The draft horses were Jessica’s favorite because they stood tallest of all, strong and muscular, exuding a look of confidence and wisdom. An older boy was inside the stall of a draft horse named Moses, raking out the hay and manure.
“Looks like a smelly job,” Aunt Lodi commented.
The boy softly laughed and said, “Yes, ma’am.”
“Is this your horse?”
The boy stopped working and looked at Aunt Lodi. “Well, he’s my brother’s, but he’s been having too much fun here with his friends.” The boy looked up at the horse and gave him a rub behind his ear. “Couldn’t watch him stand in the muck one more minute.”
“Why, that’s mighty kind of you. Look here,” Aunt Lodi said to Jason and Jessica, in particular. “This boy is a hard worker and loves animals.”
Jessica did not know where Aunt Lodi was going with this but did not like the turn it was taking.
“Your horse seems like a big teddy bear,” Aunt Lodi said, shooting a look at Jessica. Oh no, Jessica thought, knowing now for sure where she was going. “These are my niece and nephew, Jessica and Jason. They’re from Chicago so they don’t get to see this very often. Can they pet Moses?”
Jessica almost died, but she couldn’t be mad at Aunt Lodi; she didn’t know about Paul.
“Sure,” the boy said and raked out a small path for them as they entered the stall.
Moses towered over them, but the boy told them where to stand and how to touch him behind the ears and gently on the nose. The boy started talking about the draft horse breed, giving them a brief lecture on anything they wanted to know. Jessica felt a strong pull to jump on Moses’s back and take off out of the barn and into the woods, holding on tight to his majestic black mane.
“You want to ride him, don’t you?” said the boy.
Jessica tried to hide herself but there was nowhere to go. “Sort of,” she mumbled.
“I don’t,” Jason said, looking straight up at the beast and backing away.
“Moses isn’t a riding horse. We have other horses that pull people; they’re more manageable.”
Jessica leaned away from Moses, not sure what to make of all that information.
“He won’t hurt you if you touch him. He likes that, but I wouldn’t go jumping on his back.”
Aunt Lodi engaged him with more questions about the horses, but it all led back to getting information about his life. Moses, and the boy, lived on a farm near the Wisconsin-Michigan border, where his family raised and trained draft horses for competition and pleasure. While he was answering all of Aunt Lodi’s questions, Jessica sneaked a look at him. He was tall, probably around six foot, with a small extended belly. His brown work boots were scuffed and stained with green streaks running down the sides, and his overalls and T-shirt looked well worn. The John Deere hat he wore was pushed back as he kept wiping the sweat that was rolling into his eyes, which were brown, but definitely not the same color as his boots. They were more like a piece of caramel, she thought.
After Jason started getting fidgety and some kids, including a cute blonde, walked up to the stall, Aunt Lodi ended the conversation. Before walking away, Aunt Lodi thanked him and then abruptly apologized, realizing she hadn’t asked his name.
“My name’s Matt,” he said. “And thanks for listening to my lesson about horses.” His friends started laughing at him, and the cute blonde grabbed his hand.
“This boy loves horses,” she said, smiling at him. They were obviously going out, thought Jessica, who was now feeling completely uncomfortable.
They stayed to watch the heavyweight draft horse pull contest, clamoring onto the metal risers to find a place where Jason could see without anyone blocking his view. The arena smelled of hay, dirt, and manure, but Jessica loved it. Teams of two horses competed against each other to see which could pull the heaviest load the farthest. The team driver, usually an older man, sat on a flat sled loaded with concrete blocks, waiting for two men to hitch the team onto the sled. The horses then charged forward together, moving slowly ahead.
“Look, there’s that cute boy, Matt.” Aunt Lodi gestured to the far end of the arena where Matt was hitching his father’s team. His father looked to be about seventy years old. Another taller boy who looked a lot like Matt, but much blonder, was on the other side helping; Jessica assumed it was his brother. She didn’t think Matt was as cute as Aunt Lodi thought. But as she continued to watch him, the way he handled the team, how strong yet gentle he appeared, she started to see something she considered appealing: kindness.
As their last days together neared, Jessica decided it was time to inquire about the family’s past, craving the shared history and stories of her family.
Jason was sleeping, and Aunt Lodi and Jessica were in the kitchen preparing a picnic lunch for the next day’s adventure.
“Can I ask you something?” Jessica asked as she poured crackers into sandwich bags.
“Of course, anything,” Aunt Lodi said, reaching for a strainer in the cabinet to wash strawberries in.
“Who are Ermaline and Walker?”
Jessica jumped when Aunt Lodi dropped the metal strainer onto the floor.
“Dear Lord,” she said, and then looked at Jessica. “Where did you hear those names?”
“From Dad, the day I was supposed to hear stories.”
Aunt Lodi stared through Jessica for a minute, and then bent down carefully to pick up the strainer.
“What did he say about them?”
“He said they were not in a nursing home, unlike Buddy Akers.”
Aunt Lodi pursed her lips together then pulled a chair over to where she was standing and lowered herself down. She set the strainer on the counter and then studied her wide hands before she spoke.
