Touched by an Alien

by Gini Koch

  “You can come over here and ram the Killer for a while if you’re not enjoying yourself.”

  “Incoming!” I managed to floor it, and the Pachyderm just missed me. It trampled the Serpent’s tail. This wasn’t as helpful as one could hope, since it roused the snake out of its musically induced stupor. Tim managed to draw the snake’s attention by driving erratically in front of it. Either its tail wasn’t badly hurt or the music was really powerful, because it started nodding again.

  The passenger door opened and then slammed shut. Martini was in the seat next to me. “Stop screaming.”

  “I always scream when someone gives me a heart attack. It’s my clue.” My heart was pounding. “How did you do that?”

  “Hyperspeed. Really, try to keep up.”

  “Why are you in here and not herding out there?”

  “I decided to live a little longer.” He had a point. I floored it and went after the Pachyderm. “I think it’s trying to run away from this music.”

  It might have been, but Mephistopheles was flying low in front of it, sending it back toward us. “Nice of him to help out.”

  “I doubt he cares how we all die, just that we do.” Martini shifted in the seat. “You drive like crap.”

  “From someone who can’t that’s a real insult. Why are you in my car then?”

  “I thought this was Tim’s.” That actually hurt, but I did my best not to let him know.

  “Jeff, stop being such a massive jerk.” At least Reader had my back, so to speak.

  “The intercom’s on?” Martini stabbed the button. “Why do you want everything broadcast?”

  “I wanted to talk to someone because I was alone in this stupid supervehicle and trying to help kill monsters.” I slammed on the brakes. “Get out.”

  “Drive the car.” The Pachyderm was heading back toward us.

  “Get out!”

  “Kitty, drive the damn car.”

  “How about, get the hell out and let the door slam you in the butt?”

  “KITTY!” He could really bellow. He was louder than the music.

  “You’re all Mr. Right To Die over there. What’s the problem with getting trampled? Now, get out.”

  He made a sound of total exasperation, leaned over, grabbed my head and kissed me, hard. “Drive the car,” he said quietly as he pulled away.

  “Fine.” I drove off, just in time. It was hard to keep the car under control because the ground was shaking so much. “So, was that supposed to make it all better?”

  “No. It was supposed to shock you into action.”

  “Jerk.”

  “When can we change the song? I thought hearing that Beastie Boys one over and over again was bad.”

  “When the planes with boiling water show up or when the Pachyderm tramples the Serpent’s head, whichever comes first.”

  “Never, then. Maybe I will get out. Death might be preferable.”

  I started singing along again. Loudly. It was a double win—helped relax me and drove Martini nuts. Good.

  I got around behind the Pachyderm and tried to herd it from behind. “I think we should turn the intercom back on.”

  “Fine.” Martini hit the button.

  “. . . please do something to get that song changed!” This was an unfamiliar voice, and it was crackling.

  “I think it’s a good song.” That was Lorraine.

  “Me too,” Claudia chimed in.

  “The girls are scared, let ’em listen to music they like.” Another voice I didn’t recognize. All four of them were crackling.

  “Girls, are you in the jets?”

  “Kitty! Yes, we are. With pilots.” The way Lorraine said the word I got the impression these were smart pilots.

  “They saved us,” Claudia added. I waited to hear that they were dreamy, but perhaps she was playing hard to get.

  “Fab. Can you and your new friends help us herd? We really need that snake trampled.”

  “Will do, little lady.”

  I looked over at Martini. “Did he just call me little lady? I mean, for real?”

  “Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines. They all talk the same.”

  “You missed Coast Guard.”

  “They talk differently.” He leaned toward the intercom. “Gentlemen, this is Commander Martini. Could we get a little more action and a lot less chatter?”

  “Commander Martini?”

  He shot me a dirty look. “Surprise.”

  “Commander White in the other SUV?”

  “Yeah, I am. You want to cut the chatter? We have a high-priority situation.”

  “Pardon me. I missed the delusions of grandeur session back at Home Base.” I looked over at Martini. “You’re all freaking unreal.”

