The Deepest Blue (Roadmap to Your Heart #2)

by Christina Lee

  His eyebrows shot to his hairline. “Your father doesn’t believe in your research?”

  “In theory, sure. Maybe if I was doing cancer exploration.” I sighed. “But most university labs depend on grants. You can be shut down at any time. The pay is good, but not great. Not up to his standards, at least.”

  “Why study Entomology?” he asked. My stride wavered because his extensive knowledge of random subjects always took me by surprise. If I didn’t know any better, Callum was a closet bookworm. Or at least an avid World Wide Web surfer.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “I actually thought I’d go into the medical track. Immunology or infectious disease. You know, helping find cures for insect to human contact.”

  “Like the West Nile Virus or Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever?” he asked with a smirk. Smarty pants, showing me up.

  “Right,” I said. “But then I kind of fell into agricultural and biochemistry research with one of my favorite professors. I’ve gone on a couple of short woodland trips with him already. Truth is, I’ve always wanted to live somewhere away from the city. As long as there was a metropolis near by.”

  “You can take the city boy out of the country, but not—”

  “Exactly,” I said laughing. “I mean, honestly, I would work in any lab that offered something of interest. But in the long run, I’d love to be in a wide-open space, at least for part of the year. Some of my favorite vacations involved camping and hiking in the mountains.”

  “Can’t beat the mountains,” Callum said.

  “Did you always know you’d stay right here?” I asked him. “In this town?”

  A flash of discomfort crossed his features. “Mostly, yeah. It’s not without it’s challenges. I enjoy my family, working with them, and Billie...”

  He trailed off as if unable to say the words.

  “He needs you,” I said simply.

  I heard a rough intake of breath as his eyes shot to mine and the vulnerability in his gaze said it all. He couldn’t leave Billie. Wouldn’t. Even though he had plenty of family around. Somehow he felt responsible for raising him. And in that moment, Callum was more stunning than ever before.

  “Billie speaks very highly of you, you know,” I said. “He also claims you never get out.”

  I cringed, hoping again that I hadn’t said the wrong thing. What he did in his spare time was none of my damn business.

  The same look of anguish lined his brow and I felt terrible for saying anything at all. Then it was gone and he pounded the trail harder.

  He burst ahead of me up the incline to Pines Ledge, as if he needed to work whatever had upset him out of his system.

  I leaned against the large evergreen near the rock to catch my breath and fished my water bottle from my pack to guzzle. I lifted my shirt to wipe my face because I was burning up and then pulled it off my shoulders to tuck inside my shorts.

  When I glanced over at Callum, he paced along the edge of the railing, watching me with a troubled look. The tension in the air grew thick and I wanted to reach out to him, to touch and soothe him.

  He turned away and stripped his own shirt over his neck. His strong shoulders and back muscles flexed as if he were merely holding everything inside. All the molecules between us seemed to swirl and ignite, choking off my airway.

  A noise I couldn’t contain escaped my throat. Something that sounded like nhh. I squeezed my lids shut and heard him shift.

  When I opened my eyes, he was facing my way and had taken a step closer. We were both breathing hard from our run and maybe some other things as well. Things I didn’t quite grasp. I refused to look down at his shorts to see if he was at half-mast like me.

  It seemed like an eternity passed between us as our gazes stayed fastened together. My brain was short-circuiting wondering if I was only imagining the longing in his eyes. Or if maybe it was simply a reflection of my own.

  Callum stalked toward me, forcing my shoulders against the tree, and slammed his mouth over mine. I groaned into the bruising kiss and my hands flew up to grip his hair.

  He tasted like Callum—pine and salt and earth and it was so heady, I was having trouble processing all the amazing sensations at once. I just knew I wanted more.

  His tongue lapped greedily against mine and my fingers curled as I mashed my lips harder against his.

  I thrust my tongue deep inside his mouth fully tasting all of him.

