I sigh and shake my head. I'm not going to let that crap get to me anymore. None of those girls were ever truly my friends so whatever. Who cares what any of them or their parents think about me?
In Novels, I settle back in my seat and open To Kill A Mockingbird, our assigned book. I've already read it, ages ago, but it's one of my favorites, so I don't mind reading it again. Mr. Niles takes roll and I'm just getting to the part where Scout rubs Walters nose in the dirt when the class phone rings.
I pay no attention and read on, twirling a lock of hair around my finger, lost in the story.
"Taryn Bishop?"
I look up and everyone else pauses in their reading and turns my way.
My hand in my book, holding my place, I look up at Mr. Niles. "Yes, Sir?"
"You're to go to the office and take your belongings with you, please."
Shit. Going to the office with your belongings was not a good sign of anything. That meant I wouldn't be back. Oh my God. I immediately think of my Dad and Steve. What if something happened to them in London??
I jump up and grab my books and my bag and hurry out of the classroom, my mind whirling. Maybe one of them had a heart attack. They both have a few extra pounds on and they also both occasionally smoke cigars. It'll be okay, I tell myself, my feet pounding the floor as I half walk, half run towards the office. Mom will have to let me fly to London to take care of whoever it is, especially if it's Dad. Or we can fly them back here and I'll move in with them at their condo in San Francisco. I'll be their nurse. Everything will be fine because it has to be. Because if something happens to my dad my entire world will end.
I push open the office door and Mrs. Carlton, the secretary looks up at me and does this kind of deep sigh thing. Oh, God, it is bad news! I bite my lip, wanting to cry and approach the desk.
"I'm Taryn Bishop and I-"
"Yes, they're waiting for you in Mr. Hill's office, Taryn." The secretary gives me a sorrowful look and then looks away quickly.
Huh? They? Who is "they"?
I turn and see the Vice Principal, Mr. Teagan giving me the same sad look that Mrs. Carlton did as he comes out of the Principal's office.
"Taryn," he says quietly. "We need to have a word with you, I'm afraid."
I glance behind him and the first thing I see is Mom, she's sitting in a chair in front of Principal Hill's desk and she's crying. She looks up at me and her face...I've never seen her face look like that before. She looks anguished and she whispers my name, "Taryn..."
And Ethan is behind her and he looks mad as hell. His face is really red and he's standing behind Mom's chair, with his hands on his hips and his mouth in a tight thin line.
I shake my head slightly, looking back at Mr. Teagan. "I don't...understand...is it my dad? Did he have a heart attack or something?"
Mr. Teagan shakes his head and gestures me forward. "Please come inside, Taryn."
My feet feel like lead as I let myself be led into the office. When I step in, I see Mr. Hill and he's looking very serious, standing beside his desk, his face grim.
Mr. Teagan offers me a chair next to my mom and I sit down slowly and Mom takes my hand in hers, squeezing hard. I don't have a clue what's going on but it doesn't feel like someone has died. It feels like someone is in deep shit.
And I think that someone might be me.
Chapter Seventeen
Mr. Hill looks at me and then holds up a cell phone. One that I recognize because I've seen it many times. On Michael's desk. In his car. In his back pocket.
"Taryn." Mr. Hill lays the cell on his desk and I can't take my eyes off the damn thing. "We need to talk about your...relationship with Mr. Hayes."
I can't breathe. I can't breathe and I'm going to fucking puke. I clutch the arms of the chair I'm in and start to shake, but then Ethan comes to my rescue.
"Taryn, don't say a damn word!" He steps forward, his hand on my shoulder. "You can talk to our attorney, Hill. Because we are fucking suing this school, and every administrator and the school board!"
Mom sobs quietly beside me as I try to figure out how in the hell they got Michael's cell phone and where is he anyway? Did he tell them everything? As worried as he was about being found out, that's really hard to believe.
"Mr. Kincaid," Mr. Hill tries to calm Ethan down. "We're doing everything we can to rectify the situation, but we are still in the investigation stage. We need to hear Taryn's side of the story."
