if I have thirty seconds to change the trajectory of the Titanic. “I’ll have Lexi bring you coffee every morning before classes. The fancy shit.”

  “Lexi? Who’s Lexi?”

  “Huh? My barista. That’s not important.” And now I’m wearing a hole in the floor. I run a frustrated hand over my face. “What’s important is you’ve got a great apartment, cheap-as-shit rent, and unlimited amount of coffee at your fingertips. What more could a grad student need?”

  Complete silence. I hold my breath, hoping my hard sell was good enough to dodge the iceberg. To come this close and watch my chance crumble and sink—I can’t think about it.

  “You don’t know me anymore, Sebastian,” she whispers. “You have no idea what I need.”

  “Wait, Autumn, please don’t hang up. You’re making a bigger deal about this—”

  “It’s fine,” she clips, finding her voice again, screechy, pissed-off tone and all. “I still need a place to stay. I’ll just have to … I’ll have to juggle a few things.”

  Her words grate. They’re a jab in a wound that hasn’t completely healed—probably never will completely heal. Is my mere presence that much of a chore to her? Here I sit, fucking elated at the thought of getting glimpses of her, and she’s acting like I’m the tagalong little brother, cramping her style.

  After leaving Prosper for the second time, I left that miserable guy behind me—watched him fade away in the rearview mirror. I’ve made peace with the relationship with my parents, I’ve reunited with the best friend I’d never really lost, and made the conscious decision to look to the future instead of drowning in the past. Autumn’s aggravation is dredging up old feelings I’m not willing to let surface.

  No matter what she thinks, I’m not that guy anymore. And if her words keep digging up that grave, then she’s another thing that may be better left in the past.

  God, it kills me to even think it.

  “Sebastian, you there?”

  “Yeah, I’m here,” I say, more resigned than I was just five minutes ago. “Look, don’t feel like you have to juggle anything on my account, okay? I’ll stay out of your way, Autumn. No need to worry.”

  And with those final words, I say goodbye. That conversation ended a helluva lot worse than it began—that’s saying something since it began with Autumn wanting to throttle me.

  Chapter 14

  Sebastian

  Present Day

  Haven, LA

  “I’d like an extra-large macchiato, with almond-flavored whipped cream, and sprinkles in the shape of unicorn horns.” I’d know that voice from anywhere, even before Brady lets out his telltale snicker. “Unicorn horns …”

  “I’ll take that unicorn horn and stick—”

  “I knew I should have blocked off the ramp this morning to keep out the undesirables,” I interrupt with my back still turned, trying to put a quick end to Lexi’s verbal bloodbath.

  “I don’t think I’m what you could call undesirable, Mr. Kelly. Wouldn’t you agree, honey?”

  “Look, if you think those wheels will stop me—”

  “Lexi, would you please get an Americano for my oldest friend. Cut him a break, he didn’t realize you have fangs in the daylight, too,” I joke, then turn to Brady. “You don’t want that fancy shit—keep it manly, my friend. And don’t fuck with the wildlife. This is a counter, not a cage. And I don’t think you’ve had your rabies shot.”

  Brady smirks but doesn’t spare me a glance. He only has eyes for my prickly barista, who is ignoring him with impressive focus. He slaps some bills on the counter and follows Lexi to the espresso machine. He raises himself a few inches out of his chair, perusing every inch of her. Her spiky black hair, blood red lips, and that pale white skin dancing with colorful rabbits, hatters, and teacups.

  “Oh, I don’t know, Seb. I think I may fair pretty well taking a trip down the rabbit hole.”

  Lexi’s eyes widen in shock, and I believe I see blush creeping up her neck and pinking he
r cheeks. Brady deserves a high-five because in all the years I’ve known her, I’ve never seen Lexi embarrassed. Pissed off and fiery as hell, absolutely. But never embarrassed.

  “Keep talking and my boot will find a much less agreeable hole to lodge itself into. And so help me, if you call me Alice, I’ll—”

  “Never!” Brady shakes his head, then his lips split into a wide grin as he swipes his coffee off the counter. “You’re obviously the Queen of Hearts in this scenario.”

  I come around the counter and stuff Brady’s bills into his front pocket with a laugh. “Your money’s no good here. Plus, you’ll need it for your hospital bills if you keep dancing with the she-devil.”

  A sharp slam on the counter grabs our attention, and Lexi’s furious glare is focused solely on Brady. He shrugs and takes a sip of his coffee. He moans.

  “But she sure makes a mean macchiato.”

  “Americano,” she growls.

  “Whatever.”

  The faintest hint of a smile dances on Lexi’s lips when she thinks we’re not looking.

  I move to the table farthest away from the register, and thankfully Brady follows. I watch him sip his coffee and take in my shop with all kinds of nostalgia bubbling inside me as my two worlds collide.

  It feels good. And weird. But mostly really, really good.

  I knew he was coming in today, but I didn’t expect him quite so early. “Did you get up before the sun, man? I didn’t expect you for a couple more hours.”

  “Feels like it. We ate a quick breakfast and got on the road about six. Lord knows, my slave-driving sister can’t deviate from her blessed schedule.” He clutches his stomach and shoots a longing glance at the bakery counter. “Hey, maybe I should have gotten a muffin or something. Now that I think about it, I may need to refuel.”

  Some things never change.

  I roll my eyes, and he huffs when I don’t hop to attention to grab a snack for him. He knows me better than that. I drum a nervous beat on the table as I keep watch on the front door. Brady told me Autumn would be driving her car and he’d be in his van, but I can’t imagine she’s very far behind.