by Lexi Archer
Well let’s just say I’d realized that was a perfect storm as far as this fantasy went for me. A perfect storm that I was just going to navigate around by not being around Jeremy. It was pretty easy anyways. I always tried to avoid him except for that photo shoot, and it seemed that Nathan was more than happy that I didn’t want to hang out with him and try to get along for the sake of my future husband’s friendship.
I was even questioning that motive now, though. Had I really insisted on having Jeremy around because he was Nathan’s friend and I wanted to get along with him? Or was there maybe a more sinister reason? Was it maybe that even then I was getting turned on feeding off of the energy he was sending my way, even if I couldn’t articulate that fantasy at the time, and so I’d wanted him around and come up with excuses?
Best not to think about that sort of thing.
I grabbed my bags and made my way back to the apartment. They were filled with sexy all white lingerie that I figured would be a big hit when it came to wedding night festivities, and I’d bought it using part of the thousand dollars I’d gotten from my audition. I figured if I didn’t make enough money to afford a nice honeymoon then the least I could do with the money was spend it on trying to make the wedding night memorable!
I stepped through the front door and looked around. Funny. The living room was completely dark and empty. Usually when there was a night when I was out shopping and Nathan got home before me he was in the living room either reading or playing a video game. There was none of that tonight, though.
Very weird.
“Nathan? You here honey?”
Of course he had to be here. His car was out there and he’d driven himself out to meet Jeremy earlier. It’s not like he would drive back and then Jeremy would take him somewhere else, right? Then again I suppose something like that could’ve happened, but I figured he would’ve texted me if that was the case.
Where was he?
I moved to the computer room, actually a second bedroom that had our desks from college but no computers since we both used laptops, but he wasn’t in there either. Weird. If he wasn’t in the living room playing video games then I figured he might be in the computer room where he sometimes hooked his laptop up to some big monitor so he could play games on that. The room was dark and silent though, which meant he had to be in the bedroom.
I stepped in with a smile on my face, ready to model the new lingerie I’d gotten and give him a preview of what he could expect on the wedding night. I’d been doing that sort of thing a lot lately, and I tried to tell myself that I was just excited about our wedding coming up and not that I was starting to act like a hypersexual slut because of a sense of lingering guilt over what I’d done with that guy during that audition.
“Hi honey!” I said.
Nathan didn’t say anything. He looked up at me with an unreadable expression. He was sitting in the dark and I could only see his face from the glow of his computer monitor. What was going on in here?
Deep down I felt something that had been lurking in the recesses of my mind ever since that day in the strip mall. Panic. Worry that he would somehow discover what I’d done. Of course that was a ridiculous worry. It’s not like he had any way of knowing the sort of extracurricular fun I’d enjoyed. There was no way the tape that Mike guy made was ever going to see any sort of release.
Still, that worry had been gnawing at me for the past couple of weeks. That worry came roaring to the forefront as I saw the look on Nathan’s face. I told myself that I was being silly, that there was no way he could’ve tracked down that video, but that didn’t help.
“Did you have fun shopping?” he asked.
I sighed in relief. That was more normal, though his voice still sounded odd. If he was asking about a shopping trip then he wasn’t screaming at me about blowing some stranger and I figured that meant I was safe enough. That meant the cat probably wasn’t out of the bag. That cat was going to stay tied in that bag for eternity if I had anything to do with it!
Even if living with the guilt was causing me to freak out every time he looked at me with an even slightly odd expression. I’d just have to live with it. That was my cross to bear for my indiscretion.
“I suppose I had a good enough time,” I said. “I picked up some sexy lingerie that I’m sure you’re going to love! Would you like me to model it for you?”
“Maybe later,” Nathan said, again with that odd look returning to his face. That odd look returning to his face had that panic returning to my stomach. No. I was still in the clear. I just had to play it cool and figure out what was bothering him. Maybe something to do with Jeremy? It wasn’t out of the ordinary for Jeremy to upset him, after all.
“So how did things go with Jeremy tonight?” I asked.
“Oh I punched him out in the bar. He’s not going to be in the wedding, by the way, but I figure Dalton can fill in for him. I like him better than Jeremy anyways.”
“Are you kidding? You know I can’t tell when you’re joking like that,” I said. Though if he did manage to get into a fight with Jeremy I suppose that would explain why he was acting this way. If anything it was a relief, and in more ways than one. It meant that he didn’t know anything even though that was the first thing that leapt into my mind every time he seemed upset about something, and it also meant that Jeremy wasn’t going to be around anymore.
I wouldn’t have to put up with Jeremy trying to hit on me all the time. I wouldn’t have to worry about what might happen with this new fantasy taking hold of my erotic imagination.
Yeah, on balance it seemed like Jeremy being out of the picture was a good thing. As long as Nathan wasn’t going to get in any trouble for getting in a fight or anything.
“So he’s not going to press charges or anything?” I asked.