“Buddy Akers killed our parents in a drunk driving accident. He was a wormy man, but everyone in town thought he was harmless. I guess he would’ve been if it hadn’t been for the drinking. I was eleven and Jim was seven when we became orphans. Those people you spoke about, they took us in because they were our closest kin even though we hardly ever saw them growing up.” Aunt Lodi wiped a few tears off her cheekbone with the back of her hand. “Our lives changed with the turn of a steering wheel.” Aunt Lodi stared deep into Jessica’s eyes. “I know you think your dad’s over the top sometimes, but he can’t help it—he really can’t.”
Jessica sat silent, breathing in the words that were just laid out. “So Ermaline and Walker are family?”
“No,” Aunt Lodi said fiercely, and then stood up. “They were associated by blood, that’s it.”
Jessica could feel the energy in the room twist with her effort to press for more information, but she bore on.
“Where are they now?”
“I’m sorry, honey, but I have to stop. The rest has to come from your dad.”
Jessica felt like a ball that was being held underwater. No matter how hard you push it down it wants to come up; it has to go somewhere. After many minutes of stillness, Jessica thanked Aunt Lodi, then thought it best to say good night and leave her alone. Aunt Lodi hovered over the kitchen sink, tears dropping in.
The last day at Aunt Lodi’s was spent celebrating Jessica and Jason’s birthdays. They were both born in September, and it played out the same way every year: a movie, lots of butter on the popcorn, roller-skating or swimming, homemade pizza with their favorite toppings, and of course presents. Aunt Lodi always bought them something to bring home and something to keep at her house.
Jessica was in complete shock when she opened up an envelope: horseback riding camp for one week in July next year. Jessica jumped up and hugged Aunt Lodi. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you so much!”
As she sat back down, she wondered if Aunt Lodi were trying to play matchmaker. “Wait a minute, is this … ?”
“Don’t be silly. I wouldn’t embarrass you like that. Plus, they don’t offer lessons on Matt’s farm, only hay and sled rides.”
Jessica gave her a playful pinch and smiled
brightly.
When Jessica returned home from Aunt Lodi’s, her father said he had to see Bob and told her she could come along too.
When Jessica arrived at Marilee’s, she was whisked up to her bedroom where, upon entering, the door was locked behind them. Before Jessica could recover from the speed of the moment, Marilee said she needed to tell her something important, and that she should sit down. Jessica slowly lowered herself onto Julie’s messy bed.
“So I went to the pool today and guess who I saw?”
Jessica was still in shock at how dramatic Marilee was acting. “Who?”
“Your boyfriend … and he was in rare form.”
Jessica’s heart sank. “What do you mean?”
“So, me, Barbara, and a couple of Barbara’s friends were sitting on our towels and talking. All of a sudden we hear a bunch of commotion right outside the fence of the pool.” Marilee sat down next to Jessica. “I look over and see Paul and two boys, who I later learned were his brothers, fighting a man. The man was getting stomped and then the man pulled out a knife.”
Jessica put her hands over her mouth and whispered, “Oh my God.”
“The lifeguard, the really cute one, jumped the fence and started talking the man down. He kept saying it was not worth going to jail over these kids, stuff like that. Two more lifeguards got out there and were able to break it up.”
“What happened to Paul?” Jessica asked, with her hands still covering half her face.
“Well, he kept trying to go after the guy, but one of the big lifeguards held him against the fence. His brothers backed off and stood by Paul until he calmed down, then they followed Paul into the park before the police arrived.”
“The police came?” Jessica put her hands down.
“Yeah, but the man refused to press charges. I heard from someone at the pool that Paul and his brothers jumped him because he beat up their mother.”
Jessica sat in silence, letting the information play out like a violent scene from the movie Purple Rain.
Marilee’s bedroom was consumed by the direct heat of the evening sun. It was about ten degrees hotter in her room than the rest of the house, and sweat was starting to run down Jessica’s back and collect under her bra. She wiped sweat away from her hairline and looked back at Marilee.
“Did Paul see you?”
“Not sure. There was a huge crowd all crammed on the fence. Everyone was trying to see what was going on. I did get a good look at his brothers. They hardly look alike at all. One had blond hair and the other black. Weird.”
Jessica sat on the bench under her window staring at the full moon. She gave up trying to sleep when she saw it was 2:30 a.m.; her last look at the clock said 2:05 a.m. The house was quiet, and that’s how she moved around, not wanting to wake her father. Paul was on her mind. What kind of life was he living, that as a kid he would seek revenge on an adult in such fashion? Paul said his mom was a single parent but never mentioned his father. Even though Marilee’s description of the fight was disturbing, Paul never showed any violence toward Jessica. She was reminiscing about all their time together and never once did she feel as if he would physically harm her. She fell back on the knowledge that when they returned to school she would find out more about his life. Paul had said something, almost warning her, that his life was different and to be ready. Jessica frowned, thinking that her life was the one he really should beware of.
Chapter 13
Jessica quickly turned off her buzzing alarm and sat straight up in bed. The day she had been fervently waiting for since the last day of school had finally arrived. She felt more relaxed about her first day of sophomore year compared to freshman year, but she was also apprehensive because she had not seen Paul in three months.
