6 Be ready for turbulence.
The safest positions involve one partner sitting on the closed toilet seat. Then, in the event of bumpy air, neither partner will be too close to the ceiling, risking a concussion.
7 If you do encounter turbulence, hold on.
Brace yourself against the sink and do not try to stand up or move. Stay where you are and ride it out.
8 Exit the lavatory together, feigning illness.
It is illegal to have sex in an airplane bathroom—so deny it in the unlikely event that you are asked. Tell the flight attendant or other passengers that one of you was ill and the other was offering assistance.
Elevator
1 Find a building with an older elevator.
Many older elevators have an emergency Stop button that will allow you to halt the elevator. On other units, flipping the switch from Run to Stop will cause an alarm bell to sound. You will still have plenty of time, at least 10 or 15 minutes, possibly as long as an hour, before firefighters or other emergency personnel are able to access the elevator cabin.
2 Alternatively, look for a freight elevator with padding on the walls.
Freight elevators will be less likely to have an alarm that sounds when the Stop switch is thrown. The padding may also muffle sound and provide comfort.
3 Look for a camera.
Virtually all new elevators have security cameras, as do some older ones, including freight elevators. If a camera is present, cover the camera lens—it will probably be in a rear corner—with a piece of tape or with several postage stamps. The security system may include audio as well, however.
4 Stop the elevator between floors.
Elevator doors house a mechanical clutch that opens the corridor (outer) doors. If the elevator is not level with a floor, the corridor doors cannot open, and someone from the outside will not easily be able to open the inner doors.
5 Release the Stop button or flip the switch to Run when you are ready to leave.
Exit the elevator normally. If emergency personnel are present, tell them that there was a malfunction but you are okay.
WARNING!
If the elevator is stopped level with a floor, an elevator technician will be able to open both the outer (corridor) doors and the inner (elevator) doors from the outside.
Dressing Room
1 Look for a dressing room that has a door and walls that extend to the floor.
If all the dressing rooms have a gap between the floor and the walls, look for one with a secure door, rather than a curtain. If you are in a store that has several dressing rooms, look for the least-trafficked or least-monitored areas. Some dressing rooms have very-hard-to-detect security systems—including two-way mirrors—so you cannot guarantee that you will not be seen.
2 Carry clothes as if you are going to try them on.
Trail after a demanding customer who is requiring the attentions of the sales associate on duty. When the employee is occupied, make your move and duck into the dressing room.
3 Have your partner follow behind a few minutes later.
4 Be quiet.
The walls to dressing rooms are thin.
5 Be quick.
Speed is important, especially if your legs are visible beneath the walls.
6 Depart from the dressing room one person at a time.
Check your appearance in the mirror, and leave the store’s clothes in the dressing room. If you are in the women’s section of a department store, the woman should leave first and make sure the coast is clear. If you are in the men’s department, the man should leave first.
BE AWARE!
For speed and efficiency in airplanes, elevators, and dressing rooms, be sure to wear loose, baggy clothing. Do not wear underwear.
HOW TO SHARE A STUDIO APARTMENT WITH THREE ROOMMATES
Put everything in writing.
Before all roommates move in, create a “roommates contract.”
Label all possessions.
Put your name on your food, books, CDs, portable electronic devices, and clothing. Nothing, including food, should be considered “communal property,” unless explicitly agreed upon by all roommates in the contract.
Utilize feng shui.
Minimize clutter, decorate with bright colors, and hang numerous mirrors to maximize the feeling of openness and harmony. Store or throw away any possessions that are unnecessary. As many furniture items as possible should be designated multiuse: futon pulls out into bed, ottoman turns into night table, bathtub with plank of wood across it becomes desk.
Subdivide.
Place a bookcase in the middle of the space to give the illusion of multiple rooms; repeat several times until the apartment is divided into several tiny mini-apartments.
Subdivide the room into several tiny mini-apartments.
Hang framed signs at the entrance to each “room,” with titles such as Bob’s Room, Allison’s Room, and the parlor. Put tape on the floor to demarcate various territories and provide directions.
Communicate.
Convene weekly roommate meetings to maintain an ongoing dialogue. Each roommate should keep a notebook to write down things that are bothering him. Share complaints and positive support at the weekly meeting. Encourage all roommates to use “I” statements to express their feelings in a calm, nonconfrontational manner.
SURVEILLANCE
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HOW TO LOSE SOMEONE FOLLOWING YOU
If You Are in a Car
1 Determine if you are actually being followed.
If you suspect a tail, observe the car as you continue to drive. If the car remains behind you, make three to four turns in a row to see if it continues to follow you. Then signal a turn in one direction but turn quickly in the other direction. See if the other car turns as well.
