The partying was something Jessica did not understand firsthand. Since becoming boyfriend and girlfriend, she noticed Paul’s heavy, glossed-up eyes were a rarity around her. His partying was something she never asked about, more out of fear than anything else, and from not wanting to be the type of girlfriend that nitpicked her boyfriend. (She was learning so much in Gym.)
“But I want to spend time with you, you know, this summer,” Paul said. “Is that a possibility?”
She looked away, toward the expansive green grass of the park, lifting her head to gaze at the colossal trunks of the trees.
“Probably not.”
They looked at each other while their swings swayed ever so slightly. Jessica leaned the side of her head on the chain, and after a few minutes, Paul spoke up and told her not to worry; sophomore year was going to be great.
A month earlier Jessica had changed their schedules to reflect study hall last period and then printed them each a copy. Paul said he didn’t need to show anything to his mom; she would never know the difference. When Jessica gave the schedule to her mother, it was not even challenged.
“So I guess we won’t see each other the whole summer,” Jessica said.
“I guess you’re right since you won’t let me sneak over to your house or you’ll ‘break up’ with me,” Paul said.
Jessica felt this was the right time to broach the subject of love.
“So are we together this summer?” she asked.
“Of course, you’re my girlfriend. I’m your boyfriend,” he said then gave her a look. “I’m not gonna cheat on you if that’s what you’re asking.”
Jessica felt relieved by his words even though that thought had never crossed her mind. She summoned up the courage to ask about love by saying a little prayer in her head.
“Thanks. And I hope you know I would never do that to you.” She hesitated. “Because I care about you a lot.”
He stared at her intensely. “I know. I care about you too. Truthfully I have more trust in you than I do most of my family.”
Since their relationship consisted of eating lunch on the bleachers and sneaking into the old library to kiss, she really didn’t know a lot about his family situation. The only time they ever talked at length was the night of the school play, on the medical table. He briefly mentioned his family in the form of facts—oldest of four boys, mom a single parent, lived two blocks from school on the other side of the overpass.
“Why, because you have brothers?”
He shook his head. “You’ll see in the fall.” Jessica agreed to meet at Paul’s house during study hall. Something she had finally relented to because she feared getting caught in the old library kissing Paul. That would for sure require a call home.
The faint sound of the next period bell was heard from across the park. Their eyes met, saddened by the reality of abandoning each other for three months.
“How can we meet alone again? I want to leave you with me on your lips.”
Jessica felt shy but she too wanted to kiss him good-bye. “I have Key Club from three to four thirty on Friday. We’re having an end of the year party. I can leave a little early, around four. Maybe we can meet in the old library again?”
They untangled their legs from each other and started walking back to school. Paul grabbed her hand and held it tight.
“I love your idea.”
The Key Club met in their usual space, around the corner from the old library. The afterschool program leader wanted Jessica to be a part of the club sophomore year. He told her she was a wonderful asset, very responsible, and added a lot of maturity to the group. Jessica glowed from the compliment and said she planned on it. Even though it was getting easier to lie, she felt criminal telling the afterschool leader she had to leave early. Especially since he’d given her a compliment that she no longer felt worthy of.
Jessica and Paul met in the old library again, but she still would only let him kiss her. Afterward, Jessica laid her head on his chest, loving the feel of his breathing. Up and down, up and down. Paul grabbed Jessica’s hand and put it up to his in the air. Her fingertips were half an inch below his.
“This sucks. I can’t believe I won’t see you until September. Are you sure there’s no way we can see each other?”
Jessica paused. She thought about plans and missions, but in the end, all she could see were two Colt .45s.
“I’m sorry. It’s impossible.”
Jessica’s head lifted up as Paul took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.
“I’ll remember this and keep you close to me,” he said and pulled her in tight.
Those words comforted Jessica with the knowledge that Paul loved her and three months apart would not change that … she hoped.
Chapter 12
That summer, there were only three things that happened that were worth noting: Jessica sneaked out and saw Purple Rain with Marilee, she visited Aunt Lodi’s, and Paul was spotted fighting at the local pool.
