by Erica Lee
Once she started driving, she immediately grabbed my hand again. We made small talk while Carly drove and it amazed me how natural this all felt. Then again, she was my best friend. Of course we were comfortable around each other.
After fifteen minutes, Carly pulled into a parking lot that I immediately recognized. “Are we going ice skating?” I asked excitedly.
Carly grinned. “We sure are.”
As we walked in, I took in the surroundings that I hadn’t seen in a long time. “I honestly can’t remember the last time I was here.”
“It was our freshman year of college during winter break. Your parents asked us to leave so they could wrap presents. You, me, Molly, and whatever guy she was dating at the time came here. I must have fallen like five times on our first lap, so you wrapped your arms around me to keep me upright. I had a girlfriend at the time so I tried to ignore how good it felt. I told myself it was just the comfort of being back with you, but deep down I knew the truth.”
It warmed me up inside to hear Carly confess this, but it was also bittersweet. “I can’t believe you felt the same way I did. We wasted so many years.”
Carly shook her head. “I don’t think they were wasted. We grew a lot in that time, and honestly, I’m not sure how we would have survived if we were dating at the time Callie died. I would have been a terrible girlfriend. Come to think of it, I was a pretty godawful friend.”
Now it was my turn to shake my head. “You dealt with it the only way you knew how. Sure, I might not have agreed with the fact that you refused to acknowledge it the past five years, but that’s just because I was worried about you. For what it’s worth, I’m very proud of you for being so open about it now.”
Carly turned to face me and took both of my hands in hers. “I really meant it when I said I was going to do this right. I have a lot to prove to you and that starts with being completely open about everything.”
***
Our conversation became more lighthearted once we were out on the ice. We laughed as we both struggled to stay on our feet, falling down together each time since we refused to let go of each other.
After an hour of ice skating, we were both exhausted and hungry, so Carly bought us pizza at the concession stand and we sat beside the lobby fireplace as we ate.
Carly pointed her head toward my skates. “You might as well take those off. We can’t go back out there once you eat that pizza. I’m not having a repeat of eleventh grade.”
“What happened in eleventh—?” I spit out a piece of my pizza when the memory returned to me. “Oh my God. I puked all over the ice. I forgot about that. I’m shocked you remembered.”
“Of course I remember. One, it was mortifying. They literally had to close the skating rink early to clean up.” She added a wink to show me she was only messing with me about being embarrassed. “Second, I remember every memory that involves you.” She said it so nonchalantly as she continued to take bites of her pizza, that I almost thought I imagined it.
“That’s really sweet, Carly.”
Carly simply shrugged her shoulders. “Just being honest.”
***
After finishing our pizza and spending another hour just sitting by the fire and talking, Carly drove me back to my parents’ house. When we pulled into the driveway, my dad’s car was back and lights were on inside the house.
“Is it safe to assume you aren’t ready to tell them about us yet?” she asked.
“It’s not that I’m not ready. I just want this to be ours a little while longer before we share it with everyone else.”
Carly smiled and lifted my hand up to her mouth to kiss my knuckles. “I completely agree with that. We can tell them whenever you’re ready. I think it’s something we should do together though. I only asked so I knew whether I should walk you to the door or not. But I guess I’ll give you your goodnight kiss in here.”
She leaned across the middle console and kissed me lightly, but sensually, pulling back way too soon. “This was the best date of my life. I have another idea for tomorrow if that’s okay. I can pick you up right after lunch?”
“Or I could just stay over if you want. That way we can get an early start.”
Carly simply laughed at my request. “Not after the first date. I’ll see you at one o’clock tomorrow.”
I tried not to overthink her turning me down, but couldn’t shake the questions from my head as I headed inside. Carly had never turned me down when I asked to sleepover, so why would she start now? And what was that crap about it being the first date? We both knew that had never stopped her before.
My worries dissipated when I laid down in bed and a text came through from Carly.
I’m back at my place. I think I already pinched myself about five times to make sure I’m not dreaming. Even though I think you’re crazy for choosing me, I’m so thankful you forced me to see past my insecurities and give us a shot. Today was by far the best day of my entire life.
***
Carly arrived at my house at exactly one o’clock the next day. This time, I met her outside. That didn’t stop her from jumping out of the car and opening my door for me.
“So, where are we off to?” I asked when she started driving.
She grinned in response. “It’s a surprise.”
A half-hour later, we were pulling into a parking lot in a cute little town I’d never heard of. Carly took my hand and we walked down the street until we arrived at a store called Barker Books.
“Online it said this is one of the oldest book stores in the United States that is still open today. I thought you would like it since you’re such a nerd.”
I shoved her playfully. “Well, you were right. This nerd is very excited right now. How did you find this?”
“Lots of research online. I was trying to find ideas of fun book-related dates and when this store came up, I knew I had to bring you.”