  He moaned, sinking his body against mine. The bark of the pine dug into my back and I could feel his enormous cock against my stomach.

  He swiped his tongue across my bottom lip and then bit down, sucking with abandon. I whimpered and shifted my hip trying to align our stiff cocks, to feel even more of him.

  He dragged his mouth away and blinked, as if snapping out of the crazy spell we were under. I was in a daze, unable to compute having been kissed by him, but absolutely wanting it to happen again.

  “Oh shit,” he grunted out. “I…you…damn, my sister. What did I do?”

  He backed away from me, anguish blazing in his eyes.

  I raised a shaky hand to my neck. “No wait, you don’t have to—”

  He took off running down the path.

  I stood there stunned a moment before bolting after him in a half jog. No way I’d catch up with him now. But I’d find him as soon as I got there. He needed to know I was gay because obviously he was too, or he was only now realizing it.

  Damn, had that been his first time kissing a man? Sure hadn’t felt that way.

  As my feet pounded the trail, a lot of things were clicking into place like the pieces of an elaborate puzzle. How he rarely left the preserve, never had a girlfriend, and seemed to have a thunderstorm of conflicting emotions swirling inside him.

  I picked up my pace, hoping the house was still quiet when I returned. I’d find him and talk it through. I wanted more of that kiss. More of everything.

  14

  Callum

  Fucking hell. What was I thinking? I just kissed my sister’s boyfriend. So not cool.

  I jogged all the way home and then jumped in my pick-up and drove the heck out of there. The light was on in the kitchen so I knew Grammy or daddy were just waking up and I didn’t want to face anybody right now. I needed time to process things.

  Was Dean bisexual? Hadn’t he kissed me back? I shuddered remembering how he groaned against me. How his tongue felt in my mouth. I pushed down at my cock with the heel of my hand.

  As soon as I got on the main road, I turned up the radio and just kept driving, thinking about everything and nothing all at once. How I wish I could’ve met Dean under different circumstances. Because he appeared to see right inside me. To drag things out of me.

  Though he would’ve nonetheless been some uptight city boy that rubbed me the wrong way. But hell, I’d still want to fuck him. Or have him fuck me. I wasn’t picky. Or I sure wouldn’t be when it came to him.

  And then what? It wasn’t like we could hook up again after that. But maybe having him one time would’ve been enough. He lived in a different state. And besides, I couldn’t be with anybody, not if I continued running the business. It always came back to that. The reason I had to hide. I couldn’t forgive myself if I messed with my family’s livelihood.

  Maybe this was more about sexual frustration. If I took care of business, I might feel a whole hell of a lot better. But as it was now, my skin was buzzing from having Dean’s hands and mouth on me.

  I fished out my phone and considered calling Jason for a hookup. He’d just be waking up for work. I could ask him to get together this weekend. But maybe he’d make an exception and meet me sooner. Like today.

  But then I’d be thinking about somebody else and that wouldn’t be fair. Still, he had become a good friend, so I phoned him anyway.

  “Well this is an early surprise,” Jason answered in a groggy voice.

  “Yeah,” I said grimacing, regretting my decision immediately. How desperate did I sound? “Sorry, I’m on the road picking up som
e extra chairs for the wedding reception and figured you’d be up.”

  At least that was true enough. While I was out, I’d get an errand or two out of the way. We had plenty of wooden chairs that we used for our hunting guests, but there weren’t enough to cover this occasion, which called for about a hundred and twenty guests.

  I heard a male voice in the background. Shit, Jason had company.

  “Oh damn,” I said. “ My bad. You’re not alone.”

  “It’s okay.” I heard some movement, some ruffling of sheets maybe, and I pictured Jason climbing out of bed. Fuck, this was awkward. “Sounds like you might need a sympathetic ear.”

  “No worries, I’m going to let you go—”

  “Stop it,” he said, exasperated. “You’re my friend and you called for a reason. Let’s talk.”

  My shoulders relaxed against the seat. “I forget how well you can read me sometimes.”

