All He Ever Dreamed (The Kowalskis)

by Stacey, Shannon

  Hearing that killed the tickle. She wasn’t sure what was going on with Josh, but his mood had definitely taken a turn for the worse and she didn’t know why. She’d called him a couple of days before and he’d sounded tired. When she’d brought up getting together, either at his place or hers, he’d put her off, claiming he had a lot to do. That was two days ago and she hadn’t heard from him since. Maybe she should give him a call later in the afternoon and drag him out for a burger or something.

  “I needed change,” she told Drew, “so I thought I’d run to the bank real quick, but it was busy, so…I was speeding. Sorry.”

  He pointed at her and gave her his stern police chief face. “Slow down. Next time, you won’t get off with a warning.”

  Once he’d walked back to his cruiser, she pulled back into traffic and did the speed limit back to the shop. Of course she had a customer waiting on the sidewalk, looking unhappy.

  The afternoon passed quickly as customers came and went, but she was thinking about calling Josh during a lull when the door opened and her mom walked in. “Hi, Mom. I didn’t know you’d be out and about today.”

  “I needed a few things from the market and it’s been ages since I’ve sat and visited with Fran, so I decided to drive in myself instead of sending Josh.”

  “I guess he’s in town anyway. Drew said he gave him a speeding ticket earlier today.”

  Rose frowned. “He must have been speeding a lot to get a ticket from Drew.”

  “Actually it was the attitude he gave him, I guess. Drew didn’t like it. And when I talked to him the other day, he was cranky, too. I don’t know what’s up with him. His mind’s definitely somewhere else.”

  “Getting an offer on the lodge is a pretty big deal.”

  “An offer?” Katie thought maybe she’d misunderstood. “To buy it? But it’s not even listed yet.”

  “He didn’t tell you?” Rose pressed her lips together and shook her head. “I guess a couple that stayed there recently wants to buy it and make it a private home.”

  Katie did her best not to show it, but her mom’s words made her stomach clench. So Josh’s mind was somewhere else. It was wherever he was planning to go when he was free of the lodge.

  “No, he didn’t. Guess it’s none of my business.” The fact he hadn’t told her hurt so much she didn’t know what else to day. She was supposed to be his friend and he hadn’t even bothered to tell her about what had to be one of the most important things to happen in his life in years. So much for the word boyfriend meaning anything.

  “Katie, don’t be like that. Maybe he can’t figure out how to tell you.”

  “That’s a tough one. ‘Hey, got an offer on the lodge.’ I can see how that would be hard for him.”

  “Maybe before, but now it’s different. By telling you he might sell the lodge, he’s also saying he might be leaving town.”

  And therefore leaving Katie. She wasn’t stupid. She knew what it meant. “Has he made a decision yet?”

  “They have to make the decision together. Ryan and Sean are both driving up tomorrow night, and Saturday morning they’re going to call Liz and put her on speakerphone.”

  “So it’ll be two days before we know if he’s leaving us or not?”

  When her mom walked over and pulled her into her arms, it was a struggle not to cry. “You knew this might happen, honey. So did I.”

  “I can’t get over the fact he hasn’t told me.”

  “It’s weighing heavy on him, Katie. You know Josh. He’ll talk about the weather and sports and snow and almost anything else you can think of, but not what’s going on in his head.”

  Katie stepped back from the hug and shrugged. “Whatever. He knows where to find me if he wants to talk.”

  Despite that, it wasn’t five minutes after her mom had left that Katie pulled out her cell phone. She got Josh’s voice mail after the second ring, which meant he’d seen her name on his caller ID and silenced her.

  She wasn’t sure what the rules were now. A few months ago she might have jumped in her Jeep and driven to the lodge to ask him what had crawled up his ass. But now she wasn’t sure if that was too girlfriend-like and, despite being tickled when Drew had called Josh her boyfriend, she wasn’t sure what they were.

  In the end, she settled for going to the diner and asking Ava to make her a massive hot fudge sundae. With chocolate and whipped cream came a little bit of clarity.