My heart swelled again. It felt like it had grown ten sizes since yesterday. I loved Carly for years, but none of that compared to what I felt for her in the past two days.
My thoughts were interrupted by her pulling me into the bookstore. There was no question it was old. It had that musty smell to it and some of the books had even gathered dust on them. There was a very small section in the back titled “Modern Literature,” but aside from that, it looked like none of the books had been released later than 1950. There were a few chairs and couches set up so customers could sit down and read.
Carly and I explored the aisles, and she encouraged me to find a book to read. I picked out a book of poetry written in the 1800s and sat down on a nearby couch. Carly snuggled in beside me and rested her head on my shoulder. I wasn’t sure if she was actually paying attention or just dozing off until she pointed to a line from one of the poems.
“My darling, I would wait a lifetime for just one kiss from your lips,” she read out loud. She sat up a bit and put a hand on my cheek, directing my eyes to her own. “You know, just a few days ago, I would have laughed at that line.”
I lifted one eyebrow at her. “And now?”
Carly took a deep breath before placing her lips softly against mine and pulling back way too quickly for my liking. “Now it’s taking everything in me not to cry because I’ve never read anything more true in my entire life.”
I shook my head and released an audible sigh. “Do you really mean it? I’m just having such a hard time believing that any of this is really happening right now.”
For a moment, Carly looked away from me and began picking at some loose fabric on the couch. I was sure I had somehow struck a nerve and was worried it would cause her to go right back to being closed off, but when she looked back at me, her face was wet with tears. She quickly wiped them away with the sleeve of her sweatshirt, clearly embarrassed. “Sorry. I don’t know why I’m getting so emotional. This isn’t like me at all. I just wish you didn’t have to question this. I wish I hadn’t spent our whole friendship jumping from relationship to relationshi
p and making you feel like you didn’t measure up, when none of those girls even held a candle to you.”
She exhaled an unsteady breath and took my hand in hers. “I know you, Sam. Unlike me, you don’t ignore your feelings. I let myself float by never feeling anything, while you had to feel it all. Now that I finally let myself love you, I can’t imagine what you went through. Watching me with all of those girls. Hearing me constantly talk about how I had once again found the one. And, God, picking up the pieces of my broken heart over and over again, knowing that you would never in a million years do anything to hurt me. It makes me sick to think about what that must have done to you. I hate the fact that I hurt you.”
“You didn’t—”
“Don’t say that.” Carly cut me off before I could finish. “I did hurt you, Sam, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you.”
I put my hands on her cheeks and used my thumbs to wipe away the few tears that had begun to fall from her eyes again. God, she was beautiful. I leaned in and kissed her slowly, forcing myself to pull back before we got carried away. “I just have one question, and please don’t take it the wrong way.”
Carly looked concerned but nodded her head for me to continue.
“Do you still have feelings for Diana? It’s okay if you do. You guys just broke up.”
“Honestly, I really don’t. Diana is a master at manipulating people. She knows just what to say to reel you in. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not putting all of the blame on her. I was an idiot. I’ve come to realize that it’s easy to think you have feelings for someone when they’re doing and saying exactly what you want them to.” She nudged me playfully. “That’s how I know I actually like you. Half the time, you drive me insane.”
I shoved her back and stuck my tongue out. “The feeling is very mutual.”
Suddenly, Carly’s face became serious again. “I’m worried about Diana’s wife though. If I know Diana like I think I do, she’ll definitely try to win her back since we broke up, and it’s not fair. She’s not going to change.”
I nodded in agreement. I was worried too. Except my worries were more centered around Caroline and how this possible reuniting would affect her.
Chapter 33: Hailey
I watched as Diana and Ava chased each other in the backyard, neither seeming to have a care in the world. I tapped on the kitchen window, signaling for them to come back inside, before carrying the three hot chocolates I’d just made over to the kitchen table. Diana and Ava soon joined me there and I reached out my hand to grab Ava’s.
“Honey, we need to talk to you. You know how Mama has been staying with Grammy and Grandpa lately?”
Ava nodded her head and let go of my hand to take a sip of her hot chocolate. I made sure she was focused back on me before I continued.
“That’s because sometimes mommies need to be apart. It doesn’t mean they love each other less and it certainly doesn’t mean they love you any less. It’s just what’s for the best.”
Ava nodded again. “How long do you have to be apart?”
I looked toward Diana who looked just as distraught as I felt.
“Mama and I won’t ever be living in the same house again.” I felt myself becoming choked up just saying those words, but I willed myself not to cry. “But that doesn’t mean that the three of us will stop spending time together.”
“But who will I live with?” Ava asked, tilting her head slightly.
I put on my best fake smile, pretending what I was about to say was exciting. “You’ll take turns living with both of us. You get to have two houses. That means two bedrooms and even two sets of toys.”
For a split second, a look of excitement surfaced on Ava’s face, but just as quickly, her smile dropped. “Does this mean we’re not a family anymore?”