  Jason laughed and it was a rich throaty sound. “Years of practice.”

  He and I had been friends since our first year in college, where we came out to each other. He pretty much taught me how to be a lover. The difference between us, however, was that he was living out in the open as a gay man and I was not.

  “What’s on your mind, Callum?” he asked. “I can tell something’s bugging you.”

  I turned down a side street toward the party center warehouse that had our supplies on reserve. “We have guests out at the preserve. Cassie brought a date.”

  “Ah, I see where this is leading,” he said with a smile in his voice. “Got the hots for the guy?”

  Since the warehouse didn’t open for another twenty minutes, I hitched a right at the entrance and pulled into a far space in the empty lot to concentrate on this conversation.

  “I did something stupid.” I winced and rubbed my hand over my face. If it was so mortifying, then why was my dick still hard? “I was feeling vibes from him the past couple of days…”

  “Oh God,” Jason blurted out. “You didn’t screw your sister’s date, did you?”

  “No way.” Though, would that really have been out of the question? The man had me so worked up. The thought was certainly there. Fuck. “But I…I kissed him.”

  “And?” he asked. I heard the sound of water running in the sink. “Did he kiss you back?”

  “Yeah. God, yeah.” He wanted it as much as I did. That noise that came out of his throat. A cross between a whimper and a groan. Just like at the gun range yesterday.

  “So what’s the problem?” Jason asked.

  “Besides that fact that he’s supposed to be with Cassie?” I asked incredulously. Were we even on the same page? “I freaked as soon as I realized what I had done and ran away.”

  “You didn’t mention that he and Cassie were serious. Obviously he swings both ways,” Jason said. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are living quite a monk life out there.”

  I ignored his monk comment. I’ve heard it too many times to count and besides, there was little I could do about it. “How the hell am I going to face him?”

  “Head on, like an adult,” he said. “You just need to talk to him about it. Doesn’t sound like you were forcing your tongue down his throat.”

  “You’re right,” I said and then there was an elongated patch of silence.

  I could hear Jason sipping on something, probably his morning coffee, and I felt bad that I had kept him so long, especially if his one-night-stand hadn’t left yet. Maybe they had time for one more quickie and I was being a fucking cock block.

  So I got straight to the point.

  “I was actually wondering if maybe we could meet up sometime soon,” I said, knowing I probably sounded desperate by this point. But that was how it always worked with Jason. He knew the way I operated—that I would work my ass off for weeks on the preserve and then need to get laid. If he wasn’t available, then I’d chance it at one of the bars, but that didn’t always work out so well.

  I could hear the hesitation in his voice and I realized how very wrong this whole conversation was. I was asking him to meet me while he had somebody at his place.

  But we had always been casual. So maybe his hookup wasn’t. “Forget I said that.”

  “No, it’s cool. But you screwing around with somebody else is probably not going to solve your problem,” he said. “If you’re hot for someone then you just are. There won’t be a stand-in that will replace them no matter what you tell yourself.”

  “Yeah,” I sighed, sliding my fingers around the steering wheel. “You’re probably right.”

  I heard his visitor murmur in the background and Jason lightly chuckled.

  “Is that how you feel about the guy you’re with now?” I asked, tentatively.

  “I guess so, yeah.” There was a dreamy quality to his voice.

  “Happy for you,” I said, but my stomach churned. Not because I wanted to be the one to make Jason feel that. But because I would never have that with anybody. Except that was something I was willing to live with.

  “You know what I’m going to say,” Jason bit out. “Your family loves you—they’d get used to the idea. Especially Cassie.”

  “It could affect our business contacts,” I said. “You know how backwards and conservative most folks in that town are. If they knew a queer was running Shady Pines—”

  “So you’re going to hide for the sake of the family business?” he asked. Same argument, different day. “You’re going to grow to be a very unsatisfied man.”

  Already am.