"What the hell do you need to investigate?!" Ethan yells. I have never even seen Ethan mad, let alone heard him cuss and yell. He's furious. "You have the creep's cell phone, his lap top, what the other two girls said! You don't need anything from our daughter!"
The other two girls. That girl, that Kaitlynn who came into work last night. Oh my God, she must have told on Michael and then dragged me and the other girl into it. Or maybe it was this other one, the girl whose name I don't know. I'm sitting here because someone blabbed. And now they want me to tell them what Michael and I had done. Hell to the fucking no.
"I wanna go home," I murmur, bowing my head.
Mom throws her arm around me. "We will, baby we will. Just as soon as we can."
"We're leaving now." Ethan says, helping me to my feet. I stay wrapped in Mom's arms so I don't have to look at anyone else.
"Mr. Hayes is on paid administrative leave until we have the whole story," Mr. Hill is still trying to explain everything and stands between us and the door. "You should know, there are some disturbing things on his lap top. An online private diary, in which he has written very intimately about your daughter, and the others. That and the texts on the cell phone between Taryn and Mr. Hayes, leave little doubt as to the nature of their relationship. But we need to confirm whether this relationship was consensual or not. So, speaking to Taryn, is, I'm afraid, essential."
"You piece of shit!" Ethan is speaking between clenched teeth. "Consensual? Of course it wasn't consensual! That man took advantage of Taryn, plain and simple! He was her fucking teacher!"
Mr. Teagan steps forward to try to diffuse the situation. "I know this is hard, Taryn, but if you can just help us the way Kaitlynn and Pam did, we can make sure Hayes never teaches in this state again."
"Teagan!" Mr. Hill snaps at the Vice Principal. "That's confidential information!"
I stare up at Mr. Teagan from Mom's arms. "What?" My hand goes to my mouth. "Pam? Pam Steele?" I start to retch and jerk myself out of Mom's grasp to hurl into the trash can under the copy machine.
Mom is at my side immediately, holding me and shouting at the men behind us. "Look what you've done to her! Taryn, Taryn, it's okay, I'm here!"
I'm on my knees, puking and sobbing and Mr. Teagan and Mr. Hill move away a bit.
"You should be ashamed of yourselves!" Ethan growls at them. He and Mom help me up and Mom smooths my sweaty hair from my face and smothers me in her embrace again.
"She's not talking to you, stop asking her questions. She doesn't deserve any of this!" Mom shouts. "My Taryn would never have consented to .... any of that...she's a good girl! It was not consensual!"
I whisper into Mom's chest and the room goes quiet.
"Taryn?" I look up into Mom's pain filled eyes. My gaze goes from Mom to Ethan, then to Mr. Teagan and Mr. Hill. And finally, I say it.
"Yes...it was consensual. I did it. I did all of it. Whatever is on his lap top and in the texts..." The tears are dropping from my eyes, blinding me and I sway unsteadily against my mother. "It's all true. I had an affair with Michael and he didn't force me to do anything."
◆◆◆
I don't know I get to the car. Somehow I am in the back of Ethan's Lexus with Mom and she and Ethan are arguing, which is also something I've never seen.
"You have to call him, Mar!" Ethan snaps from the driver's seat.
"The last thing I need right now is Martin and his, whatever he is, getting in the middle of things!" Mom snaps back. She's fussing over me like I'm a toddler and keeps fixing my hair which is mak
ing me nuts.
"He's her father." Ethan pulls out of the school parking lot and heads towards home.
"Yes, I am aware of that fact, Ethan!" Mom is being super bitchy to him and I see Ethan's jaw tighten but he says nothing.
"It will be okay, baby." Mom goes back to soothing me. "We'll call our attorney, and we'll file a lawsuit and maybe even criminal charges."
I try to tune her out. All I can think about is Pam. Pam was the third girl. I wonder what all Michael did with her. And Kaitlynn.
Then suddenly I think of Manny. Oh my God. He'll find out. It will get out, things like this always do and he'll know what a freak I am.
Pulling away from Mom, I claw for my bag and grab my cell. Mom takes it before I can start texting.
