by Alexia Adams
Lexy had wept for an hour on the plane until she’d fallen asleep. Although she’d done her best to be upbeat for Max, Daniel knew the decision about their future weighed on her heavily. And every solution he’d been able to suggest still came with compromises—too many.
He was at the top of his career. One more win. It was the litany that had pushed him for the last five years. He couldn’t imagine not racing. But neither could he imagine racing without Lexy at his side.
“Box, Daniel. We’ll try for a few more runs when the wind dies down.”
He headed back to his garage and climbed out of the car, which in the heat had turned into his personal sauna. Lexy was at the hotel with Max, so Daniel studied the telemetry and other data they’d managed to gather in his few successful runs. The Yas Marina circuit required complete concentration for the entire lap. Plus, as the race was run late in the afternoon and into evening, the lighting conditions were constantly changing. But with the two long straights, it was easier to pass with a fast car like his. Robert, however, had the same car beneath him and seemed to favor the night races, so it was anyone’s guess who would take the championship.
By six o’clock they realized there would be no more running today, and he made his way back to the hotel. As Genevieve had stayed in Argentina, they were going to order room service rather than drag a jet-lagged Max out for dinner. Daniel was greeted at the hotel room by an ever-excited Max and a slightly worn-out Lexy. He felt like a real dad coming home after a day’s work. His chest swelled.
He liked it. His family. For how much longer?
***
“Lexy, are you okay?” Maya’s Canadian accent infiltrated Lexy’s stupor. She was trying so hard not to think about food, it was all she could think of. A fully loaded hamburger and thick-cut fries were her current obsession. But she couldn’t give in. Instead she forced another spoonful of plain, non-fat yogurt past her lips. Having dropped five pounds in the last two weeks, her skin hung off her even more. It was so disturbing she’d insisted the lights be off before she’d undress in front of Daniel. She was repulsing him, pushing him away, just like her mother had predicted.
“Sure, I’m fine. Where’s Max? Is Jacques tired of him yet?” She searched the playground for her son, who was shouting encouragement to go higher on the swings as his pseudo-uncle pushed him. Despite there being no official relationship between her and Daniel, Max had started calling Jacques and Maya ‘Uncle’ and ‘Aunty’, much to their delight.
“No, Jacques loves him. It’s good practice as well. He’s both thrilled and terrified of becoming a father.” Maya rubbed her still-flat belly.
“You’re pregnant?”
“Yep. Just seven weeks, so there’s ages to go yet. But we’re excited. I’m kind of hoping this first one is a single to give us a chance to get used to having a baby. But my twin brother just found out that his wife is expecting twins. I haven’t told Jacques. He freaks out enough as it is, making sure I’m eating properly. Who needs a pregnancy guide when you’ve got an overprotective husband?”
Lexy turned away at the look of love on Maya’s face. Why can’t I have that without losing either my son or my sanity? “Congratulations. I’m sure you’ll be great parents no matter how many you have.”
“Thanks. So what’s up with you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You look like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop and crush you under it. What’s the problem?”
“My time’s up and I don’t know what to do about it.” Maya looked alarmed and Lexy hurried to explain. Well, sort of. The fewer people who knew about Wesley, the better. “Daniel and I, we agreed a short-term affair until the end of the race season. In forty-eight hours that will be over.”
“Ah, I see. I thought that’s what I was getting into with Jacques, just a casual affair. It’s all fun and games until someone falls in love. Do you love Daniel?”
“Yes, more than I thought possible to love a man.”
“So what’s the problem?”
Even taking her ex-husband out of the equation, there was still no easy answer. “I don’t deal well with stress. How can he cope with a girlfriend who falls apart on a regular basis when his very life depends on his being able to concentrate one-hundred percent on race day?”
“Oh, I see. Well, I’m not a shrink, so I’m not going to give you advice. But I will leave you with this question: Do you think maybe you’re easily stressed because you haven’t had the support of someone who loves you unconditionally? I was a wild child, lurching from one disaster to the next until I met Jacques. Now I get all the excitement and stimulation I crave from being with him. I’m a bit of a feminist, so I’m not going to say that Jacques completes me or anything. But he sure as hell fills in all the gaps and crevices so I’m able to function to my full capacity.”
“Love isn’t the issue. It’s the rest of our lives that is complicated. I don’t want to end up like my parents, having to choose between the well-being of my child and my marriage.”
“Don’t discount love, Lexy. It is amazingly powerful. But you have to believe in it and trust it with all your heart. Half a heart won’t work.” With that pronouncement, Maya strode off to join Jacques at the swing set.
“You’re not going to the track for qualifying?” Lexy turned to find her father a few feet away.
“Papa, what really happened between you and Mum? Was I the reason you divorced?” Because even if she could figure out a way to keep custody, if things went wrong with Daniel, she didn’t want Max to feel it was his fault.