  “I know,” I said, resigned to my station in life. “Thanks for the talk. Sorry I busted in on your time with him. What’s his name by the way?”

  “Brian,” he said, his voice hitching a little.

  “Well Brian has got himself a great guy,” I said. “Catch you later.”

  I loaded most of the extra chairs for the wedding in the bed of my truck. But it would take a couple of trips. Then I drove across town to pick up a keg of beer.

  When I finally made my way back home I wasn’t any clearer about what I needed to do in this situation. Maybe if I ignored it, it would go away.

  15

  Dean

  Callum had been gone for a couple of hours. I took a shower, had breakfast with Billie and Grammy, and attempted to act casual in front of Cassie and her family. I couldn’t out her brother to her, it wasn’t my place.

  “You okay?” Cassie asked out on the porch where I had gone to catch a breather. “You seem on edge.”

  “Fine.” I needed to talk to Callum. Make sure he didn’t think he corrupted me or made me do something I didn’t want to do. Or worse—that I had cheated on his sister. I felt terrible not saying something to Cassie but I couldn’t until I spoke to Callum first.

  When Callum finally strode through the door, I was at the kitchen table with Billie, canning some strawberries that were leftover from the garden. Cassie was at the cabin with her grandmother getting the rooms ready for guests. When I asked if I could help, she said they could use my assistance later.

  My hands froze on the glass container as Callum looked over at me. He was still in the clothes from our morning jog and his skin looked clammy, like he was overheated from his drive.

  As he stared at me across the room, his eyes snagged on my lips before moving up to my eyes.

  My mouth opened to ask if I could talk to him, but he spoke directly over me. “Billie, I picked up the chairs for wedding. Where’s Braden and daddy?”

  “Daddy’s mowing and Braden is tending to the chickens.” I thought I had heard a rooster the last couple of mornings. That explained it. What didn’t this family do?

  Callum nodded. “Going to jump in the shower and then you can help me set up in the field.”

  As he trudged toward the hallway, I panicked, wondering whether he would ignore me all day. We needed to talk about what happened.

  “Callum,” I barked out, my frustration boiling over. He stopped at the sound of my voice but didn’t turn aroun
d to face me. “Um….I wanted to ask your advice on something.”

  His shoulders tensed. “When I have time.”

  He kept walking and after another minute, the shower turned on down the hall.

  Billie was staring at me with an odd expression on his face and I felt my cheeks heat up.

  “Callum gets like that,” Billie said, spooning the last of the sweet preserve mixture into the jars.

  “Like what?” I asked as I picked up the rag and wiped at a spill on the table.

  “Grumpy,” he said, without hesitation. “Sometimes there’s stuff on his mind and he needs to work through it by going off on his own or doing lots of work. And when he’s out chopping wood? You really let him be.”

  The visual of Callum chopping wood, shirtless and sweaty, made my eyes nearly cross. Fuck.

  But what Billie said was beginning to make a ton of sense to me. We began screwing on all the lids but I could hardly concentrate because my mind was racing.

  When I finally heard the water shut off, I took that as my opportunity to do something about this tension between us. I could not deal with this all day. The last two hours had about killed me.

  I wanted to hurry before I lost my chance but I didn’t want to appear over eager to Billie.

  “Going to go see who needs help,” I said, standing up. “Grabbing my sneakers.”

  I refrained from sprinting to my room and stood awkwardly on the threshold as if I was stalking him. But with Billie being the only Montgomery member in the house, this was my only shot.

  When Callum didn’t emerge after another minute, I stepped forward and gave his door one quick rap with my knuckles.

  When he swung it open, surprise didn’t register on his face, only anxiety as he bent his head and looked down the hall to make certain we were alone.

  He had changed into a blue Yankees T-shirt, his hair was wet, and his eyes were a dull shade of amber. They appeared to change according to his mood. Light and brilliant when he was smiling, dark and murky when he was sullen.

  “Please,” I mouthed, my knees practically giving out.