"No, Taryn. You're not to have your phone. Not right now."
"Mom, give me my phone back! I have to text Manny; I have to tell him what happened before he hears it from someone else!"
"Taryn."
Ethan uses a tone he's never used with me before. I look up into his blue eyes in the rear-view mirror.
"The other two girls got threatening texts from Hayes. Right after he got kicked out of the building yesterday, when one of the girls came clean to Mr. Hill. We've been advised to take your phone in case he does the same to you. So we can use it as evidence to obtain a restraining order."
He looks away and I sit back in my seat while Mom hands him my phone. I edge away from Mom and stare out the window, silently. My step father can't even look at me now.
I lean my head against the cool window, full of shame.
◆◆◆
I really want to go to my room. I want to bury myself in my bed, under my covers and smell Manny. I want to talk to him. I have to talk to him. But Mom still won't let me have my damn phone.
She's called my dad finally and they had a huge screaming match on the phone. Then Ethan called his attorney and told Mom that because I was eighteen and it was a consensual relationship, we couldn't press charges. Technically, I was an adult.
I haven't heard from Michael which gives me this strange sense of relief combined with sadness. He contacted the other two girls, but not me. That's how fucked up I am. I'm actually feeling slightly jealous that he got in touch with the others and not me.
I walk slowly in and out of the kitchen, mostly being ignored. I can hear my phone buzzing occasionally but Mom and Ethan kept checking it and so far it's just Ryan texting, asking me if the rumors are true. So that means it's already out and chances are Manny knows that I lied to him by now.
Ethan still won't really look at me and finally retreats to his den, leaving me and Mom alone. I hover near her as she sits with a bottle of white wine, filling and refilling her glass.
"Mom, please. Give me my phone."
She's stopped crying finally. Now she just sits silently, her makeup blotchy, biting her lips and sighing while staring off into space. "No, Taryn."
I start crying, holding my stomach which hurts so bad from my nerves. "I have to text Manny, Mom, please, you don't understand!"
She looks up at me, her eyes blazing. "What I don't understand, Taryn, is how you let this happen! I raised you better than that, didn't I?" Mom shakes her head, looking baffled. "I just...I don't understand! When did I ever give you the impression that sex with your teacher was okay?"
"It's not your fault, Mom." I rub my sore, red eyes. "Please, I'll give you the phone right back after I text him. Please!"
Then the doorbell rings and Mom jumps up and we head for the foyer at the same time Ethan comes out of his den. He holds a hand up to both of us and peers out the peep hole.
"It's Manny."
I start to laugh, and there's nothing funny about it. I dissolve into tears, my shoulders shaking.
"Tell him to go away," Mom tells Ethan. "She's not up to this right now."
"No." I take a shuddering breath and wipe my eyes. "I'll go out and talk to him. I should have told him the truth ages ago. You guys stay in here, please."
Mom and Ethan wait while I open the door and step outside.
Manny has moved away from the door and is standing by his car at the end of the driveway. His arms are folded and his eyes look almost black, that's how mad he is. I can feel his anger as I approach. What can I even say to make this better? I can't think of any words at all.
"Don't talk." He looks away from me, his lips so thinned they almost disappear. "I asked you...three times..." He raises his eyes to mine, holding me still with his glare. "Three fucking times, Taryn! And every time you assured me, that nothing happened between you and Hayes! And then today, I find out the truth, from...fucking stupid Linda Songer of all people!"
I shake my head slightly. "Linda? How did Linda know? Did Pam tell her?"
Manny's makes a helpless gesture with his hand. "Pam? How is Pam messed up in this? Linda was in the fucking office when you were being questioned by Hill, Taryn! The bitch eavesdropped while the secretary was away from her desk. And then she ran out and blabbed all of it to the entire school." He raises both eyebrows at me. "And, sweetheart, you'll be happy to know, that Jay-fucking-Pat have already put it online, on a new website. So, how's that? See what happens when you lie, Taryn?"
I'm hugging myself, trying not to cry. He has every right to be pissed. But he has to still love me, doesn't he? I need him now, I need him to take me into his arms and tell me everything will be alright, that he'll protect me.
