Body of Work

by Pamela Slim

  Success dysmorphia is viewing your success through someone else’s results and finding yourself feeling awkward, ugly, less than, and not quite on par with their accomplishments.

  When you view your success through someone else’s mirror

  There is always something bigger. Oprah was not content with a massively successful television show, she needed a network.

  You can always make more money. Carlos Slim, the world’s richest man and hopefully a distant relative, always wants to increase his wealth.

  There is always someone with a hotter body. Demi Moore spent years obsessing over her rock-hard, shapely figure.

  There is always someone who sells more books. Not content with creating a movement with The 4-Hour Workweek, Tim Ferriss smashed sales with his follow-up books The 4-Hour Body and The 4-Hour Chef.

  There is always someone who is a more productive parent. My client, lawyer Rachel Rodgers, was on bed rest for the last third of her pregnancy but still managed to care for her daughter, garner national press, serve her clients, and write a book just days before giving birth.

  It’s time for a new mirror

  Measure your success using your own success framework.

  Celebrate your accomplishments, even if they are different than your peers.

  And own your choices. Respect your peers, and yourself, by saying, “I know I missed my daughter’s dance recital, but I aced my client meeting and got the new account, which means that we will be able to go to Hawaii for vacation this year, just like I discussed with her.”

  Or “I sold 25,000 books to my friend’s 250,000, but I was able to spend only half my time working and the other half of my time traveling the world.”

  Or “I am still twenty pounds heavier than my best friend, who looks amazing since she started training CrossFit five nights a week. But I have found a way to walk twenty minutes a day, even while working a full-time job and going to school at night. When I finish school and have more time to work out, I look forward to getting my washboard abs back.”

  Take pride in your accomplishments and notice how they become a source of pride in your body of work.

  Your definition of success

  I had a very interesting coaching conversation with a bright young woman. We were talking about her desire to expand her business and play bigger in the world.

  When I asked what would happen if she started to put herself out in the world in a bigger way by offering more programs and connecting with more people, she got kind of quiet. I asked her what it would mean to her life if she grew her business. This is what she said:

  “I would have to be out there with people all the time and wouldn’t be able to spend days at home reenergizing.” (She is an introvert according to the Myers Briggs test, which means she needs time alone to recharge her battery)

  “I would ramp up my business, then if I decided to have kids, it would be hard to give that up so I could focus on being a mom.

  “I would have to have all the answers and I am not sure I do.”

  I listened to her, and realized that she had very strong ideas about what it meant to be a leader. And I wasn’t sure that this definition of leadership was one she wanted for herself; it was the model that she saw practiced by people she viewed as “successful.”

  So our homework assignment was to come up with a definition of leadership that only applied to her life and situation. It was OK if she wanted to be known as a leader who worked one day a month. It was also OK if she wanted to lead by having the freedom to change her mind frequently.

  Your definition of success will drive who you serve and what you create, but, most important, how you feel while you are creating it.

  I define success as enjoying my life while I am leading it. And I demonstrate leadership of my own life by:

  working only on projects that energize me and are connected with the body of work I want to create.

  contributing something useful to the global discussion of what work means in the twenty-first century.

  serving my roots by highlighting and supporting talented people from diverse backgrounds who are often overlooked by mainstream business and media.

  not working more than my body can handle.

  actively looking for fun and joy in work.

  taking joy and pride in being a parent and wife and being available to my kids and husband when they need me.

  being open to feedback and coaching in areas of weakness and fear.

  representing myself in a way that makes my mother, grandmother, and daughter proud.

  holding love and compassion in the highest priority.

  Do I do all of these every day? Rarely. But this vision of leadership feels right to me. I am sure your list will be very different, but I hope it feels right to you.

  So what does success mean to you?

  I asked a group of my blog readers and clients to share their definitions of success. Here are some of their replies:

  Glenda Watson Hyatt, a Canadian writer, consultant, and motivational speaker, was born with cerebral palsy due to lack of oxygen at birth. She has limited physical mobility and some significant speech impediments, but with a will of steel and supportive parents, she has learned to work within her physical parameters. Beyond writing her book with only her left thumb and giving speeches through speech translation software, Glenda views success this way:

  “To me, success means working with my limitations or finding ways around them to lead a happy and fulfilled life. This means finding a balance between appreciating and being grateful for what I do have in that moment while still trying to improve my situation. Oftentimes it means getting creative to get something done or to increase my potential. For example, even though I have created a way to deliver a presentation to an audience, which in itself is amazing, and I am truly grateful to have that ability added to my repertoire, I will continue striving for a more graceful technical solution to deliver my message. For me that would be success.”

