Whose Baby?

by Janice Kay Johnson

  It took Lynn half an hour to calm her distraught daughter. Adam and Rose settled in as Shelly sobbed, hiccuped, and finally burrowed in her mother’s arms for a few minutes of comfort and resignation.

  “Do you feel better now?” Lynn asked. They were alone in the living room, cuddled in the depths of the new sofa.

  Shelly nodded against her breast.

  “Do you want to get ready for bed now?”

  A sniff, and Shelly’s head bumped Lynn’s chest as she nodded again.

  “Okay. Up we go.”

  On the way down the hall Lynn caught a glimpse of Adam and Rose sitting at the kitchen table sipping from mugs of cocoa with marshmallows floating atop. Fortunately, Shelly didn’t see.

  Teeth brushed, in her nightgown, Shelly finally remembered that she shouldn’t be the only one who had to go to bed. “Where’s Rose?” she demanded.

  “She’ll be along in a few minutes.” Lynn ran the brush through her small daughter’s thick mink-brown hair, so unlike her own. “I bet she took a longer nap than you did today, huh?”

  “She slept on the way. I wasn’t sleepy.”

  “I think she’ll be ready for bed pretty soon. Now, let’s tuck you in.” She plopped Shelly down on the bed and kissed her. “I missed you, punkin.”

  Shelly’s eyes watered again. “I missed you, too. I wanted you to kiss me g’night. Only you weren’t there,” she accused.

  “No, but your daddy was.” Lynn kissed the snub nose. “And it sounds as if you mostly had fun staying with Rose and Daddy.”

  They chatted about preschool, and Lynn felt an easing inside of some tension she hardly knew had been there. The possibility of losing Shelly terrified her still. What if she hadn’t been missed at all?

  At Shelly’s sleepy request Lynn left on the lamp beside the bed and slipped quietly out. In the kitchen, Adam smiled at her.

  “Want some cocoa?”

  Her gaze shied away from his. She hadn’t yet let herself think about what had happened, but she’d have to soon. It changed everything. Unless he’d hated it, he would want to kiss her again.

  She wanted him to.

  “Please.” Another blush fired her cheeks at the double meaning.

  A glint in Adam’s eyes told her he’d guessed at some of her thoughts, or at least that the kiss was in the forefront of his.

  “You c’n have a marshmallow, too, if you want,” Rose told her generously.

  “Thank you. I’d like one.”

  “How come Shelly cried like that?”

  “I think she was tired,” Lynn explained. “Have you ever felt really sad, mostly because you were tired?”

  Rose nodded, but doubtfully.

  The kettle sang, and a moment later Adam’s big hand set the mug of cocoa in front of her at the kitchen table.

  “Thank you.” Lynn sent a smile his way without quite meeting his eyes.

  “I like cocoa.” Rose sounded quietly satisfied. Perhaps she also liked having Mommy and Daddy all to herself. Neither girl was used to sharing. It was a wonder they got along so beautifully.

  Lynn suggested a game, which they played. Then she ran a bath for Rose and stayed with her. Braiding her hair took time.

  But bedtime couldn’t be put off forever. Adam did the honors and tucked Rose in. Lynn washed mugs and wiped the table and arranged the flowers more carefully in the stoneware jar Adam had put them in. They were glorious, too fancy for anything but crystal, she thought, tilting her head, but she would enjoy them anyway.

  Was it possible she and Adam had been married for a month already?

  Every nerve strained for the sound of his footsteps in the hall. He would come looking for her, she knew. To take up where they’d left off?

  Or would he give her breathing space by asking how business had been for her, by telling her what the market had done this week, how Shelly had liked staying over with Rose?

  She felt jumpy. Where was he?

  “Shelly’s sound asleep.”

  Lynn gasped and whirled. He blocked the kitchen doorway, his expression inscrutable.

  “You scared me!”

  “I’m sorry.” He didn’t sound sorry, but rather…pleased. As if he was glad she’d been affected enough to be jumpy. “What were you thinking about?”

  “I…the flowers are gorgeous.”

  “I’m glad you like them.” He strolled toward her.

