As she crumpled to the ground, hugging a cashmere sweater that smelled vaguely of Daniel, Helen’s shoulders heaved with silent sobs.
Chapter Nine
“Helen, Phone!”
Helen hurried in from the garden at the sound of her mother’s voice, her sun hat obscuring her view as it slipped sideways.
She tugged the hat off and slung it onto the hallway settle.
“Who knows the number here?”
The thought that Daniel was at last trying to get in touch made her heart flop around like a landed fish.
“It’s your mobile, not the land-line.” Her mother was holding out Helen’s mobile phone. She’d taken to leaving it in the kitchen, to stop herself checking it for messages every five minutes.
Helen mouthed thanks at her mum as she took the phone with shaking hands. The number was withheld. She headed into the front room and sat on the edge of a chair before clumsily pressing Answer.
“Hello?”
“Helen? It’s Derek. Derek Vilney.”
All thoughts of Daniel were erased as Helen’s heart began to thump so loud she could barely hear Derek’s next words. It had been two weeks since she’d left London and she had mostly forgotten, or tried to forget, about the competition.
“Congratulations, Helen, you’ve been selected for the magazine cover. The photograph you took of Rosa was outstanding. Well done.”
Helen was vaguely aware that this was praise indeed from Derek, although most of her mind was taken up with the enormity of what he was saying. She had won. Her photograph was going to be on the front of a magazine. In the shops. On coffee tables. Wow.
“Helen, are you there? Is this a bad time?”
“Yes, no. Yes I’m here, no it isn’t a bad time. I’m just struggling to take it in, that’s all.” She looked around at the faded flowery wallpaper and lime green furniture and felt things couldn’t get more surreal.
“Where are you? Can you come into the office, sign some paperwork? The magazine’s actually already at the printers but they need your signature before it can be released. It’s just a formality.”
“I’m in Devon at my parents’ house. Do I need to be there in person? I can catch the train tomorrow…”
Helen left it hanging. She wasn’t ready to go back to London yet, but at the same time she didn’t want to do anything to damage her potential career.
“No, not at all. We can fax the paperwork to you. I’ve looked through it, nothing to worry about. They want a single-use licence for six months but I made sure that you retain image rights. For what they are paying you need to ensure you keep ownership. Besides, it’s a great shot. Once the contract is up you’ll make a lot more selling it somewhere else, maybe to a poster company. You’ll need to speak to Rosa of course.”
Helen’s head whirled with the information. Even though the photography course had included lessons on how to sell and market their images, Helen found the intricacies of the contracts and ownership rights too confusing.
“Sorry, darling, am I going too fast?” Derek said, correctly interpreting her silence. “We can talk when you’re back in London. When do you return?”
“Um. I hadn’t made firm plans, a week or two maybe.”
“Is everything okay?” Derek’s voice was softened by an unusual tone of concern, as if he needed to take care of his new prodigy.
“Yes, everything is fine,” Helen lied, looking out the window for guidance. She saw her father backing the tractor out of the barn, ready to cut hay down in the bottom field. “I’m just taking the opportunity to have a summer holiday with my folks, help out on the farm, you know.”
Derek rather felt he didn’t know, having never been on a farm except in a commercial capacity to take photographs, but he said nothing. Instead he asked for details of where to fax the paperwork. Helen was glad her parents were the sort to embrace technology, despite their rural lifestyle, and was able to head across the hall to the office to read the fax number off to Derek.
Hanging up the phone, after promising to call Derek as soon as she was back in the city, Helen became aware of her hands trembling. She slumped back in the office chair not certain whether to whoop or weep.
Her mother found her there a few moments later and rushed over, a look of alarm on her face.
“What is it? Is it the baby? Was that Daniel?”
Helen sat forward, a little smile twitching at her lips as the conversation with Derek began to sink in.
“Everything is fine, Mum, more than fine. I won!”
“Won what?”
“The photography competition. That was Derek. They loved my photo and it’s going to be on the magazine for the next issue. It’ll be out next week. Next week! Oh my god, I’ve got to call Sharni and Ben.”
She realised guiltily that she hadn’t spoken to her friends since coming to Devon and had only sent short replies to their texts, saying something had come up and she’d gone to visit her folks for a few weeks. What was she going to tell them now? The truth? All of it?
Maggie congratulated her daughter and quietly left the room.
As she pottered around the garden, vigorously pulling up weeds, Maggie fought against heavy thoughts. She tugged at some tangle-weed, cursing silently when it wouldn’t come free.
So now there’s one more reason for her to return to London and have the baby there. It’s what she wants and I have to support that.
She yanked at a dandelion, wincing as it cut into her hand.
I have always vowed, wherever possible, to let her and Simon fulfil their dreams. I can’t stop now just because I want my grandchild to be close by.
Her hand hovered over a stinging nettle and hesitated. Seeming to realise the futility of her frustration, Maggie laughed self-consciously. She dropped the weeds into a wheelbarrow and headed for the kitchen, determined to make up for her uncharitable thoughts by preparing a celebratory dinner to mark the occasion of Helen’s success.