  Being hurt that Josh hadn’t reached out to her wasn’t going to get her anything but misery. Josh had never reached out to her. He didn’t reach out to anybody. Even when he’d been miserable and on the edge of snapping, he’d kept it to himself until he broke his leg and finally told his brothers he wanted out.

  The best thing she could do was wait and, when he was ready to talk, he’d talk to her. No amount of pushing or nagging would make that happen any sooner, so there was no sense in potentially driving him away.

  And now that her mom had told her what exactly was weighing on his mind, she wasn’t really in a hurry to have that conversation with him, anyway. She knew feeling hurt that he hadn’t confided in her wasn’t going to hurt anywhere near as bad as hearing him say he was leaving.

  * * *

  Rose pulled a batch of oatmeal cookies out of the oven and closed the door with a snap. She wished she hadn’t told Andy to make himself scarce for the weekend. The tension in the lodge was almost unbearable and she could have used his comfort.

  Instead she was baking cookies after her bedtime, waiting for Ryan and Sean to show up. Lauren had opted to stay home because they’d done so much running back and forth that Nick wasn’t even unpacked yet, and Sean was coming without Emma because she had a prior commitment. It would be just the kids, which was probably for the best. It wasn’t going to be an easy decision to make.

  When Josh walked into the kitchen, she was thankful he grabbed a soda instead of a beer, at least. “Do you want a cookie? They need to sit a few minutes, but they’re fresh and hot.”

  He glanced at the cookie sheet, disappointment all over his face. “No chocolate chip?”

  “Not tonight. Sean’s partial to my oatmeal cookies.”

  “Lucky Sean.”

  She smiled, but didn’t bother to point out that Josh got to eat her baked goods all the time and Sean didn’t. Mary was a good cook, but the boys’ aunt wasn’t quite as good with oatmeal cookies as she was. And, from what she’d heard, cooking wasn’t very high on Emma’s priority list. After driving from New Hampshire, the boy deserved some of his favorite cookies.

  “Have you told Katie about the offer?” she asked, even though she knew he hadn’t. It was the only way she could think of to open the conversation without sounding accusatory right off the bat.

  “Not much sense in telling her until it’s final one way or the other.”

  Nothing in his tone invited further comment, but these were the two people she loved more than anybody and they obviously needed help. “I assumed you’d talk to her. I know this is a big deal for you and she’s a good shoulder to lean on.”

  “You think she’ll be happy for me?”

  That was an almost impossible question to answer, but she could see on his face he wanted her to try. “I think she’ll be happy for you, knowing you’re getting what you’ve always wanted.”

  He didn’t like the answer, but it was all she could give him. Truth was, if they decided tomorrow to sell the lodge, Josh was going to get what he wanted while Katie was going to lose what she’d always wanted. And it would be especially hard because now her daughter knew what she’d be missing. It would have been better for everybody if Katie had never worn that damn dress to the Christmas Eve party.

  And Rose’s dreams would crash to the ground, too. Losing the Northern Star would make her sad, of course. It had been more than her responsib
ility for decades—it had been her home. But she’d been so sure Josh and Katie were finally going to be together, and now it probably wasn’t going to happen.

  Before either of them could say anything else, not that there was much to say, headlights swung into the driveway. She wouldn’t have thought it possible for Josh to get any more tense, but his jaw tightened and his thumb left an indent in his soda can.

  When the truck pulled up close to the lodge, she saw that it was Sean and her spirits lifted a little. Even if the occasion wasn’t a joyous one for her, she wasn’t going to let it ruin a visit with one of the kids.

  After parking in line with the guests, who were hanging out in their rooms, Sean went in the back door to the kitchen, bringing a blast of frigid air with him. He shut the door, dropped his bag and enveloped Rose in a bear hug that lifted her right off her feet.

  “Are those oatmeal cookies?” he asked, setting her back down so he could burn his fingers on the pan.