  Her back to the kitchen counter, Lynn had nowhere to go. Did she want to flee? All she had to do was say, You’re crowding me. I need time. Was he? Did she? It was hard to think with her heartbeats pounding in her ears and her knees wanting to buckle.

  He stopped inches away. Lynn swallowed and stared fixedly at the buttons on his white shirt. The tie that he must have worn today was long gone, probably slung over the seat of the Lexus along with the suit jacket. He was dauntingly handsome in charcoal slacks and a dress shirt, his face dark and saturnine in contrast to the white. Several of the top buttons were undone, exposing a tanned throat. All she had to do was reach for the next button.

  “I enjoyed kissing you.” His voice was a soft rumble.

  Lynn sneaked a peak upward, expecting to see the gleam in his eyes, but a frown was gathering on his brows. He wasn’t sure of her, she realized suddenly. Did he share her same apprehensions? The possibility stunned her. He was a confident, handsome, wealthy man.

  Stuck with her by circumstances. He probably didn’t know what to make of her. She wasn’t his usual kind of woman.

  She was nothing like his beautiful, charming wife, Lynn thought, with a sinking feeling.

  Okay, she argued with herself, maybe she wasn’t anything like his Jennifer, but he’d kissed her. He wanted her. He seemed to like her. That was enough to build on, wasn’t it?

  “I enjoyed it, too,” she admitted shyly, eyes still downcast. “I mean, the kiss.”

  “Good.” He reached for her hand and placed it on his chest.

  Slowly she splayed her fingers, flattening her palm. Wonderingly, she felt his heart beat, as hard and fast as hers. The knowledge that he was as affected by her as she was by him allowed her to look up.

  Muttering something she couldn’t make out, Adam bent his head and kissed her again. The first kiss had been the kind a man might give a woman on her doorstep before he said good-night. This one was between two lovers: urgent, needy, a promise and a demand. He drank in her breath, his tongue stroked hers. His fingers dove into her hair and cupped the back of her head.

  I’m your husband, he said without words. Our bed is right down the hall.

  It scared her, the demand, but the urgency awakened her own and the promise enticed her. We’re husband and wife. We have children and a life together. Lovemaking would seal the bond, make Adam hers.

  She uttered a soft moan and slipped her arms around his neck, rising on tiptoe so that she could be closer to him.

  He strung heady kisses across her cheek, nibbled at her earlobe, tasted her throat. When he lifted his head, she saw the hot light in his eyes.

  “Is this an invitation, Lynn?”

  She’d hoped he would just sweep her into his arms and carry her down the hall, making a decision, not asking for one. Trust Adam to need the words. He wouldn’t let her be a coward.

  But she wasn’t quite brave enough to say Yes. Please. She had to hope he would understand that her confession was also tacit permission. “I’m not very experienced. Brian was the only man…”

  Adam laughed huskily. “Sweetheart, this isn’t a job interview. Experience is not required.”

  Lynn had seen only two photos of his wife: a smiling one of her pregnant that hung in a silver frame beside Rose’s bed, and the one Adam carried in his wallet and had shown her that first day at the hospital. It was that one she saw now, in a too-vivid flash—the sultry eyes and full, sexy mouth, sleek hair and confident tilt to her head. She would have known how to seduce her husband, how to please him.

  Lynn wished desperately that she hadn’t thought of
Jennifer.

  Maybe experience wasn’t required, but she’d feel more sure of herself if she had it. “No, but…” she began.

  Adam didn’t let her finish. “What experience could prepare us for each other? We have to learn as we go. Together.”

  She had the dreadful feeling she was being conned, that he was too slick, too quick with his answers, but she kept coming back to the fact that he was her husband. Sooner or later, he would join her in her bed down the hall. Why not sooner?

  Sooner, Lynn thought hazily, was good. Deep in her belly, desire cramped. Oh, yes. She was ready. As ready as she would ever be, considering what a failure she was with men, how little she understood her own heart.

  But her heart had nothing to do with this. This was an old-fashioned marriage of convenience, and she didn’t have to worry about love, did she?

  “Yes,” she murmured. “You’re right. I just don’t want you to be disappointed.”

