by Erica Lee
“If you’d rather not, we could go back to your house and hang with your parents for a few hours, then I’ll head home. I just don’t think I could even handle sitting in a restaurant.” Carly fumbled over her words. Clearly, she took my lack of response as hesitance.
“Of course I want to stay over,” I answered a bit too enthusiastically. “I was just surprised. This was the first time since we kissed that you asked me to spend the night.”
A wicked grin spread onto Carly’s face. “I know, and it’s been killing me.” Phew. Perhaps all of my worry was for nothing.
***
After cooking me my favorite meal of macaroni and cheese with hot dogs, Carly took out all of her board games and we spent the night going from one to another. After game number five, I yawned, hoping Carly would get the point.
She ran a hand through my hair and stared at me lovingly. “Tired?”
“Getting there,” I lied.
Without saying a word, she took my hand and led me to her bedroom. After we changed and brushed our teeth, we slipped under the covers. I was happy when Carly pulled me close and immediately started kissing me. It didn’t take long for our gentle kisses to become a heated makeout session. Carly ran her hands up and down my clothed body, never removing her lips from mine. Feeling more confident and extremely turned on, I rolled on top of her, straddling her hips. I moaned as her hands began to explore underneath my T-shirt. The grinding of my hips grew harder as her hands went higher. When she was about to reach exactly where I wanted her, she removed her hands and pulled back from the kiss.
She looked away from me, her breaths coming out in ragged pants. “I guess we should probably go to sleep, huh?”
Before I could respond, she positioned herself in a way that caused my body to slip off of hers. As if nothing had happened, she snuggled into me and began to doze off.
All of my worries returned and I stared up at the ceiling. Normally, I would have just talked to Carly about my insecurities. It was very unlike me to keep this bottled up inside, but I was worried if I pushed her to open up, I might inadvertently push her away. I couldn’t imagine losing her when I had just finally won her over.
“I thought you were sleepy,” Carly mumbled into my neck, clearly not being fooled by my stillness.
I let out a frustrated sigh. “Just too many thoughts running through my head, I guess.”
Carly nuzzled even closer to me. “Care to share?”
I wanted to say no, but a question fell from my lips instead. “Are you not attracted to me?”
With that question, Carly’s head shot up. She propped herself up on one elbow and stared down at me, aghast. “Is that a joke? I’m extremely attracted to you. Sam, you’re drop dead gorgeous. Even when I had convinced myself I only saw you as a friend, I still would’ve admitted that you’re ridiculously beautiful. Heck, I’m pretty sure I’ve told you that multiple times throughout the years.”
“But…” I hesitated, wondering if I really wanted to ask my follow-up question. “Are you sexually attracted to me?”
Carly laughed slightly. “Are you asking if I want to rip your clothes off everytime I’m near you? Because the answer is yes.”
I could feel my eyebrows knit together. “Then, why haven’t you?”
Carly’s eyes went wide at my question. “I’m trying to be respectful. I know you’re not the type of girl to just jump into bed with anyone and I want you to know that I respect that. I want to have sex with you more than I’ve ever wanted to have sex with anyone in my entire life, which is exactly why I haven’t. I don’t just want to have sex with you. I want to make sweet, passionate love to you. Why do you think it took me so long to invite you to sleep over? I didn’t think I could control myself, but I wanted to make sure I gave you time. I didn’t want you to have to do anything before you were ready.”
“Gave me time?” I couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped my throat. “Carly, I’ve wanted this for twelve years. I’ve been waiting for twelve years. I don’t need any more time.”
Carly gulped audibly and her face showed distinct nervousness, something that was very rare for her. “So, you’re ready?”
Instead of answering, I pressed my lips firmly to hers. Carly got the message and placed her hands on my hips as she returned the kiss passionately. Her hands searched my body, until they landed at the bottom of my shirt. She looked up at me for permission and as soon as I nodded, she slowly lifted the shirt over my head. I never wore a bra to bed, so once the shirt was off, my whole upper body was exposed to her. I almost instinctively reached up to cover myself until I noticed the way Carly’s breath hitched as she took in my body.