  “Of course. They’re your favorite. But you should probably let them cool a few more minutes.”

  She started moving them to the cooling rack while he greeted his brother. It started as a handshake, but Sean pulled Josh in for a hug and slapped him on the back. “How’s it going?”

  “Not bad. Better if those cookies were chocolate chip.”

  Sean laughed. “Not my fault she loves me best, little brother.”

  Rose rolled her eyes, letting the familiar sibling banter roll over her. She wished they’d all come home more often, like they had for Mitch and Paige’s wedding. But that thought, happy as it was, reminded her there probably wouldn’t be a home to come back to very much longer.

  She shrugged off that depressing thought and put a few cookies on a couple of napkins and set them on the table, gesturing for them to sit. Oatmeal cookies weren’t Josh’s favorite, but favorite was relative when it came to cookies. As long as they didn’t have coconut, he’d eat his fair share of them.

  “How’s Emma doing?”

  Sean grinned, pulling out a chair to sit. “She’s great. She’s at twenty-one weeks now and Sprout, who won’t uncross his or her legs for the ultrasound, is kicking her now.”

  “Sprout Kowalski?” Josh laughed. “I like it.”

  “I’m not allowed to share any of the names we’re thinking about, so Sprout it is for now. Emma’s into plants, being a landscaper, and once she called the baby a sprout, it kind of stuck.”

  Rose chuckled. “I hope you realize that poor child’s cousins will never let that go.”

  “I know,” Sean said. “Unfortunately, we didn’t think of that until after we said it in front of them and they all thought it was the funniest thing they’d ever heard.”

  While she fussed around the kitchen, cleaning up after herself, Rose watched the two brothers catching up over their late snack. Sean’s mood seemed good, but she didn’t miss the way his eyes moved around the room, taking in the details as if it were the last time. Under the jovial smile that came so easily to the Kowalskis, she could see the underlying sadness and knew he was, in his heart, saying goodbye.

  There was no more possibly or probably about it. No matter how much it hurt, she knew the kids were all going to agree to sell the Northern Star because they loved Josh. They’d gone off and made lives for themselves and they’d sacrifice the home that bound them together so he could have that same chance.

  She loved them even more for it—she was as proud of them as if they were her own—but when she followed Sean’s gaze to the Bless This Kitchen sampler his mother had cross-stitched when he was just a baby, she saw her own heartbreak reflected in his eyes.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Josh was up before the sun, brewing coffee and laying out the muffins and banana bread Rosie had baked for the guests. Since he’d spent most of the night tossing and turning, he was glad to be up and about.

  He should have talked to Katie. Even more than the upcoming family meeting, that thought had kept him awake.

  Rosie was right about Katie being a good shoulder to lean on. God knew he’d leaned on her many times in the past. But what Rose didn’t understand was his fear—no, his certainty—that Katie would be hurt. He knew how hard the idea of selling the Northern Star was for his brothers and Liz to swallow, and there was a limit to how many people he could let down at one time. Today he would see loss in the eyes of every one of his brothers and hear it in his sister’s voice. He couldn’t take Katie’s hurt, too.

  Sometime during the wee hours, he’d forced himself to face the fact that leaving her would be harder than he thought. That had led to wondering if she’d consider leaving Whitford with him. It was only the slim possibility that he could have his cake and eat it too, so to speak, that had allowed the gears in his mind to stop grinding long enough to fall asleep.

  But in the light of day, he knew that wasn’t going to happen. Katie wouldn’t leave her mom, especially while Rose’s life was being turned upside down, or the barbershop to go wander around the country with Josh.

  Two hours later, he watched the last group of guests disappear into the woods on their sleds, and took a deep breath. Ryan and Sean would probably appear any minute, because it wasn’t easy to sleep through a pack of snowmobiles firing up in the morning. Rosie had been in and out of the kitchen, fussing over things, but she was in a quiet mood, so they hadn’t said much beyond exchanging good mornings.