  “This from the girl playing Tears for Fears as a way of snake charming.”

  “It’s working!”

  “It’s killing morale.” This was from Tim.

  “Oh, don’t you start too.”

  The jets were buzzing the Pachyderm again, and they were doing a much better job of herding than we were in the cars. “Tim, break off, let’s get out of the way.”

  “First suggestion of yours that’s made any sense.”

  The jets were doing well with the Pachyderm, but they’d roused the Serpent. Oh, well, snake charming had at least stalled things a bit. “I think we can turn off the music.”

  “Thank God!” This was chorused by every male voice, including the one next to me.

  Tim and I drove off, cars ready, just watching. Reader was doing some real damage to the Killer, and the jets that had been around Mephistopheles were helping him somewhat. The jets with the girls were herding and dodging the Serpent at the same time. “They’re great fliers.”

  “Hopefully they won’t get killed.” He said it quietly. I turned the intercom off.

  “You could call them off.”

  “I could. But they’re providing the best distractions we have right now.”

  “How long before the planes carrying the water will get here?”

  “No idea.” He sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. It was just a shock, okay? I’ll stop being upset; you two can relax.”

  “Why do you think I want to hook up with Christopher?”

  Martini snorted. “It’s really obvious.”

  It was? To whom? Not to me, and I would have thought I’d know. “Jeff, are you high?”

  “We don’t do drugs, remember?”

  “Well, then, what the hell is wrong with you? Did I hit a tender part of your brain?”

  “Not of my brain, no,” he said under his breath. “Look, Kitty, I’m good with it, all right? I’m sure I’ll manage just fine.”

  “Thanks a lot.” My throat felt tight, but I refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry again.

  “Why can’t you just be grateful that I’m stepping aside?” His voice was raising.

  “Why can’t you just understand that it was a mistake?”

  “I know we were a mistake, okay? I got it. I’m clear.”

  I was having a little trouble seeing what was going on because my eyes were swimming with tears. “Fine.” I managed to get the word out. Why did I care, right? Only known him for two days, not as if I’d really thought I’d marry him or something.

  This might have gone on for hours or ended right then, but before either one of us could say anything else hurtful, Mephistopheles landed on the front of the car.

  CHAPTER 44

  THE FRONT OF THE SUV WAS CRUSHED. The car wasn’t going anywhere but to the junkyard now. “Jeff? Get out.”

  “Good idea. Head for the back.”

  “No, just you. Get out and get away from here.”

  “What are you talking about?” He eased himself out of the seat and moved into the back. Mephistopheles’ hooves were right in front of me. They were enormous. He’d been twelve feet tall at JFK, but he looked even bigger now.

  I heard clanking, and then Martini shoved some aerosols at me and into my purse. �
��On three, we’ll move out.”

  “Okay.” I had no intention of moving, but I didn’t think he’d want to hear that.

  “One . . . two . . . three!” Martini was out of the car, the passenger’s door behind me open.

  Mephistopheles slammed his fist into the windshield, but on the passenger’s side. I knew he didn’t want to kill me, but I was glad the Navigator had shatterproof glass. His horrible hand was feeling around. I waited until it was almost on me, then I sprayed it.

  He jerked his hand out, but then bent down, looked at me, gave me what I thought on his face might pass for a smile, and waved. With the hand I’d sprayed. It was unscathed.

  I turned on the intercom. Amazingly, it was still working. “. . . get her out of the car!” Reader, sounding terrified.

  “Where the hell is Jeff?” Christopher, sounding mad and freaked. “Why isn’t their intercom on?”

  “We were fighting. He’s immune to the spray unless he takes it internally.”

  “You sprayed Jeff?” Christopher sounded horrified.

  “Tempting idea, but no, Mephistopheles. You know, the big fugly waving at me right now?” I had to come up with a plan. Pity I didn’t have one.

  Mephistopheles made a fist, still grinning. He pulled his arm back and it was really clear he was aiming for me. I wanted to run, but I was frozen.