For the first time during the conversation, Diana sat up and grabbed Ava’s hand. “Of course not, sweetie. We’ll always be a family.” She looked toward me for reassurance.
I took ahold of Ava’s other hand. “Your mama is right. Nothing will ever change that.”
Ava stared down at the table for a minute, then looked over towards me. “Will this make you less sad?”
I simply nodded to keep myself from crying.
Ava’s tiny hand squeezed mine. “Good, because I don’t like it when you’re sad.” She went quiet again and after a minute looked between Diana and I. “Is it okay if I go kick my soccer ball now?”
I let out a slight chuckle and so did Diana.
“Of course, sweetie,” I said. “Just be careful.”
Once she was outside, Diana finally looked over at me. “I guess it’s official, huh? You’re leaving me?”
I scoffed at her words. Just a few weeks ago, I might have fallen right into that trap, but something changed after I came face to face with the girl she was cheating on me with. Seeing the same locket hanging around her neck that was hanging on mine caused a switch to finally go off in my head. “No, Diana. I’m not leaving you. I’m just finally following through on what should have happened years ago.”
“So, you’re giving up on me?” she asked a bit more timidly.
I had to laugh at her efforts, because at this point, it was the only thing keeping me from crying. “No. I’m not giving up on you. I’m giving up on being treated like shit all the time. I’m giving up on spending nights staring at the door, wondering what the hell I did wrong. I’m giving up on false hope and my broken heart and all the tears I’ve wasted these past few years. That’s what I’m giving up on.”
Diana looked toward the ground. “You deserved better from me,” she mumbled.
I stood up a little taller. “Damn right, I did. I gave you everything. I would have fought to the death for this family. Hell, I still will. And for your sake and the sake of our daughter, I truly hope you change, Diana, but I can’t wait around for that to happen. You lost me and that’s no one’s fault but your own.”
With those words, I turned around and walked outside to join our daughter and start my new life.
***
Two weeks later, I stepped into the Blooming Life Counseling Center. I stopped at the front desk and waited for the receptionist to look up from her computer. She smiled when she noticed me. “Hailey, it’s great to see you. How can I help you today?”
I took a deep breath and pushed it out slowly. “I would like to request to have my files sent here.” I pushed a piece of paper toward her, which had the name and address of a new psychologist.
The receptionist’s eyebrows narrowed in concern. “Yes, Caroline told me you wouldn’t be seeing her anymore. I hope this isn’t because you were unhappy with our services.”
“Not at all, ma’am. The location is closer to my job, making it more convenient.” It was the truth, even if it wasn’t actually the reason I was leaving.
Her face relaxed minimally. “Well, we will certainly be sad to see you go. You always brightened up my day. That’s for sure. I know Caroline feels the same. Unfortunately, she’s at lunch right now.”
“I know.” That’s exactly why I chose this time to come in. “I brought this for her. Can you make sure she gets it?”
I slid the envelope with a card enclosed onto the table and smiled to myself as I thought about the words I had written.
Caroline,
First of all, I wanted to say thank you. Our sessions made such a difference to me. They taught me to look inside of myself and not to be afraid of going for what will make me happy. That’s exactly what I’m doing right now. I hope I’m not wrong in my intuitions, but I have a feeling that you had other reasons for dropping me as a client. I believe the connection we have goes beyond the normal therapist-client relationship. I also know that you are a stand-up professional who would never cross certain lines.
If I’m wrong, I apologize for the embarrassment this note will probably cause both of us. If I’m right, I need you to know that I still have a lot of self-exploration and healing to do, but if you somehow haven’t
been tied down by the time this happens, I’d love to take you out.
Thank you. Even if this blows up in my face, it feels good to have the courage to write these words, and I owe a lot of that to you.
<3 Hailey
My smile remained as I walked out of the building and got into my car. It remained as I went grocery shopping for just Ava and I, buying meals for one as well.
It faltered only slightly when I received a response from Caroline that said, I think you need to take this time to focus on you and figure out just what it is that you want.
I put my phone away, unsure how to respond. An hour later, another text came through from her. Don’t be embarrassed. You weren’t wrong. If you still feel the same in the future, I’d be happy to accept your offer. Take your time. You’re worth the wait.
And just like that, my smile returned even wider than before.
Chapter 34: Samantha
“I’m too tired to go out tonight. Any chance you’d want to stay over?”
I looked toward Carly, surprised by her question. One month had passed since our first kiss. Four glorious weeks filled with stolen moments, spoken promises, and countless romantic dates, most of which were planned by Carly. In that time, never once had she asked me to stay over. I even hinted at it a few times to no avail. Instead, I spent my nights running all of Carly’s past girlfriends and hookups through my mind. My unfortunate conclusion was that she never once waited this long to take a girl to bed. Not even close. So, why was I so different? She claimed to have a total change of heart, but was there a part of her that still only saw me as a friend?