  “Disappointed?” His mouth had a tender twist. “What if I disappoint you? Would you hold it against me so soon? If tonight isn’t perfect, we’ll get it right another time. You have to tell me what pleases you.”

  Brian had never asked, but she knew the lack of pleasure she’d had with him was as much her fault. It had never occurred to her to say aloud, This pleases me. That doesn’t. She’d tried with body language to tell him, but in the midst of passion silence was what he heard.

  Silence was always easier for her.

  “You…you’ll tell me, too?” she asked breathlessly.

  “You’ll please me,” he said in a rough voice unlike his own. “I’ve wanted to touch your hair since that day at the hospital. I’ve been dying to see if you have freckles anywhere but here.” He kissed her nose. “To hear you say my name as if you mean it.”

  Excitement flowed through her like a drug in her bloodstream. Every hammering beat of her heart sent a tingling thrill farther toward her fingertips and toes.

  “Adam,” she whispered.

  “Yes.” His eyes smouldered. “Like that.”

  She let her head fall back as he kissed the hollow at the base of her throat. A whimper escaped her when he touched her breasts, cupping, weighing, teasing.

  “I think,” he said hoarsely, “it’s time for me to invade your bedroom.”

  She’d felt the same about his, as if when she explored his house an invisible force field had kept her from stepping through the doorway. This one room was a part of him too private for her to know.

  “We’d better check that the girls are asleep.” Her voice came out as a mere thread of its normal self.

  “Mmm.” He kissed her, slow, deep and hot.

  Melting, she hardly knew when he flicked off the kitchen light and steered her down the hall, pausing briefly in front of the girls’ room.

  “Sound asleep,” he murmured, and swung her into his arms.

  With a muffled squeak, she stiffened and clutched at his shoulders. “What are you doing?”

  “Shh. Don’t want to wake the girls.” With his shoulder, he turned off the hall light and carried her into her dark bedroom. “Symbolism is important. We skipped this part on our wedding day. Seems like the thing to do now.”

  He was carrying her across the threshold. A shiver passed through her. My woman to carry home, the gesture seemed to say. Their marriage wasn’t that kind.

  Think about it tomorrow, she decided. Worry then. Now she could be grateful he was choosing to romanticize their lovemaking.

  Beside the bed, he lowered her with the care and finesse of a man with plenty of practice. He kissed her even as he reached for the lamp on her bedside table. A part of her was shy and wished he hadn’t turned on a light, but she also liked the idea of being able to see him. How terribly unreal it would seem tomorrow, if they grappled in the dark, if she couldn’t see his expressions, his body. She might wonder if she’d dreamed the whole thing.

  Adam undressed her slowly, telling her how beautiful she was as he tossed aside her shirt, her bra, her jeans and socks. His own shirt joined hers on the floor, so that Lynn could flatten her hands on his chest as she’d imagined doing. His body heat almost burned her fingers. He had a vee of fine dark hair, and otherwise his skin was smooth over well-developed muscles. She liked the way he sucked in a breath when she grazed his nipple or when her hands ventured lower.

  In the end, she was too shy to make the move. He did it for her, grasping her hands and placing them on his belt.

  “You undress me,” he said rawly.

  She trembled as she undid his belt, unbuttoned the waistband of his trousers, inched the zipper down over the long, thick bulge. Brian’s penis had rather repulsed her; she didn’t like to see it, and couldn’t account for why she did very much want to see Adam’s.

  It was smooth, hard and large, and she was dying for the moment when he would push it inside her. Lynn moaned and then was shocked that such a wanton sound had come from her.

  Adam shucked the rest of his clothes in a few quick movements. Deafened by the thunder of her own heartbeat, Lynn stared as she’d never done before. He was beautiful, and hers. Tall and powerful, sleekly muscled, his skin a golden hue. Her own freckled, pale skin looked so pallid in comparison, as if she lived under a rock.

  But he was finding those freckles and kissing them. First her chest, then he turned her gently and trailed his lips along her spine. She quivered when he slipped her panties down, caressing her thighs and calves with long strokes of his hands.