2 Once you are certain that you are being followed, get on a highway, or drive to a populous and active area.
Do not drive home, to a deserted place, or down an alley. You are more likely to shake your tail in a crowd than in a deserted area.
3 Drive at the speed limit, or a bit slower.
Soon, another car (not that of your pursuer) will attempt to pass you. Speed up slightly so that the car pulls in behind you. Repeat, but don’t go so slowly that an innocent car behind you is able to pass you.
If you think it is safe, accelerate through the intersection just after the light changes against you.
4 Slow down at a busy intersection with a traffic light, then accelerate through the intersection just after the light changes.
The car following you may get stuck at the red light. If you attract the attention of the police for running a red light, your pursuer will most likely leave the scene.
5 When you have several cars around you, speed up, get off the highway (if you are on one), and make several quick turns to further elude your pursuer.
Your pursuer should be too far back to follow closely.
6 Once you are out of sight of your pursuer, pull into a parking lot, a garage, or a shopping center with lots of other cars.
7 If you still have not lost your tail at this point, drive to a police station and get help.
If You Are on Foot
1 Determine if you are being followed.
Take a random path: make unexpected changes in direction at intersections and retrace your steps, effectively making a U-turn. Do not, however, get yourself disoriented or lost. Note any identifying characteristics of your tail (dress, gait, height, and weight).
2 Keep an eye on your pursuer, but do not look back at him.
Use reflective surfaces such as shopwindows to see behind you. If you have a makeup case with a mirror, use that.
3 Stay in a crowd.
Do not head for home, to a deserted place, or down alleys.
4 Once you are certain that you are being followed, use these methods to shake your tail:
Enter the front of a store, shop, or restaurant and go out through the back entrance�
��most restaurants have exits in the kitchen.
Buy a ticket for a movie, enter after it has started, and leave through an emergency exit before your pursuer enters the theater.
Use mass transit, and exit or enter the train or bus just before the doors close.
5 If you have not shaken your tail, walk to a police station or call the police from a public place.
Never head for home unless you are certain that you are no longer being followed.
HOW TO SEE IF YOUR CAR HAS BEEN TAMPERED WITH
1 Examine the ground around your car.
Get down on all fours and crawl along the ground around your car up to a distance of 25 feet away, looking for small bits of wire or wire insulation, discarded scraps of tape, or puttylike lumps.
2 Examine the locks and windows.
Run a flashlight along the cracks between the doors and the door frames, looking for small wires. Using a magnifying glass, examine the door locks and windows, and the area directly surrounding them, for scrapes or scratches indicating forced entry. Check the seam around the trunk; open the trunk and make sure the mats have not been moved, and there are no unfamiliar objects or bits of wire or wire insulation.
3 Examine the gas tank.
Run your hands over the crack between the gas tank cover and the tank to make sure that the cover is flush and shows no signs of prying. Use a magnifying glass to look for scuff marks or scratches. Open the gas tank cover and sniff the tank for strong, nongas odors.
4 Open the hood.
Shine your flashlight around the engine block, particularly the wiring, to see if anything is disconnected or if there are any new wires present. Run the light along the firewall (the back wall of the engine, separating the fuel tank from the passenger compartment) to make sure it has not been sabotaged.
5 Use a mirror to examine the underside of the car.
Slide a small handheld mirror under the chassis and slowly move it clockwise around the underside of the car, examining the reflected image for foreign objects attached to the vehicle. Use a flashlight if necessary.
6 Check your brakes.
Lie down a foot away from the front of the car and sweep your flashlight underneath it, looking for a puddle of greasy liquid, which may be brake fluid that has been drained from your vehicle. Run one finger slowly along the brake lines, from each brake pad back to the master cylinder, feeling for pinholes or cuts.
7 Look into the exhaust pipe.
Shine a flashlight into the pipe to look for foreign objects.
8 Inspect your wheels and tires.
Run your hands all the way around each tire to feel for minor punctures or small slashes. Feel each lug nut to make sure it is still properly tightened. Check the air pressure of each tire with a tire pressure gauge to make sure no one has let the air out of your tires.
Use a mirror and flashlight to examine the underside of your car.
9 Examine the front seats for signs of intrusion.
Before opening the car door, look through the window for signs that someone has been in the car. Note whether the angle of the seats has been altered, if the rearview mirror has been redirected, or if the floor mats have been moved or disturbed.
10 Take a deep breath.
Once settled in the driver’s seat, sniff the air. The odor of gasoline within the vehicle can indicate that the gas tank has been tampered with or punctured.