“No, Alexandra, you were the reason we stayed together as long as we did. I don’t want to put the blame entirely on your mother—after all, I was the one caught cheating. But your mother was raised in a gilded cage by her parents—always told how beautiful she was, so she thought that was all she had, her looks. And she was treated like a princess—everyone catered to her; she never had to deal with anything. When she became an adult, she had no coping mechanisms. If she didn’t get exactly what she wanted when she wanted, she’d have a meltdown. In the end, I couldn’t take it anymore and we separated. To save face, she told everyone it was because she wanted you to go to school and have stability.”
“Do you think I’ll end up like her?”
“Not a chance, tesori. You are strong. Just look at what you’ve overcome. And you’re raising an amazing son. You have made me so proud.” Her father wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight. “Now, let’s go watch that man of yours drive.”
For the last time?
Chapter 17
He’d done it. He’d actually, amazingly done it. He’d won. He was world champion. As he stood on the podium, listening to the national anthems, his eyes searched the crowd below. He’d managed a quick kiss with Lexy over the barrier as soon as he’d parked his car. Thousands of flashes had gone off, so no doubt that would be the cover shot on many newspapers tomorrow.
He scanned the faces again and spotted Jacques and Maya. But Lexy, her dad, and Max had disappeared. Maybe the crowds had been too much for her or Max and they’d meet him either in the garage, his trailer, or the hotel. He tamped down the disappointment. He’d wanted her beside him as he gave the informal interviews. As world champion it would be hours yet before he was released to celebrate his victory.
Eventually, he cornered his brother in the garage. “Where’s Lexy?”
“She had to fly back to the UK. Her mother’s had a heart attack and is in intensive care. Gian-Franco and Max have gone with her.”
Suddenly he felt so tired he could barely stand. His chest was tight and it hurt to draw breath. “I would have gone with her. Is there any chance of catching her at the airport?”
“No. She left this for you.” Jacques handed him an envelope with a pat on his shoulder. It was thick, more than just a quickly dashed note that said, “Got to go, be back soon.” This was a tome spelling out the end of their relationship.
He slipped it inside
his overalls where it sat heavy against his heart. “Thanks. I’ll read it later.”
When he’d won his first world championship, the victory party had lasted until four in the morning and he’d been photographed with no fewer than eight women. This one he left alone at ten thirty. He poured himself a whiskey while he stared at the letter from Lexy. He was on his second glass before he opened the damned thing.
My darling Daniel,
You are going to be so disappointed and you have every right to be. I should be standing before you, telling you this in person. But then you’d look at me with your beautiful eyes and you’d quirk up the corner of your lip the way you do, and I’d forget everything I want and need to say to you. So please forgive my cowardice in writing this letter.
First, I have to thank you for the two most amazing months of my life. You made me feel beautiful and special, things I never thought I’d be. You restored my faith in men and you taught me how a physical relationship should be between a man and woman. Although that lesson I have learned too well and don’t believe anyone else will ever make me feel the way you do, so that’s a bit of a bummer.
Second, I have to thank you for reuniting me with my father. And for letting me borrow your family for a while. You are truly blessed with people who love you. Don’t ever let them go.
But, and you knew there’d be one, I have to do what’s best for me and my son. I need a calm, quiet life where no one cares what Lexy Camparelli is wearing, or what she’s eating, or who she’s with. I can’t fight my demons in public. But I’m not going back to Wesley. I’ll figure something out. If I’m out of the media spotlight, maybe he’ll forget we exist.
Daniel, you are an amazing driver. My father says you’re one of the best he’s ever seen. You have to keep racing. If you don’t, if you give it up for me, you’ll wake up one morning hating yourself, hating me. And trust me, I’ve been there, done that—it’s not nice. I won’t allow you to sacrifice your career for me. So don’t try.
We had a great time. I hope that once the pain of our parting has dulled to an occasional ache, you’ll be able to think fondly of me.
I love you with all my heart. And probably always will (double bummer).
Lexy
He scrunched up the letter and flung it into the corner before flopping onto the bed. It was over.
***
Lexy closed the flaps on the last box, sealed it with the packing tape, and wrote a note on the outside as to its contents. She wasn’t supposed to lift anything heavy yet after her recent surgery so she left it for the movers. There were only a few things she was having shipped to her father’s villa in Tuscany where she and Max were moving. The rest was going to an estate auction where the proceeds would be donated to Beat, the UK charity for eating disorders.
Her mother hadn’t survived her heart attack and Lexy’d been too late to say goodbye. Not that she’d had anything really in mind. Perhaps, “I forgive you,” but as her mother had never accepted any responsibility for the part she’d played in Lexy’s obesity, that probably would have fallen on deaf ears. At least her mother was at peace now. Lexy made sure the obituary notice had included a photo of her mother at her most beautiful, and had made mention only of her retiring from modeling to live a quiet life with her daughter.
Lexy, Max, and Papa had attended the funeral. How empty a life her mother had led to have only three people grieve her passing. But it rammed home to Lexy that she had to make different choices. She had to take risks and be strong and fight for what she wanted. Who she wanted. She wanted Daniel. Being without him these past weeks had been hell.
“Mummy, Mummy, when are we going to see Andrew?” Max ran into the room, followed more slowly by her father.
“In just a few minutes. Did you put the presents for him and his new baby sister in the car?”
“Yes. Mummy, when can I get a baby sister?”