It was Marilee who suggested they sneak out to see the movie Purple Rain, with Prince. Jessica didn’t know who Prince was, so she asked a lot of questions. Marilee, like a wise healer, answered them all in a cautious tone and added all the reasons why they should go.
“Plus,” Marilee said after giving a five-minute sermon, “Julie said she would help us.”
“Really? Why would she do that?”
“Because she kinda feels bad for you.”
Jessica was taken aback. “Why?”
Marilee stared at Jessica like she was lost. “Because of all the bullshit your family puts you through. Because you’re practically a prisoner in your own home. Because you have to sneak out clothes just to look normal.”
Jessica knew she was speaking the truth, but that loyalty feeling crept up again. “They have good reasons I’m sure.” Marilee looked disturbed. “But I’m not sure what they are.”
Marilee softened her expression. “Look, Jess, I’m not trying to bad-mouth your family. We just want you to be happy.”
Jessica put her head down and nodded.
“So whatdya say?” Marilee asked with the same devilish smile that Paul gave.
Jessica reluctantly agreed to the plan. Julie would cover at home, and Eddie would drop them off, go to his girlfriend’s house, and then come back to pick them up when it was over.
At dinner, Jessica couldn’t believe the turn of events when Mr. Ripp said he had to run over to his sister’s house because of an emergency furnace problem and Mrs. Ripp said she had a commitment that evening to take the nuns from the convent shopping. All the kids looked at each other like a gift just poured down from heaven.
Marilee did a happy dance after watching Mrs. Ripp drive away and a few seconds later grabbed Jessica’s hands and twirled her around, jumping up and down, singing, “This is so exciting!”
Jessica took part in the festivities and put on a spirited front, but her insides were on a roller coaster ride. Eventually she rationalized that this type of behavior was something she needed to get used to, considering what she’d agreed to do in the fall with Paul.
The plan worked without a hitch. They squeezed into two middle seats in the front right section. Once they shifted themselves into comfortable positions, they looked at each other with amazement. Jessica thought the people in the theater looked older than they. Probably because it was an R-rated movie.
When the first song came on, Jessica was blown away by the choreography and sound; her senses had never been plugged in and put into overdrive. Purple Rain aroused feelings Jessica had never felt before. The sex scenes were so visual that flashes of hotness swarmed over her entire being. Watching Prince and Apollonia during their intimate moments felt like an invasion of privacy. But she loved the music—it made her feel alive. She especially loved “The Beautiful Ones” scene. Even before the movie let out, Jessica made up a fantasy in which another boy loved her and was trying to take her away from Paul. Paul, who could sing and dance like Prince, sang “Th
e Beautiful Ones” to her during the school talent show, and all the girls who made fun of her because of her granny panties were envious that she had two cute boys who loved her. But in the end, she stayed true to only one … Paul.
One week later, the cleaning ladies arrived, and Jason said in a soft tone that Dad’s coming home tomorrow.
“Next week we’re going to Aunt Lodi’s for two whole weeks, just you and me.”
Jason brightened and then asked Jessica to play a game with him. They carved out a small space on his bed and played Candy Land around the feverish energy of the cleaning ladies.
Dinner was served in the dining room, on china as usual, and her mother announced their father would be home tomorrow and that they were all going to the UP the day after. They would be spending five days together as a family, then her parents would return home, and the kids would stay the two weeks as usual. This spending family time together in the UP was highly unusual. Her father always drove them to his sister’s, stayed a couple of days, and then drove back to Chicago. That’s how it had been since Jessica could remember. When she was younger, she would ask why her mother wasn’t coming and the response she hastily got was, “nature is not for me.”