“Shit, Sam,” she said breathlessly. ”You’re so perfect.” She moved her hands up to my chest as she spoke those words. She focused her attention on one breast, before moving to the other. The whole time she continued to stare at me, absolutely mesmerized. “I love you so much. I can’t wait to show you how deep that love runs.”
She replaced her hands with her tongue, and an uncontrollable moan escaped my lips as she sucked one nipple into her mouth and then the other. When she pulled back, her eyes were full of desire and passion. “I love the way you taste. I can’t wait to taste every single inch of you.”
She slowly spread kisses down my stomach, causing my moans to get louder and less controlled. She stopped right before she reached the waistband of my pajama pants, then kissed her way back up, until she found my lips again. As we continued to kiss, my hands desperately reached for her shirt. Carly pulled back from the kiss as I began to lift it over her head. I let out a gasp when I saw that she wasn’t wearing a bra either. The sight in front of me was more gorgeous than anything I’d ever seen in my life. Carly’s small, but pert, breasts were perfect. I wasted no time exploring them with my mouth. I was met with small whimpers that encouraged me to keep going. I kissed my way down her stomach and paused for only a moment when I reached her pants. I smiled up at her before removing both her pants and underwear in one swift motion. Before I could move my mouth any lower, Carly pulled me up, so I was back at eye level with her.
“Listen. I really want you to do that and I can’t even begin to tell you how much I want to do it to you. Just the thought of you falling apart as I taste you for the first time is almost enough to send me over the edge. I have no doubt we will get to that very soon. Most likely in the next few hours. But for our first time, I want us to fall apart together.”
If her words were almost enough to make me come, the sight of her pulling down her pants to reveal the rest of her perfect body to me, had me right on the edge. I knew I wasn’t going to last long, but I didn’t have time to worry about that.
Carly slid on top of me and started to grind against me just as I had done earlier, only this time there were no clothes in the way. Our mouths connected as my hips pushed right back into her and I thought the moment couldn’t get any better. That was until her hand moved down between my legs and she started to stroke me slowly, but firmly. I mirrored her actions and was very pleased by the wetness I was met with. When she plunged two fingers deep inside of me, I did the same, not holding back as I quickly pushed them in and out.
Carly pulled back from our kiss and stared down at me. She tried to speak, but her words were strangled. “I’m not… going to… last… much longer… but I wanted to… remind you… I love you so mu—” Her last word came out as a moan as the orgasm shot through her. Mine followed closely behind and our bodies writhed against each other, until we both stilled, utterly exhausted.
Carly kept her body on top of mine and laid her head down on my chest. The feeling of her breath across my skin and the pounding of her rapid heartbeat made my own heart swell. I couldn’t believe I had done that to her. It felt so surreal.
After a few minutes, without lifting her head, Carly began to speak. “I want you to know that I’ve never experienced anything like that in my entire life. I know I’m not exactly the Virgin Mary, but it was only ever sex. That was the
first time I ever made love.” She lifted her head and held herself up by placing her hands on either side of me and leaning her body weight against them. “Every single day, I love you a little bit more, and I think that just increased tenfold.”
I thought my heart might beat right out of my chest as I looked up into Carly’s eyes. “You’re the only girl I’ve ever loved, Carly Foster, and that was… it was everything.”
Carly smiled down at me. “Worth the wait?”
“Totally worth the wait.”
“I think we should tell your parents…” Carly began, at the same time I said, “I’m ready to tell my family about us.”
“Tomorrow?” I asked. “Molly’s home from school this weekend. I’d like her to be there too.”
Carly beamed down at me. “Tomorrow sounds great. Although…” She ran a hand down my side, then brought it back between my legs. “If we’re not going to spend all day naked tomorrow, we have a lot to do tonight.”