  Freelance writer and sometime stand-up comic Benjamin Gran defines success as:

  “Freedom. Lots and lots of time with my wife and kids. Not having to take crap from anyone. Not having to do stupid corporate busywork. Getting paid to express myself creatively.”

  Casey Barber, a food writer, says:

  “Other than being able to pay the mortgage without waking up in night sweats? I’d say it’s being able to proudly tell someone what you do at a cocktail party rather than feeling like you’re boring them or waving it off as something you’re almost ashamed of. Awards are great, but it’s the sustained feeling of accomplishment that makes it possible to get through the day-to-day.”

  Chris Horner, a branch manager for a Community Bank, defines success as:

  “Having time, resources, and energy to do what I want to do once obligations are done. Raising a responsible, appreciative family. A Ferrari would be nice too but is not mandatory.”

  Software developer Mike Tefft says:

  “I would measure success as doing something you’re passionate about while making sure that you can live the life you want. By that, I mean that you have time for family, friends, . . . life. You’re not spending continual long hours of work at the expense of family and friends. You have enough money to support yourself with a little left over for some fun. And I think a little external recognition would probably help validate it. Many of us can’t believe that we’re actually good at something and a little external recognition from someone outside of your circle of family and friends tells you you’re doing something right.”

  Nader Mahtabfar is a licensed dispensing optician who defines success as:

  “Being able to overcome issues and challenges in an effort to do something remarkable so that many people can benefit.”

  Shari Risoff is a consultant to small businesses. Her definition of suc
cess:

  “Pleasing God in my choices. Using the talents I have to provide solutions and help people.”

  Scott Barr is a finance manager for a local real estate company. He defines success as:

  “On a more spiritual level, it would be happiness; on a more competitive level, it would be doing better than others in whatever category I’m being measured in (either by peers, mentally, by family). So if I have a better car, a better position at the local company, kids who are doing better, et cetera, then I’m succeeding—at least more than everyone else!”

  Natalie Currie is a consultant and coach from Canada, with a passion for sustainability. Her definition of success reflects her maven nature:

  “Paulo Coelho said it best: ‘It is being able to go to bed each night with your soul at peace.’”

  While there are some common themes in these definitions of success, it’s obvious that a unique set of values has led to the creation of each one. Competition and challenge is motivating to one person, while personal freedom is important to another. Some need to feel passion for the work itself, while others value the time, resources, and opportunities they get from completing a job.

  There is no right answer. There is only the answer that deeply resonates with you.

  A personal reflection on success

  Over the years, I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection. Success, popularity, and power can indeed present a great temptation, but their seductive quality often comes from the way they are part of the much larger temptation to self-rejection. When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity, and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions. . . . Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the “Beloved.” Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.

  —Henri J.M. Nouwen

  In 2010, I was invited to do a guest post for my friend Hugh MacLeod, who is an artist and author. He was running a blog series called “Remember Who You Are.” As I thought about the topic, it occurred to me that remembering the grace of who you are in your most innocent state, outside of any personal or professional situation, is the most pure form of success.

  So I wrote a very personal piece about my parents’ divorce, before my dad moved to Port Costa. Although the piece is about my own journey back to myself, I also see it as the journey of both of my parents, who moved through the pain of divorce to build strong and wonderful new marriages. Success and happiness does not mean that we do not have periods of intense pain and angst. Perhaps those times remind us who we really are. And what could be more successful than that?

  YOU, LESS THAN

  I still remember the smell of damp ivy from a recent rain as I stood in the backyard, waiting for my dad to take my picture.

  It was 1971 and I was five years old. I was wearing a brightly colored knit vest, a present from my grandma. I tied my shoes myself but was not totally sure I had them on the right feet. It didn’t matter. I was one powerful little girl. The Champion of the World.

  My dad smiled at me, squinting his eyes as he crouched behind the camera. I was safe, cherished, and loved. He snapped the picture.

  Things blew up after that, rather quickly.

  My dad left home, and his marriage, to find himself. That’s what people did in the 1970s in Marin County, California.

  My world of family dinners and Dr. Seuss bedtime stories in my dad’s lap ended. It was scary, unfamiliar, off-balance.

  The way I had known myself—child of happy parents, member of a “normal” family—was no longer.

  I spent a lot of time trying to figure out who I was. I tried to be a perfect student. And when that got to be too much, I inhaled, a lot. In my twenties I fell into a treacherous lover’s arms and paid dearly with a broken heart and wounded soul.

  I found martial arts, self-employment, and writing.