“Nah, I don’t think we have to worry about that given the circumstances,” Nathan said.
I sat on the bed next to him and I noticed that he moved subtly to pull the laptop screen away from me. Now that was weird. He never tried to hide his screen from me. We had nothing to hide from each other.
I blushed, an involuntary reaction that I couldn’t help. He might not have anything to hide from him, but I guess for the past two weeks I’d had a whopper I’d been hiding from him. And here came the guilt again. I was getting sick of this, but I couldn’t come clean. I couldn’t risk everything so close to the wedding!
“Well I guess that’s good then. It’s not like it’s going to screw up the wedding plans too much having him out,” I said.
“Yeah, but that’s not the only thing that could screw up the wedding.”
That chill again. I tried to play it cool. No, I had to play it cool. Maybe he did suspect something. Maybe he was fishing. I could comfort myself with the knowledge that even if he did suspect something there was no way he could know something for sure.
“What are you talking about?”
“Is there anything you maybe want to tell me about that audition you had a couple of weeks ago Vanessa?”
He locked eyes with me and I felt like he could see straight into my soul. I felt like he somehow knew everything, impossible as that was. More than anything I had an overwhelming desire to come clean with him and tell him everything that happened despite the potential risk to our relationship, but somehow I managed to hold fast. Somehow I managed to keep my mouth shut. Managed to look him in the eye and lie through my teeth.
Again.
“I already told you everything that happened with that interview baby,” I said. I even managed to get a little bit of irritation to creep into my voice. That was good. Sound annoyed. Make him think I was getting pissed off that he kept bringing it up.
“Would you like to know why I got in a fight with Jeremy?”
I blinked. All of this switching tracks was getting seriously fucking confusing. Why was he jumping back to talking about his fight with Jeremy? Did he want to brag about finally getting a chance to beat the crap out of the guy or something? Thou
gh if that distracted him from thinking about that interview and what I may or may not have done during said interview that was just fine with me.
“Sure honey, what caused the fight?”
I could imagine plenty of things that would start the fight, most of them revolving around me. Maybe he made a comment that Nathan didn’t care for. Maybe he said something about the photo shoot that finally set Nathan off even though he was secretly delighted at what had happened during said photo shoot. There were so many simmering issues that had Nathan flying into an angry rage when he talked about his friend that it was hard to pick just one that was more likely than any other when it came to setting him off and prompting him to finally punch out his buddy.
“Turns out Jeremy found a video online. The sort of video that only a guy with a creepy obsession would be able to find. A needle in a haystack full of porn, if you will.”
Okay, this time I figured that cold feeling was at least partially justified. Talking about a porn video, particularly a porn video that only Jeremy with his unique ability to go above and beyond when it came to the creepy department, was worrying. It felt dangerously close to the secret I’d been trying my best to keep from getting out.
“Oh really? What sort of video?”
Nathan didn’t say anything. I did hear a click on his laptop though. A click that was followed by something that truly did chill me to the bone. My own voice coming out of his laptop’s speakers, followed by Mike’s voice.
15: Confession
It was weird. I never thought I’d be so calm and collected as I heard evidence of my entire world falling down around me. I looked at Nathan and the look on my face must have been enough to confirm his suspicions because his face fell as soon as I locked eyes with him. It was obvious he could see the truth of what I’d done, that I’d been hiding this from him deliberately. It’s not like there was much chance of me hiding the truth from him anyways if he had video proof of what I’d done, damn it.
“Jeremy found the video?”
Nathan laughed, but there was no amusement to that laugh. No, he just sounded defeated. “Of course Jeremy found it while he was creeping on you. I don’t know exactly how he did it, reverse image search or some bullshit like that, but that’s not the point.”
“I suppose it isn’t,” I said. I figured that would be enough of an admission to get him to stop, but Nathan went right on talking about my sins.
“No, the point is that this video is out there in the first place. The point is that you lied to me about this after I made it clear to you that this was my fantasy. I wouldn’t have even had a problem with it if you’d just come clean and told me about it when it happened!”
I felt more and more like a piece of shit with every word. Every word stung because it was absolutely true. Because it was a mirror of something I’d already thought myself over the past couple of weeks. I couldn’t help myself. The emotion was too much. The thought of losing my relationship because I told a lie that probably wouldn’t have been a big deal if I’d come clean about it right away was starting to sink in and it terrified me.
I started crying. I thought that maybe he would move over and try to comfort me, something to make me feel better, but it appeared that this wasn’t in the cards. He sat there listening to the video of me giving another man a blowjob and that was the only soundtrack to go along with my sobs.
That got me to thinking, though. How the hell did that video even get out there in the first place? I was certain when I signed all that paperwork that he wasn’t going to post the video anywhere. That he couldn’t post the video anywhere even if he wanted to. Now it was reaching out of the past to slap me across the face, but that video definitely shouldn’t be. I wondered if I’d have a way to sue them or something as anger started to replace shame and terror that my relationship with Nathan was over.