Helen sat in the office chair cradling her phone. She had to call Sharni and Ben but didn’t know what to say, or how much to tell them. While she was still deliberating Sharni beat her to it.
Helen looked at the flashing screen of her phone for several long seconds before pressing the green button and holding it to her ear.
“You won, you bugger. Congratulations.”
Helen hadn’t even managed a greeting before Sharni spoke. She grinned; her friend sounded genuinely pleased for her.
“Thank you, Sharni. I’m sorry we couldn’t all win.”
“Oh, tosh. Your image was grand, you deserved it.” They’d shared their images with each other on their Flickr site after submission and had been mutually appreciative of each other’s work.
“We’re all meeting for a beer to toast your success. We’ll be at the Dog and Duck at 7pm. Haven’t seen you for a while.”
“Sorry, I’m still in Devon. Can you celebrate without me? I’m not sure when I’ll be back.”
“So you said in your text.” Sharni’s voice was edged with an unfamiliar reserve. Helen knew then that she had to tell the truth or lose her friend for good.
“I’ve left Daniel.”
“I did wonder. About bloody time too. What did ’ee do? And who did ’ee do it with?”
“Why does everyone assume he cheated on me?” Helen inhaled, controlling her mounting irritation.
“Keep yer ’air on! If he didn’t cheat why did you decide to leave ’im now? Was it the wedding; now or never and all that?”
“Not exactly.” She hesitated.
“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s alreet.”
It clearly wasn’t, by the strength of her accent.
“I’ll tell you, but it’s personal.”
“I’m nor about to be blabbing it about, am I?”
“No, I know. I’m sorry. I’ll tell Ben anyway so you can discuss it with him if you want. Later. When I’ve told him.”
“You’re na making sense lass.”
�
�I’m pregnant.”
“Oh.” There was silence as Sharni thought it through. “Congratulations?”
“Well, I’m happy. Daniel wasn’t.”
“Oh.”
Helen smiled at the uncharacteristically terse replies coming from her normally garrulous friend.
“He basically told me to have an abortion.”
“He never! The twat. So you told him to sling ’is ’ook?”
“Well, actually, he told me. Said I was to do what I was told or I should leave.”
There was complete silence from Sharni before she began swearing profusely. When she had exhausted her extensive repertoire of things to call Daniel she seemed to realise that her response was perhaps not what Helen needed.
“Are you okay, Hells? Anything I can do?”
“I’m alright. Mum’s looking after me while I decide what happens next. The lease is up on my flat in a month so I may turf-out my tenants and head back to London. I probably need to come back anyway at some point, to see Derek.”
“Why don’t you come and stay with me for a while?”
Helen thought about Sharni’s family home, which she shared with her parents, four siblings, a grandmother and an unmarried aunt. Normally she loved the chaos, such a contrast to her own upbringing, but at the moment she needed space to think.
“Thanks, but I’m not sure your family would approve of housing an unmarried mother.”
“Well I won’t tell them, you daft thing!”
“They might wonder why I spend every morning vomiting.”
“Oh, like that is it? Poor you. No, I can see that might give the game away. Still, you can’t hide out in Devon the whole summer you’ll go mad.”
“It’s actually lovely. Mum’s being a treasure and it’s nice to have someone look after me for a change.”
There was silence and Helen could imagine Sharni holding back on all the things she wanted to say about Daniel.
“You could always stay with Dawn,” Sharni said eventually. “She has space now the kids have left. And she’d love to mother you a bit.”
Helen was about to dismiss the suggestion but paused to consider. Could she live with Dawn? It was academic, she certainly wasn’t about to invite herself to stay.
Sharni was always one step ahead. “Don’t worry, I’ll ask her.” Then, as Helen drew breath, “And I won’t tell her n’owt. Only that you’ve come to your senses and left Daniel and need a place to crash ’til your pad is free. Her spare room has en-suite so she needn’t see you chucking up.”
Helen wondered idly how Sharni knew anything about Dawn’s spare room. It occurred to her that, for all their closeness, she didn’t know much about her photography group at all. Well, she couldn’t afford to be without friends now however long she’d known them.
“If you can get it into the conversation then that might answer. Mum’s happy to have me but she has her own life to get on with and I can’t hide forever.”
“How long til you’re showing?”
“Oh, months probably. Daniel’s obsession with my figure has paid off for something – I’m so skinny at the moment any weight I put on can be attributed to being dumped.”
“I think you should be clear that you left him, Helen.” Sharni sounded severe and strangely prim. Helen was impressed – she rarely heard Sharni being anything other than laddish.
“I suppose I did, really,” Helen replayed the awful night in her mind. He had told her to leave but she suspected he hadn’t really expected her to do it. She was so in love with him that generally she did do as she was told. At the time she had felt it was from a desire to make him happy. It was starting to occur to her that maybe she had just been a doormat. The thought arrived only to be pushed to one side – she was suffering enough without feeling she’d been an idiot into the bargain.
“Are you still there Hells?”
“Yes, sorry, just thinking what a sucker I’ve been.”
“Well, yes.”
Helen laughed. God bless Sharni’s honesty.
