A Kiss to Change Her Life

by Karin Baine

  ‘So, you put your hand on the table and sort of see-saw the cue between your thumb and your forefinger.’ Cal directed her first, standing with his arms folded across his chest until she did as she was told.

  ‘Like this?’

  ‘It’s better if you make your fingers into an arch rather than have them flat on the table. Here, let me show you.’ Rob came around the table to stand behind her. He leaned over and took her hands in his to demonstrate the correct posture. As his breath fanned the sensitive skin on her neck and his chest pressed against her back, Jessica was in danger of spontaneously combusting.

  With his hands guiding hers she took her first shot and sank a red.

  ‘See, it’s easy. It’s all about the angles.’ His voice was husky in her ear, calling the hairs on the back of her neck to attention. Her imagination could’ve been working overtime but she thought he lingered with his arms around her for a fraction longer than he should have if she was a mistake never to be repeated.

  She turned her head to thank him, only to find his mouth a few millimetres from hers. Given the hungry way he was gazing at her lips, there was every chance of another misdemeanour. A slight head tilt and they would fit together perfectly. Her breath hitched. It really was all about the angles.

  ‘The very people I’m looking for. Cal, we need to take some more bloods before you go.’ At the sound of Maria’s voice in the room, Rob dropped Jessica so quickly she almost face-planted onto the table.

  ‘Ugh. That’s something I definitely won’t miss.’ Cal’s shoulders slumped when he was faced with Maria’s tools of the bloodsucking trade. Although giving blood samples became an everyday occurrence for inpatients and they were a vital part in the treatment, they certainly didn’t get any easier to do. Jessica still winced when she had hers taken during her check-ups.

  ‘Do you want to do it here, or—’

  ‘We can do it in my room. I might have a lie-down after.’

  Jessica’s cheeks burned as she realised that her Rob haze had blinded her to the fact that Cal was beginning to wilt. On closer inspection, he did seem more subdued than when she’d first arrived. It was easy to forget that even such a small thing as a game of pool could still wipe out a chemo-tired body, regardless of the strength of the spirit. Now that his cancer was in remission, hopefully he would recover quickly.

  ‘You get your head down for forty winks and we’ll get the crew to you when you’re ready.’ She could reorganise the running for today’s shoot until he felt well enough to face the cameras with his parents. Despite whatever Rob or anyone else might think, the welfare of these kids took priority over her schedule. That was one of the perks of being top dog when they were dealing with such sensitive issues. A different producer might not have been as sympathetic to the children as one who’d gone through this herself.

  Cal gave her the thumbs-up before he headed back to his room. Maria stopped halfway down the corridor and walked back towards them. For a moment, Jessica worried she was coming to give them a ticking off for tiring him out. Or to remind her that this wasn’t the place to indulge her romantic fantasies.

  ‘Rob, I wanted to make sure you’re still on for tonight.’

  Instead, the voluptuous Maria made her own overtures to the doc without any hesitation. The green-eyed monster tapped Jessica on the shoulder and rolled its sleeves up to prepare for a fight.

  Except Rob was smiling and nodding to confirm Maria’s plans.

  ‘Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.’

  ‘Good. I’ll see you there at the usual time, then. Jessica, I’ll give you a shout when Cal’s parents come in so you can get set up.’ Maria was so confident, so efficient, there was no room for argument.

  ‘Thanks,’ Jessica mumbled as Maria strode away again. Her thoughts about Rob were even more of a muddle now when clearly he and Maria had a relationship which extended outside of the hospital. There was no point in sharpening her claws over a man she had no claim on but he shouldn’t have kissed her the way he had unless it meant something. She had to find out if there was something going on between Rob and the nurse before she let herself believe she had a chance with him.

  * * *

  Rob was glad of Maria’s interruption. It dissipated the sexual tension radiating between him and Jessica. There’d been enough of that last night and he was still trying to figure out what to do about it. Every time he had her in his arms he seemed to lose his mind and that was the very reason he’d been trying to avoid her. Then she’d shown up in all her Audrey Hepburnesque glamour, ponytail swinging and eyelashes fluttering, to undo all his good work.

  A gentleman would’ve chauffeured her to work again this morning and saved her from the horrors of public transport. Then again, a gentleman wouldn’t have pounced on her the way he had last night. He’d acted on pure lust with no thought of the consequences of lunging at her like an overexcited prom date.

  They’d shared a lot over the course of the evening, probably too much. For a moment he’d forgotten he would have to face her at work for the foreseeable future. She already knew too much about him to qualify as a one-night stand and starting something more than that was equally unthinkable. Even if she was agreeable. At least he’d pulled on the brakes before doing something really stupid.

  If he ever deigned to get involved again beyond a one-night fling, it would be with someone safe. Someone who wasn’t always chasing the next thrill. He’d learned his lesson the hard way that family should always come before work. Perhaps he might still have his daughter with him if he and Leah had remembered that. Should he ever get a second chance at being a husband and father again, he’d strive to put that right. Only a partner with similar ideals could give him that feeling of completeness back. He was certain that someone wasn’t Jessica.