***
The next day, it took everything to force ourselves out of bed so we could go to my house. It didn't help that we had only gotten about an hour of sleep thanks to our extracurriculars.
I reached my hand out toward Carly as we walked up the sidewalk to my front door. When she gave me an uncertain look, I shrugged my shoulders. “No reason to delay it. Might as well go all in.”
She smiled and accepted my hand. When we walked inside, Molly walked around the corner, only a slight limp remaining from her injury. Her eyes were immediately drawn to our hands and a wide grin spread across her face.
She turned away from us to shout down the hallway. “Welp, Dad, looks like you’re about to be one hundred dollars richer.”
“What do you…?” My dad’s words were cut short when he joined us and also noticed our interlaced fingers. His smile grew even wider than Molly’s as he looked between Carly and I. “Does this mean what I think it means?”
When I nodded, he pulled us both into a hug. “It’s about damn time.”
“What’s all of this commotion about?” my mom asked, joining us all by the front door.
“The commotion is about you and Molly owing me fifty big ones each,” my dad answered with a wink.
My mom’s squeal told me she knew what that meant. She immediately looked toward Carly and placed a hand on her cheek. “I’m so happy. So so happy. I’ve always thought of you as one of my own daughters and this just means we’re one step closer to making it official.”
I thought about scolding her for that comment, worried it could scare Carly away, but another thought hit me. “Wait a second. Did you guys bet on whether we would get together?”
“Of course not, honey. That would be ridiculous,” my mom said with a shake of her hand. “We bet on when you would get together.”
I felt Carly’s whole body shake as she laughed beside me. “That’s amazing.”
“So, what were the guesses?” I added.
My mom put a hand over her chest. “Well, I had the most confidence in you and figured it would happen in college. Your father chose the end of optometry school, and Molly didn’t think it would happen until you guys hit at least forty.”
Molly shrugged her shoulders. “What can I say? I thought Carly would get divorced at least once before you guys got together.”
Carly mockingly placed a hand over her heart. “Ouch, Little Phillips. You sure do know how to knock a girl down a few pegs.”
My mom rolled her eyes at Molly. “Just ignore her. But tell me, when did this start?”
I cleared my throat a few times, nervous to admit that we had been keeping it a secret. “It’s actually been going on a little over a month. We just wanted to make sure it was definitely real before we told you guys.”
Carly squeezed my hand and a smirk surfaced on her face. “Pretty much, she needed me to prove that I was really all in.” She looked at me and winked and my whole body felt like it was on fire as I thought about the number of times and ways she had proven herself to me last night.
My mom scoffed. “Don’t even worry about it. We’re just so happy for you girls!”
A throat cleared across the room, and we all turned to look at Molly. “Since we’re being honest, I need to tell you guys something. I’m bisexual and sort of dating a girl right now.”
“Aha. Looks like you owe me another fifty,” my dad gloated at my mom.
“You guys bet on me coming out as bisexual? But, how did you know?”
My mom chuckled softly again. “Oh, honey, it wasn’t that hard to figure out. Plus, you told us as soon as you got out of surgery. I honestly didn’t think you would ever admit it when not highly medicated. Your dad said you would. Looks like he was right again.”
We all laughed together and shared hugs. It felt like the perfect moment. Almost like something you would see in a movie. The moment was interrupted by the sound of Carly’s phone ringing. She hit the ignore button, but just a few seconds later, a second sound went off, alerting her she had a voicemail.
She held the phone up to her ear, then looked at me, eyes wide. I watched her throat move up and down as she took in a big gulp of air. “It was my dad. He said he wants to see me immediately. He has something to show me.”
Chapter 35: Carly
The drive back to my place to get my car was silent. I couldn’t imagine what my dad could possibly have to show me, and the anxiety over it was causing me to shut down. I knew it wasn’t right for me to immediately resort to that, but I couldn’t help myself. Samantha was amazing, simply holding my hand as I stared out the window of her car.