Besides Marilee reporting Paul’s actions outside the pool, he was spotted at a party that Eddie and Julie attended, drinking and smoking pot with his burnout friends. According to Marilee, Julie said that Alicia was hanging on him and trying to get him to go with her somewhere alone. Julie noticed that Paul treated Alicia like a friend and showed no interest in being with her or any other girls at the party. While the news was supposed to relieve Jessica, she could not help but feel tense about the drinking and smoking pot, which in her opinion were disgusting habits, although she didn’t think she had a right to say anything about it.
Jessica put on a purple dago tee and striped shirt that was designed to hang off the shoulders, but in her case, she wore it as conservatively as possible. As she pulled on a pair of jeans that were not as skintight as the rest of the teenage population’s, she pushed the Mace down into her front pocket in case her father inspected for it.
Before going down to breakfast, she made sure to double-check her fake schedule. It reflected that she had study hall from 3:15 p.m.–4:15 p.m. daily. She caught her reflection in the full-length mirror and tried not to call herself a liar. She reasoned that having a boyfriend was a normal part of being in high school, and if her parents were going to deny her that right, then she would do whatever it took to make it happen.
Her family was in the kitchen eating pancakes, eggs, and toast when Jessica entered. Her father stared at Jessica and asked if she was wearing makeup.
“No,” Jessica said, trying not to sound annoyed. She could see him glaring at her wardrobe.
“I think those jeans are too tight.”
She looked at him coolly. “They’re the same ones I wore freshman year. Aunt Lodi bought them in the spring.”
Upon hearing his sister’s name, he relaxed slightly. “You look too mature.”
Her mother interjected that Jessica was sixteen now and developing into a young woman.
Her father gave a disgruntled look at them both. “You should look like a respectable young woman, not a …” He stopped himself, but she knew the word he was thinking.
Jessica turned her head and tried to eat her breakfast, but her father’s absent words replaced her appetite. Her mother said that she would like to see her father in the office for a moment.
“No, Katherine, I’m not going to see you in the office,” he said, then walked out of the kitchen.
As soon as he was out of sight, her mother turned toward Jessica. “Your father made a poor choice of words.”
Jason looked at Jessica and told her he thought she looked pretty. Jessica’s eyes got watery as she breathed in the only ray of sunshine she’d felt all morning.
After she’d shown her father the Mace and the fake schedule, and he’d told her she had seven to ten minutes to get home from study hall, Jessica said good-bye and good riddance to her parents and made her way to the corner to meet Marilee. The girls hugged and exchanged excited talk as they cruised over to Heritage. They both agreed how strange it would be to not have Eddie or Julie in school with them, although Marilee acknowledged boys would be hanging around her more, so that was a plus. Jessica never told Marilee about changing her schedule and going to Paul’s house. She reasoned there was no need for all the attention Marilee would offer up.
After big greetings and a brief catching up with friends who they hadn’t seen all summer, the girls proceeded to the entrance. Jessica kept a watchful eye out for Paul, her skin begging for his touch again. As they turned the corner, Jessica caught a glimpse of some boys crowded around the edge of the building, almost out of sight, next to a Northern Catalpa shaded tree.
“Is that who I think it is?” asked Marilee. “What is he doing?”
Jessica’s pace slowed as she took in the scene. She saw Gary, a kid with black hair, Freak Boy, and two Mexican boys with Paul. Paul was wearing a jean jacket despite it being seventy degrees and was pulling something from his pocket. It looked like a dark substance in a large baggie.
Marilee slowed to a stop. “Is he doing what I think he’s doing?”
They watched the two Mexican boys giving Paul money in exchange for the baggie.
“Ohmigod, is he selling drugs?” Marilee whispered as she grabbed Jessica’s arm. At the sam
e moment, she saw Paul spot her. He mouthed something, two of the boys looked her way, then they turned away quickly, trying to act like nothing was going on—real casual. But Jessica knew what she saw: he was selling drugs.
“Come on, let’s go,” Marilee said, dragging Jessica toward the entrance.
The girls did not say another word to each other. Jessica’s heart was frozen. She knew Paul was a drug user, but she never thought he sold it too. That information was more than she was prepared to handle and she started to panic at the thought of seeing him right now, in homeroom.
“You know, I couldn’t wait for this day to begin, and now I wish it never had.”
Marilee looked at her cautiously. “What are you gonna do?”
“I don’t know,” Jessica said as she dodged people in the hallway, trying to get to class.
Marilee gave her a hug before she left and said she would meet her after homeroom, so they could walk to gym together.
Mrs. Daley greeted the students with the same enthusiasm and openness as that first day of freshman year and proceeded to give Jessica a big hug, saying how glad she was to see her again. Jessica beamed with pride at the greeting and returned the embrace enthusiastically. Jessica was all smiles as she sat down next to a few students she’d become friends with last year.
“Where’s your man?” asked a girl in her group.
Jessica’s face dropped at the reminder of her current situation, and before she could get out the words, “I don’t know,” Paul stepped into the classroom and walked toward Jessica. He was sporting a huge smile, but Jessica could see the angst underneath. He knew that she knew.
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