  “Beautiful,” he murmured, and turned her to face him.

  She tried to cover herself, an arm across her breasts—though he had already seen them—and the other hand hiding the curls as wild as those on her head.

  Adam lifted her onto the bed and followed her down in a tangle of limbs.

  “Your hair on my pillow,” he said thickly. At least, that’s what she thought he said. A dark flush ran across his cheekbones and his skin seemed taut over the angles of his face. Braced on his elbows above her, he finger-combed her hair until it was spread in every direction on the lacy white pillowcase. “Just like this.”

  “It’s awful hair. Always in knots.”

  He seemed fascinated by every wild strand. “It’s glorious.”

  “Poor Rose had to get it from me.”

  “Poor Rose will be driving the boys crazy in ten years or so.”

  “Shelly will be prettier.” What an absurd conversation to be having with a man whose weight was bearing her down.

  She’d distracted him and he looked surprised. “Will she? I’m not so sure.”

  But Rose looked so much like her, and Shelly so much like his first wife. Did that mean—could it mean?—that he really thought she, Lynn, was as pretty as his beloved Jenny?

  Heartened by the very idea—at least he was letting her pretend—Lynn tugged his head down to hers. The kiss started slow and sensual, but couldn’t stay that way. His thigh was between hers, and she could feel his erection butting against her belly. She wanted more than kisses, she wanted…

  “Ooh,” she breathed, when his hand flattened on her belly and then stole lower, exploring, teasing, stroking. “Oh!” she cried, and clutched at his hand.

  “Now. Please.”

  “Wait,” he said in that voice so unlike his own. “I have something here.” Leaning off the bed, he grabbed his pants and took a packet from his pocket. Adam ripped it open and, swearing at hands that had become clumsy, put on the condom.

  She watched in fascination and something like disappointment. She’d wanted him, just him, inside her. She should feel lucky that he’d come prepared. It had never occurred to her that if they took this next step, birth control would have to be part of it, or else they might have another child before they knew it. Then they would be tied together forever.

  She wasn’t so certain she minded the idea. A child, with Adam…little shivers rippled in her center, sexual pleasure simply because she imagined being pregnant with his child.

  He might ha
ve claimed they had to learn together, but she felt as if she was in the hands of a master. He knew what to do to give her pleasure. He had her arching like a cat and whispering urgent pleas. “Do you like that?” he’d murmur, and, “Oh, yes,” she would sigh.

  But she explored as well, if timidly. When he groaned or she felt his muscles jerk, her own excitement escalated. He wanted her; she hadn’t been wanted so often in her life.

  He was the one who couldn’t wait at the end, who with sudden stark need parted her thighs and pressed inside her. She felt his shuddering restraint, knew he was holding back so that he didn’t hurt or frighten her.

  Lynn’s heart gave a squeeze. As he gritted his teeth and eased the last inches inside her, she had a fluttering moment of panic. She’d lied to herself.

  Her heart did have something to do with this. Even if he didn’t feel the same.

  Adam spoke, his voice so guttural she couldn’t make it out. I love you, she imagined, knowing she would despise herself later for the pretence but holding it to herself nonetheless. As Adam began to move steadily, surely, she clutched at him with frantic hands and let her last protective walls fall.

  The cramping, exultant wave came then, tumbling her head over heels in the tsunami. She could not fall in love, she thought desperately, and was so terribly afraid she already had.

  ADAM HELD HIS WIFE until her racing pulse quieted, her breathing slowed, until he felt her boneless relaxation against him. Only then did he ease away, tuck the covers around her, and sit on the edge of the bed.

  He buried his face in his hands and thought, It couldn’t have been that good. I couldn’t have felt so much. The explanation was much simpler. He hadn’t had sex in over three years. The triumph at claiming her, the raw, primitive exhilaration because she was his, those were natural emotions. Lynn was his wife, and he’d been driven lately by the need to make their relationship fact. Any man would have felt the same.

  And, hell, he wouldn’t like himself if a certain amount of tenderness wasn’t added to the brew, if he hadn’t given a damn whether she was pleased or not.

  Anything else was in his imagination.