“Sorry, lass, I don’t mean to offend you but you let the tosser treat you like shit.”
“He was good to me, we were good together.”
“Don’t defend him, he walked all over you and you let him.”
“I was in love.”
“In lust more like.”
“Aren’t they the same thing?”
“Nah, not at all.”
Helen wondered how Sharni suddenly sounded so much older than her years. She had always felt like Helen’s kid sister but it seemed, right at that point, she was the one with the answers.
Helen released a gusty sigh. “Maybe you’re right. Well, I’m getting my just desserts. There isn’t going to be much lust in my future, is there? Just nappies and sleepless nights and drudgery forever.”
“There are other men in the world you know.”
“Oh yes, and they’re all queuing up to date a single mother.”
“The right man won’t care. The right man will love you and your baby.”
“You sound awfully certain of that, Sharni. I wish I had your confidence. Anyway,” Helen saw a chance to change the subject, “how’s your love life?”
“Oh, you know.”
“Not really,” Helen replied, laughing. “Your love life is one of the country’s State Secrets”.
“Ah, well, it’s complicated. My folks, you know.”
Sharni’s parents wanted their daughter to have a traditional marriage and had offered several cousins for her approval. So far none of them had made any sort of impression. Helen had a feeling Sharni only had eyes for one person and, if her hunch was correct, she felt Sharni’s parents most definitely wouldn’t approve.
“So, you do have your eye on someone?”
“Both eyes, like a hawk. But they’re not really noticing me back.”
Helen stopped idly pushing the office chair round in circles and sat forward. This level of sharing was new.
“Oh?”
“Promise you won’t tell?”
“Of course I won’t. You have my secret, I will keep yours.”
“It’s Derek.”
“Derek? You’re seeing Derek? Since when?” Helen tried to feign surprise. She thought Sharni wouldn’t be too happy to find out it was common knowledge that she fancied Derek. She wondered, not for the first time, what Sharni saw in him.
He must be forty-five at least and what do they find to talk about? Or maybe it isn’t about talking. Look at me and Daniel, Sharni was right our relationship was built on lust. I’m hardly one to pass judgement.
She didn’t reveal her thoughts merely sat silent, waiting for Sharni to share.
“I’m not seeing him, but I’d love to give him a good seeing to.”
“Sharni! Really? He’s, um…”
“…old enough to be my dad?” Sharni giggled. “That’s what you’re thinking?”
“Well, older than you, certainly.” Helen tried to be diplomatic.
“Young at heart though, don’t you think?”
Helen thought about Derek. Crotchety, perfectionist, friend-to-the-stars Derek. She couldn’t imagine fancying him. She couldn’t imagine him giving Sharni any encouragement either; she wasn’t nearly glamorous enough for him, never mind being half his age. Of course, his wife had been much younger, but then they had got divorced. Any which way you look at it, it isn’t going to end well. Still, it isn’t for me to say, even if Sharni would listen to me any more than I listened to her about Daniel.
“So, what’s your plan? How are you going to make him notice you?” As if he hadn’t already noticed her puppy-dog expression whenever he was around. Actually, maybe he hadn’t: men weren’t always that astute.
“Well, I’d hoped to win the competition but you beat me on that one.”
“I’m sorry you should have told me, I’d have submitted something crap and blurry.”
“Don’t be daft, lass. It’d be criminal to keep that photo of Rosa to yourself. I’
ll think of something, nay worry.”
Helen was more worried that Sharni would get her heart broken. She thought it best to change the subject again.
“I’ll ring Ben and tell him, you know, about the baby. Please don’t tell the others though, not yet. I’m only six weeks or so, anything might happen yet. I don’t want anyone to know until I’ve had my scan.”
“Gosh, scary stuff.”
Helen heard the hesitation in Sharni’s voice. She wondered what her friend was thinking. Babies weren’t exactly on Sharni’s agenda either.
Eventually Sharni seemed to gather her thoughts. “Okay m’darling, I’d better go. I hope to see you soon. Keep smiling.”
“You too, Sharni. Give my love to everybody tonight.”
When she had disconnected the call, Helen sat back in the chair and thought how complicated her life seemed to have become recently.
Well, at least I’m not bored anymore, she thought ruefully. Staring at her phone, Helen tried to run through what she might say to Ben. In the few months they had known each other a friendship had formed, much as it had with Sharni. However, whereas she had felt comfortable telling Sharni she had left Daniel, with Ben it was more awkward. She found herself aware of the fact that he was male for the first time since she had met him. Until now he was just Ben, but with Daniel gone she realised she had to be more aware of how she came across. She didn’t want to give him the wrong idea – it wasn’t unknown to her that his eyes lingered when she was around. She owed it to him to tell him, though, both about Daniel and about the baby. She just hoped he didn’t make some grand gesture that would embarrass them both.
“Ben? It’s Helen. Is now a good time?”
“Helen, babe, yes it’s fine, I’m not on shift today. How are you? Congratulations, Derek sent out an email saying you’d won the competition. That’s awesome.”
Baby Blues and Wedding Shoes Page 8