“Not for a while yet, sweetie.” Maybe never. Daniel hadn’t tried to contact her or see her since her departure. She’d wanted to properly kiss him goodbye, but the call about her mother had prevented that. It was probably a good thing, because she wasn’t sure how she’d have let him go in person. Maya had phoned and reamed Lexy out for breaking up by letter. But she’d also been supportive when Lexy had explained about her eating disorder. That was one thing Lexy’s therapist had suggested, telling others so they could help. She didn’t have to do this alone anymore. She had family and she had friends.
Even better, she had leverage. In cleaning out her mother’s house, she’d found a box of papers that had set her free. She’d completely forgotten that when she’d packed up the house she’d lived in during her brief marriage, she’d stored a few boxes of stuff to go through later at her mum’s. In addition to the uncashed check for a million dollars were some rather incriminating documents against her ex-husband and his father, the contents of which she’d threatened to leak to the press if he made any claims on her son. Wouldn’t the world love to know that the “charitable” donation the Hardings had made to the college in Cambridge had actually been to guarantee that Wesley graduated top of his class? With just a token protest, he’d promised to never contact her in the future. Marrying her again had obviously not been his idea. One day she’d have to tell Max about his father, and it wasn’t a conversation she looked forward to having. But if she could fill his life with good male role models, hopefully her son would get over having a loser as his sperm donor.
Her father put his arm around her as she took one last look around her mother’s house. There weren’t many happy memories, and she’d be glad to never see it again. “Are you ready to go?” he asked.
“Yes, Papa.”
“Then the van driver wants to check the destination address with you one last time.”
“Can’t you tell him? It’s your house we’re going to.”
“Evidently, as your name is on the contract, you have to be the one to speak with him. I’ll take Max down to the beach.” Her father and son both disappeared so fast it was like it was prearranged. What was going on?
Lexy rubbed her dusty palms on her jeans and wandered out to the front of the house. A tall man wearing the dark overalls of the moving company lounged against her father’s car. He reminded her so much of Daniel that for a second she had to close her eyes while the pain in her chest eased.
“Are you ready to start your new life?”
Damn, it even sounded like Daniel. Too much. Her eyes flew open, and before she could stop herself she was in his arms.
“Daniel, what are you doing here? And why are you dressed like a removals man?”
“Just assessing my career options. The other choice is driving instructor, seeing as how I did such a fabulous job teaching you. I’m guessing from the shiny ‘L’ on the back of this car that you passed your learner’s test.”
She leaned back on his arm. “What do you mean, career options? You’ve got at least ten years left in F1, you told me yourself. And you’re current world champion, so you can’t quit now.”
“Go out while you’re on top, they say. And as much as I love driving, I love you more. If you need a quiet life away from the media spotlight, then that’s what we’ll live.”
“You can’t give up Formula 1 for me. You’ll regret it and end up resenting me.”
He kissed her then. The mastery of his lips, so familiar but still exciting, left her breathless. “I’ve spent the last five weeks missing you more than I can bear. The thought of never driving again pains me less than not waking up next to you every day for the rest of my life.”
“There has to be some compromise we can reach.” She was going to fight for this. They’d find a way.
“So you’ll come back to me?” His face was so earnest she reached up and caressed his cheek.
“I never really left you. You’ve been in my heart this whole time.”
“What about Wesley? Has he filed for custody? We can disappear like Jacques and Maya, if necessary.”
She shook her head. “I’ve sorted that out. I’ll tell you about it later. I can’t believe you’d give up your life for me.”
He shrugged. “It was kind of a no-brainer, as I didn’t have much of a life without you.”
“Maya gave me some amazing advice, but I was too afraid to take it. She said if you trust completely in love, it can work miracles or something like that. Let’s trust that we’ll be happy.”
“Already there, cherie. Now, your father said he would keep Max occupied for an hour. Have all the beds been packed away already?”
“Not all. And I’ve got a surprise for you.” She pulled him into the house, to her old bedroom, the scene of so many tears. It would be fabulous to leave a happy memory here. She stripped off her clothes, pleased to see Daniel disrobe as quickly. He reached for her then stopped.
“What have you done?” He seemed afraid to touch her.
“Just a minor procedure.” She’d had a modified tummy tuck and her skin was tight again. She’d never be thin, but she was happy.
“You didn’t need to do this for me.”
“I love you, but I didn’t do it for you. I did it for me. I want to rock a bikini at the pools of all those swanky hotels you stay at. I want to feel great about my body so that when I have a bad day I can take off my clothes and see how far I’ve come.”
“Then it’s my job to make sure you never question your beauty or how much you mean to me.”
She put her hands on his face and drew his head down to hers. “Enough talking. We have a championship to celebrate. How many times do you think you can ‘box’ before my father and Max come back?”
“I’m going for quality over quantity. Besides, I didn’t tell Gian-Franco I’m quitting F1. Instead, I made a deal with him: If I could convince you to marry me, I’d consider driving for Ferrari when my Mercedes contract is done. So, I’m going to pretend I’m still a driver and I’ve switched teams and now have to learn to take things slow.”