The Truth

by Erica Lee

  I scoffed like Samantha’s words were crazy to me. “I obviously know that. I’m just trying to be supportive.” I was trying to be supportive, but I also wondered if she might be right. Did I subconsciously worry that I had to save her the way I didn’t save… I groaned inside my head. Why did Samantha always have to get me thinking like this? Part of me felt angry, but that part quickly softened. She knew me better than anyone. Most of the time, she knew me more than I knew myself. I couldn’t fault her for that. It was endearing.

  “I want you to meet Diana,” I spoke suddenly, taking Samantha by surprise.

  “Oh?” Instead of looking at me, she picked at something on her jeans. She clearly wasn’t too keen on meeting her. It made sense since she was so protective of me and had voiced multiple times that she didn’t think this could end well.

  I bent down to force her to look at me. “Please. You’re both big parts of my life and I want you to be part of each other’s lives as well. I know you don’t believe me, but I really think you would like her if you just gave her a chance.”

  Samantha sighed. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

  I smiled. “Perfect. The three of us can go for drinks or something.”

  “Actually,” Samantha answered softly, “do you think we could make it a double date? I… uh… have someone I’d like to bring.”

  That was strange. Samantha hadn’t said anything else about the mystery woman she’d gone on a few dates with so I assumed it had fizzled out. She didn’t like to introduce me to the people she was dating unless it was serious, so why hadn’t she talked to me about this girl? I didn’t even know her name. I couldn’t help but feel a little hurt by this.

  “That’s fine. I’m surprised you haven’t told me more about her though. It must be serious.” I tried to hide the hurt on my face, but I knew it wasn’t working.

  Samantha shrugged. “I’m sorry. You’ve been really busy lately. We haven’t had a lot of time to talk.”

  I wanted to point out that she was the one who was busy these days, but I decided not to. Instead, I smiled and told her that I couldn’t wait to meet her mystery woman.

  ————————

  It turned out the mystery woman’s name was Caroline and she was two years older than us. “So, what do you do for a living, Caroline?” I asked, after picking up her and Samantha from Samantha’s house, a week after suggesting the outing. We were going to the bar where Diana and I had gone for our first date and since she had to work an overnight shift later, she was meeting us there.

  “I’m a therapist,” Caroline said proudly.

  “Match made in Heaven,” I joked. “This one loves talking about her feelings. She also loves trying to force other people to talk about their feelings. You might want to teach her a little though. Twelve years of friendship, and she has yet to break down my walls.”

  “That’s what you think,” Samantha said, smirking.

  We made small talk the rest of the way, but when we were close, I decided I better fill Caroline in on my current situation. I cleared my throat, feeling uncomfortable over what I was about to admit. “So, Caroline, I don’t know what Samantha has told you…”

  “Don’t worry. I already told her everything,” Samantha cut in. I wasn’t sure how I felt about this. While I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to retell all the details, it didn’t seem right that Samantha would share something so personal about me. Although, I wasn’t sure if I was more upset that she would divulge my secrets to a complete stranger or that she seemed to have grown so close to this girl in such a short time. It kind of felt like my best friend was slipping away from me, and I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous.

  I think Caroline felt the tension in the car because she quickly spoke up. “Sorry that she told me. I tend to have that effect on people. They just seem to want to spill everything to me. Trust me, I’m on your side though. I actually hate talking about feelings outside of work. I deal with way too many emotions throughout the day.”

  The tension was lifted as I laughed at her words. I could see why Samantha liked Caroline. She seemed fun and carefree, which was a good contrast to Sam’s personality. “So, you promise not to judge me for my current situation or analyze what it might say about me?”

  Caroline laughed and shook her head. “Of course not. If my job has taught me anything, it’s that there are three sides to every story. I’ve seen it all and I’ve learned that things are rarely black and white or good versus evil.”

  “So, you’ve had clients that are in my situation?”

  “I currently have all three. I have a client who believes she is being cheated on, another who is doing the cheating, and a third who the cheating is being done with. And believe it or not, I can empathize with all three.”

  “Do any of them have kids?” I asked, wondering if any of them were in a situation that was just as sticky as mine.

  Caroline nodded. “The one who believes she is being cheated on does. It absolutely breaks my heart.” Not wanting to offend me, she quickly added, “Her situation is completely different from yours though. Her spouse hasn’t put any effort into trying to make it work, but also won’t just set her free for whatever reason. My client is holding onto the hope that things will change, but it doesn’t seem likely. I think she just wants the best life for her daughter so she’s holding onto whatever she can.”

  I nodded in understanding as my thoughts went to Diana and how her wife was doing the same thing to her. It seemed like people with children like to hold it over the other person’s head and that made me sick to think about.