11 Look for a planted device.
Run your fingers along the underside of the passenger and driver’s seats in search of foreign objects. Check under the brake and acceleration pedals. Do not apply pressure to the seats until you are satisfied that there is nothing beneath them that may be pressure-triggered.
BE AWARE!
The best way to notice any tampering is to know your vehicle well under normal circumstances. Carry a photograph of the inside of your engine so you can check the arrangement of wires against the picture before starting your car each time.
Always leave objects on your front seat, such as newspapers or tissue boxes, so you can gauge whether someone has moved them when you return to the car.
HOW TO TELL IF YOUR CELL PHONE HAS BEEN TAPPED
Requires frequent charging.
A cell phone that has been tapped is always using battery life, even when you are not on it. Check frequently to see if the battery life is running down with unexpected frequency, even when you are not using it that often.
Elevated battery temperature.
A tapped phone may remain warm even when it has not been used for a while or has been powered down.
Frequent general background noise.
The frequent intrusion of strange echoing noises, voices, or pings may indicate a surreptitious listener; note, however, that these sounds can result from simple nonmalicious line interference.
Pulsating-static background noise.
A pulsing, staticky hiss is a surer sign of a tap, especially if you hear it on every call.
Affecting other devices.
Bring your phone close to other electronics, such as televisions and computers, and note whether their performance is negatively affected, possibly indicating the presence of surveillance hardware installed on your phone.
How to Tell If You’re Under Surveillance
Pieces of mail missing from mailbox.
Same car parked near yours, or in front of your house, day after day.
Unexplained viruses or hardware malfunctions on your computer.
Strange behavior or static from radio or cell phone.
E-mails disappearing and reappearing, or showing up as “read” when you have not yet read them.
Furniture shifted when you return home.
A pattern of overly friendly strangers asking personal questions.
Persistent clicks and hisses on the telephone line.
An abundance of wrong-number telephone calls or survey/census/newspaper subscription “junk” phone calls.
Visits from deliverymen with packages you didn’t order or packages they’ve mistakenly brought to the wrong address.
Workmen doing construction projects, coincidentally, across from your home and your workplace.
Random new stuff.
Another sign of being tapped is the sudden appearance of new software, or that the phone suddenly lights up or powers down on its own.
HOW TO RIG A ROOM TO TELL IF SOMEONE HAS BEEN THERE
1 Arrange a few small hairs in the shape of a plus sign.
Place the hairs carefully in a drawer where you suspect someone might snoop. These hairs are certain to be disrupted if someone rifles through the drawer.
2 Plant a crumpled $20 bill in a corner or similar spot where it appears to have been mistakenly dropped.
A greedy intruder will have a hard time resisting the temptation to take money that appears lost.
3 Insert a small strip of paper between the doors of a cabinet.
When the cabinet door is opened, the strip will fall out. Make sure it’s large enough that you can lodge it between the doors but small enough that it appears inconsequential to your intruder.
4 Leave various inside doors ajar and drawers slightly open.
Note their exact placement, and when you return, you will be able to see if they have been moved.
5 Lightly dust the entry area to your home with baby powder or laundry detergent.
When you return, check the area to see if you spot footprints or smudges in the powder.
6 Stick a toothpick in the edge of the front door.
If you see it fall when you later open the door, you’ll know that no one has been there.
7 Carefully apply a piece of tape on the underside of your front door knob.
Be certain to only touch the edges of the piece as you stick it to the knob. If someone tries to open your door, her fingerprints are likely to get on the tape. Peel it off the knob (again taking care not to get your own fingers on it) and hold it up to the light to see if there are fingerprints on it.
BE AWARE!
Write down the exact placement of your “traps” and measurements, where applicable, for your reference when you return.
TECHNOLOGY
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Remove the phone from the toilet.
HOW TO SURVIVE DROPPING A CELL PHONE IN THE TOILET
1 Get the phone out of the toilet.
2 Turn off the phone.
3 Take off the case.
Unclip the protective case and remove the screen shield. Place these accessories on paper towels to dry out.
4 Shake it out.
Vigorously shake the phone up and down, removing all excess droplets.
5 Remove the battery and SIM card.
Place the phone face down on dry paper towels or tissue. Open the back cover and remove the battery and SIM card, drying each thoroughly with tissue or paper towels.
6 Clean the phone.
Using a clean cloth towel, gently blot the USB slot, the headphone jack, and other open-air areas of the phone.
7 Stick the phone in a bowl of rice.
Fill a jar or mixing bowl with dry uncooked rice and drop the phone, battery, and SIM card in, completely submerging them in the rice.
8 Wait 24 hours.
Leave the phone in the bowl of rice for 24 hours.
9 Repeat.
If the phone won’t turn on after you put the battery back in, leave it in the rice for one more night.
Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook Page 23