“So I know this probably isn’t what you want me asking about, but how the hell is that even online?”
Nathan shook his head and for a wonder he seemed angry at someone other than me which was a relief. “I don’t know. He said something about the paperwork you signed actually being a release or something. Then he said some other less-than-charitable things about your intelligence, things like that.”
“That son of a bitch! He said that paperwork was just to cover him legally!”
“Yeah, well it looks like he had you sign some paperwork that lets him plaster this all over the Internet.”
“Damn. So what do we do about it?”
Nathan sighed. “I really don’t know what to do about this. On the one hand this is fucking hot, but on the other hand you just lied. We’re getting married in less than a couple of weeks and you just kept something this big from me. How am I supposed to trust you if you’re willing to keep something this big from me?”
I blinked. I’d been thinking out loud wondering what we were going to do about getting back at this asshole for posting that video online in the first place, but it seemed Nathan had other things on his mind. Other things that should’ve been on my mind as well. I felt guilty for thinking about what to do about that video when he was thinking about what that video meant for our relationship.
Would we even have that wedding in a couple of weeks? I suppose that ball was firmly in Nathan’s court now. I still very much wanted to have the wedding, but at the same time there wasn’t a hell of a lot I could do if he decided that he didn’t want to go forward with it.
Talk about humiliating. Not only would I have to deal with the shame of having the wedding called off at the last minute and calling everyone to let them know to return their gifts and free up their calendar, but I’d also have to deal with the inevitable questions asking what happened. It would get out that it was my fault, and it might even get out exactly why it was being called off.
I didn’t think Nathan would do something that vindictive, but if he’d already punched Jeremy out then there was a good chance that creepy asshole was out there somewhere brooding over this and thinking about the best way to get his revenge. He might just decide the best revenge would be to go after me and let everyone in our circle of friends know exactly why it was we were calling things off.
“Do you still want to get married?” I asked. There. The question was out there. No beating around the bush and wondering if he was going to dump me. I was just going to come out and say it and whatever happened was going to happen.
Nathan stared at his laptop. That damn video was still playing and I found myself revisiting that day in my imagination even as the soundtrack was playing. Though in my mind’s eye I was getting a far different view than what Nathan was probably seeing. I was thinking back to how hot it had been to have that guy worshiping me even if in the end he’d turned out to be a double crossing asshole who put my relationship in danger.
Though I guess even that wasn’t fair. I was the one who put my relationship in danger by doing that in the first place and not telling Nathan about it. Still, that didn’t make this Mike guy any less of an asshole for doing what he did and lying to me.
Nathan sighed. “That’s the crazy thing. I keep looking at this video and I keep thinking about how I should be pissed off, but more than anything I’m turned on. As fucked up as it sounds more than anything I’m a little annoyed that you didn’t go all the way. That you didn’t do the full show. I’m more upset about that than I am about the lie! What the hell is wrong with me?”
Okay then. That definitely wasn’t what I was expecting. I was expecting him to say that maybe we needed to go to some counseling or maybe he needed some space. There was even a small part of me that was terrified he might want to use this as an excuse to have a dalliance of his own with another woman. I knew it was terribly hypocritical of me to not want him to have fun with another woman even as I was stepping out on him, but I felt how I felt even though I’d probably go along with it if it meant saving our relationship.
The last thing I was expecting was for him to tell me he was more upset tha
t I didn’t fuck this guy than he was about the lies. Talk about a fucked up twist I didn’t see coming.
“Are you serious?”
“Totally. Which is exactly why this all seems so fucked up.”
I crawled across the bed towards him. I could feel some of the control coming back to me in this situation. Not entirely, but it was something. I pushed down on his laptop monitor which had the dual benefit of pulling his attention towards me while at the same time cutting off that video right around the time it seemed Mike was getting to the point of saying some particularly not-nice things about me. I grimaced. I didn’t need to hear that bullshit. Ever. It was already bad enough that he’d taken advantage of me like that. The last thing I needed to hear was him rubbing my face in it.
“So it turns you on thinking about your future wife fucking another man?”
Nathan licked his lips. His next words were a little hoarse as though he was having trouble talking. And why not? If his fantasy was starting to take hold again then it was perfectly reasonable to assume that he might be having a little bit of trouble keeping things under control. I brushed my hand out against his cock and was pleased to feel that it was rock hard.
“Maybe?”
Oh yeah. I was starting to feel better and better about this with each passing moment. That rock hard cock meant he was more turned on than angry. More turned on than angry I could work with. I could spin to my advantage.
And in that moment I realized the wedding had never been in any sort of true danger. I wasn’t going to have to call everyone in the family and try to explain why the wedding was called off without getting into the real reason.
Though I was probably still going to have to worry about Jeremy and that video. If he could tell my fiance about it then he could tell other people about it. I’d have to talk with Nathan about that to make sure we could do something to shut his friend up, assuming getting punched in the face at a bar wasn’t already enough to do that.