  ‘I should really get back to Outpatients.’ He chose to ignore the herd of white elephants charging through the room.

  ‘Are we really not gonna talk about what happened?’

  He should’ve known Jessica wouldn’t give him an easy out. Her style was much more confrontational.

  ‘It was one kiss that shouldn’t have happened. Let’s face it—nothing was ever going to come of it. We have to work together and I don’t want to complicate things. It’s better if we just leave it in the past.’ He glanced furtively around, as though they were discussing a matter of great national importance. In reality, he didn’t want to give Maria any ammunition in her attempt to get him and Jessica together.

  There was no doubt they had chemistry but Rob wouldn’t be able to walk away with a clear conscience now he’d seen how delicate she was beneath the surface. His casual approach to relationships wouldn’t work for her, or him, on this occasion.

  ‘Of course. You’re free to enjoy your night without worrying I’ll say anything.’ Jessica tilted her chin up with an air of superiority Rob didn’t think was justified. They’d both acted rashly and he was simply trying to make working together less...awkward.

  ‘I’m not sure a roomful of ten-year-old girls would be that interested in my love life but I appreciate the sentiment.’

  Jessica plucked invisible dirt from her cute pink belly top and brushed her hands down her black swing skirt. ‘I overheard you and Maria making arrangements for later.’

  ‘Yeah. She railroaded me into giving a first-aid demonstration to her Girl Guide troop. You didn’t think... We’re nothing more than friends.’ Although Rob’s relationship with religion was strained these days, he was often roped in to help with church events, courtesy of his friend. He didn’t mind. If he was pushed, he’d say he enjoyed the odd game of football at the youth club or chaperoning on Sunday school outings. Even though he was no longer a dad himself, supervising the kids somehow kept him connected to the role. He didn’t know what that had to do with Jessica. Unless...

  ‘Are you jealous?’
Despite all his reservations about starting anything with her, he wasn’t averse to the flattery of the situation.

  ‘I didn’t know...I thought that’s why you didn’t want me... It’s none of my business anyway...’ Jessica was gesticulating wildly as her cheeks glowed with a scarlet hue but he could read her as clearly as a front-page ad in the Belfast Telegraph.

  ‘Maria and I have never been anything other than friends. She’s more like a protective big sister than anything. Besides, I don’t get involved with work colleagues. Which is exactly why that kiss between us should never have happened.’ That didn’t mean he hadn’t wanted it but still, it was a mistake he couldn’t afford to make again.

  ‘Sure. Sure.’ She was nodding now and avoiding eye contact. Telltale signs that he’d managed to screw this up even more.

  ‘Tonight really is just a favour.’ Rob didn’t want them to revert to their former sparring ways on account of his actions. They could still be friends.

  ‘You know, the director has been on my back about getting more footage of the staff outside the hospital to make them more relatable to the viewer. Do you think we could film a segment of you and Maria working with the Guides? It would really give us a contrast between your working life and what you do in your downtime.’

  Jessica’s proposal took him by surprise. Not least because it entailed them spending more time together outside office hours. Something which completely went against his decision to keep his distance from her.

  ‘I wouldn’t be comfortable with a film crew following me twenty-four hours a day. Besides, it would disrupt the girls too much and they’re difficult to wrangle at the best of times.’ This was outside the board’s jurisdiction, so he had every right to say no to further intrusion. The trouble was, he’d already done Jessica a disservice by trying to pretend the kiss had never happened. Guilt often prompted him into agreeing to things which would normally be outside his comfort zone. It was the debt he felt he owed to Maria for taking him under her wing which had led him to volunteer in the first place.

  ‘I promise we could do it with the minimum of fuss. All it would take would be a few shots at the start of the night. No muss, no fuss. Of course, I’ll make sure we get consent from the children’s parents before we start filming.’

  ‘You’d have to check with Maria first.’ Although Rob knew she wouldn’t hesitate to agree in her endless quest to see him paired off.

  ‘I’ll do that now. Does that mean you’re on board?’ Jessica was the picture of innocence as she batted her eyelashes at him. And very difficult to say no to.

  ‘I suppose I could do with another child wrangler at my side—’ Rob had seen the rapport she’d built with the children here, so he trusted her to treat this as more than just another filming op.

  ‘And I could do with brushing up on my first-aid skills.’

  ‘In that case, I’ll pick you up at seven.’ Rob caved. With a roomful of giggly Girl Guides to keep him and Jessica busy, he didn’t reckon they could get into too much trouble.

  * * *

  The ‘visitor’ sticker slapped on Jessica’s chest wasn’t merely a reminder of her status at the church hall; it was also a comment on her temporary role in Rob’s life. No matter what feverish plans she might have had in mind for him, he’d made it clear he wasn’t interested. If only his actions in her hallway hadn’t said differently, she might have believed him.

  For a split second when she’d seen him and Maria together, she feared she’d been spurned in favour of another woman. That dark cloud of self-doubt had begun to move in again, causing her to question her femininity. Despite Rob’s ignorance about her fertility issues, she’d wondered if she’d still been found lacking next to the senior staff nurse. The knowledge that Rob simply didn’t want her didn’t make it any easier to stomach.