"You have nothing to say?"
I struggle to speak. "I'm sorry, Manny."
He starts pacing in front of his car, his hands in fists on his hips. "Yeah me too." He stops suddenly and looks at me, smiling bitterly. "So, when I asked you if you'd done this before - sex - and you said Patrick was your first... that was a lie too, wasn't it? It wasn't Patrick. It was Hayes. Oh my God!" Manny puts his hands in his hair and pulls at it angrily. "I'm so fucking stupid!"
I force myself forward and reach for him. "Manny, no, please, listen to me." I start crying again, grabbing his arm tightly. "I wanted to tell you, but I was scared. I thought if you knew you'd dump me. Please, Manny, I'm sorry! Please forgive me, please, I love you!"
He pushes me away, and points a finger in my face. "No! You don't get to keep the truth from me and then say you love me! You lied to me, you betrayed my trust!"
"Manny, please, don't..."
But he moves further away from me. "I told you, Taryn, how important trust was to me." He cringes, looking like he might start crying himself. "I told you, once you lose my trust, it's over."
"Don't leave me," I beg through my sobs. "I don't love Michael, I love you, I want to be with you, please!"
Manny stands very still, gazing into the street. Then he briefly hangs his head and looks at me. "No. You ruined it. It's over. It's done. I'm done. Goodbye, Taryn."
He opens his car and slides behind the wheel and I start for him but suddenly Mom is there and she's holding me back while I cry and plead for him to stay.
Manny guns his engine and tears out of the driveway as I sob in Mom's arms.
◆◆◆
I'm not allowed to sleep in my room because Mom is afraid I might off myself. After Manny left me, I went into further hysterics and Mom finally gave me a sleeping pill and made me a bed on the couch. I don't know what time that was or how powerful the pill is but it must have been pretty strong because when I wake up it's morning. The sun is streaming through the great room windows and Mom is dozing in the easy chair next to me.
For a minute it seems just like a bad dream, but then Ethan comes in with a cup of hot tea and I feel how dry and sore my eyes are and I know it's real. Everyone knows about me and Michael and I've lost Manny and I want to cry some more, but I have no tears left.
I sit up groggily and Ethan hands me the tea and then sits beside me on the couch. He nods at my mother.
"She slept there all night. She was so worried about you."
I glance at Mom who's still sleeping and sip my tea.
"
Manny dumped me." I tell Ethan, even though I know he already knows. I guess I just need to say it out loud so I can hear it from my own lips. "I loved him and he left." I look up at my stepfather and give a little shrug and a tear-less sob.
He puts his hand over mine. "I know." For a long moment neither of us speak.
I've never had a "moment" with Ethan. He's always just been my mom's husband, smiling and positive, always cheerful and confident. Now he feels like much more than I ever gave him credit for.
"You know, when I married your mom and you came into my life, I didn't have a clue what to do." He gives me a little smile. "Here I was, this lifelong bachelor playboy and suddenly I'm a husband to a woman with an adorable, spunky little girl. You were so cute. Still are." He squeezes my hand. "And somewhere along the line, when your mom and I weren't looking, you grew up. And we missed it. We missed having important talks with you, explaining how the real world works. I don't know..." Ethan pauses. "Maybe we were just afraid to ask you too much, to find out things we weren't ready to hear about what you were doing. We should have asked, Taryn, we should have paid more attention. I'm sorry."
I put my other hand on top of his. "It's okay, if you had have asked me anything, I probably wouldn't have told you the truth anyway. It's not anyone's fault...but mine. And Michael's. I'm guilty, for sure, but he knew better and he still did it. Even if I asked for it, he was my teacher and he should have told me no. He didn't force me exactly, but it's still not fair."
"You're right, it's not," Ethan agrees. He sighs and looks at Mom and then back at me. "I know I'm not your father, Taryn. I know I could never take his place and I would never try to. But...when you were a little kid, I took you to soccer practice and I came to all of your games and cheered you on. And I read to you before bed, what were those books? The underwear ones?"
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