Her father arrived home in the morning before anyone woke up. Jessica was thankful she’d written the welcome home letter with all the details of her summer and left it on his desk before she went to bed that night. Right after breakfast, during his inquiry in the office, Jessica paid close attention to her father’s physical appearance. She thought that being gone for over a month might have left clues on his body as to his whereabouts. He’d been in a sunny climate due to his tanned skin. It was obvious he’d worn sunglasses. His hands looked more calloused and dry; his right hand had a long scratch mark that was in the late stage of healing. The tops of his ears had flakey skin falling off them. And he looked tired, but not dejected. He said he was glad she was enjoying her summer so far and that she looked forward to spending time as a family at Aunt Lodi’s.
“It’ll be good for all of us to get away from the city for a while,” he said with a smile.
Burning sage hit their noses as they entered Aunt Lodi’s cabin. She’d told Jessica’s father that she might have to work late, but the door would be unlocked and food would be on the stove. Her mother could barely move past the front door. Aunt Lodi’s cabin was much smaller than their home, with an L-shaped living room, dining room, and kitchen. A stone fireplace kept the cabin warm and even heated the loft area where Aunt Lodi’s and Jessica and Jason’s rooms were.
Jessica thought her room was the coziest of all. Its walls were painted in an earthy orange tone that was framed by light oak molding and was the only room in the cabin that had carpet. Framed art that Jessica and Jason made during their visits hung on the walls. Aunt Lodi had written their ages and the year on each one. Tightly grouped on another wall were paintings of sacred Michigan animals: wolves, eagles, and moose. Small dream catchers were attached to their bedposts and handmade quilts that reflected the color of the northern lights covered each bed. A built-in bookshelf contained photo albums of their visits so they could reminisce about the past.
“How long did they say they’re staying?” Jessica asked as she and Jason unpacked their belongings.
“Maybe a week,” Jason said.
Jessica crumpled her face and then pushed open a window, breathing in the sweet and dewy smells of the outdoors, listening to the sound of the chickadees, and watching a bluebird in flight.
Her mother was complaining about the space, the lack of a dishwasher, and the nonexistence of modernity. Jessica could hear it all from her room. Her father told her sternly that she had agreed to this and in no uncertain terms would he be leaving. If she wanted to go to a hotel, she would be going alone.
To the sound of growling stomachs, her mother began serving dinner on the back deck. A few mosquitoes made an appearance that were not as lethal as the nighttime ones but Jessica’s mother complained that she had no choice but to eat indoors. Her father stayed outside, lighting the citronella candles around the deck, and Jessica ate with a strong scent of mosquito repellant floating around her nose.
After dinner, her father grabbed his fishing pole and bait from the refrigerator and was about to set off toward the creek when he was interrupted.
“Jason would love to go with you,” her mother said.
Her father looked surprised and then turned to Jason. “Sure, go get your shoes.”
Jason looked disappointed but did as he was told. Jessica was glad she was not part of that outing; she had no desire to be eaten up by mosquitoes. When Jason was younger, he had to be rushed to the hospital because he had fever, vomiting, and shortness of breath, all due to a severe allergic reaction to mosquito bites. As Jessica thought about her mother’s suggestion, something occurred to her. Maybe the suggestion was made because Jason would be eaten by mosquitoes, get sick, and have to leave Aunt Lodi’s, her father in tow. Jessica waited for her mother to get mosquito spray, but she never did. This only solidified her original thought; a heinous act was being orchestrated by her mother.
“Wait!” Jessica yelled, running after her father and brother as they were making their way toward the back door. Jessica opened the cabinet underneath the kitchen sink and pulled out the repellant, long sleeve shirt, and hat that Jason wore when they went out after dark with Aunt Lodi. Jessica thought she saw her mother flash an annoyed look. “Aunt Lodi always has Jason wear this. Otherwise he’ll get sick from the mosquito bites and have to go to the hospital again.”
“Good thinking,” her father said and gave everything to Jason to put on.
Aunt Lodi came home an hour later, eager to grab a hold of someone for a hug. Her mother backed away and claimed she felt a cold coming on.
“For Christ’s sake, Katherine, you’re staying in my home for the first time in years. This is how we greet family.” And before her mother could protest, she was in the loving grip of her sister-in-law.