  It was difficult not to take Rob’s rejection personally but at least he’d asked her to come along with him tonight, so he wasn’t averse to her company. Although this hadn’t turned out to be the spontaneous, sizzling affair she’d imagined, a flicker of hope remained that spending time together might spark it to life.

  She needed to know that, despite her inadequacies, she was capable of passion and evoking it in others. Her libido had taken a knock with her confidence but they both seemed to be getting back on track with Rob’s help. She wasn’t asking for romance and promises that couldn’t be kept. All she wanted was a release for her pent-up desires and confirmation of his for her. If that didn’t happen, the best she could hope for was that the friendly neighbourhood oncologist currently giving up his free time to babysit a group of Girl Guides might actually convince her there were some good guys out there.

  ‘He’s like a rock star when he comes here.’ Maria stood at the back of the small room with Jessica, keeping an eye on proceedings. She was every bit as authoritative out of the hospital setting, even if she was in her casual wear rather than her uniform.

  ‘Does he come here often?’ It wasn’t supposed to come out as a cheesy pick-up line from the seventies but Jessica was intrigued by the easy relationship he apparently had with everyone here.

  She hadn’t met many single professional men with the ability to talk to children on their level without being patronising and Rob’s laughter said this was something he did for fun, not as a chore.

  Until coming to the hospital, she’d never spent a lot of time with children. It was difficult being around other people’s babies knowing she could never have one of her own. The nature of Rob’s work meant he had a lot of experience dealing with them and it showed as he got them warmed up with a few parlour games. It was no wonder that a man who probably had family on his mind for the future wouldn’t be interested in a fling.

  Regardless of the inner strength Jessica had built up since her wedding dreams had ended, the longing for that perfect family life would probably never leave her either.

  ‘Yes, he helps us out with the kids’ clubs quite often, though he’s never brought a friend with him before.’ Maria’s gaze flickered between Rob and Jessica. She’d become animated the minute they’d walked into the hall together. Unfortunately, there was absolutely no reason for anyone to get excited.

  ‘As I said earlier, the director thought it would be good to get an idea of what our revered physician does outside of the department to show his fun side. Thanks for helping me get all the consent forms sorted out so quickly, by the way.’ The director had actually said they needed to ‘humanise’ the man who dealt with life and death every day. Jessica had argued in the firm belief they’d captured his compassion perfectly but she’d consented that it would be nice to see more of him as a person in his own right.

  She’d been reluctant to pitch the idea to Rob, given his initial reaction to filming the documentary, but Maria and the Guides had given her the perfect opportunity. It would be fair to say curiosity had also got the best of her about what he and Maria did together here.

  ‘No problem. I’m stunned Rob agreed to this in the first place. He’s a very private man.’

  Jessica understood that fierce need to maintain control over personal information. Thankfully, the few relationships she’d had to date had been so one-dimensional she’d never had to reveal her personal shame.

  Rob was different. He’d already found a way to get her to open up and that should’ve been the signal to cut her losses and walk away. For some reason, Rob made her want to stick around and figure out what made him tick too.

  ‘I think he understands how important this is to the programme. I’m very grateful to you both for agreeing to do this.’ Jessica didn’t want to read too much into Rob’s decision to take part when her hopes had already been dashed once on that front. She had to go with the positives that he was happy to work with her and that solved her professional dilemma if not her personal one.

  As promised, after getting a few shots of
Rob playing with the children, Jessica was able to send the crew on their way again. The footage, along with the long-awaited interview, should be enough personal insight into the man of the moment to keep the director happy. Even if she personally hankered for more.

  Once all the recording equipment had been packed away and Jessica and Maria were the only spectators left, they fell into an uneasy silence while the rest of the room echoed with excited chatter around them. The girls were swarming around Rob as he produced a selection of bandages and splints from his medical bag.

  He clapped his hands together to cut across the din. Playtime was over. ‘Okay, can everyone please find a partner?’

  The pack immediately followed his command and separated into pairs, all patiently waiting for further instruction.

  ‘He is completely oblivious to the effect he has on young girls. I’m sure there’s more than one who’s developed a crush on him.’ Maria watched him like a proud mother, putting all of those misconceptions about their relationship to rest.

  Jessica forced a laugh, since she counted herself as one of those afflicted and was probably doing as bad a job at hiding it.

  They listened to Rob give a short introduction about first aid and why it was necessary to think of personal safety as well as that of the casualty. He was adept at both fielding questions and making sure the girls understood the importance of the steps before attempting any treatment. ‘I’m going to show you a few skills which might be helpful in the event of an accident. Of course, if there’s a serious injury involved you should dial 999. Now, I’m going to need a volunteer to help me with the demonstration.’

  A dozen eager hands shot into the air.

  ‘Jessica?’ He waved her to the front of the hall and Maria gave her a little shove forward into the spotlight.

  She could feel the jealous eyes of every girl upon her as she made her way to Rob’s side. ‘I don’t think I’m the right person for this. I thought I’d be handing out bandages and pouring orange squash.’