  My door opened, someone grabbed me, and I was moving at hyperspeed. We stopped miles away—we were so far I couldn’t see any of the superbeings, not even Mephistopheles. Which meant we likely had a few minutes before they found us. Which was good, as I fell to my knees and started retching.

  Someone knelt down next to me and put his arm around my waist, keeping me from collapsing. “I told you to leave the car on three.”

  “He wants to kill you.” I had nothing in my stomach, so all that was coming up was bile. This was gross. I wondered if I could safely drink the Ever-Hold.

  “And what he wants to do to you is worse.”

  “Yeah, but you don’t care anymore, remember?” I managed to stop retching but then started to cry. Not an improvement.

  He pulled me gently into his arms. “Don’t cry, baby.” At this I started to sob for real. Martini rocked me and kissed the top of my head. “I’m sorry, Kitty. I just . . .”

  “Don’t want anything to do with me anymore. I got it, I’m clear.”

  His arms tightened around me. “I don’t want you to think you have to stay with me when you’re in love with someone else.”

  Well, that worked. I stopped being unhappy and got mad. I wrenched out of his arms. We were both on our knees, but that just meant I couldn’t kick him. I could hit him, and I did, not well or accurately but wherever I could reach, which was mostly his chest. Repeatedly. While screaming at him. “I am so sick of your ‘poor me’ attitude! I make one mistake and you’re ready to just walk away. Glad to know how much I meant to you. Hope you enjoyed your fling with a human before you marry some A-C girl like you’re supposed to!”

  “Whoa, whoa, stop. Stop!” He wasn’t really trying to block my fists. I got the impression I wasn’t hurting him nearly as much as I wanted to.

  “Why? What would that change?” I was still hitting him as hard as I could, but I was getting tired, and I was so miserable that it almost didn’t matter.

  Martini grabbed my wrists. “I said stop it.” I tried head-butting him, and he started to laugh.

  “It’s not funny!” I slammed my torso into his.

  “Do that again.”

  I tried to wrench away from him. He let go of my wrists, and I started to fall backward. He leaned forward, caught me, wrapped his arms around my back, pulled me to him, one hand at the back of my head, and then he kissed me.

  This wasn’t like the kiss in the car. This was deep and passionate. I tried not to respond, but within moments my arms were around his neck. He slid his other hand down my back and pulled me closer into him.

  We were like that for far too short a while when he slowly ended the kiss. His mouth moved to my cheeks, and he started kissing the tears away. “Don’t cry any more, baby,” he whispered. “Please.”

  “I keep saying I’m sorry, but you don’t believe me.” His lips moved to my forehead as he kissed me softly. I sniffled, and his lips moved down the bridge to kiss the tip of my nose. “I believe you.” He slid his hands to the sides of my face. “In the future, should we have one, if you decide you don’t want to be with me, that’s fine; you tell me, I’ll deal with it. But you do something like this even once more, and I’ll never speak to you or touch you again.”

  That seemed fair. I nodded. I was afraid to say anything.

  Which was a good thing since my walkie crackled. “Jeff, Kitty, move!” Christopher sounded panicked. Apparently, our few minutes of breathing space were over. Oh, well, at least they’d been well spent.

  Martini didn’t hesitate; he grabbed me, and we rolled, fast. Which was good, because Mephistopheles’ hoof landed where we’d been. We scrambled to our feet, Martini grabbed my hand, and we started off, but not at hyperspeed. It dawned on me that Martini was probably out of hyperjuice.

  Thankfully, the remaining SUV was barreling toward us. It screeched to a halt, skidded and turned sideways. It stopped with its right side in front of us with about two inches to spare. Martini opened the passenger door, picked me up, tossed me in, and leaped in behind me. “Go!”

  I was on the floor. “Um, a little help?”

  Christopher put his hand down. Martini cleared his throat and Christopher’s hand retracted. “I can handle it, thanks.”

  “There’s nothing amorous about pulling someone off the floor,” Christopher muttered.