When we pulled into my apartment complex, Samantha squeezed my hand, forcing me to look over at her. “It’s going to be okay, hon. Maybe what he has to show you isn’t a big deal at all, but if it is, I’m here.” I tried to look away, but she pulled on my hand more firmly and waited for me to look back. “Did you hear me? I’m here. It’s you and me against the world. It always has been, and it always will be.”
Her words were so sweet and her tone so sincere that I thought I might start to cry. Instead, I leaned closer and brushed my lips against hers. I pulled back only slightly and let my forehead rest against hers. “Thanks, Sam. I love you.”
A relieved smile surfaced on her face. “I love you too. Call me when you leave, okay?”
I nodded my head and slipped out of the car, heading right to mine. The drive to my parents’, or I guess I should say dad’s house, was a blur and soon I was pulling into the driveway. I took a deep breath, before starting my walk up the sidewalk. I hadn’t actually seen him since the funeral. Our only communication was a few strained phone calls I made to check in on him.
Before I could even knock, the door swung open, and my dad was standing there with a sad smile on his face. He had rings around his eyes, and I could tell he had been crying, making me feel the tiniest bit guilty for not coming over sooner.
For a moment, I thought about reaching out and hugging him, but instead I slipped past and sat down on the couch. I sat in silence as I watched my dad leave the room. When he walked back in, his body was stiff and he was holding what looked to be a tattered photograph. When he held it out to me, I felt myself become even stiffer than he looked. My hand shook as I grabbed the photograph and looked at it through blurry eyes. It was the last picture of my whole family together, taken at a graduate luncheon just a few days before graduation. Taken exactly one day prior to me coming out. I barely recognized the people staring back at me, looking so happy and complete. There was an innocence radiating from me—one that never returned after that day. It never could return. I’d seen too much. I knew too much.
I ran my hand over the center of the picture, held together by an old piece of scotch tape. A memory that I had repressed suddenly returned to me. It was my sister walking out as my parents were shoving me out of the house, tears in her eyes as she threw this picture at them and begged them to reconsider. My dad picked up the picture that had fallen on the ground and for a moment, I
thought he might change his mind. Instead, he shook his head and ripped the picture in half, muttering something under his breath about how the family in this picture no longer existed. And then, just like that, I was pushed out the door and out of their lives.
“I found that picture in Callie’s room,” my dad said, clearing his throat. “I hadn’t really gone in there since her… accident. But I finally did the other day, and I found that under a pile of things on her desk.”
I looked up at him, wondering where he was going with all of this. Why show me this picture? Why bring up Callie? Was he trying to hurt me?
He ran a hand through his hair, then scratched at the stubble on his chin. “I just wanted to… I thought I would say… Well, I know you never had the chance to go through Callie’s things and see if there was anything you wanted, and I think you should.”
“Oh. I don’t think…”
“Yes, you should,” my dad’s voice interrupted.
I swallowed hard hearing the firmness of his tone. “O-kay.”
Without saying another word, I stood from the couch and headed up to Callie’s room for the first time since the day of my mom’s funeral. This time, I allowed myself to look around. I wasn’t sure where to start or what I was looking for, so I headed toward her bookshelf first. It didn’t take long before an old scrapbook caught my eye. I pulled it out and ran my hand over the front, which read, “Sisters by chance. Friends by choice,” and had a picture of Callie and I laughing together.
I flipped through the pages which had pictures of us from childhood all the way through the middle of my senior year in high school, which was when I had given it to her as a Christmas present. I tried to read the words I had written to her, but snapped the book shut when it became too hard. I placed it on the bed, after deciding I would take it with me.
I headed to her closet next, which I was surprised to find still packed with clothes. I grabbed onto one of her shirts and held it up to my nose, inhaling the scent of her perfume that somehow still lingered on it. When I pulled away, I noticed a few boxes labeled Callie’s Dorm. One particular box had her backpack in it, and I found myself strangely drawn toward it. I slowly unzipped it, then thumbed through the papers inside until my eyes caught my name on one of them.