  Our conversation was cut off when we pulled into the parking lot of the bar and Diana pulled in beside us. I quickly jumped out of my car so I could run around and open her car door for her. I was greeted with a long kiss that was so enthralling, I almost forgot there were other people with us. When I finally turned around to face Samantha, I found her and Caroline holding hands. Caroline was leaned in close to her, whispering something in her ear, and a wide grin spread across Samantha’s face at her words. It was nice to see that Samantha had found someone who made her happy, but I also couldn’t help but worry that this might be the girl who ended up stealing my best friend from me. Don’t get me wrong, I had no doubt that Samantha and I would always be best friends. We’d been through too much to let anything get in the way of our relationship. But I also wasn’t naive enough to believe that one or both of us being in a serious relationship wouldn’t change things between us. I mean, we were already seeing each other much less than we used to.

  I pointed over toward Samantha and Caroline. “Diana, this is my best friend Samantha and this is Caroline, her…”

  “Girlfriend,” Caroline cut in when she caught my hesitation. I found myself hurt again that Samantha hadn’t told me it was that serious, but I tried to brush those feelings aside as the four of us made our way into the bar.

  The initial awkwardness wore off after a few minutes as we all fell into a casual conversation. I was happy to see Diana and Samantha getting along well. Since they were both such an important part of my life, it meant a lot to me that they seemed to enjoy each other’s company.

  We stayed at the bar for about two hours and left once Diana had to head to work. I dropped Samantha and Caroline back off at Samantha’s house, but immediately texted Samantha and asked her to call me if she and Caroline weren’t spending the night together. I was surprised when she called me a half-hour later.

  “No hot sex tonight?” I joked when I picked up the phone.

  I could almost sense Samantha’s face turning red on the other end. “Oh... No. We’re not at that point yet.”

  I let out a low whistle. “You are a much stronger person than me. But anyway, do you want to give your review first or should I?”

  Samantha cackled in response. “These are our girlfriends, not some products on Amazon.”

  “Speaking of that—when did you and Caroline officially take on the girlfriend title?”


  “We just decided to become official before you picked us up,” Samantha answered hesitantly. “That’s why I didn’t get a chance to tell you. You should have heard it from me, though. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t even worry about it. I understand. I like Caroline, though. Ten out of ten would recommend.”

  Samantha started to laugh again. “Good. I’m glad to hear that. She really liked you too.” She went quiet for a moment before adding, “Diana was really nice too. I can see why you like her. It’s hard not to.” The words Samantha was saying didn’t seem to match her tone though.

  “Then why am I not completely convinced that you actually like her?”

  Samantha let out a frustrated sigh. “It’s not that I dislike her. If the situation was different, I would be a hundred percent on board. I think that you deserve the world, and I’m afraid she can’t give that to you.”

  “I definitely don’t deserve the world. I don’t feel like I even deserve the dirt on the ground.”

  “You do deserve the world,” Samantha fought back. “I don’t understand why you can’t see that. You deserve someone who will give you their all. I’m sorry. I just have trouble seeing Diana as that person. She’s fun and sexy. I get it. But you need more than that.”

  Although I knew she meant well, I was becoming increasingly annoyed at Samantha. I’d been so excited when I thought the two of them had hit it off earlier and now that didn’t seem to really matter. “Well, that’s just great,” I spit back, unable to hide my annoyance. “No matter what Diana does, you’re never going to like her.”

  “I told you, Carly. It’s not that I don’t like her. I think she’s super nice and cool. I just don’t like the situation she’s in and also don’t like the spot that puts you in.”

  Before I could say anything back, another call started coming through. I looked down to see my dad’s name on the screen. Why would he be calling me so late on a Friday night? “Great,” I said. “Now my dad is calling me. As if one lecture wasn’t enough to ruin my night, let’s have another one.”

  Before Samantha could say anything else, I switched the call over to my dad.

  “It’s late. What’s up?” I answered.

  “Carly,” my dad said stiffly. “I need you to come to the hospital right now.”

  Chapter 13

  I shuddered as I walked into the hospital. I hadn’t been at this particular hospital for years, and the memories from that night flooded into my head. I tried to push them out of my mind as I made my way to the front desk. I had no idea what was going on. The only thing my dad had told me over the phone was that my mom had passed out and was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.

  “Georgia Foster,” I said to the receptionist, who directed me down the hall to room 332B. When I walked in, I found my mom lying in a hospital bed with a bunch of wires connected to her. She looked weaker than the last time I saw her. Her hair was shorter and she seemed frail. My dad was sitting next to her with a worried look plastered across his face. That look again brought me back to a night I didn’t want to think about.

  My mother smiled at me weakly. “Carly, I’m glad you’re here.” Now I definitely knew something was wrong. My mom hadn’t acted like she was happy to see me since I came out to them and was kicked out of the house.

  I looked to my dad for answers, and he gestured for me to walk out in the hall. Once we were alone in the hall, he looked toward the door to the hospital room and then back at me. “Your mom passed out tonight,” he said, repeating the only information he’d told me earlier. “They figured out it was because her blood pressure was low.”

  “That’s good news though, right? It could’ve been something much worse.”

  The look on my father’s face told me that he didn’t appreciate my positivity, but the man didn’t appreciate much about me at all so I’d grown used to it.

  “You’re right. It could have been worse. It could have been much worse. Your mother has been going through a lot lately.”