  “There is when I do it.” Martini lifted me up and put me onto the seat. Somehow, he did manage to make this feel amorous. I decided not to question and just go with the fact he didn’t hate me anymore.

  “I want my iPod back.”

  “Now?” Christopher turned around. “You do know Mephistopheles is right behind us?”

  I looked back to see the big red fugly running behind. “I want my iPod.” I needed to hear music, or at least have the means with me. I was getting too nervous and frightened, and all the angst with Martini had made me tired.

  Tim pulled the unit out and tossed it back to me. I dropped the car adapter into my purse and dug out my belt clip and earphones. “How does that thing hold all that’s in it and not burst?” Martini asked as we sped back toward the main action.

  “It’s big and it’s made out of cheap leather. It works for me.” I hooked the iPod to my waist and put the earphones around my neck. There, ready for whatever was coming next. I looked behind us again—Mephistopheles was falling behind.

  “You know, those things can tangle and strangle you,” Christopher said as if he were passing comment about the weather.

  “You sound like my mother. I think strangulation by earphones is the least of my worries right now.”

  “Good news,” Reader’s voice came through the intercom. “I think the planes with hot water are here.”

  We were close to the Serpent now, and it was fighting with the Pachyderm. “Tell them not to drop the water yet!”

  “Why not?” This was Gower, and he sounded exasperated.

  “Because the Serpent’s pissed at the Pachyderm, and I think it’s winning.” As I said this, the giant snake wrapped itself around the Pachyderm’s neck and torso. The jets were still buzzing around, and the big beast was freaking out. The Serpent sunk its fangs into the Pachyderm’s neck, and some sort of fluid started jetting out.

  “We’re out of here!” This was from one of the jets.

  “We need to help James,” Lorraine protested.

  “We can’t hit that thing, it’s too thin,” the other pilot said.

  “Don’t be silly. It’s a simple trajectory.” Claudia sounded annoyed but in a fond way. “Here, let me calibrate.”

  “If I’d said that, she’d tell me I was a moron,” Martini mentione
d.

  There was some arguing in the jets where the girls were occupants, but they were winning. I was proud, but I had to figure much of this was because they probably had their chests very close to the pilots’ heads.

  “She’s right,” the pilot with Claudia said. “I’ll give you the info.”

  “No need, my girl’s already done.” My girl, huh? Oh, there was going to be some serious hell raised when we all got back to the Science Center or Home Base, but at least Lorraine and Claudia were having a good time now.

  Christopher had his head in his hand. “I can’t wait to explain this to my father.”

  “I’ll do it, no worries.”

  “Oh, I feel so much better.”

  “Hey, my girl’s handled things so far,” Martini said with a grin.

  “So glad you two worked that out,” Christopher said snidely. “Of course, you almost died.”

  “And that makes today different from every other day how?”

  “Good point.”

  “Okay, we’re all set,” Lorraine’s pilot said. “Tell your boy on the ground to move out.”

  “I’m on the intercom too, flyboy.”

  “No need to get touchy, son,” Claudia’s pilot shared.

  “I don’t take orders from you, either, Top Gun. Girlfriend?”

  “Move out, James. Meet us at the rendezvous point.”

  “You got it.”

  “Rendezvous point?” Martini asked quietly.

  “Where we first parked. He’ll know. Head there, too, Tim.”

  “Absolutely, your in-charge-ness.”

  “A trip back to Triple A could be in your future.”

  “The owner likes me. I think I’m safe.”

  “Don’t count on it.” I looked closely at the Pachyderm and Serpent. They were rolling around on the ground, but the big purpley thing seemed to be slowing down. “Can one of the extra jets do a flyby and tell me if the butt-ugly elephant-thing’s eyes are still glowing red or not?”

  “Will do, ma’am.” This was a new voice. Apparently the whole team was patched in. It was chummy in a weird sort of way.

  “He called me ma’am. I like that better than little lady.”

  “He thinks you’re a superior officer,” Martini shared. “Little lady will be back the moment he finds out you’re a civilian.”