  And one day in a box full of old family photographs, I found the picture.

  Holding the yellowed edges in my hands, I remembered who I was. I felt who I was. Who I had always been, except when I forgot.

  Circumstances can cause you to question who you are.

  A boss writes you a stinging performance review.

  A reader leaves a bitter comment on your blog post.

  A vocal audience member questions your authority in the middle of your presentation.

  A publisher sends back your treasured manuscript with a crass note.

  A spouse berates your manhood, or womanhood.

  And you go from You, the Champion of the World to . . .

  You, less than.

  You, squashed.

  You, angry and off-balance.

  You, the misfit.

  You, the screwup.

  When you fall into this deep pit of treachery and despair, you need something to pull you out. An image, a word, a note. It helps when this object reflects both the love you have for yourself as well as the love someone has for you.

  Like a picture of you through your parents’ eyes.

  Or a note from an impassioned reader who loved the piece that you loved to write. Or a rock from a beach that was so beautiful you could swear that the sand was kissing your feet.

  You, less than, is a lie.

  Remember who you are.

  CHAPTER 9

  Share Your Story

  Each of us chooses the tone for telling his or her own story. I would like to choose the durable clarity of a platinum print, but nothing in my destiny possesses the luminosity. I live among diffuse shadings, veiled mysteries, uncertainties; the tone of telling my life is closer to that of a portrait in sepia.

  —Isabel Allende, Portrait in Sepia

  I remember hearing her voice choke up on the phone call.

  “Once again, they told me I was overqualified for the job.”

  Desiree Adaway, my best friend since college, was at the end of her rope. She was part of a group layoff of consultants at Arthur Andersen, and for the past eight months had been sending her résumé everywhere. But no one was biting.

  She had an amazing background and was one of the smartest people I knew. She was an exceptional manager, inspiring and mentoring those who worked for her. When she used to run children’s camps, I would marvel at her ability to build a great relationship with every kind of kid as well as command the respect and trust of the teenage camp counselors.

  As a project manager for IBM, she was trusted and respected by her peers and valued by her manager for her ability to get things done efficiently and on time. She would jump into new industries and drink up knowledge, fed by her interest in research and thirst for learning.

  But there was something about the way she was presenting her experience that was not connecting with companies that were hiring.

  I did a quick search online for resources to help Desiree, and Louise Garver, a career coach and résumé expert in Connecticut, stood out immediately. She offered a job-search package that included drafting a résumé and cover letter as well as doing targeted research to determine the organizations that would be a good fit. Desiree contacted her right away.

  “When I first looked at Desiree’s résumé, I didn’t see any focus,” Louise said. “Early in her career, she had experience with nonprofits and then in corporate environments, but I didn’t see the connections between the two. I also didn’t have any idea of her specific skills and strengths and how she had used them to make real and measurable impact in past jobs.”

  The first thing Louise did was to clarify Desiree’s career target. What specific position did she want, in which industry? Then they gathered information, sample job postings, and used tools to identify key words and common denominators in the job responsibilities of her desired positions.


  Next Desiree pulled out specific examples in her career history where she had addressed significant problems and had quantifiable outcomes. They dug into her natural patterns in any job, regardless of the situation. They found she was an exceptional problem solver and gifted manager. They examined what people always went to her for, if they were in a meeting or a project. Then they built strong stories around those examples.

  With a crystal-clear job strategy, brand-new cover letter, and targeted résumé, Desiree hit the job market again.

  Within a month, she had three ideal job offers. She took the position of global grants manager for the Rotary Foundation, where she oversaw millions of dollars of humanitarian grants all over the world. After a few years at Rotary, she moved to Habitat for Humanity, where she was senior director of volunteer mobilization.

  Was it magic?

  It sure felt like it to us.

  In retrospect, it was really just a new spin on a truthful, powerful story, told in such a way that it both empowered the storyteller and excited the audience.

  Desiree just hadn’t taken the time to really consider the power of her entire body of work.

  Now that we’ve done the heavy lifting of digging into your roots, ingredients, and work mode; discussed difficult topics like creativity and fear; and defined how you will measure your success, it’s time to enter the last step: How do you tie it all together to create a compelling story and a marketable package?

  No matter how wonderful and fulfilling your body of work is, if you want people to believe in it, act on it, be moved by it, or buy it, you must shape it into a cohesive narrative and tell powerful stories.

  EXAMPLE OF A SUCCESS STORY

  Just like she did with Desiree, Louise Garver gives an example of how she built a success story with a client with upgrade store management systems experience using these five questions.

  1. What was the situation/problem you walked into that needed to be addressed?