Jessica hung out underneath Aunt Lodi’s arm on the couch the rest of the night. They talked, played cards, and watched TV until her father and Jason came back from fishing. He was wearing the same headlamp he’d worn when he took off Jessica’s bedroom door, and she had to hold down a flash of nausea, swallowing hard on her spit. Aunt Lodi pulled herself off the couch and gave everyone a hug, gleefully looking at the caught fish in the pail. “Dinner for tomorrow? Jason, thank you so much.”
Aunt Lodi was working during the day but that didn’t seem to impact her father because he was in his element: guns, woods, and fishing. Her mother, however, walked around like a city cat that was stuck in a box, fearing the bugs and other inhabitants of the natural surroundings. Jessica noticed her parents barely said a word to each other. At the first sign of light, her father set off with his fishing pole, sometimes with Jason dragging behind, and they would not be seen until lunch. Food in mouth, they were off again to shoot at something, or chop this or that, then back for dinner at six thirty sharp. Aunt Lodi returned from work around that time, and they would sit together as a family on the deck and eat. Coming together for a meal made Jessica glow.
One evening, Jessica took notice of the sky and basked in all its glory. The sun was setting slowly over the woods in the west with hues of pink, orange, and yellow shining through the leaves on the trees. Jessica wished she could stay in the moment forever.
She glanced over at her mother, who was wearing a bandana tied around her chin, a long sleeve white shirt, fitted black trousers, and flat dress shoes. Her sunglasses stayed on even after the sun went down; wrinkles were a frightening thought. Then she looked at Aunt Lodi’s outfit: a light blue-and-yellow summer tank dress that hit at the ankles, a floppy hat from the ’60s, and no shoes. The large jewelry she wore was embellished with Native American symbols and stones. Despite being complete opposites, there was one thing both women agreed upon: the wine Aunt Lodi opened nightly. Jessica figured if her mother could, she would drink from the
time she got up in the morning to the time she went to bed—anything to cloud her current circumstances. Jessica was hoping her father would reach for a beer, but to her disappointment, he never did.
One afternoon, Jessica sat at the edge of the creek making circular motions with her feet, looking through the clear water to the sandy bottom and studying the multi-speckled rock formations. Jason and her father were wading upstream, trying to catch a trout dinner. Jessica realized she had not thought about Paul until now. It’s not that she forgot about him, but being in a place where she felt free to roam, being around nature which seemed necessary to fill her soul, and being surrounded by all her family made her feel more whole. She reasoned that this was the most fun she’d ever had with her father, and it brightened her day.
That evening, her mother announced they’d be leaving in the morning.
Her father gave a small grin. “So you won’t have to cook those huge meals anymore.”
“Oh please,” said Aunt Lodi, “do I look like I eat birdseed?” Everyone laughed, except for Jessica’s mother who smirked. “But I’ve got to say, I really enjoyed these last four days. And your kids look like they have a renewed sense of life with you two.” Everyone looked at each other around the patio table.
“Yes, Lodi, I’ve had a great time,” her mother said with a smile.
Jessica was not surprised to hear her parents pack up and drive away before dawn. She crept downstairs and watched the back of their truck with the taillights swishing back and forth as it rolled over the gravel and grass path to the road. A note was left on the kitchen table in her mother’s handwriting thanking Aunt Lodi again for a wonderful visit and wishing them fun the next two weeks. It also included rules that should be followed, but that was a given.
The next two weeks for Jessica were joyous. They drove to a waterfall, went hiking and canoeing, and attended the state fair. At the state fair, Jessica and Jason spent the whole day riding on the Tilt-A-Whirl, the Zipper, and Ferris wheel, trying not to throw up the candied nuts, deep fried cheese curds, or funnel cake. This was the most junk food Jessica had eaten since being at Marilee’s. The state fair also had live animal auctions, barns full of every farm creature imaginable, and a draft horse pull. Jessica loved horses, so they walked around the two barns attached to the arena, trying to touch them through gated wire. Most of the people in the barn were kids from 4-H, many Jessica’s age, showing and selling the animals they raised.
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