  “What are you trying to say?” I asked, becoming annoyed at his cryptic words. I figured this was going to turn into some speech about how hard I’ve made their lives.

  “Your mom…” His words trailed off, and I thought I was about to see him cry for just the second time in my life, but after a few seconds, he gained composure and cleared his throat once before continuing. “She has cancer. We found out three months ago. It started in her lungs, but had spread by the time they caught it. At that time, they estimated that she probably had less than a year left. I thought tonight might be…” My dad’s voice cracked and he stopped before finishing his sentence.

  His words hit me like a punch to the gut, and I wasn’t sure how to feel. This was the woman who had wanted nothing to do with me over the past few years. She’d constantly made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for her and never would be. But, in the end, she was still my mom, and I would always care about her.

  “Can I talk to her?” I asked softly.

  When my father nodded, I walked back into the room and sat in the chair beside my mom’s hospital bed. To my surprise, she reached out and grabbed my hand. It was such a shock that I flinched when I felt the contact and almost recoiled away. The last few times I’d seen her, my mom would barely even come close to me.

  I stared at the woman lying there. She looked so lost and innocent. She didn’t look like the same woman who had thrown my belongings into a suitcase and then thrown that suitcase out our front door while I begged for her to listen to me. She certainly didn’t look like the same woman who had looked me straight in the eyes the last time we were in this hospital and told me that “this is what happens when you stray from God,” hinting that what had happened was my fault. But looking at her right now, it was hard to see her as that lady. My father’s words ran through my head. Less than a year. Truthfully, I’d lost my mom back on that fateful day I decided to come out. Since then, any time I had seen her and my father was like spending time with strangers. But would I be able to handle losing my mother for good, leaving us with no hope of reconciliation? It was strange because I had never even considered the possibility of mending things with my parents until this moment. Sure, I’d put effort into seeing them every so often, but that was more so because I thought I had some sort of daughterly obligation after we lost Callie.

  My thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of my mom squeezing my hand. “I’m really tired and need to get some rest, but I can leave here tomorrow. Will you come visit soon?”

  I nodded and squeezed her hand in return, unsure what other sign of affection would be appropriate given our history. I stood and started toward the door, stopping for just a moment to look at my dad. When his stoic demeanor didn’t change, I simply turned and walked out the door without saying a word. I don’t know what I was expecting. The man hadn’t ever been affectionate, even before I came out.

  Once I was in the lobby, I stopped to take a deep calming breath. My eyes landed on the hospital directory and I felt anything but calm. It was like the words ICU - Floor five had been highlighted and were currently taunting me. My mind flashbacked to running into the hospital and trying to read that sign through the tears blurring my vision. I had stumbled onto the elevator the same way I was currently stumbling to my car. Once I was in my car, I closed my eyes and tried to force all of the thoughts from my head, but it wasn’t working. My brain wasn’t able to form any rational thoughts, and I felt like the world was spinning around me.

  Somehow, I fished my phone out of my pocket and dialed a number. I wasn’t even sure who I had subconsciously called until I heard the voice on the other end of the phone.

  “What is it, Carly?” Samantha groaned, most likely annoyed from me hanging up on her earlier.

  I wasn’t able to form a coherent phrase, but I pieced the words together as well as I could. “My mom… passed out… came to hospital. I’m here… trying to leave… But…” I could barely breathe at this point and was inhaling as quickly as
possible to get some air in my lungs. “Can’t drive… It’s the hospital… it’s the hospital where Callie…”

  “Stay in your car. I’ll be there in ten minutes,” Samantha cut in.

  I hung up the phone and put my head on the steering wheel. My breathing started to level out, and soon I heard a tap on my window. I looked up to see Samantha standing there with a look of concern plastered across her face.

  When I opened the door, she reached her hand out toward me. “Leave your car here. We’ll come back and get it tomorrow.”

  I leaned into her as we walked to her car. She opened my door for me and helped me in. That was only the second time in my life that I had experienced a panic attack, and it just so happened that the other one also took place at this hospital.

  When I was able to focus on the clock, I saw it was past 1 a.m. “Shit, I’m so sorry. I probably woke you, didn’t I?”

  Samantha shook her head in response. “I was in bed, but I couldn’t sleep. I was just reading when you called.”

  When I looked over at her, she seemed exhausted. She had large bags under her eyes, and it looked like she’d been crying. I hoped that wasn’t because of me snapping at her earlier. “I’m really sorry I got so mad over the phone. I shouldn’t have hung up on you.”

  “I’m not worried about that right now. I’m worried about you,” Samantha soothed.

  As I stared at her tired face, I realized that she still didn’t look any less beautiful. My best friend had beauty that radiated from inside of her. This wasn’t the first time she had come to my rescue, and I was starting to realize that she really was my “knightress” in shining armor—the best friend version, of course.

  “My mom has cancer,” I blurted out after a few minutes, breaking the silence that had grown between us. “It’s bad, Sam. Like really bad. Like less than a year to live bad. But you want to know the worst part? I’m not sure how to feel about it. Obviously, I don’t want to lose my mom, but I lost her years ago. I feel sad for her, but I also feel kind of numb.”