  Josh had just finished washing the guests’ breakfast dishes when Mitch walked through the door. Because it looked like he’d slept about as well as Josh had, Josh filled the carafe to start a fresh pot of coffee.

  “I see Ryan and Sean’s trucks out there,” Mitch said, wiping the traces of a fresh snow dusting off his boots. “They still in bed?”

  “Haven’t seen them yet. There’s some banana bread left, but the guests demolished the muffins.”

  “Where’s Rosie?”

  “I think she’s doing a quick check of the guest rooms. Making sure nobody used all their shampoo or clogged the toilets.”

  “I’ll go say hello while the coffee brews.”

  Left alone, Josh picked at a slice of banana bread, not really tasting it, but knowing he needed something in his stomach besides caffeine.

  As if they were waiting for the last spurt of coffee into the pot, Sean and Ryan appeared just as it finished brewing. Josh said good-morning, but didn’t bother to get up. They both knew where the milk and sugar were.

  “Thought I heard Mitch,” Ryan said as he picked through the mugs in the drying rack until he found the biggest.

  “He’s here. He went to say hi to Rosie.” Once his brothers fixed theirs, Josh got up to pour another cup of coffee.

  “I’m going to hit the trails when this is over,” Ryan said. “I haven’t been out in…I don’t even know how long.”

  “That’s what happens when you live in the big city.” Sean broke off a chunk of banana bread and popped it into his mouth. “I’ve gotten out a couple of times, but Uncle Leo’s starting to give me a hard time about borrowing his sled.”

  “Throw yours in the back of your truck and take it home,” Ryan said. “I’ll give you a hand after we put some miles on.”

  Sean snorted. “That thing’s older than dirt. If I keep borrowing Uncle Leo’s and Emma has to listen to me bitch about him giving me shit, maybe she’ll tell me to buy a new one just to shut everybody up.”

  “You’ve really got the hang of this married thing.”

  Josh drank his coffee, trying to focus on the conversation, but it was hard to pay attention when they’d essentially be deciding his future any time now. It was pretty early in New Mexico, but Liz had always been a morning person and she’d said she wanted the call over with before leaving to work a double shift.

  “You guys better not have eaten all the banana bread,” Mitch sa
id as he walked back into the kitchen.

  “Left you two slices.” Josh handed them to him on a napkin.

  “Gee, thanks.”

  “Hey, your wife owns a restaurant. You should have brought us food.”

  Mitch laughed. “She brings me food all the time. In Styrofoam to-go boxes.”

  “Rose didn’t find any problems with the rooms, did she?” Josh asked, surprised she hadn’t joined them in the kitchen.

  “No. She said she was going to go upstairs and read for a while,” Mitch told him, and Josh nodded. She’d gone to her room to wait for the verdict.

  He tried not to imagine her up there alone, staring at the pages of a book she was only pretending to read while waiting to learn her fate. For three decades, her life had been as wrapped up in the lodge as his was.

  When Mitch’s cell phone finally rang, Josh almost dropped his coffee mug. He wasn’t ready for this. How could he not be ready for something he’d been waiting for most of his life?

  “Hey, Liz,” Mitch said, setting the phone in the middle of the table, and they all echoed him.

  “Hi, guys. I wish I was there with you.”

  Josh set his cup on the counter because his stomach was too jumpy now for any more caffeine, then took a seat at the table while Mitch recapped. A retired couple wanted to buy the Northern Star and the offer was very generous. They wanted to take up residence in the spring and it would be a private home. Evidently they had a bunch of kids and grandkids and it would be perfect for them.

  They talked it out for a few minutes—what the property was worth. How long it would take them to vacate. The attic alone, which was the repository of several generations of family memories and debris, would probably take weeks. They talked about the impact on the town, with regard to the ATV trails, but in the end they all agreed it was a good offer.

  “Honestly,” Liz said, “my biggest concern is for Rosie. She sold her house when she moved into the lodge to pay off the last of the mortgage on the barbershop building, and Katie’s apartment isn’t big enough for both of them.”